Preparing for More Finals

On the first day after the rush of Autism Acceptance Month, I spent a lot of time tweaking my research paper and managed to get it to at least two full pages. After my Early American Literature class and my World Archaeology class, I finished my Film Appreciation paper at least six hours before it was due at midnight, so I could go to the Fun Before Finals Night, which Hillary, Philip, and Mardy had invited me to. I went there where we met Ryan and I agreed to come visit him the next day for the last day of his internship at the Salvation Army in Warrensburg. After that Hillary, Mardy, Ryan, and I went to the Oxygen Bar, and I got a t-shirt. I got back to Ellis and went to Late Night with Mardy, who told me, “I didn’t know you were coming back this year. If I did, I would have asked you to be my roommate for this year.”

              The next day I went down the Salvation Army in Pine Street, finding a new bottle cap for my collection on the street along the way, where I did indeed see Ryan and I brought along several shirts, which I had found in trash cans in the laundry room and gave them to the Salvation Army, which Ryan really appreciated. He also invited me to see a movie out on the lawn of the Quad called Monuments Men, and I agreed to go. I also bought a Geography textbook called Regions Near and Far, which had some good sheet music and only cost me fifty cents. Then I went down to Those Were the Days and bought some vintage postcards, which I would frame a bunch of together to make wall art. I got eight new postcards, four of them of rock formations to frame together, two of waterfalls to frame with similar postcards, and one of a site in India and one of the Jefferson Memorial to frame with two other postcards. On my way back I also picked up some trash.

                When I got back, I worked on another coaster made from Styrofoam. Later I went to Chic Filet with Mardy, David, and Alex before we went to see The Lego Movie. While we waited for the movie to start, the three of them were all really impressed by the wallet I showed them that I made from Kool Aid packs. After enjoying the movie, I went back to my dorm, got a blanket, and went out to the lawn of the Quad, where I saw Monuments Men, and was joined up by Ryan, Mardy, David, and Alex. It was really peaceful and I forgotten the vigil that had taken place here only two months earlier. 

                 The next morning, I tried to study but felt too tired to do so, though I still understood the material better. Later I worked on a coaster made from the receipts from Sinho’s Spring Break vacation. Then I worked on a poem for theonering.net. After that I made some more heart-shaped pins from straws. I took a walk around campus later and got some pictures of the scenery. Later I went down to Break Time, and got a Snapple drink along with a new cap. Then I made some more heart-shaped pins and flowers from straws and turned some more plastic bags into yarn. While I watched TV in the Ellis TV Lounge, I saw Maria walk by and come in. 

                “What are you doing here?” she asked, not unkindly.

                “Just relaxing.”

                “Are you bored?”

                “No.”

                “Ok, well just coming to say hi.”

                The next morning as I took a shower, I forgot about any problems I was having as I looked forward to going to New Hampshire and seeing my family there this summer. Later I studied for my World Archaeology exam for two fifty minute study breaks with a ten minute break in between to use the bathroom and get a drink. I ate dinner with Alex, David, Oscar, Ryan, and Mardy afterwards while I made twenty more heart-shaped pins from straws. I then went down to Walgreen’s and bought some glue, a National Geographic issue, and some Altoids. On my way back I picked up several recyclables. After running I made several more flowers and pins from straws. Then I did some laundry before working on some toilet paper roll wall art in the Ellis TV Lounge. 

                The next day I scheduled my tests in the Testing Center and while I had my letters sent out to all my instructors next year. I went to Those Were the Days and bought nine new post cards to turn into wall art. I got back and I took my Modern Sub-Saharan Africa test and submitted it before 3:00 when it was due. After that I studied for my World Archaeology final and realized that I can use this time to see how well I’m learning the material. I also realized whatever happens in my love life will mean more to me if I keep my mind open. After that I finished another piece of wall art made from toilet paper rolls. Afterwards I went on Facebook to my high school’s Facebook page and gave them a good review with five out of five stars. I got back and made some more flowers and heart-shaped pins from straws and talked to Dad, who agreed about keeping my mind open. I went to Late Night where I made some more plarn. After that I made another heart-shaped pin from a straw. I worked on another toilet paper roll wall piece after that. I also wrote in my meditation journal for the last time I would do it in for at least a while.

                The next day I looked on Horizon’s Facebook page and saw they wrote back saying, “Thank you so much for sharing this with us Ben! The things you have learned over the years are inspirational and these are some wonderful words of wisdom to share with others as well. We are so proud of you!” While at the library to study when I got the urge for a snack, so I went to the vending machine to get one and while I did, I found a penny on the ground, which I put in my shoe. Then a voice inside my head said, “Go to the OAS Office and see if your World Archaeology test is in fact scheduled for Thursday at 2 like you asked it to be.” I rushed down, but when I got there I saw an unfamiliar face at the desk, though she told me my test wasn’t yet scheduled for Thursday at 2 because I needed to fill out a form and deliver it to me instructor. I did that, but then came back to the Union, got a coffee drink, and sat down feeling a little disappointed. I remembered how my granddad said true love comes when you least expect it. Well, I least expected it now.

                I tried studying for my test, feeling very distracted, and quizzing myself here and there on the information in my textbook. Then I saw Maria walk by.

                “Hi,” she said.

                “Hi,”

                She turned to exit the Union, then stopped and walked back to me.

                “Ben, I’ve heard some people complain that you neighbors have been making noise," she said. "Have you heard any of that?”

                “No, not that I remember.”

                “Ok, because they’re not supposed to be making noise right now.”

                Afterwards I signed the check-out sheet for 5:50 on Thursday. Then I finished two more toilet paper roll wall art pieces, and gave one to Sinho, Jay, and Kim Ryan as goodbye presents, and Sinho agreed to send my his address via e-mail, so I could send three others to his house, which he could send Kim, Jacob, and Wonyang. Later when I went down to Late Night with bags to make into plarn, in the line to get a hot dog, I saw Maria again, and sat down with her and a friend of hers. Maria asked me about what I was doing with my plastic bags and I told her about how I was making yarn from them, and she sounded rather impressed by it. Later she got up to leave.

                “Bye,” she said to her friend, then wave at me.

                “Chow,” she said.

                The next day, I went on Blackboard and found out I got a 90% on my Modern Sub-Saharan Africa test. I also saw Horizon had written on their Facebook page asking if I could write about my experience at the school and how I’ve done since then for their Alumni Spotlight of their monthly newsletter, and I said I would love to. Then I studied for my World Archaeology class for two fifty-minute study blocks with a ten-minute break in between to use the bathroom and get a drink. I did also decide to go to Crazy Dog’s before I left and did get a new bottle cap with my drink and bought another drink that had a new one for later. Then at seven I worked on the final project for my Early American Literature class-taking two of our weekly writings and expanding them to at least two pages, which, if everyone made them well-written and the required length, got an A+. After that I did a lot of tweaking on my research paper.

                The next day after a coffee from Einstein’s, I went down to the Testing Center, where I saw Dr. Yelton had put my book report with my test, and it got forty-seven points out of fifty. Then I took my test, answering every question to the best of my knowledge and going over and taking care of things I had missed, and then turned it in. I ate at Crazy Dog’s while I waited for my mom and indeed got a new bottle cap from my drink. I got back to my dorm and Maria was there and told me she wouldn’t be able to check me out at 5:50, so I asked if she could do that at 5:30. She said yes, her round face lighting up with delight. Unfortunately, my mom had not gotten there yet so she could not check me out then as I had not emptied the room of all my stuff, but she agreed to do it at 7. My mom got here, and with the help of Sinho, Kim, and Kim Ryan, I got all my stuff loaded into the car. Maria wasn’t there by 7, so I went down to ask for her at the front desk. The girl there looked at the list of CAs to find Maria’s number, and while she did, I was able to get her last name. Maria got to my room and checked me out, before I rode home with my mom. 

                After unpacking, went upstairs and found The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey flute solo book had come, and Mom had a new bottle cap for me from hers and Dave’s recent trip to Italy. Afterwards I talked to my dad, granddad, and Erin, and then I practiced one of the solos from my book for half an hour and improved my flute-playing dramatically. Then I went down to the new Starbuck’s in Prairie Village, and while I was there, I found Maria on Facebook on my phone and sent her a friend request. 

*Stay tuned for later I shall provide a link to my review of Horizon Academy on my other blog autistdharma.blogspot.com on this post.

Autism Acceptance Month Week 4

The next day I started getting back to reading The Goddess and the Bull. On Wednesday I went to a Sex Education Egg Hunt in the football field near Ellis where I met Mardy and we found several eggs, which had condoms, and also these strange, much larger female condoms. On Thursday I went with Hillary, Phillip, and Mardy to an Egg Hunt near the Union, where Hillary told me how some friends from Alpha Sigma Alpha explained to her how the female condoms we found at the egg hunt were used.

             “How do they know this?” I asked.

             “Because they participate in a lot of these functions."

             “What!"

Later I went on Blackboard, and I found out that I had gotten fifty out of fifty points on my Modern Sub-Saharan Africa class. On Friday I got the pictures and texts all together for my Autism Acceptance Month poster and Barbara sent me an e-mail about a mentoring group for THRIVE students on the spectrum, where I could share my ideas and help attract a core group of THRIVE students to my group. I e-mailed her saying I thought that was good idea, and she e-mailed me back saying she would bring it up at the next THRIVE meeting. After all that I made a wallet from Kool-Aid packs, which I got several favorable comments on over the next few days. I spent two hours outdoors while reading The Goddess and the Bull, and also took my Bilbo wood burning with me, as they say in Zen that any finished art piece can be an object of meditation, and to me it was a meditation on taking a risk and stepping out of your front door. On Saturday I started typing up my papers for my World Archaeology class and Film Appreciation class. I also took several miksang photos while managing to slow down in my life. On Sunday I realized my poster board I had gotten from the Union wasn’t big enough to hold the stuff I was going to put on the poster board, so I walked down to Walgreen’s in the rain and found a different one, and ended up getting splashed by a puddle moved a van driving by me. When I got back I still didn’t know any way to print off the pictures, and after much frustration, I found one at the computer center in the library at 11:40 at night, which printed color documents for twenty-five cents, though I had already paid for documents I printed off in black-and-white without having first realized I had to set the printer to color. I got back and finished my poster board and Sinho asked to get a picture so he could show it to his girlfriend in South Korea. 

 

                On Monday morning I went to the Union at eight and set up the poster. I spent much of the rest of the day finishing The Goddess and the Bull outside with a drink from Einstein’s, which brought up much memories for me, and by the end of the day I hadn’t gotten to my weekly posts for Autism Acceptance Month. The next day however, after getting a picture of a poster near my World Archaeology class of a famous celebrity shaking hands with Saddam Hussein, and getting myself a coffee drink as a reward for my efforts, I got done three posts for The Autist Dharma: Me Casa Su Casa (If I Can Manage): A Forum on Independent Living, Someone Stole Your Identity?  How Bad Do You Want it Back on Charles Darwin’s (another autistic’s) contribution to forensic science, and a post called Towards RealAutism Awareness, describing the social/cultural model of autism as opposed to the medical model. The next day I found out someone had the third post on Google. The next day I found a mint in the Ellis stairwell that encouraged me to keep going through my day and finally managed to finish my book report for The Goddess and the Bull. I also took more time to slow down and got some more miksang photos. I accidentally missed the mandatory meeting for my hall, but Maria saw me and told me it was ok and told me all I needed to do to check out.

 

 

Autism Acceptance Month Week 3

On Tuesday after my World Archaeology class had gotten out, I went to the computer lab in the Union, and suddenly I thought, I ought to ask Laci to get coffee and hear about her presentation. At the thought I became increasingly nervous, but then I found a lump, right in the right pocket of my jacket: it was the stone Teresa had given me, and suddenly I remembered my promise to her, “Love someone who will love you the way you deserve to be loved.” I typed up the e-mail with great trepidation, and then, petrified, I clicked “Send.” A rush of excitement moved throughout my body. I e-mailed my paper for my World Archaeology class to Dr. Yelton by 5, as he had asked. I looked at my e-mail list, and saw no response, but then suddenly I realized I had earned something. I went on Amazon and ordered The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey flute solo book. 

On Wednesday I came to the Humphrey’s building to take my general education test, and it went so long that I ended up arriving four minutes late for the UCM Autism Spectrum Support Group Bingo Night, as opposed to my usual fifteen minutes before the meeting time. On my way I saw Hillary.

“Hey, Ben,” she said. “How are you?”

“Good, just tired of so many immature people.”

“Tell me about it,” she said, sympathetically. “Well, I’ll see you later.”

Again, only Tom had shown up for, and then I rushed to the Office of Student Activities to bet a Bingo roller and sheets. Soon the balls ended up coming out of the cage.

“Damn it!” I said and began picking up the balls. Tom helped me.

“Thanks, Tom,” I said, very grateful.

“Sure.”

He ended up winning one game, I won the next, and he won the last one before we ran out of time and cleaned up.

On Thursday finished my shelf for my toilet paper roll diorama made from beer cans. I called my mom and asked her if she could bring me home on Saturday morning rather than Thursday as I planned to go to an event that hosted all these different African foods hosted by the African Student Association at the UCM café Rock the Burg on Friday at 5. On Friday I took all my glass down to the Johnson County Sheltered Workshop, where I found six new bottle caps for my collection around the glass recycling. I saw a beautiful creek and got a picture of Whitman Air Force Base on the way. However, that day I went to Rock the Burg at 5:50 and saw the tickets were $5, which I had in my bank account at UCM, but when I rushed to the bank, I only had $16 in my account, so I rushed to the Ellis ATM, but as I got there, I found out I had left my student ID at the Union, and I went back and could not find it. It would probably turn up by Monday, but until then, I couldn’t withdraw money, couldn’t go to the Rec Center, and I couldn’t eat at the dining hall, or go to any restaurants, so I missed dinner that night, but I used that night to work on my Modern Sub-Saharan Africa case study paper. I went home the next morning with my mom and got brunch at Arby’s from the drive-through.  Then on the way home we bought some new shoes and a tuxedo for the Down Syndrome Dance at a thrift store. I got my hair cut before I went to the dance and met Tyler and Jack there. Later that day I worked on my Modern Sub-Saharan Africa paper.

 

 

 

The next morning my mom gave me a basket full of Easter candy, which helped calm my nerves about all my assignments and deadlines. I met my dad, who had a six-pack of beer with funky Laughing Buddha –shaped bottles called Buddha Beer for my Easter, which he had gotten from Beer Garden in Kansas City and from I’d be able to get a new bottle cap. We met my grandparents at an Italian buffet before they took me back to school. Before I left for UCM, my dad gave me $40 for dinner and breakfast for the next two days until I found my card. Soon after I got back, I ate at Hero’s, finding a new bottle cap along the way, while reading a lot of that week’s reading for my Film Appreciation class. After picking up much trash and recycling, I got back and posted my posts and responses for my Film Appreciation class. I also worked on my Modern Sub-Saharan Africa paper. 

The next day I reserved an easel in the Union for my Autism Acceptance Month poster. I went to the Student Success Center at two to try and get someone to look at my Modern Sub-Saharan Africa paper, only to find the Writing Center had moved to the Humphrey’s building. I went there and after it was finished being looked at, and I still forgot to take care of a few errors, I sent it just in time. Afterwards I went to the library and found an article on Roger Smith in the New England Quarterly to do my article summary for my Early American Literature class, which I was only able to stretch to a page long, plus the bibliography, and also had a few technical errors. I still had not gotten my all my Autism Acceptance Month posts done by that day, although after twelve, I finished and posted one post called Eight Facts Your Average Autism Awareness Hawk Doesn’t Know. 

The next day I read all but ten pages for my Early American Literature class before going to that class, dressed in my Styrofoam cowboy hat (which interestingly enough, a classmate pointed out the fact that it had holes in) and my shirt tucked in for my role-playing presentation for my World Archaeology class. I went there, getting up from my seat one desk away from a female classmate (who I tried to get the attention of to get her to move some things off the edge of her desk), and when my turn came, I threw off my shoes, put my feet up on the desk, and gave my presentation as archaeologist Colin Renfaire in a southern accent. After class I went down to the Union and outside, I saw a few girls from Alpha Omicron Pi sorority had a Pie-a-Pi event set up. I went over to them and said, “What’s this for?”

“It’s for Sexual Assault Prevention Month,” said one of the girls.

“Well, that sounds good. Is it still going?” 

“No, we stopped at three.”

“Darn, I’ve been wanting to pie you guys for so long.”

I reached into my wallet and found only a one-dollar bill and the twenty my dad had given me and handed her the twenty.

“Are you sure you want to give this?” asked the girl.

“Yes,” I said.

“Well for that you can pie me. Here.”

She put a bunch of whipped cream on a plate, and got behind the plywood, and I pied her, making sure to rub it in her face. Afterwards I got a picture of her, and a guy near me got a picture of us together. Then I got to work and finished my third weekly post called Something to Think About When You Appreciate Living Without Cold War Hysteria on how Sir Isaac Newton’s (who also was said to have autism) discovery of gravity may have helped the U.S. beat the Russians to the moon, and my other weekly post called Free at Last! Now What?  A Forum on College Life with Autism. I saw my mom had wrote on Facebook that she found my post I wrote the last night interesting and well-written and a friend of hers, who had a son my age who I knew with Asperger syndrome, also found it interesting. I got back and worked on my snack wrapper collage of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, who was also said to have autism.

 

Autism Acceptance Month Week 2

On Tuesday I went to the Office of Academic Advising and found out they didn’t have me scheduled for that day, so I ended up talking to the girl at the desk and got it rescheduled for 9:30 next Thursday. I also needed to do some laundry while still reading the reading for my Early American Literature class. I did my reading outside on the bench outside Ellis, going in after a half hour to put my laundry in the drawer, then again in another hour to get my laundry hamper upstairs and rush down to the laundry room downstairs, and bring the laundry up another two stairs, and still had twenty pages left of reading for my Early American Literature class. I rushed to that class and got there four minutes late after my instructor had closed the door, but luckily, he opened it when I knocked. 

I found out I gotten ten out of ten points on my last discussion post for my Modern Sub-Saharan Africa class. Afterwards I enjoyed the outdoor weather. During that time, I found a fortune slip that said, “Never underestimate the power of human touch.” I also read a lot of the reading for my World Archaeology class. That evening, I went outside, gathered a lot of sand in from the north stairs of and sidewalk corners around Ellis, put them in on one my Altoids containers, dropped a pebble in it, and racked the sand around to form lines making a Zen garden, which looked so beautiful and tranquil. I got back and got about halfway through Chinatown and decided to try and write an analysis paper on how it uses form and lighting to capture something such as disillusionment of the American dream or other and thought I might really enjoy the world of film scholarship to some extent. I decided to save finishing the rest of the movie for tomorrow when Maria knocked on my door and invited me and the other residents of my hall to an ice cream social, which only Antwon and I went to, but it gave him, Maria, and I a chance to hang out together, which was indeed rather fun. I felt pretty tired after I got up, so I took a three-hour nap, before eating dinner with Mary. I realized my tiredness stemmed from not taking my medicine this morning, which I quickly did. Afterwards I got my stuff from my mom in the mail. After talking to my granddad, I took another nap. I found out my posts and links got even more likes. Then I read the first few pages for my Early American Literature class and took another miksang photo. I took another nap, expecting to fall asleep. Instead, I went to Late Night and had some nachos before reading several more pages of The Goddess and the Bull and learning a lot more in the process and taking notes on it. 

During breakfast Josh asked me if I would like to be in a video for THRIVE, and I told him I would be happy to. I ate with him, Kriti, and Connor, and Kriti told me about the Show Me Justice Film Festival which today was the last day of and how a series of short films was showing from 1:30-3:30 today and then two short films called Wheelchair Diaries and Reframing Islam were showing tonight at seven, and I agreed to try and come. I got an e-mail from the Autistic Self-Advocacy Network asking me to submit a statement on the Judge Rotenberg Center by Monday and I typed it up, though I felt frustrated when my computer didn’t let my fill in all the information. I also saw a link from Laci on Facebook about her presentation and commented saying, “Sounds interesting. I’ll have to hear more about it sometime.” I saw the short films that evening, which included a film on how apparently, two parents had been able to help their son recover from his autism with cannabis, yet by the end of the film, I was pretty unconvinced. I did go to the filmmaker’s Q&A, and soon the discussion turned to the connection between social justice and film, and I realized I didn’t want all my socially relevant films to be non-commercial, as most of the filmmaker’s films were, because I could show people that a socially responsible film could in fact make money. I also realized that rather than having to deal explicitly with social justice in my films, I could always follow Chogyam Trungpa’s view of working with film where one tries to incorporate the principles of building an enlightened society as he talked about through the arts, perhaps in a similar way to how Homer tried to  instill good morals in the Greeks through The Odyssey and The Illiad, especially seeing as saving this world, as the discussion turned to how films can get people to go out and vote, is not about converting the world to one party or opinion (e.g. democrat, republican) over another, just as the autistic struggle isn’t, and nor was the Civil Rights movement in Dr. King’s mind. At the end I introduced myself to my Film Appreciation teacher, who I told of my idea for my critical analysis paper, and he liked the idea. I went to The Wheelchair Diaries and Reframing Islam, writing down a haiku that came to me while I waited for the movie to start.  Reframing Islam dealt with Muslims in America who smiled, as opposed to our stereotypical view of angry Muslims. I liked the film, though I was left with some technical questions, and during the Q&A I asked the filmmakers, one of whom was a Muslim from the Middle East, how as I know many Buddhists and Christians who don’t smile regularly, that while I thought the film was good, I thought other film projects could also help change perceptions of Muslims and wondered what projects they were involved in to help due that. To that, the filmmaker answered that his film was rather more intended to use the images of smiling to show what Muslims had in common with the rest of the world. I got back and read a good article from Babble about autism and cannabis, which related so much of what I was thinking, about how it cannot cure autism, and how the effects it treats may be consequences, rather than symptoms of autism, and much more, and shared it on Facebook.

Afterwards I went down to Walgreen’s and got some toothpaste and shampoo. I picked up and sorted several recyclables on my way back. I got back and I saw Laci had liked my comment about her post about her presentation. I worked on my coasters made from paper plates and Styrofoam and then made several more heart-shaped pins from straws. I talked to my mom who said she shared a link to my blog on Facebook with several of her Facebook friends, including the wife of a famous football player whose son has autism and runs a charitable foundation called the Autism Foundation, and they had great comments, and the wife of the football player planned to show it to her husband. Later I started watching Clerks for my Film Appreciation class, pausing only to eat dinner, where I sat with Connor from THRIVE. Afterwards I watched the rest of Chinatown, and when I finished at 10:50, I rushed down to the library and finished my statement on the Judge Rotenburg Center for the Autistic Self-Advocacy Network, my paper on Clerks, and my paper proposal all before midnight. 

The next day I heard about how theonering.net has a poetry series and This Day in Middle Earth series that its members can post on and how Tolkien said he did intend to give Middle Earth creative license to other forms of entertainment. I also read an article that was a photo essay on Tolkien’s influences. After meditating, showering, and eating breakfast I read a lot of the reading for my Early American Literature class, while learning to read one page at a time without rushing, just like I should when I eat. Then I made several more beads from straws after deciding to give myself a little break from my work. After that I found out where I go about my holds on my account from the Testing Center and went there and learned I need to take a general education test now that I’ve taken forty-five different hours. Then I typed up my role-playing paper, getting more in the mind of an archaeologist, as Yelton put it, or so I thought. Then I went to the Union computer lab and wrote my weekly April Autist Dharma post called People to Appreciate After Your Normal College Drinking, about what the world may have been like if Thomas Jefferson had not founded the University of Virginia, then a forum called All You Need is Love (And Interventions) (again, not my best title).  Then I wrote another post called Square Pegs Don’t Roll Off the Table: A Photo Essay on the World Due to Autism.  After that I had to run to the dining hall and got there to minutes before it closed. Then I saw The Autist Dharma had gotten over one hundred views, ninety-nine in the U.S., three in Russia, and one each from Canada, Germany, France, and Spain, and wrote a Facebook post on it about “lighting it up green” for autism, and several other posts. I also talked to Tyler when I got back. 

Autism Acceptance Month Week 1

On the second day I ate lunch with Mary, who told me how she was going to events with her friends from Alpha Omicron Pi for Greek Week. She told me too that she had been invited to the organization like Emily had, though she couldn’t on account of the fact that THRIVE did not permit their students to join these organizations. At the news that Mary was invited, I felt I had really been wrong to think someone who didn’t share my condition would never understand my struggle as I do. As for my book report for my World Archaeology class, I decided to keep my notes on The Goddess and the Bull in my Sayings of the Buddha Journal and read twenty-five pages of each day to help me finish it and I read thirty-seven pages of it. I put up a post on Facebook in honor of Autism Acceptance Month and Greek Week talking about how I had been invited to join Tau Kappa Epsilon, but chose not to as it would interfere with my responsibilities as the UCM Autism Spectrum Support Group leader, but, “I told my dad, “’That’s ok, because I live to serve the autistic community of UCM.  They are my brothers, and sisters.’  Our letters: whatever letters are necessary to raise our voice.” I saw Dr. Downing commented on that post saying, “Proud of you, Ben!” After drinking a beer at Crazy Dog’s to help relax me for my World Archaeology exam tomorrow, I learned of the Johnson County Sheltered Workshop, which takes glass and other recyclables. I got lost on my way back in the dark and ended up missing my exercise and Late Night. The next day I took my World Archaeology exam in the Testing Center. The day after that I saw a post on my Facebook wall saying that it has been shown that spending two hours outdoors can greatly cut down on the hormones that cause stress. I decided I would try and do that each day.

                True to my commitment that I had made two try and spend two hours outdoors each day, I sat outside by the Rec Center, reading twenty-five more pages of The Goddess and the Bull, and writing an Autist Dharma post. In it I talked about how April is Autism Acceptance Month, in contrast to Autism Awareness Month, which uses the medical, rather than social model for autism, and each week I planned to post a forum on topics related to autism such as work, love, school, and independent living, as well as posts on what the world may be like if certain autistic individuals had not existed or been the way they were. I also scheduled an appointment with the OAS Office for the next Monday at nine, and I went to the Office of Academic Advising and scheduled an appointment for next Tuesday at 9:30. 

                During brunch the next day I ate with Jai and Kim, who told me Sinho had drank a lot at the TKE party last night, and I learned they all had to live at the fraternity house from Sunday to Wednesday. After they left, I read twenty-five more pages of The Goddess and the Bull near the table at the Rec Center. I also found out that I had a Film Appreciation test this week, and rushed to the library to take it, hoping I wasn’t too late, and thankfully, it turned out it was due at midnight the next night. I took it and got thirty-four out of forty questions right. Then I checked out ten books from the library on Somalia (one on Djibouti for its connections to the conflict in Somalia) deciding to do my Modern Sub-Saharan Africa case study paper on the Somalian conflict, and found that for my thesis which we have to do on what this demonstrates for African politics as a whole, I thought I would talk about the negative ripple effects of the Cold War on Africa. I texted my mom asking her to send my one of my books at home Surrender or Starve: Travels in Ethiopia, Sudan, Somalia, and Eritrea by Robert D. Kaplan to help my write it, along with my bullet-ridden Styrofoam cowboy boy hat for my World Archaeology class. Afterwards I walked down to Hasting’s and bought the new issue of Mindful and Do it Yourself, the latter of which I learned to do needlepoint in. I also decided just to collect those two magazines from now on. As I walked back to UCM, I ate at Crazy Dog’s where I had an Angry Orchid and some hot wings, which I enjoyed particularly tonight as I decided to eat them more mindfully, including waiting until they had cooled down, and they tasted delicious. I got back and I gathered some more bottle caps for my wall fish. Then I sorted some recycling in Ellis.  Then I went down to a gas station, thinking of getting some chocolates, but remembering Mindful’s words on choosing snacks carefully choose some liquorish, and bought some Smirnoffs.  On my way back I also managed to pick up some recyclables again. When I got back, I decided to quit keeping a regular meditation journal as it just was hard with all the demands in my life and instead try to put that and my daily life in one journal. I also started reading A Modern History of the Somali in the second-floor lounge. 

                As Monday, the deadline for those weekly Autist Dharma posts for April came, I went to my appointment with Dr. Mayfield, and we talked about how I planned to make an Autism Acceptance Month poster. She also said she noticed I seemed troubled over the last few days, and I said I was simply in grief over Hook and Reeder, who had helped the THRIVE program, whom I had met, and knew several of my friends. She told me that was quite normal to be stricken by the deaths of young people, especially as a young person. I did also tell her how I was sort of troubled because ever since my breakup with Emily I was wondering whether I would meet a girl I find mature enough to date and had struggled with some prospects over that issue. Eventually, after finding she had good advice on that issue, we got back to the issue of the poster, and she suggested it would be a good idea to have a quote from a famous person with autism related to living in the world with autism. We also came up with the idea to send an e-mail out to the new-coming THRIVE and UCM students to give them some time to think about joining the group. I got back to the Union and wrote my first Autist Dharma post for the day, a question forum called What are You Working for (not my best title) on employment. I wrote my second post called Loss of Football Closure and Other Discomforts of an Alternative World talking about what the world might be like for us if Albert Einstein’s discoveries with electrons had not helped perfect television. Then I wrote and posted a third post called Coming Out of the Autism Closet: The Joys and Benefits of Revealing One’s Condition. 

Beyond the Ides of March

On the Sunday morning before the end of Spring Break, my dad came to pick me up at 12 and take me back to school. We went to Crazy Dog’s where I again got a new bottle cap for my collection. When I got back I unpacked my stuff. The next morning I ate lunch with Connor, Anna, and Amanda after that.  Then I worked on my boxes made from Lord of the Rings cards. Then I e-mailed Ellen Whitt to tell her that I recognized her name on an e-mail about the girl’s deaths from her name on the Friend of Autism Pledge and I wanted to wish her my condolences, telling her I was awake a whole night for which I cried for part of after I heard about it and know several people who are very dear to me who knew the girls and that I teared up at the vigil when I heard Jennifer was to be an aunt. I said that I had the pleasure of meeting the girls at the THRIVE formal as a former THRIVE student and how I appreciated what they and their organization did for THRIVE such as the formal and Zumba, as a former THRIVE student and autistic person, was at the vigil with a former THRIVE students, a current one who is also the president of the THRIVE student organization, and two other friends who have disabilities, how equal access to education is not yet available to people with disabilities, and I shared a link about the vigil on THRIVE’s Facebook page saying I thought it deserved to be on their for what the girls and their organization did with approval from director Joyce Downing.  I said that I am pleased she took the time to consider signing the Friend of Autism Pledge and that she is always welcome at the group to try and further her work for people such as the THRIVE students, and if she wishes to get involved to contact Barbara Mayfield asking her to forward my invitations to her and tell her I told her to ask her, or that any potential volunteer for the group from ASA in the social work, psychology, special education nursing, and communication disorder programs are welcome to contact me to try and get involved, and that I sent her and her sisters my love in this time and believe to I speak on some level for my group, THRIVE, and the whole of the autistic and disabled community when I do on some level, and hope her vacation has been as been enjoyable to the fullest extent possible, whatever, that may be, in this time. I realized that I would show her I care about her enough to take the time to write this e-mail, showed her I was thinking of her and observant of her, what the girls meant to me, that their and ASA’s work with THRIVE is appreciated, that people within the THRIVE community to care about ASA’s plight, and shown her how other people share her and other’s grief, and it felt really good and relieved so much of the feelings I have had recently. I had also seen Laci share a picture of her and some her sisters laughing, saying they spend half their time on the hall doing that.

                I realized that when Laci posted that post saying that she and her sisters spend half their time in the Panhellenic talking and laughing, she may have been saying, indirectly, that she and her sisters are dealing with the deaths of those girls very well, and I need not worry about them. I thought of the phrase “love me the way I deserve to be loved,” and instantly I could see a face very clearly, without even trying. I read through a lot of the reading for tomorrow in my Early American Literature class, deciding I would get myself the book The Divine Madman as a reward if I finished it before class tomorrow. After that Mardy and I went down to housing and found out I need to fill out a housing agreement form before I can pick my room. He helped me do it, during which time he admired the view from my room and thought he’d love living in this room, instead of the one in North Ellis. Later I filled out the ticket form for the Down Syndrome Dance. After that I saw that The Autist Dharma had gotten twenty views in one day in the past week, and I saw on Facebook that Mom loved a post from the Autism Women’s Network from a parent saying she would does not wish for a neurotypical version of her child, after which she said, “Shine a light on that,” which basically referred to Autism Speaks saying, “Shine a light on autism.” It convinced me that Mom really does love me and respect me the way I am, respects my ideas about the autism community. I also shared a few more links on Facebook, one of which has already gotten three likes. During dinner I ate with Maria, Casey, Antwon, Robert, and Adrian. I also realized that for many the fact that I care and love the autistic community like I would my country or religion really comforts people. I read all but two of the pages for my Early American Literature class while I was on the treadmill. When I got back, I made some more heart-shaped pins from straws and at Late Night I turned several more plastic bags into yarn. 

                The next morning, I started my meditation without having my mala nearby, so I used the jar of bottle caps on my desk that I got from Those Were the Days to help me recite my mantras. I took a good miksang photo after that of the bottle caps from the jar on my desk which I used to help me count my mantras. Then at brunch I made another flower from a straw, saw Caitlin shared one of my dyslexia links from Horizon’s Facebook page, that Stacy, Stephanie, and Brittany liked my AD/HD link from their page, and that Horizon was doing an Horizon Academy (HA) story of the month thing by students, former students, parents of students, and faculty members, and I decided to share mine, realizing I could do it really well. I learned that Aragorn was lived in Rivendell until he was twenty, ten years after Bilbo went to Rivendell while returning from the quest of Erebor, so I is quite likely Bilbo met him, and I learned of an on-line movie that depicts the lives of Aragorn’s ancestors leading up to his childhood called Born of Hope. After that I made several more beads from straws and stored and sorted them in several of my Altoids containers and made some more flowers and heart-shaped pins. Then I went down to the Union bookstore and got a calendar and a receipt book, the former of which I made note of the due dates in my class, and the latter where I kept track of today’s purchases.  I took some good picture prints of my pins and then made some more beads. Afterwards I worked on my bags woven from bags. Then I read a lot of Tuesday’s reading for my World Archaeology class. I shared several links of Facebook, which got liked very quickly and invited several friends of mine to like one or two pages. After that I ordered some basswood on Amazon for whittling. I got back and found out an ice cream social was taking place in the Ellis TV Lounge and decided to do that instead for the treadmill, which gave me some time to start my snack wrapper collage of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. Then I went to the ice cream social and saw Antwon and met a girl there named Amy. Afterwards I went to Late Night where I saw that several more people liked my links on Facebook, and one of them accepted one of my invitations. I worked on wall pieces made from toilet paper rolls. I started watching Born of Hope, and then I walked down to use the bathroom, walking past a girl I did not think I knew, saying, “Excuse me,” she said, “Sorry, Ben,” I thought, “That was weird. How does she know my name?” I talked to Ryan after that and learned he knows several Alpha Sigma Alpha and several Alpha Omicrom Pi girls and The Lords of the Rings and The Hobbit movies and I told him about Born of Hope, and we agreed to get together and watch it on Saturday. I also learned that an Alpha Sigma Alpha girl was interested in him, and while he said that he didn’t want to date anyone right now to focus on his career, I told him those ideas can always change in an instant. I sorted some recycling afterwards and when I left, I realized how great Ryan’s advice to hang in there for those affected by the girl’s deaths was because if you can last for a certain amount of time, time will heal these wounds. I realized that Laci probably put a lot of those Facebook photos of she and her friends enjoying themselves after I posted on how I was so full of grief after the girl’s deaths because people I love so much knew them and were affected by it, as a way of easing my grief by letting me know she was ok. I realized that if my friends like Caitlin and Stacy, who never went to my high school, which I at least know for sure with Caitlin as I know she went to Shawnee Mission East, then it seems I’m becoming quite the advocate for Horizon on Facebook, adding to my credibility as an autism advocate.

                On Friday night I saw The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug again. On Saturday morning I During breakfast I realized while standing in line for pancakes how it must be to work at Suxedo where you stand on your feet all that time, as I usually regard breakfast time on weekends as my relaxation time. I also worked on a picture frame made from chips bags. Then I made another flower from a straw. After that I took out my trash and recycling. Later I read the rest of the reading for my Film Appreciation class. I sat with Mary at dinner later and afterwards I saw I got my basswood (though wrapped in an inordinate amount of paper when it wasn’t something like say, fine china), and carved an Indian Om from it. I worked on my plastic bag yarn on the treadmill and after I got back, I made another coaster from receipts. Ryan ended up not being unable to watch the movie Saturday due to schoolwork, so we decided to reschedule it. I realized Bob could maybe break his smoking habit by having a pack or two around him, but they are filled with sweets and such, so he would always have a pack around and wouldn’t feel like he needs to get more, but at the same time there wouldn’t be any cigarettes for him to smoke. 

                On Sunday I also watched and read all the material for my Modern Sub-Saharan Africa class this week and was able to do the posting and two responses, which I felt were very good, though I posted them after 3, which my instructor said is the deadline for full credit though he’s ignored that rule before. I realized I can be totally engrossed in talking insightfully, clearly, and with great detail about the world of film and then move on to doing so about democratization on Africa. I saw a film which talked about a woman selling bags from Africa in a for-profit business, which was deliberate because she wanted to show that fair trade and business can go hand-in-hand. A filmmaker in that video (who is white by the way) had one of his hit films shown at the Pan-African Film Festival, and he said he wanted to show people that successful films can do something like be accurate or something.                   On Monday, I finally finished my article summary for my Early American Literature class. I also gotten to do some reading on DIY yarn projects, and learned about making old t-shirts into yarn, which I started with the t-shirts I’ve collected, and that you can pull on it to twist it. I read all this while I drank a macchiato and ate a bagel from Einstein’s with the two hundred dollars Mom agreed to transfer from my Missouri bank account to my U.S. Bank account today when she got back from Philadelphia, so I would get it today. I saw her first post for her beekeeping blog, which I told her about how I thought it was great. I also complimented the author of The Third Glance, who I will mention in my post on what I plan to do for Autism Acceptance Month, on her post about how she plans to post more this month. I also got some more Doritos, fruit slices, and an Snapple (no new cap though) tonight, walking to help clear my head, and picked up several recyclables on my way back, and throughout the day I took several more miksang photos and made several more heart-shaped pins from straws, one of which, a colorful one, I took a picture of with the reflection of light from a ceiling lamp on a table in the dining hall surrounding it so it looks like light’s shining from it, and I’ve studied for two fifty minute study blocks with a ten minute break in between to use the bathroom, and get a drink, for my World Archaeology test, which I found out is on Thursday and I’ve made an appointment for in the Testing Center. I also noticed that the Hank Hill yarn painting I’ve been doing looks an awful lot like me.