Last Few Days to Finish My Summer Plans

        On the first day of August I went to work and my mom returned my Lonely Planet Mongolia book to the library. After work I got a copy of the new National Geographic issue and I filled out a request form for Thursday and Sunday. I got home and I called Erin in response to her calling me yesterday while I was at work and she asked if I could get together the next day. I told her how I wouldn’t be available then and we decided to get together another time. I called my granddad and told him about how Emily hadn’t responded to any of my calls or texts recently. He thought it could be due to her ADHD or that she could be on vacation. My mom and I also talked about The United States of Autism and I told her how maddening it is that people buy into “autism charities” that do things like pay more to their executives then they do for autism services and she said I could definitely help counterbalance that.

                The next day I practiced my flute for half an hour. I also talked to Tyler and he said Mary said the break up was about the fact that she was stressed and wasn’t herself and she didn’t want a long-distance relationship. Later I made a few roses out of straws and gave one to Kyley and one to Hunter.  I also talked to my granddad some more and he thought Emily could need some space. I talked to my dad and he thought her not responding to my texts or calls could be due to her ADHD or her being on vacation. I also called work and found out I work on Monday from 3-10 the next week. 

                The next day while I was at work I decided to slow down in my life and enjoy my relatives being here. After work I talked to Tyler and comforted him after his attempt to get Mary back didn’t go so well. I realized Emily could not be responding to my calls or texts because she was depressed from missing me so much. The next day I worked on my travel plans to Tanzania and Madagascar and a bag woven from bags that morning and had dinner with my relatives and I realized that Emily could have possibly gotten a job taking care of children, as was her passion, and could come home too tired to talk. I also practiced my flute for another half an hour. Hunter came into the sunroom where I was and began asking a lot of questions which made me see how Emily could get tired from working with kids for so long. I later talked to Tyler on the phone for so long that I didn’t get around to telling my dad or granddad what I figured out about Emily but I figured that was ok as his problems were worse than mine. 

On Monday I realized the next morning that providing services for autism is really a lot better for everyone because it would cut so many costs associated with not doing it. Before I went to bed I read a lot of a novel called Water Touching Stone. Then after I woke up, my mom, Dave, aunt, uncle, and cousins all went to Powell Garden’s the next day and I found out I had been enrolled in my classes. I also thought it is one thing to make budget cuts, but to not include people with disabilities in them is another. When I got home I deposited my paycheck and got a new bottle cap from a drink I got at Better Cheddar and later I talked to Tyler. 

As I was deleting several old e-mails, I saw a quote in one of them that said, “What lies before you and what lies behind you is nothing compared to what lies within you.” I also signed a petition to end tax-subsidized CEO bonuses saying I was an autistic person and I find it unbelievable that the government can afford that but not to provide for us. I added myself as anonymous but I figured that would make a more powerful statement about society’s treatment of autistics seeing how I chose not to share my name. I later had dinner with my mom, Dave, brothers, aunt, uncle, and cousins. That night I called Erin and found out she couldn’t get together on Thursday and I decided I would try next Monday and then I texted Oscar to see if he wanted to get together on Thursday with Jack and Tyler.  He said that would be great and we agreed to pick him up after my art class. I also found out Emily is on Facebook and changed my status to “in a relationship with Emily Webb.” I thought with us both on Facebook, I could show her I was able to give her some space.

                The next day I got my haircut before I went to work. Then I got home and talked to Tyler who said Mary said she wanted to date him but couldn’t find the time. The next morning I started to see that autistic people may be driven to commit crime so they don’t have to feel so invisible.  I also rode my bike for about an hour and I left Mary a message telling her the things Tyler said about how he feels about her.  Later I fixed some of my flowers made from straws and I deleted several e-mails.  While I did I saw Autrey said, “Great,” in response to my new relationship status. 

                I talked to Erin and we agreed to get together on Friday at the Cheesecake Factory then go the Frida Kalho Diego Rivera exhibit at the Nelson. Afterwards on my way to Winstead’s with my Granddad, we agreed that while it may cost health insurance companies money to provide for autistic people, it would save them money on providing for health crisis’s otherwise connected to autism, such as bladder problems, diabetes, and obesity. We ate at Winstead’s again where I got a picture of a moth on the glass window. After we left I realized people with Down syndrome once had to fight hard to get things like group homes and other services. 

My granddad and I went to Barnes and Noble where I got the October 2013 issue of Mindful magazine, a September/October 2013 issue of Buddhadharma, National Geographic’s 100 Secret Journeys: The World’s Best Hidden Adventures, a September /October 2013 issue of Archaeology magazine, and an August 2013 issue of Empire magazine with an article on the upcoming Hobbit movie The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug. Then we went to the Pathless Land where we did the Chakra meditation again. After the class was over, my granddad said while we were in the car that Tyler probably finds it very liberating that I listen to him, which probably no one else has ever done. At Roasterie Coffee, I got a good picture of my muffin before my granddad took me home.

I got home and saw on the cover of the latest issue of Mindful, it said 3 Ways to Take Better Pictures. I got a text from Emily and we texted back and forth. I said, “I love you,” and she said, “I love you to.” Then I said, “I can’t wait to see you again,” and she said, “Yeah,” and “I have miss talking to you.” I also talked to Tyler and listened to him about Mary. Then I realized I could make windmills from my super glue bottles, one of which I would give to Erin, who’s always dreamed of traveling to Europe, when I saw her next. That night I dreamt that I got a job offer in Taiwan so I could be there to help its people with their skewed relationship with China and Emily asked if I wanted to get married there.

The next day I drove Jack and I to art class again, getting twenty more minutes of driving. I almost finished another painting and I learned block in shapes using different shades. Then I drove to Oscar’s house and took him, Jack, and I to my house getting another twenty minutes of driving. We had lunch then swam and tossed a Nerf football and played Marco Polo then my brother’s old version Merde Schiza. I drove Jack and Oscar home getting another twenty-five minutes of driving.

When I got back home I read Mindful’s article on photography where I learned that three different aspects of it are color, texture, and people. Then I went down to Starbucks and wrote some poetry. Later I took several pictures like they suggested in Mindful and I talked to my dad who asked me what I would like for my birthday. I said something like The Little Book of Contemplative Photography or a book on whittling. He told me had gotten me a great pocket knife and a great piece of wood to carve a ball-in-a-cage. After I was done talking to him I made two windmills, one of which I would give to Erin the next day.

On Friday afternoon I took several more pictures using the advice they wrote in Mindful then I was picked up by Erin and her mom. I gave her the windmill I made her which she thought was very clever and then we went to the Cheesecake Factory. After our main meal we enjoy some of their cheesecake which filled me up so much I could not finish the whole thing and had to get a to-go box. We went to the Nelson where I gave a dollar to help support their work and saw the Frida Kahlo Diego Rivera exhibit. While I was there I saw several great photographs which demonstrated that, like the philosophy of contemplative photography, we don’t need great scenery to make great photographs. I also saw how Frida Kahlo’s work had a lot of color to it just like contemplative photos.

When I got home I realized that substance abuse can really arise from low self-esteem among autistics. I also saw a girl from Tennessee in Good Luck, Charlie who really reminded me of Emily, while I worked on my bag woven from bags. Then I called work and found out I work Monday from 3-7 Tuesday from 4-8, and Saturday from 11-7:30. The next morning I cuddled an old teddy bear of mine pretending it was Emily getting a taste of what it would be like if it really was. After I got up and did my meditation I refilled my prescription, and then went to work.

While at work I got my employee birthday slip for a free pie and took some pictures of my M&Ms on my break. I realized that miksang photography is really just a philosophy of how great photography arises. I also realized that even if autism services cost us money, we would reimburse as they create jobs. After I got home I realized that dream I had about Emily asking if I wanted to get married in Taiwan meant she always values my opinion about matters concerning our relationship. As I watched a Family Guy cut-away with Scarlett Johansson, her resemblance to Emily was just striking.

The next day I went to La Peep with my brothers, dad, and grandparents where my granddad gave me the latest issue of Smithsonian magazine and I took several pictures. I also realized that if parents of autistic children didn’t have to struggle to pay for their children’s services, they could buy more things that would really stimulate our economy. When I got home I took several more photos and realized the elements of color and texture are in the environmental crafts I make like toilet paper roll dioramas and snack wrapper handbags. I also started to appreciate painting more. Later I helped Dave and Graham set up a studio downstairs in our old basement storage room.

After helping Dave I made another one of my bracelets from Hershey’s nugget wrapper. Then I saved more of Emily’s and my texts and we texted back and forth.  I told her, “I love you,” and she said, “I love you too.” Then I told her she was really beautiful and I cuddled with a teddy bear pretending it was her. She said, “Aww,” and I could hear her voice in the texts like she was right next to me.  Emily then said, “I miss you.” 

The next morning I realized Emily, Jack, and Tyler were all capable of leading normal lives, especially with new college programs available for them. Then I drove to my art class with Jack getting twenty more minutes of driving. While I painted I saw more of what Donna meant when she said to block in your big shapes and mix the colors on your pallet. I took several pictures of things around the studio and realized contemplative photography helps you to slow down and notice colors like you would when doing a painting. I also drove Jack home and my mom and I to Bruce Smith, then home getting another twenty-five minutes of driving. 

Emily and I texted each other back and forth some more before I went to work. I said, “I love you,” and she said, “Love u too.” I went to work and told Phil I would call him before the breaks started to tell him I would be available to work then and he said that would be great. After work, my mom, Dave, Jamie, Cam, Graham, and I ate at a restaurant/movie theater called Standees in the Prairie Village shopping center. While we waited for our food, I talked to Tyler outside, who had called me while I was at work and he said he got me several birthday presents.  I told him that was really thoughtful. Then we talked about Mary and I told him I knew exactly how he felt from all my past break-ups.

After dinner, my mom, Dave, and I watched the movie Way, Way Back. When I got home I found a bag inside my home with gummy worms, beef jerky, several chocolates, three ten dollar Barnes and Noble gift cards, all with a card from Tyler. I talked to him some more on the phone and heard him talk about his break-up. The next day I took several pictures before I went to work. After work, I got Life magazine’s Remembering John Lennon, who was believed to be autistic. I realized how many autistic people can be afraid to speak out against discrimination for fear of the government based on abuse they’ve suffered in schools and health care institutions like I had in my life. I worked on my handbag for Emily a little more then I e-mailed my new roommate Connor, telling him about myself and asking him if he was bringing either a refrigerator or a microwave. I also realized that if I talked about some of my passions to Emily, she might not know how to say what she thinks, but that doesn’t mean she isn’t interested in what I’m saying.

The next day I found out Connor had e-mailed me back and I learned he was from Jacksonville, North Carolina, is a sophomore, and that his interests are church, military, firearms, history, and travel. He told me he would probably be moving into a fraternity house sometime this year and didn’t know how long we’d be rooming together. He also said he was not bringing a fridge or a microwave. Later I went down to the bank and deposited my last pay check and got a new bottle cap from my drink I got at Better Cheddar. I got home and worked on my handbag for Emily and a lampshade made from straws.

Emily and I texted each other back and forth. She said, “I miss you so bad,” and I said, “I know.  I feel the same way about you.” She said, “Aww youre so sweet Ben.” I said, “Well I love you,” and she said, “I want to cuddle you.” I said, “Me too.” I also realized that contemplative photography is also about being aware of things while you photograph them and I worked more on my bags woven from bags.

My granddad took me to Winstead’s and when I got in I saw, sitting at a far table, my grandmom, there to see me for my birthday before I went off to school. I opened my card from them and opened my present from them: a fifty dollar debit card. I also went to Barnes and Noble where I got the new issue of Tricycle magazine. I went to the Pathless Land for the last time for a while meditating with the others sitting, breathing, and being. After the Pathless Land, my granddad and I skipped going to Roasterie Coffee since Emily had just texted me.

We texted back and forth when I got home and she asked me what I missed about her. I said I missed practically everything about her and she said, “Aww that’s so sweet Ben.” It felt good to see that Emily didn’t think of me as someone with something wrong with them because I had autism. She texted me goodnight and I texted her goodnight back. I also realized how politicians just don’t seem to want to help us because they have this notion of “picking yourself up by your bootstraps.”

I drove Jack and I to art class the next day, getting twenty more minutes of driving. While I was there I got several more pictures, including one of Jack break dancing. I drove Jack home and then to an estate sale, getting twenty more minutes of driving. While at the sale, I found a beautiful pink scarf which I bought for Emily. When she texted me, I told her I got her something at an estate sale.” She said, “Thanks babe that’s so sweet.” 

I drove to another estate sale, getting another ten minutes of driving. I bought Life Pictorial Atlas of the World, and Time-Life’s Ancient America, Barbarian Europe, Early Japan, Classical Greece, Early Islam, Imperial Rome, Age of Exploration, Ancient China, Historic India, Cradle of Civilization, Byzantium, and Renaissance for only thirty dollars. Then I drove to Target, getting myself another fifteen minutes of driving. I got hygiene supplies, snack food, tea, and a mini-fridge. Then I drove back home, getting myself another fifteen minutes of driving.

Back at home Emily and I texted each other back and forth. I said, “I love you,” and she said, “Love u too.” I asked her how work went and she said she didn’t go because she had pink-eye. I said, “I’m sorry about that,” and that I hope she feels better soon. She said, “Thank you,” and I said, “Sure.  I love you.” She said, “You too.”

I whittled a sword and a knife and worked on whittling a fish and made a bird beak to replace one that broke off my mom’s bird statue. She was pretty happy with it. Then I texted Emily back and forth some more. She asked if she was able to be there for my birthday would I want her there and I said, “Of course I would.” She said, “Aww.” I said, “Of course. I love you,” and she said, “I love you too.”

She asked me why I got her something at an estate sale and I said it was because I thought it would be romantic and look good on her. She said, “Aww Ben,” and, “I miss you,” and I said, “I miss you too.”  We texted later and she said, “Cuddle.” I said, “I’d love to.” She said, “Really,” and I said, “Cuddle you?  Of course.” She said, “Aww.” Then I said, “Youre really beautiful Emily.” She said, “Thank you,” and I said, “Of course.  I love you.” She said, “I love you too.” I also talked to Tyler and told him to resist the temptation to e-mail Mary.

The next morning Emily and I texted each other some more. I told her, “I love you.” She said, I want to cuddle you,” and I said, “I know.  Me to.” She asked me, “And will you hold my hand wherever we go?” And I said, “Definitely.” She asked if I could call her and I said certainly. She said, “Thanks babe love you.”

I called her and we talked on the phone. She asked me what I wanted for my birthday and I said she didn’t have to get me anything.  She insisted though and I told her she could just give me a Barnes and Noble gift card. She also said she wanted to cuddle me, that there was a special app called Tango I could download for free and we could video chat, that she wished she could come back to UCM and see me every day, and that she missed me. I told her I was cuddling a bear pretending it was her and “I love you,” and she said, “I love you to.” 

I called her back after my meditation and she asked me if I would give her a hug and kiss when she got to school and when she left. I said I would and then I found out for her and told her that Homecoming Week was from October 25^th-27^th. She said she would miss me even more after that. Later she told me she missed me again and I told her I would love to cuddle her. I told her, “I love you,” and she said, “I love you to.”

After we hung up I got Tango. Once we figured out how it worked we talked to each other on it and I saw her house and her cat Fuzzy. I showed her my mom, Jamie, the dogs, Peter, the rose I made her, and the scarf I got her and she liked them both. I told her, face-to-face, “I love you,” and she said, “I love you to.” I started packing up and we texted while I did. She said the rose and the scarf were really beautiful and I said I thought of her when I got the scarf. She said, “Aww.” I said I to my mom from her and said hi to Emily back. Later I glued some more origami hearts together and worked on a bag woven from bags and whittling a fish.

I went over to my dad’s later that night and I opened my birthday presents. I got a Swedish-made knife, very sharp and great for whittling, two books on whittling-Old-Time Whittling: Easy Techniques for Classic Projects and The Art of Whittling, a block of wood from which to carve a ball-in-a-cage, and some finger guards. My dad read an excerpt from The Art of Whittling, a historical reprint, in a Hank Hillish voice, “The love of tools seems to have been a natural trait among youth of all ages.  This is especially true of the pocket-knife.  What normal boy does not love to whittle?” After opening presents we went and ate at Jack Stack Barbeque. When I got home I finished my fish, talked to Tyler some more, wrote in my gratitude journal, and packed some more.

The next day I drove to work once more getting ten more minutes of driving, where I thanked Phil for all the hours he had given me and he told me thanks for all the hard work and to call him to let him know when I’m coming home for breaks. After work was over I changed into some clothes my mom had brought me and drove to Elsa’s Ethiopian Restaurant getting myself another twenty minutes of driving.  Erin and Tyler called to wish me a happy birthday and my mom, Dave, Jamie, Cam, and I enjoyed a bounty of doro watt, doro tibbs lentils, injera, and other foods of Ethiopian cuisine. Hillary texted me to wish me a happy birthday and I drove home getting another ten minutes of driving. Once at home we ate some birthday cake and I opened my presents: a CD called The Gyuto Monks Tantric Choir, two books-The Lego Idea Book: Unblocking Your Imagination and The Lego Book, two really neat shirts, a Buddha woodcarving, and a mug with the statue of the Thinker on it thinking a huge bubble of thoughts which disappeared when filled with hot water left saying only coffee. I’d say it was a pretty good haul this year. Then I packed up some more for the big day tomorrow and signed up for the access meal plan.