A Tempting Offer

 

I awoke on a Wednesday morning and saw Luis, who I met at the waffle event, sent me a text inviting me to his fraternity party, and I agreed to go. I got an e-mail from the Office of Student Activities, saying they couldn’t book a room in the Union for the time I requested, but asked if we could meet somewhere else. I told them we could. I also realized I didn’t have a textbook with a DVD I was supposed to have for my Film Appreciation class. Later I went to the fraternity party for Tau Kappa Epsilon, and saw Luis, Ryan, and Chris, and met several Noah, Alex, Grant, Sean, and some other TKE members. I talked to my dad, who said he would pay me back for the book, and then made twelve more straws into beads and worked on my pendant lamp. 

During my Early American Literature class, I realized I didn’t have my book with me to write response papers, which our instructor asked for a full page of notebook paper’s worth, something I thought we would type up outside of class, and only managed to get a little more than half a page from borrowing the textbook of my classmate sitting next to me. After my World Archaeology class, I went to the bookstore and got the DVD I needed for my Film Appreciation class. Then I got the e-mail that next week’s meeting for the UCM Autism Spectrum Support Group would be in Wood 216, where North American Indian class was and my World Archaeology class is held.

As I got back to my room, a tall Asian student approached me.

“You Ben?” he asked in somewhat fluent English, smiling.

“Yeah,” I said.

“Ok. I saw you last night at the party. I was thinking we could be roommates because I want to learn about American culture.”

“Ok. What was your name again?”

“Jai. J-A-I.”

“Ok. Yeah, well I’ll see you again tonight."

Connor came into our room later and said, “Ben, I’m going to move into the room next door cause it’s bigger and Aaron is going to be my new roommate, but there’s a guy from South Korea who said he would be your new roommate and he seems like a pretty cool guy.”

“Alright,” I said, relieved that I had now talked it over with Connor.

I went to the party again that night and saw Jai, accompanied with another South Korean student. Jai said, “Ben, this is Sinho. He will be your new roommate.”

“Ok,” I said slightly confused.

“I will come over tomorrow to see your room,” he said, sounding more inquisitive than declarative.

“Ok, "I said. “Would three o’ clock work for you?”

“Three?” he said.

“Sure, three.”

“Aw, ok.” He put his index finger to his thumb in understanding.

The next morning, I had lunch with Jai, who I saw in the dining hall. Then I worked some more on my handbag made from snack wrappers and read the reading for my Film Appreciation class. I went to do my Modern Sub-Saharan Africa post in the Lovinger Building, where I got a new presidential dollar from putting a dollar bill in the machine and ejecting it. I posted my post for my modern Sub-Saharan Africa class, and then started my first response post for that class during which time I realized Africa may have such a problem with HIV/AIDS because when malaria victims get blood transfusions, hospitals don’t have the equipment to test blood donors for HIV/AIDS, and that orphans many children and as a result they can’t go to school or get health care and don’t know how to protect themselves against these diseases. I also realized that I am studying film, literature, and things to do with different societies and cultures at UCM, all of which I want to do with my career. Later Sinho came over and I showed him my room and the dining hall, and we got the paperwork filled out. Then I showed him around the Ellis dining hall.

Afterwards I turned twelve more straws into beads, and then went to Those Were the Days to get some more embroidery floss for my yarn paintings. 
             I went to the TKE party afterwards, sitting with Jai and Sinho in the charter room. Noah came up and talked to us, during which time Jai and Sinho revealed that they had been given “bids” and were now planning to join the organization.

“Are you guys ready for the next eight weeks?” Noah asked relishing in those words.

“Why?” Jai asked.

“For the next eight weeks, you have to do whatever they say before you can become a member.”

I saw one of the students I met gather up all the bags used for their food. I asked, “Do you need those bags?” He threw them in my direction, and I caught them. I ate dinner and met two more South Korean students, who knew Jai and Sinho, Ryan and Kim, or rather those were the names they went by. Kim said to me, “I think you will enjoy being roommates with Sinho. He is a very nice, just as you are also very nice."

Later Sean came up to me and said, “Ben, can I talk to you for a moment?”

“Sure,” I said. I followed him into a room, where the student who had tossed me those bags, was sitting on a bed, looking solemnly at me. He said, “Ben, we’ve gotten to know you over the past few days, and we think you’re a really cool guy, and that TEK could help you wish your goals, and we think you would be a good person to represent our organization.” He handed me an envelope. 
             “You have forty-eight hours to decide, in which you just need to contact one of our members.”

“Wow,” I said, just struggling for words. “Thanks,” I said, half-audibly.

I went back into the lounge area and opened the envelope. There was a note with the TKE shield, saying:

Since our founding in 1899, more than 250,000 men have been initiated into our brotherhood.  Based on your personal worth and character, the men of Tau Kappa Epsilon do hereby extend an invitation for you to join our Fraternity.

Better Men for a Better World.

Suddenly I had a vivid sensation all throughout my body. Two decades of autistic suffering, of bullies and abusive teachers from elementary school; autism organizations who got undeserved hype while paying more to their executives than educational and developmental research for autism at the expense of good autism organizations; therapists in my early young adult years who implied I would never thrive at a traditional four year college, or that any love interest I had would never return my feelings, were all things I could shove back at them: I had been invited to a national fraternity!

I still was not sure though if I should join. I had all my school work in addition to the group. I talked to my granddad, and he said, “You have forty-eight hours to decide.” I finished my Gandhi yarn painting, except for the frame, trying to clear my mind of the question. I went to bed dreaming of author Lemony Snicket walking up to and hugging a woman who he always referred to as “my darling Beatrice.” The next morning, I read more of Anthills of the Savanah and took out my recycling to the courtyard where I found several more pebbles for my collection. I got back to my dorm and worked on my coasters made from Styrofoam and a scrapbook cover made from a chips bag. I also watched Two Cars, One Night for my Film Appreciation class, where two young indigenous children, a boy and girl developed an affection for each other, and took some good notes on it for my post on the film. I went on Facebook and saw my grandmom had liked one of my autism posts. I shared several great posts from the Autistic Self-Advocacy Network, Autistic Women’s Empowerment, and the Autism Support Network one of which being about a woman married to an autistic man and I commented with the post saying that for many autistic people, it is scary to be with someone who might not understand our condition so close up, and I used to be one of them, and dating is either like a mine field or a cage, and we can only hope that when we come around we can only hope that the mines which were really treasure chests will still be around for us. I saw in my mailbox that I had gotten my Christmas present from my Uncle Andy and Aunt Marge: a $25 Amazon gift card. I worked on another self for toilet paper roll dioramas and my handbag. I also turned twenty-two more straws into beads.

The next day I sorted some recycling during which time I found an interesting sea shell for my collection (which I no longer take from beaches for environmental purposes) in the courtyard. Later I helped two of the Korean students moving into Ellis move in by letting them keep their stuff in my room for a little while during which time one of them complimented my toilet paper roll dioramas and even asked me if I carved the wooden Buddha figurine. Later I finished my posts for my Modern Sub-Saharan Africa class. Soon after that I did all the posts and responses for my Film Appreciation class. Later I went to Crazy Dog’s taking several great pictures of the campus and picking up and recycling several bottles and cans along the way, got a new Snapple cap from my drink, and learned more of how to make shopping bags from plastic bags. Then I called Luis and told him I wouldn’t have the time to join TKE between my classes and starting some projects to help the UCM community but I felt honored and that it was very sincere and meant a lot to me that they would consider me a potential member and make me so welcomed among them and I looked forward to doing anything with the guys in the future.

Later I went to Crazy Dog’s taking several great pictures of the campus and picking up and recycling several bottles and cans along the way and got a new Snapple cap from my drink. Then I worked on my coasters made from paper plates and Styrofoam. Later I prepared my PowerPoint presentation for the luncheon tomorrow during and also learned the organization called the Dan Marino Foundation has raised over $47 million dollars for autism services. Once I finished that I thought I would give a portion of my ethnic musical instrument collection to JCCC as well as a portion of it to UCM and my collection of art from around the world to Horizon Academy, and my bottle cap signs to the Pathless Land. I got back and I made another flower and twenty more straws into beads.  I also looked at my Buddha figurine and thought, Maybe someday I will be able to carve something like that. 

The next morning, I had breakfast with Jai and Kim before I went to the Psychology Club/Psi Chi joint meeting. When it was my time, I got up and gave my presentation to all the students, of which Ryan, a guy from my hall was one of. At the end of it everyone clapped, and one student said he would be interested in being a peer mentor. After the meeting was over, I felt relieved and went back to my dorm and worked on my handbag and coasters. I found two more pebbles for my collection and found some wooden planks I could carve in the dumpster and brought them to my room while I took out my trash and recycling. Then I read the reading for my Early American Literature class. After that I decided to carve those planks I found into figures, one of them of the Buddha, and another of Merlin and started drawing the design for that while I ate dinner with Mary, who I learned still has that handbag I made which Tyler gave her, Anna, and Tasha.

I made myself a coaster from the plates at the luncheon and it looked really great. I read more of Anthills of the Savanah while I ran, and it was really interesting. I had Late Night with Jai and Kim. Then I showed my dad pictures of my Gandhi yarn painting and my coaster, and he loved them. After that I talked to Tyler while I turned ten more straws into beads, and I realized that my JCCC group, as well as my interview with Chris Hernandez, which may have led some people to it, may have helped autism groups that don’t give their share go under the radar, and felt really proud, realizing that like Teresa said, I do deserve to be loved, and felt no fear of asking a girl out when the time is right. 

The next morning, I realized that saying to a person with Asperger syndrome that he or she can’t speak for a non-verbal autistic (but neurotypical people can) is basically saying that because they’re autistic they can’t speak for non-verbal people. I read an article called Thirty-five Pictures That Prove the World isn't Such a Bad Place and was inspired by that to leave an umbrella out in my yard when I have a house for stray dogs and cats to go under when it rains, and I realized I do things worthy of those pictures when I sort the recycling or the way I was a friend to Tyler. I went to my Early American Literature class where I got back my last writing assignment which to my relief, I saw had a check. As I got back to my dorm, I decided to make my red, white, and blue straws into flowers rather than beads, as flowers take less time to make. Then I worked on one of my lampshades made from straws, and made about thirty more flowers, using the excess straw for beads, and worked some more on my handbag made from snack wrappers. After that I ate dinner with Brian, Mary, and Jade from THRIVE, before going to the Anthropology Club meeting, and I heard Laci was going to be presenting at an Anthropology convention in Bloomington, Illinois this April. I got a free book Introducing Cultural Anthropology with a cover showing Kazakh hawkers, which I thought would make a great wood burning. When I got back, I realized that making wall art like the ones made from paper from toilet paper rolls saves trees, by replacing paper requiring trees to be cut down. Then I worked on that lampshade made from straws, my coasters made from paper plates. Afterwards I read more of Anthills of the Savanah while running on the treadmill. I went to Late Night where I read a section in my new book about applied anthropology, and how it had been used to help reforest Haiti. I got back and I worked on sawing apart that long plank during which time I realized my saw wasn’t wide enough to cut it, so I would have to look at the hardware store. I also made ten more beads from straws.

The next morning, I realized it’s wrong to say that a person with Asperger syndrome couldn’t speak for an autistic person with high support needs seeing how I can speak so well for Tyler. After I woke up, I read some more of Anthills of the Savanah and took a break to work on my handbag. 

I went to the room where the meeting was supposed to take place, where I saw Tom waiting outside, only to hear on an e-mail sent to me yesterday that it was changed to room 306, only the janitor thought we were meeting in room 305, thinking we were the ABC Club and when I told him who we were he said we were supposed to meet in room 216.

“Sorry, Tom,” I said.

“That’s ok,” he told me.

 After that I sent an e-mail to Laura Scot from the Office of Student Activities about it asking that they look into the matter and the UCM Autism Spectrum Support Group members and the prospective peer mentors apologizing for any inconvenience they may have faced. I knew I would have to have patience, like the Buddhist saint Padmasambhava did when spreading Buddhism to Tibet, making him such a saintly man, and wondered if that wasn’t why we have the term “patience of a saint.”

I read some more of the reading for my Early American Literature class when I got back and on the treadmill. Later on, I made about thirty more flowers from straws and turned ten more straws into beads.

The next day I sat with Anna, Mary (Oscar’s girlfriend), and Oscar at breakfast. After that I read the reading for my Early American Literature class. After that class I saw Grant from TKE. We said hi to each other and he told me that some time I ought to come and visit the TKE house. After my World Archaeology class bought some gorilla glue for my snack wrapper collages, and returned my library copy of The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin.

I got an idea for more of how to make my plastic bag mandala from the Warrensburg bags, and to make one with a smiley face, representing the way smiling can transform how you feel, a yellow circle around it, representing the Great Eastern Sun, white Walmart bags, representing the Vajra sky and the Buddhist metaphor for watching your thoughts like clouds, a tree, representing the Buddha as he was portrayed in early Theravada Buddhism, as well as the Bodhi tree, and the hierarchy of Heaven, Earth, and Man, and Target targets around the tree, sun, and edges. I worked on that and my mandala made from Warrensburg bags, as well as my snack wrapper collages of Maja Toudal and Thomas Jefferson with my new gorilla glue, and my coasters made from paper plates and Styrofoam, and then ate dinner with Sinho and Jai. I went to the Rec Center with them and ran on the treadmill for about half an hour, during which time I realized that if thirty-three states have voted to have autism health coverage, then they may also vote for senators who will help pass it. 

The next morning, I worked on my snack wrapper collages some more and read more of Anthills of the Savanah. Then I sorted a lot of recycling during which time I found two more pebbles for my collection. After that I worked on my coaster made from paper plates and Styrofoam some more.  I also remembered my “Unable/You enable” mantra. I got a text from Hillary and learned David Mahon from THRIVE was visiting, so I went down to see him, and we got caught up on each other’s lives. I later worked on my pencil cups made from Pringles cans, and saw an e-mail from Dr. Mayfield, thanking me for handling the confusion so well on Wednesday, where a meeting taking longer than she expected stopped her from being able to come. Later Sinho asked me if I wanted to move to Foster/Knox apartments, which he said was cheaper and bigger. Since he seemed like he really wanted to, I said yes, but thought I would really be lonely outside of Ellis, but perhaps if I had the sort of person Teresa asked me to love, that might be different. At the end of the day, I talked to my dad and told him how Grant asked me to visit the TKE house.

“So those guys took it ok?” he asked.

“Yeah. I guess they have their own lives to worry about. They seemed to understand. I’ve got a big thing I have to start in addition to my school work. But it’s ok because I have the autistic students at UCM to serve. They are my brothers, and sisters.”

First Few Days Back at School 2014

Before going back to school I packed up, scooped Peter’s litter box, and sorted some of Cam’s recycling. Then my dad picked me up and we stopped by Walgreen’s to get me some Zyrtec for my allergies and some lotion for my hands. We went to Crazy Dog’s getting Snapple for my drink with a new Snapple cap for my collection with it. We got to school and I unpacked. After that I made another from a straw and worked on one of my lampshades made from straws. I also got an e-mail from my Film Appreciation instructor and learned that the class will be done on Blackboard. After that I ate dinner with Maria, Thad, Matt, John, and few other students from the hall, many of whom are new and I met a lot of them, which Maria invited us all to do. I took out my recycling and sorted a lot of recycling during which time I found a new shelf, which I used to put a lot of my recyclables, my yarn paintings, and my stamp collection. I talked to Granddad, who told me that he went to their friends Mr. and Mrs. North’s wedding reception where he saw Mrs. Kennedy, my high school principal who said that I was an inspiration to the students at Horizon who came after me. I talked to my dad who said I’d left my Zyrtec and lotion in his car but he agreed to send them to me along with some bottle caps, a Buddhist magazine someone gave him, and a crafts board he meant to bring this morning. I then made thirteen more flowers, using some of the excess straw to make beads.  While I was running on the treadmill, I worked on my handbag made from snack wrappers and saw the King of the Hill episode where Luanne struggles with finding herself while she and Lucky take care of their newborn baby.  I started feeling like having a child, who needs you so constantly, with no ability to be certain about their welfare all the time would really put strain on a relationship, but when I got back I remembered how I once read about a twentieth century Indian guru Hazrat Inayat Khan, who brought his teachings to the U.S. and met an American women, who he married and had four kids with, and in a picture of his wife, she looked so happy, as if overjoyed to be with the one she loves.

                The next day I found another bottle cap for my collection while taking out my trash and recycling, before going down to the OAS Office to schedule an appointment with Dr. Mayfield about the UCM Autism Spectrum Support Group and scheduling my tests in the Testing Center.  I got there and saw Laci, who looked somewhat morose before she saw me, scheduled an appointment for Wednesday at 12, and gave her my name and phone number in case they needed to reach me. 

                “I’ll see you around, Laci.” I said as I left.

                “By.” She said to me.

                After that I e-mailed all the members and prospective peer mentors telling them I was working on getting a meeting going for the Autism Spectrum Support Group. I also found out one of the Prospective peer mentors, John, e-mailed me asking if I would like to come speak to his organization, the Psychology Club about my group on the 27th, and I obliged. Later I confirmed registration for my Film Appreciation class and my Modern Sub-Saharan Africa class. Then I did the first assignment for my Film Appreciation class, read all the readings and watched all the videos for now in my Modern Sub-Saharan Africa class. I learned that for this class, we would have to do a book report on an African novel. I finished the first assignment for that class, a map of Africa where we labeled each country, and only needed to look on-line for maybe three or four of them. I got back and had dinner with Oscar, Connor, David, Jess, Mary, Josh, and Kriti. I went to the hardware store and got a file for my belt buckle, and along the way I picked up some recyclables. I looked at my Lonely Planet West Africa book while running, looking for some novels to do my book report on. I also looked up ways to write a song and found, in wikihow.com a suggestion to write just some random rhyming words to find the rhythm, saying the song Yesterday started by going “Scrambled eggs. Lady, you’ve got such lovely legs.”  I also thought of a perfect rhythm for a song based off my poem Autistic Pride Day Sonnet and thought Maja Toudal may be a great one to sing it. I worked on my handbag when I got back, and then I went to Late Night where I saw on amazon.com a flute solo book for the first Hobbit movie, and told myself, If I take a risk and love someone who will love me the way I deserve to be loved, I will get myself that book as a reward. I also thought I’d just use my bottle caps to make some signs with them glued to a piece of wood saying words such as “Love” and “Breathe.”

                I went to my Early American Literature class the next day, where I found out we needed to read some pages of The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin for our next class period. I didn’t have it yet and I asked my instructor where he could find it, and he said I could get it at the UCM library. Later I got the idea to make some bottle cap signs in the future saying, “Look” and “Now,” all words from pieces of Buddhist calligraphy. I also was told in my World Archaeology class that we would be doing a book report on a book called The Goddess and the Bull, which dealt with an ancient prehistoric site in present-day Turkey. After that I sorted some recycling afterwards during which time I found another bottle cap and stamp for my collections. I ate dinner with Philip while I made twelve more flowers and Philip told me he couldn’t go to school this semester as he lost his financial aid due to him failing bowling last semester so he’s trying to get a job and apartment in Warrensburg.

 “Well I’m sorry to hear that.” I said.

 “Eh, it’s ok.”

I called Erin and talked to her after that. Later I checked out the book for my Early American Literature class at the library while I realized that in The Lord ofthe Rings: The Return of the King film, Aragorn not having his sword Anduril at Dunharrow or his Elven and Dunedain kin, as well as Denethor being insane, unwilling to light the beacons, and being driven to over the edge and asking his men to flee their posts during the Siege of Gondor, and the lack of the mustering of Gondor, Imrahil, Beregond, and others, made the looming threat of Gondor’s destruction more palpable, as well as justified Elrond’s lack of faith in men, Arwen’s struggle to remain loyal to Aragorn and thus the elves at Helm’s Deep, and Aragorn’s self-doubt, which also helped Arwen to be supportive of him like a good lover is supposed to do. On my way back I realized that Smaug’s weakness being a loose scale in the second Hobbit movie helped introduce Bard as the heir to Dale and when I got back and realized that I could stimulate dragon fire on stage if I made light shine and wind blow in the same direction simultaneously. I layed out my crown bottle caps in my collection in rows and columns and saw how beautiful it looked with all colors, sort of like the people of the world. I also realized that in The Return of the King movie, all those factors Peter Jackson added that made Gondor’s threat more compelling also did that with Aragorn’s destiny to become king of Gondor, that The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers movie, Treebeard and the Ents deciding initially not to go to war with Isengard makes Saruman’s threat seem more serious, all of which seemed like a very great love story, or rather, a great way to show the love between Aragorn and Arwen in The Lord of the Rings films. 

                The next morning I realized that the Elves at Helm’s Deep did sort of fit with them being a symbol of hope. Then I read a lot of the reading for my Early American Literature class. After that I made five more flowers and some separator beads from the excess straw. I also worked on priest, drummer, and Inuit sorcerer figurines made from plastic bottle caps and realized I could use pipe cleaners to support them and hold them together and make the arms of the Inuit sorcerer by cutting off the edges of milk bottle caps and twisting them into spirals and connecting the edges. I went to the OAS Office at to meet with Barbara but they told me my meeting was at twelve o’ clock on Thursday. That was weird, I thought. 

Later I posted a response to a classmate’s favorite movies for my Film Appreciation class. I got back and I turned forty-eight straws into beads realizing I could stop my legs from falling asleep if I got up and stretched them every fifteen minutes and I did the Celtic vine meditation as I worked on the straws. I told my granddad about my appointment mix-up and realized my Early American Literature class is at the time I was scheduled to meet Barbara and I would have to reschedule it. I later saw Philip in the cafeteria and I read more of the reading for The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin. I read some more while I ran and told myself to read one sentence at a time and the result was that I read faster and down to the last thirty pages. After that I read about plastic bottle cap signs on my phone. I got back and I got my Modern Sub-Saharan Africa textbook in the mail. During Late Night I had two hot dogs, not to mention root beer floats and read about how Dr. King Jr. opposed the Vietnam War partly as it diverted funds needed for the integration of the black community but exploited people in the Third World without benefiting them at all, which the War in Iraq does to the people of Iraq while causing the government to neglect people with autism and others. I also got the idea to use some plastic bottle caps to make signs on our property in Colorado, which is full of trees, and thought that could be done in the Himalayas and other parts of the Third World, where plastic bags thrown away by tourists are a major environmental issue.

The next day I got more of my textbooks in the mail. Then I went the OAS Office and rescheduled my appointment for 9:00 on Tuesday and when I asked Laci, who was working there if she needed me to write down my name and number she said she didn’t because she had it from the schedule on the computer. After that I finished the rest of the reading for my Early American Literature class. 

I felt a little stressed trying to write one whole notebook pages worth of writing for an in-class writing assignment for my that class, only managing to fill most of the page. After my World Archaeology class I saw Laci as I was taking some bottles and cans from the trash can to the recycling bin. I said, “Oh hi, Laci.”

“Hi,” she said smiling, her eyes on a level with mine.

"How are you?"

“Good, how are you?"

"I'm good."

“So are you going to keep doing the Anthropology Club this year?” I asked.

“Yeah, when I can make it.”

“That’s cool. Are you going to volunteer on Martin Luther King Day?”

“No, I don’t think I’ll be able to make it.”

“Yeah, well good to talk to you.”

“Good to talk to you too.” She said smiling.

As I walked to my dorm I took another photo of some bare trees that I thought would look good for UCM Photo of the Week and sorted some recycling. I got back and I worked on my four pendant lamps. Then I made several more flowers, using the excess straws from some of them to make separator beads for malas. I also took out my trash and recycling and called Jamie to wish him a happy birthday.

I got a text the next morning from Hillary asking me if I could help one of her friends, John, study for his history class. Remembering my trouble with that class, and wanting to help, I agreed. During lunch time I saw Oscar, Connor from THRIVE, Mr. B, and a THRIVE volunteer sitting at a table and I sat with them. After that I worked on my handbags, turned some straws into beads, and made another flower. I also ordered Anthills of the Savanah by Chinua Achebe on Amazon for my novel for the book report for my Modern Sub-Saharan Africa class at the Union computer lab. When I got back to my dorm I added several flowers to my vase full of them, and then went to dinner and read a lot of the reading for my Modern Sub-Saharan Africa class. Later I went to my mailbox and found out I got another one of my textbooks. When I got back to my dorm, determined to make my room less full of trash, I resolved to make ten straws into beads each day, twenty on weekends, until the straws in one of my bags were gone. 

The next day I jolted as I realized I had not turned in the map assignment for my Modern Sub-Saharan Africa class, even though I had finished it. I had breakfast with Alex, Tasha, and another THRIVE student, who I forgot the name of. Then after working on my handbag some more, I felt a little stressed about the work I had to do in a short amount of time, but with that stress I felt more motivation to do what Teresa had said and love someone who will love me the way I deserve to be loved. 

I walked down to Hasting’s later, trying to clear my mind. I saw Philip driving by and he told me he was going to live temporarily in the fraternity complex while he looked for a job and place in Warrensburg, since he is a fraternity member. I walked by Walgreen’s and saw smoke coming from the trash can and went inside to tell an employee, who said he would take care of it. When I got down to Hasting’s where I realized that Tauriel defying Thranduil to go save Kili and getting Legolas to join her makes her a strong woman and a genuine female presence in the story and I got National Geographic’s Beyond Our Galaxy: Exploring Our Universe, issue 85 Winter 2014 issue of Sufi magazine, issue 115 of Circle magazine, the February 2014 issue of Mindful magazine, the January/ February 2014 issue of Poets and Writers, and issue eighty-seven of SciFiNow magazine, which had an article about the second Hobbit movie, and I went to Bi-Lo Mart where I got the February/March 2014 issue of National Geographic Traveler. I picked up several recyclables and things to repurpose on the way back, which overfilled a bag I brought, and struggled to hold onto the rest along with my magazines. I was amazed at how much people litter and don’t recycle. 

I saw Hillary and Philip at the dining hall just as they were about to leave. Then I read in SciFiNow about how the Lake-Town was made to be an obstacle in the movie and how the Master was “greedy and cowardly” sort of like Tolkien described him, and a quote by Martin Freeman who plays Bilbo saying, “A hero who doesn’t self-doubt, or a person who doesn’t self-doubt I think is a lie anyway, and I don’t think lying is ever useful or entertaining to the audience. I think anything in real life that we genuinely call heroism is done by us. A hero is someone who looks like us, who feels like us, who is as stupid as we are and who is as scared as we are.” I read more of The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin while I ran on the treadmill. Then I got back and made twenty more flowers. I only turned ten straws into beads, however, and decided to make two more straws into beads from Monday to Friday to make up for it. 

I had always been able to meditation on my own mortality but had cringed at the thought of meditating on that of those I love, especially if she were say someone I dated or loved romantically. However, before I went to sleep I decided my meditations on death could also focus on the people I love, not just myself, because in doing so I would be able to appreciate having them much more. I read the rest of the reading for my Modern Sub-Saharan Africa class at breakfast before Tyler called and I talked to him. After that I thought about taking the risk Teresa had asked me and remembered my “Unable/You enable” mantra. I also realized I just needed to be confident when I ask anyone out, even though I had not done it for nearly two years.  I did some laundry later and collected my stuffing as usual to make into paper, similar to the way discarded cloth is often made into paper in India, as many do not believe in cutting down trees, and thought I’d buy a lot of that when I go there as an alternative to traditional paper to save trees.  I ate dinner with Oscar that night and after he left thought to also visit, in addition to India, Turkey, to bear witness to the Armenian Genocide, and also see what other sites the country has to offer. After running on the treadmill I felt so hungry and went down to a gas station and got some food. After I left, I saw Coke rings and tore them apart. As I walked farther along I saw an enormous long-necked goose, who I realized could have choked on those rings, and also was amazed by it, realizing all the different sorts of birds I could see when I travel to Africa, India, and elsewhere after finding a job after college and being able to make the money. I drank my Snapple when I got back, getting another cap, and then worked more on my handbag.

The next morning I went down to the shopping center in Warrensburg with the barbershop and Hasting’s and got my hair cut, and an issue of SciFi that also featured an article on the Hobbit movie, though it didn’t have any Bilbo courage quotes I could have used. On my way to Walgreen’s to get some supplies I got the idea to cut off the sides of Coke cans and flatten them to make shelves for my toilet paper roll dioramas and replace my old one made from fruit snack boxes and construction paper, which I would keep having buy and take time to add rows and generate a lot of waste from the fruit snack packs. I got to Walgreen’s and bought some toothpaste, shampoo, and Altoids. When I got back I worked more on my handbags. Later on I jolted, thinking I had missed the Psychology Club meeting I was supposed to go to, but then realizing it was the next Monday. I called John, Hillary’s friend, who I learned had my same History professor as I did, Dr. Crews, and we agreed for me to find some time for me to help him. Then after finding some cans, worked on my shelf for to toilet paper roll dioramas, cutting my finger in the process, at which I decided to cover them with packing tape. I went down to Crazy Dog’s and got a new bottle cap for my beer and I got the idea to make coasters from Styrofoam for the UCM Autism Spectrum Support Group door prizes rather than bottle cap magnets, which take a lot of finesse and glue. While running I finished the section of The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin we were reading. I also wrote three things I was grateful for in a journal, remembering how I read people who practice gratitude regularly deal with stress better.

I got to my appointment at nine and Barbara and I agreed to get a meeting set up where people could say what times for meetings worked best for them and what activities they would enjoy. I filled out a request form for a room before working more on my shelf. During my World Archaeology class, Dr. Yelton told us that the Anthropology Club met the next day at 6. I got back and finished my shelf before making another flower. Then I ate dinner with Maria, a few other people from my hall, and a UCM student named Antwon, and later we got together at the Rec Center and played some basketball with a few other people on the hall. I turned twelve more straws into beads when I got back, and then talked to Tyler on the phone.

 

Winter Break in Leadville, Colorado 2014

I rode with my mom and Dave to Colorado during which time I edited several of my poems and wrote another one. I started teaching myself Dzongkha, the chief language of Bhutan, and Tibetan, and came up with a way to have virtual conversations in different languages by typing phrases in my phone and playing them out loud using the speaker on my Word app and realized that poems would be helpful in learning a new language as they help you become better listeners. We stopped during which I realized that I could print of all my poems, bind them into a book, and give it to Tyler, to help him better retain and understand verbal information. We kept going during which time I realized that Bilbo might met Aragorn in the third Hobbit movie because he met him and wrote a poem about him, and the movies are Bilbo’s story, and the extended version of the Hobbit movie showed Bilbo seeing the shards of Narsil at Rivendell and that I could use my non-crown bottle caps to make a peace sign honoring American Buddhism’s counter-culture roots. We kept going after another stop and I worked on my travel plans to Bhutan. Mom and I went to Whole Foods where I got two new bottle caps, one crown and one non-crown, from a drink Mom got me and one we got to share. We drove on during which time I told Mom about my robot idea for Tyler, and she thought it was great. We stopped at a liquor store later and got beer. We rode on and finally we got to our house. Then I got another bottle cap for my collection from the beer we got. I also helped Dave and Kate unpack. After that we ate dinner during which I had a delicious roast beef sandwich and I said to Dave, "Dave, you know what I think is gonna happen in the third Hobbit movie?"

"What?"

"Bilbo's gonna meet Aragorn."

 "I think so, too."

After talking a little bit about the movies, Cate said, “Dad, I think Ben’s outknowledged you on Lord of the Rings.” I also helped Dave with some more stuff later and he and Mom agreed to pay for my help. Later I got an e-mail from Caitlin saying she had a good time and I texted her back saying the same thing to her.  

The next day I found that two people had sent e-mails to me saying they were interested in peer mentoring, and I e-mailed them back and found out the head of the Nursing Department sent the word out about it to UCM’s Nursing student group. I took a walk through the woods, hoping to see some wildlife, getting several great pictures of the sunset and the landscapes, and as I walked back it was so dark and my phone was dead. Suddenly the house I came up upon didn’t look anything like ours. I felt panicked realizing I was lost. Eventually I knocked on a neighbor’s door, called Mom, and got a ride home, and thanked the people who helped me. My mom went on, “It’s dangerous out there! This is the wilderness!” Eventually she got a hold of herself and said, “It’s fine. I’m glad you’re ok.” Later I helped Jamie and Graham put the bunk beds together.

The next day I heard from my mom of a petition to start an American girl doll with a disability. Then I went on a hike around our property with my mom where I took some great pictures and learned the creek will be filled with birds during the summer. I went into town with my mom, Dave, and Kate during which I decided to not be too stingy with my money knowing how in the Third World vendors want people to buy something from them as they have themselves and their families to support and I bought some miniature prayer flags, some red yarn and a clay button to make a belt using a chopstick for a yarn needle, a bullet pocket knife, a round mints box with a woman from the old West, some cinnamon balls deciding to try new things as part of mindful travel, three old West postcards, one with bison, one with Native Americans, at a well, and one of a Native American coming-of-age ceremony with a sacred dwelling very similar to what I learned about in my North American Indian class, each having something to do with the sacred, as buffalo are sacred to some Native American cultures and wells are sacred to the ancient Celtic people, for me to frame as wall art, and a Native American arrowhead to wrap in wire and make into a necklace. After I got back, I saw Wally had chewed apart my mala, but I found most of the beads and could use one straw to replace the rest and use some of the yarn I bought as a cord. The next day Cate’s boyfriend Josh arrived. I went into town with my mom and got some new hiking boots and we went to a coffee shop, and I got a new bottle cap for Tyler from my drink. After that we had our pre-dinner New Year’s Eve celebration during which I told Josh about my screenwriting class, which he was impressed by, and he told me about his local film projects. My mom then brought up my meditation. Josh asked about that, and we exchanged meditation stories. We went to dinner and afterwards Dave, Cate, Josh, and I went bar-hopping afterwards, though I didn’t drink anything as I had already drank a beer and I like to have my wits about me. 

 

The first day of the new year had come. I spent the morning playing Scrabble with my mom and managed to win. Then I typed up some of my poems for Tyler and edited some of them in the process. After that I made another rose from straws, and then I worked on making a list of my places I wanted to see and things I wanted to do when going to Bhutan. I thought of how amazing it would be to travel in the footsteps of the Buddhist saint Padmasambhava, who brought Buddhism to Tibet, ad is sort of the equivalent of St. Patrick in Christianity; getting to see black-necked cranes, muntjacs, wild boars, sambars, serows, Himalayan black bears, leopards, red foxes, etc. I also got to thinking that the money we should be spending to give autistic people access to society aren’t just for them, but for their loved ones as well who care about them and want them to be successful in life.

 

The next day my mom, Jamie, and I drove to the town of Minturn to pick up Dave from a ski resort and stopped every so often to get pictures of the mountain scenery on the way there. We ate at a Greek restaurant, where I had some delicious chicken cooked in spices and dipped in yogurt sauce. Then I looked at a shop called Scarab, where my mom had gotten the Buddha woodcarving I got for my birthday. I went in and saw plenty of interesting exotic and hippy-looking things, such as Ethiopian ceremonial crosses and a cabinet decorated with bottle caps, which Jamie said I make a similar thing to easily. We picked up Dave and then we drove back to the house.

When we got there, I talked to Tyler who said he had several bottle caps for me. I worked more on my travel plans to Tibet, even though it was a little boring, but I remembered reading that people who use self-control are more likely to succeed in what they want to do. While I made my lists, I heard a video my mom was playing about an Evergreen College alumni who started salvaging wood from torn down houses and learned how that would often goes straight in our landfill. I finished working on my plans for the day, and then typed up a few more of my poems for Tyler, this time also tweaking many of them. 

I went snow-shoeing with my mom and Dave the next day, getting to see several mountain ranges, and managed to climb down the slope of the hill our house was on to the abandoned train tracks on the property near a creek. Then my mom, Jamie, and I went into town where I got a book called Watching Wildlife: Tips, Gear, and Great Places for Enjoying America’s Wild Creatures. I got some souvenir rock candy at another store, and then an arrowhead at another to make an arrowhead necklace for Tyler, who often talked about being part Native American. We went to the grocery store afterwards and I got two new bottle caps for my collection, one crown and one not, from drinks we bought there. I also bought some sand paper at the hardware store, planning to sand one of my Altoids tins in my suit case and make a belt buckle. When we got back, I made it and it looked pretty good. I also saw I had left my mala on the table and that Wally had chewed it up. After that I worked on my travel plans for Tibet afterwards.

The next morning, I had a dream that I was at a movie theater on campus with a guy from my hall where everyone lay on their own bed on these bunk beds while they watched the movie and an auburn-haired man from the OAS Office came and kissed the guy on the cheek while he said he loved him and said that to me to. I typed up some more poems for Tyler, and again saw how I could improve a few in the process. I made another flower for a straw afterwards and then I worked on my travel plans to Tibet. 

The next morning before I woke up, I had a dream that I was taken hostage in Tibet, but I managed to escape and get back to the United States and went home to my family. On my way back I saw the Disney TV show characters Austin and Ally, the titular characters from a show I saw when I was roommates with Tyler Austin and Ally, of whom Ally once developed unrequited feelings for Austin, but he later reciprocated them. Later we dropped Jamie off at the bus to take him to the airport to Olympia before school started. He would soon also be going to work twenty to thirty hours a week at the senior center for people with Alzheimer’s and Dementia with good pay. I also realized that if I could be roommates with Tyler so easily, perhaps an intimate relationship wouldn’t be such hard work. 

We went to the grocery store, and I got two new bottle caps from a drink my mom got me, a non-crown one, and another, a crown one, from a pack of drinks we got for the house. As I thought about the dream, I found that stone Teresa had given me, saying “Take a risk and travel to the countries you plan to go to,” and “Love someone who will love you the way you deserve to be loved.”  In the dream it seemed I had done the former, and when I did, things turned out ok. So maybe my dream was telling me that if I did the latter, things would be ok to. I also realized that perhaps my family symbolized things being alright if they don’t go how I want, because I will them and my friends for support. I worked on my travel plans to Tibet some more, making plans to trek Mt. Kailash, a holy Buddhist mountain, based on the suggested itinerary, and realizing it looked very pleasant with a lot of down time even. My mom talked to Dave about Jamie and his new girlfriend in his apartment, and how they were enamored but soon would find out things about each other that annoy them. Then I said, “Well, when I was dating Emily, I realized that I could do things that annoy her to, just as she could with me.”

“That’s true,” said my mom, nodding as she walked up to the kitchen near the couch I sat on.

“And,” I said, “When she does, I don’t have to direct my frustration at her. Anger is really just a way of covering up one’s vulnerability.”

 “That’s true,” she said, nodding again.

The next morning, I practiced my flute for half an hour, playing the first solo from my Lord of the Rings flute solo book The Prophecy. After that I sanded a shelf for my mom, who paid me ten dollars for it. I made another flower and a replacement mala from straws. Then I typed of more of my poems for Tyler again and edited a few while I was at it. I also watched the movie Tora, Tora, Tora, an older film about the Japanese bombing of Pearl Harbor in World War II, which was fairly good, although we did find some flaws to it.

We took our recyclables to the recycling center the next day, and there I found another non-crown bottle cap for my collection when I was inside. We took our trash to the dump, a place which shocked my mom, and I managed to pick up some cardboard and paper and we took it to the recycling center. As we drove away, my mom said, “It just shows you that when you throw something away, it doesn’t go away!” Then she asked me if I had ever been to the UCM Environmental Club. I told her no and she said, “You should check it out. You’d probably be very good for that.”

 We went into town afterwards, where I enjoyed (for the most part) some soda flavored jelly beans. Then I went to the bookstore again and got Jamie a book for his birthday on the 16th called 100 Simple Ways to Prevent Alzheimer’s. I ate at the café next door before I rode back to the house with my mom, who was touched by the present I got Jamie and promised to mail it to him. When we got back my mom and Dave paid me to organize some tools for them. Then I saw a post on Facebook from my former middle school teacher with several rows and columns of letters like a word search, with a caption saying, “The first three words you see will be your’s in 2014.” I looked and saw, “Love,” “Experience,” and “Youth.” 

For the rest of the night, I worked on my travel plans to Tibet and practiced my flute for half an hour again. Before going to bed the next morning, I realized whatever frustration I experience from a partner in a relationship can be counterbalanced by meditation. After breakfast I heard my mom say my aunt Laura had responded to my Facebook post about my coaster made from receipts that I had a picture of asking me, “Can I order some?” I wrote back asking her if she really wanted to. I went to nearby Breckenridge later with my mom and Dad while Dave went skiing in the town, working on my travel plans to Mongolia on the way. My mom and I went to a thrift store, where I only bought a decorative Indian plate with an intaglio print of the Taj Mahal. Then we went to a small diner where I had a bacon and egg sandwich on a bagel and got a new bottle cap for my collection from my soda. After that we tried their mini donuts, which were really good. I explored the town on my own later, seeing several different shops, but in the end only buying two sodas at a general store, where I got some new bottle caps for my collection from. I did however meet up with my mom at Starbucks and we went to a nature shop afterwards and I bought a piece of a very old dinosaur shell, which gave me an appreciation for how big the whole egg must have been, and a prehistoric sand dollar.  

I worked some more on my travel plans to Mongolia as the three of us drove back. The next day I snow-shoed to the workshop on our property where the owner used to make several things. I saw a lot of leather which he left behind, I realized that some of it would be great for binding my meditation journals in. I snow-shoed to the tracks and back up the hill getting some amazing pictures of the scenery around me as I did, thinking irresistibly about Middle Earth. 

I got back to the house and cut out some pieces for wood burning pictures from old wood on our property, pausing from it every so often to help my mom nail a new coast rack into the wall. When that was finished, I drew the outline of the picture from one of them, showing Bilbo in Rivendell from the Hobbit movie. I was very pleased by it and so was my mom. I did another drawing outline of the Celtic Endless Knot, which we were both also impressed by. That night I also got in touch with Tyler some more and he talked about how he was worried he would never find a girlfriend, but I assured him I would help him to overcome any obstacles he faced in doing it. 

The next morning, I did some touching up on my wood burning drawings before helping my mom screw in some knobs for the drawers in her’s and Dave’s bathroom. The three of us ate out one last time where I enjoyed a steak burger with fries and beer as I had suggested because it was our last night to eat out while we were all in Leadville before I flew home the next day for Kansas City.

On our way to the airport my mom paid me twenty dollars for all the work I did. I also promised my mom I would scoop up Peter’s litter box before I got home. I got to the airport and through security and found the gates alright without much trouble. While waiting to board I saw my former coworker from Hen House, Jacob, who I learned was in Colorado over the winter break, and in school at Pitts State University. 

My dad picked me up from the airport and drove me home. On my way I showed him my two wood burning drawings and he was really impressed. He also told me he had several bottle caps to give me, although he wasn’t sure many of them would be new ones.  After I got home, I texted him with my UCM account username and password so I could find the course numbers for the classes I was taking and order my textbooks. Tyler and I agreed to go see a movie that night. I also thought of making that bottle cap peace sign as a reference to Thorin’s quote to Bilbo about how the world would be so much better if more people valued food and drink over gold and silver. Tyler’s mom picked me up and, on the ride, I gave him all the different duplicate bottle caps I had and the first necklace I made from a bottle cap that said, “Peace within one’s self, peace within the world.” He gave my two books called 3:16: The Number of Hope (referring to that passage from the Bible) and The Seat of the Soul: A Work on Thought, Evolution, and Reincarnation. All of that meant a lot to me. 

We ordered dinner at the theater to eat while we saw the movie, which this theater that Tyler worked at did, and when we finished our drinks, Tyler told me about how Disney Channel’s Friends for Change showed how they can be turned into paper airplanes, so I decided not to throw mine away. Somehow, we got an extra water to. We saw the movie while we ate, and in one scene I saw the girl who was the protagonist shake her boyfriend who she believed to be dead in the tournament, screaming and crying, while the world watched, and when he turned out to be alive, President Snow’s granddaughter said to Snow “I hope I love someone that much someday.” To which Snow said, surprised, “You will.” I really enjoyed the movie that night.

While we waited after the movie for Tyler’s mom, Tyler took the cup from the water and said he plant on using it to plant seeds. After we meet up with Tyler’s mom, she had trouble finding where we parked, and Tyler suggested turning on the car alarm. His mom tried to explain she didn’t want to do that, but Tyler took her keys anyway and turned it on, so in the end, we found her car. When I got back, I packed up my stuff to go back to UCM the next day.