Sunday, August 25, 2013

An Unexpected Journey of My Own


On the first day of the next week I drove to art class getting ten more minutes of driving time and after art class I drove to Einstein’s for lunch and the shoe store where I got some new shoes.  We walked over to Barnes and Noble afterwards and I got Woodcarving magazine’s Whittling and Time magazine’s The Rise of Robots: How Smart Machines are Changing Our Lives and learned that robots can help us explore the deep sea and while robots may take some jobs, they will create new ones and save us money with robo cops both meaning we’ll have more money in our budget and the government can no longer use that as an excuse to discriminate against autistics.  When I got home I made some beads from straws and I practiced my flute for half an hour, and then took some pictures of some of my mom’s flowers.  Then I talked to my granddad and he seemed to think that making autism legislation would help autistic people and I talked to Tyler again and he said he was doing well and he talked to Hillary and found out she was doing well.
                The next day I drove my mom to the glass recycling bin adding ten more minutes to my driving time, the library where I got a Lonely Planet book on Rajasthan, Delhi, and Agra, adding ten more minutes to my driving times, then to the post office where I got a free periodical on stamp collecting, adding another ten minutes, then home, adding another five minutes.  I worked on gluing my origami hearts made from receipts together, rode my bike for an hour, and wrote some poems while I sipped some macchiato at the Starbuck’s.  As I got home I realized that sacking involves space and can be a way to appreciate the hierarchy of heaven, earth, and man.  I took some more pictures of my mom’s flowers then started working on turning beads into straws and I realized that while some may think that providing autistic people the right services would cost us money, it would also save us money that the problems autistic people not having the right services costs.
                I kept working on my beads made from straws and then I got a text.  It said, “Hi Ben.  It’s Emily.”  I texted her back saying, “Hi how are you?”  She said, “Good and you?”  I said, “Good.  What are you doing?”  She said, “Just working.  What are you doing?”  I said, “Working, arts and crafts, flute-playing, photography.”  Then she sent a text saying, “I like you Ben.”
                I said, “Do you mean friendwise or otherwise?”  She said, “Like I want you to be my bf or something you want at school but I wasn’t sure if you wanted the same thing.”  Suddenly I just couldn’t think straight.  Then I got a text from Hillary saying, “Emily Webb wants to date you.”  Afterwards she sent me a text saying, “I think you should.  David Stillman [THRIVE student] thinks youd make a great couple.”
                I still wasn’t sure and I texted Emily saying I thought she was beautiful and I liked her friendship but I didn’t want to rush into it and that maybe we should talk and grow closer first.  Then I talked to my dad and told him I liked Emily but I wanted to keep my options open.  He said, "Well Ben you’re getting ahead of yourself.  You should hit that bridge when you come to it and it might not work out how you expected.”
                I said, “So if I want to date Emily, I should?”
                “Yes.” He said.
                Emily sent me a text later saying, “I’m going to bed.”  Then I sent her a text saying, “Emily, screw taking it slowly.  I think we should live for the moment and date.  I want to date you and if you still want to date me tomorrow when I get off work, text me and let me know.”  The next day on the way to work I realized like certain ikebana arrangements, the flowers may be far apart, but like Emily and I, they can come together to make something beautiful.  When I got back home I renewed my Lonely Planet Mongolia book and I saw a text from Emily saying, “I want to date you.”  I said, “Me too.
                We called each other and talked.  It felt very romantic and I just felt so excited.  I told her, “I love you.” 
She said, “I love you to.”  She also said that she would come down to UCM for Homecoming Weekend and sometimes comes down to Kansas City to see family members. 
                I told my granddad about Emily when he got to my house and he was very excited for me and said he knew all along I’d find a relationship when I least expected it.  He gave me the June 2013 issue of Smithsonian and we went to Winstead’s.  Granddad said he was sure Emily was truly into me since a beautiful girl like her could probably get her pick of guys.  We went to Barnes and Noble afterwards and I got Time magazine’s The 100 Most Influential People Who Never Lived with characters like Homer Simpson on the front cover, and a 2013 issue of Sacred Hoop magazine which had an article about a pilgrimage to Kathmandu and Celtic and Tibetan spirituality.  Then we went to the Pathless Land and did the Chakra meditation with the others and at the end I did the dedication of merit.  I thought someone who loves me like Emily really was encouraging.  I felt that on the issue of autism, people might say we’ve come a long way, but I feel we’ve only gone through the gates of Mt. Kilimanjaro National Park.  We have yet to climb the mountain.  My granddad and I went to Roasterie Coffee afterwards and I took a picture of my cookie and my expresso.
                The next day I drove to art class getting ten more minutes of driving and I worked on my painting.  I drove back getting ten more minutes of driving and then I called Emily.  I told her, “I love you.
                She said, “I love you to.”
                I rode my bike for about an hour then got back and glued some of my origami hearts together.  Then after writing in my dream journal I worked on a tree commemorating Emily’s and my relationship by covering cardboard tubes with brown construction paper where I’d insert branches to hang my origami hearts.  I refilled my medication and when I got it at Bruce Smith I got a new bottle cap from my drink which I got for free due to a stocking and pricing error and being the first one to get it.  Then I got back and called Emily and told her, “I love you.”
                She said, “I love you to.”
                Before I went to sleep that night I got a call from my mom asking me to come with her to Village Presbyterian Church where she used to teach preschool for several years before she retired this summer to show and tell the kids about some of my Lego sets.  The next day when I woke up I got a call from Emily and I said, “I love you.”
                She said, “I love you to.”
                That morning I realized Emily and I being in a long-distance relationship would be good for when my mom’s dad comes over because she wouldn’t have to worry about him hitting on her.  Then I went to Village Church to tell the kids about Legos and brought a few of my sets.  They all really enjoyed it.  I drove home getting another ten minutes of driving.
                I went home and made a bracelet made from Hershey’s nugget wrappers and I realized that Emily had tilted her head in the photos I have of her which I’ve heard is a clear sign that a girl likes a guy.  My mom and Dave left for Colorado that day and I ended up feeding the dogs.  I went on a bike ride and took several pictures of houses in my neighborhood, a tree that looked like a Japanese floral arrangement which made me realize nature can be a really good source of creativity, and of a dead squirrel which teaches the fact of death and impermanence and I found several golf balls realizing I could use them to make oriental stress balls and those things where several balls hang next to each other on string and the one at the end hits the one next to it causing one at the other end to move which demonstrates how like Emily and I, even though the balls have several things in between them, their energy, like Emily’s and my love, goes through them and impacts the ball at the end.  I talked to Emily that night and I told her, “I love you.
                She said, “I love you to.”  I also learned she was born on October 17, 1991 and she has no biological siblings.  I also realized that she’s taught me so much in only four days and she’s also shown other signs of interest around me in the past like the way she was all giggly, and I like learning things about her. 
                The next day I went to work and I got the schedule and found out I work on Wednesday from 7-3:30, and Saturday from 1:30-10.  I also got my paycheck and The Historical Collector’s Edition Civil Rights: The 50th Anniversary and The Media Source’s Drones: Are They Watching You.  I learned that drones can save us money by replacing real cops and that made it seem like we should have the money to provide services for autistic people.  I also realized that sending Emily a list I found on-line a while ago on activities for long-distance couples would be a great way to consult her on our relationship. 
The next day I went to Bruce Smith and picked up a prescription and bought a new wooden yo-yo which worked better than any I’d bought in the last year.  I got a picture of some flowers hanging on our door and helped Jamie and Dave move some stuff into the new studio in our basement and practiced the Sleeper yo-yo while I waited for them to be ready to move things.  I rode my bike for about an hour and I took several pictures of houses in my neighborhood along my way.  I got home and practiced my flute.  I also talked to Tyler who said he talked to Mary and she said she thinks Emily and I would make a great couple. 

The next Monday I drove with my mom to the library where I returned my Lonely Planet China book, getting ten more minutes of driving time, and to Whole Foods and back getting forty more minutes of driving.  During the day, Emily and I texted each other back and forth.  I showed her the rose and made her and she liked it.  I also told her I was making her something, though I didn’t tell her what it was and she said, “Youre such a sweet heart Ben.”  I also called her during which I told her, “I love you,” and she said, “I love you to.”
We started texting afterwards.  She asked what I was doing and I said I was sitting on the couch with a blanket and a Bud Lite.  Then she told me she wished she was there and I told her I did to.  She asked me what we would do and I said we could sit on the couch and watch TV or a movie, while I cook a meal and we could cuddle on the couch and I could kiss her until the night dies.  She said, “Aww,” then asked, “Would I get a hug?”  Then I said, “Of course.  Like I said I could hug you for hours doing nothing else.”
The next day I rode my bike for about an hour and took some pictures including some of some flowers which reminded me of Emily.  I bought some lemonade at a lemonade sale where I saw my old friend from high school Curtis Wells and we said hi and chatted a little.  Then I went down to the bank and deposited my pay check and then went to Bruce Smith and bought a 2013 edition of Magbook which was about close-up photos on a digital camera and the August/September 2013 issue of Afar.  When I got back Emily asked me if I’d like to cuddle her and I said I’d love to.  She also said she’d love to lie on me while I hug her from behind.
She asked me if I wanted to be with her for a long time and I said I’d love to be with her as long as possible, maybe even forever and that I’d love to hug her from behind and kiss her lips and neck.  She said, “Youre so sweet Ben.”  I told her when we’re texting I sometimes find it hard to find something to say and that I do that because when I talk to her my mind just races and I can’t think straight and I realized if we really learn to communicate, our relationship can always been exciting.  Then we called during which I told her, “I love you,” and she said, “I love you to.”  After that we decided to just text each other.  I said I was sitting on the couch like I would if we were cuddling like we talked about.  She said, “Aww.”  Then I said I would give a lot to cuddle her and she said, “Aww.”  I also said, “I love you,” and she said, “I love you too."
The next day I went to work and I realized I could dye some cotton balls yellow with food coloring to help me make my straw flowers and I bought some food coloring and cotton balls after work.  I took several pictures on the way home and I worked on my present for Emily.  We texted before I went to Winstead’s with my granddad where I got a picture of some birds on top of a dumpster then to Barnes and Noble.  While I was there I saw a man begging and thought about how so many people became homeless when Ronald Reagan cut funding for mental hospitals, proving that budget cuts are not good for our economy.  Then we went to the Pathless Land and I took a picture of some flowers by the basement door. 
I showed several people at the Pathless Land a picture of Emily and they thought she was really cute.  I meditated with them sitting, breathing, and being, then scanning my Chakras and suddenly I could just see Emily in my mind’s eye very vividly.  I thought the Chakra meditation could help me have lucid dreams where I saw Emily.  Then I heard a woman there who talked about her complicated relationship with her deceased mother say she realized her mother loved her when she found all the letters she wrote to her mother saved and I realized that’s what I try to do with Emily’s and my texts.  I also did the dedication of merit for the Pathless Land.
After class was over I realized how much Emily seemed to care about me like when I lost my yo-yo during my first year at UCM, that she may have hung around and went on vacation with Jack because she wanted to find out things about me from Jack, and when she once asked for my help on a Transition Planning II assignment she may have really been trying to hang around me.  My granddad and I decided to skip going to Roasterie Coffee so I could talk to Emily and she asked me where I would kiss her.  I said I’d love to kiss her lips and mix it up and kiss her face and around her neck and shoulders.  She asked me if she could touch me and I said yes.  I realized she would never just date me because she’s bored because she’s a very good friend.  I also called Tyler and we agreed to swim with Jack tomorrow at my house from 1:30 to 6. 
The next day I drove Jack and I to art class getting twenty more minutes of driving and worked on a painting.  I took some pictures of some flowers and plants in the studio then drove Jack and I back to my house getting twenty more minutes of driving and we met up with Tyler.  We made lunch and then we swam.  Afterwards we watched TV and talked to Emily on the phone.  She had to call back later because she needed to do something but before we hung up she said, “I love you,” and I said, “I love you to.”
She called back and when we were done I said to her, “I love you,” and she said, “I love you to.”  After Jack and Tyler left Emily and I texted back and forth.  I told her, “Youre my Southern delight,” and she said, “Aww.”  I realized if we were to communicate better then all I have to do is just say whatever it is I’m thinking.  Then Emily asked if I thought she was pretty and I said, “Of course.  I think youre gorgeous.”  She said, “Thank you,” and I said I love her blonde hair and could run my fingers through it while I cuddle her. 
I called her and found out her mom would be driving her to UCM on the way to Kansas City and she asked me if I wanted her to come on Friday or Saturday and I said Friday so we could spend as much time together as possible.  Before we hung up, I said, “I love you,” and she said, “I love you to.”  She texted me later asking me if I would sit next to her at the game and hold her hand and I said, “Of course.”  Then she asked me if she would get a kiss and I said, “Of course.  I love you.”  I thought Emily seems to say, “Aww,” a lot, just as I say, “Of course.”  Suddenly at will I could just see Emily very vividly standing next to me like in a lucid dream.
The next morning before I went to bed I realized that a long distance relationship has some advantages like not having to worry what you look like and I took a test on-line called “Is Your Long-distance Relationship Rocking or in the Rocks” and I found out it was rocking.  I bookmarked the results and then I went to sleep.  I took several pictures in my backyard including one of the gravestone of my old dog Beau as reflection of our own mortality and I went on a bike ride taking several more pictures.  Later I sorted my beads made from straws by color and size to help me make some more Buddhist malas.  I called work and found out I work on Sunday from 7-3:30, Wednesday from 7-3:30, Thursday from 10-6:30, and Saturday from 1:30-10.  I also packed to go to my dad’s.  I went to his house and we ate dinner at Maui’s.  I also took a quiz on Emily’s and my long distance relationship and found out our’s is in a good place and I read an article on the keys to a successful long-distance relationship and found out Emily and I have all those things.
I went to work the next day and I realized that Emily and I being a long-distance couple spares us the need to balance me time with we time.  She started looking more beautiful in my eyes and I realized that if we had more services for autism, less couples with an autistic spouse would end up getting divorced and we wouldn’t have to spend the money we do on legal procedures.  After work I got another issue of Bicycle magazine.  The next day before I went to bed I realized that Ronald Reagan’s budget cuts were probably just to help pay for the Cold War so he could use the Soviets as a scapegoat.  I went to work later that day and I got home and texted Emily back and forth.
Before I went to bed the next morning I thought the Cold War really only allowed the Soviets to stay in power by making themselves look like to their citizens that they were protecting them from a big enemy like the United States.  After work that day Emily and I did some more texting back and forth.  I told her, “Youre really beautiful Emily.”  She said, “Thank you.”  Then I said, “Of course.  Youre sweet and I love you.”  She said, “Aww.”
I guess sometimes worrying about a relationship lasting can just take the enjoyment away from it.  I took some more pictures and then Jamie, Cam, my dad, and I went to Sweet Tomatoes with my grandparents.  When I got back I realized that Reagan may have just been against the Soviet turning the Third World communist so capitalist countries would no longer be able to use them for cheap labor.  I also thought about how people always said Emily is very talkative but I remembered how when she was around me and when we talk on the phone, she seems much different.  It was almost as tough she was shyer around me.

The next week I drove to my doctor’s appointment, getting twenty more minutes of driving, and got my blood drawn.  When I got back, Emily and I texted each other back and forth a little more.  I also found out I got a C in Essential Managing Information and Geology though I got all fours on my internship evaluation and some great comments.  I drove to the bank and to Dr. May’s office to do some paperwork, getting another twenty minutes of driving, and saw an old high school friend who I agreed to get in touch with on Facebook.  I drove to Village Pediatrics afterwards and turned in a form.  I learned their how forms can often take so much time to process sowing me part of why American bureaucracy makes it so hard for many people with autism to get the services they need.  Then I drove us to Corinth Square where we went to a bird store, Hen House, and the Hardware Store.  I drove back getting ten more minutes of driving. 
When I got back Emily and I texted each other back and forth.  I told her, “I love you Emily,” though she didn’t get it because she had to go to dinner.  Then I got a call from Hen House asking if I could trade my 10-6:30 shift on Thursday for her shift tomorrow from 1:30-10 and I agreed.  Emily texted me after dinner around nine and I told her I would text back in five minutes before Dave asked Jamie, Cam, and I to move some iron-wrought tables and chairs back into our neighbor’s backyard.  I finished this task in five minutes time by moving the table on my own while Jamie and cam took two chairs.  When I got back though, Emily texted me saying she was going to bed.
The next day Emily and I texted each other back and forth after I got up.  I told her again, “Youre really beautiful Emily.”  She said, “Aww Thank you.”  I said, “No problem.  I love you.”  She said, “Love you to.”
I told her, “I can’t wait to see you again.”  She said, “Me too.”  I said, “I’d love to cuddle you then.”  She said, “We will.”  She asked if I wanted to talk on the phone and I told her to give me twenty minutes so I could get dressed and take a shower.  After that I called her though she said she had to get back to work because her lunch break just ended.  I told her I would call her during my lunch break.  I washed my work clothes before going to work.
During my first break I called UCM Housing and told them I couldn’t find out about my housing situation.  They told me I had to go to my MyCentral account and disable the pop-ups.  I thought some more about wildlife-watching, knowing there’s a wildlife group and UCM, thinking that could really help autistic people since animals don’t judge you by whether you’re autistic, neurotypical, ADD, or whatever.  Soon my lunch break came and I called Emily but she wasn’t there so I just enjoyed the rest of my lunch break to myself.  After work I got a Fall 2013 issue of Do It Yourself magazine.
I went to work the next day and I filled out a request form for my doctor’s appointment next Monday.  After work I took pictures of some trees, inspired by the baobob trees in my Lonely Planet Madagascar book and I worked on my flowers made from straws.  I texted Emily back and forth and I went to my dad’s.  Emily told me to say hi to Jamie and my dad for her and I did.  Then we went to Five Guy’s where I brought the rose I made for Emily in my pocket and when I got back Emily and I kept texting each other back and forth.  I told her, “I love you Emily.”  She said, “I love you to.”  I told her, “I cant believe its been two weeks since we started dating.”  She said, “Aww.”  I told her, “Im glad we met each other.”  She said, “Me too.”  Then I said, “I love texting you.  Its like Im earing your voice in the same room.”  She said, “Aww.”  I said, “Your such a beautiful girl Emily.”  She said, “Thank you Youre such a handsome guy.”  I said, “Thank you,” and she said, “Your welcome.”
As I was getting ready to go back to my mom’s however, I noticed the rose wasn’t in my pocket.  I asked my dad for the keys to his car and noticed they weren’t in there.  I realized it must have fallen out at the restaurant and felt crushed.  But then I thought it was alright because Emily always cared about me when I was upset like this and someone else might find it, thinking about how the Buddha once said, a candle can light a thousand candles without it’s flame being extinguished.  Happiness and love do not become smaller by sharing them with others.  I got home and made another rose for Emily.  We said goodnight to each other before she went to bed and I realized more how in each one of her texts she sounds just like herself.
The next morning I dreamt that the friend I saw at Dr. May’s office and his girlfriend were on a double date with Emily and I.  After waking up, doing my meditation, showering, dressing, and eating, I drove to art class getting ten more minutes of driving.  This time I got most of my canvas blocked in and I took some pictures of some knick-knacks at the studio.  After I got home I rode my bike for about fifteen minutes and took pictures of some things I saw on the ride.  I came back because it looked like it was about to start raining and I texted Emily, thinking it would be romantic to text her in the rain, though she accidentally sent me a wrong text.  Later that night I realized some more of how I could arrange my ikebana flowers so they look great.
The next day I rode my bike for about an hour and took several more pictures.  I realized that hanging origami hearts from a stick is kind of like ikebana since the hearts are kind of like buds.  I went to the bank and deposited my last paycheck.  On the way back I took even more pictures.  I called work and found out I work on Sunday from 7-3:30, Tuesday from 3-10, and Thursday from 10-6:30.  I also called Erin and we agreed to get together on Friday. 
I went to work the next day and found out Phil added me to the schedule for Saturday from 11-7:30.  I texted Emily during my break though she didn’t text back.  I did however remember this article on girls with autism and how even if they like a guy, they might not necessarily respond to their attempts to stay in touch and thought that could be true for her to.  I thought if we provided the right services for people with autism, they might be less likely to use drugs and abuse alcohol and we wouldn’t need to spend so much money locking them up for that.  I saw Jack and his dad come in later and it was a nice surprise and I realized this must be what surprising a long-distance partner feels like.  After work I realized I could use those stencils from my Scythian metal-working kit to make foil statues and I took a quiz on Emily’s and my long-distance relationship and got an 18.0 out of 20.0.
The next day I went to work and realized that if people think integrated education would mean their abled child wouldn’t get enough attention, ten it would seem odd that they could be in favor of budget cuts in education which are causing class sizes to be much larger.   To me, I realized, it doesn’t matter whether Emily isn’t someone with autism or not because my world is beyond labels.  After work I took some more pictures of things like flowers and trees and I thought Emily’s pone might be too full to receive any more texts and while she and I might like doing different things but I guess the reason we both do our things is because we both want to relax like how I read in Relax, You’re Already Home: Taoist Habits for a Richer Life says to find activities in your life that help you relax.  I also heard Mary broke up with Tyler which I guess was because she’s so focused on going back to school.

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