A Week of New Identity

Later, after breakfast, I went down to the Union and finished the stuff for the poster board tomorrow. Then I got back and cut out and colored the pieces for the diorama for my Cinematography class. I read the reading for that class, during which time I realized that if autistic students knew there was someone else in their circle of friends who was autistic, they might be more willing to come out of the autism closet. Soon afterwards I went to my Cinematography class where I found out our first video got twenty-one out of twenty-five points while the class saw our second one and liked it a whole lot better. I also realized that for some art pieces I could depict pictures from bottle caps or stamps since autistic art is about representing the experiences and thoughts of autistic people, and one of my experiences is going to Warrensburg and discovering the joy in simple pleasures, as well as seeing the beauty in everyday life like a Shambhala warrior. I also realized that maybe I could find a way to get more autistic students in the circle of friends of autistics at UCM.

I went down to Crazy Dog’s where I got a new bottle cap from my drink, a pumpkin apple cider. Then I got back and started sketching some bottle cap images in my little notebook. After that I ran on the treadmill for about an hour while I drew some more bottle cap picture sketches in my notebook and wrote down some of my ideas for getting people to come out of the autism closet, as well as realizing we could possibly put The Friend of Autism Pledge up on the Blackboard sites for a lot of the departments we’re trying to draw peer mentors from, and that a display in the Union which focuses more on the social and cultural aspects of autism may help autistics feel more comfortable coming out of the autism closet as their friends might be thought to be more accepting. I got back and talked to my dad and granddad, who both agreed with my idea that other autistic students in the circle of friends of autistic students might be helpful in getting them to come out of the autism closet. Then I went down to Late Night where I saw Jacob, and we ended up agreeing to go down to Hasting’s, which he has not been to before, sometime this weekend and go to a restaurant afterwards, and I drew more of my bottle cap sketches. After that I rested for a few minutes before I went down to the Harmon Center in the library and printed off all my stuff for the poster board. I got back and taped it all on the board, while Giovanni walked by and inquired about what I was doing, and I told him I was doing a poster for Disability Awareness Week, to which he said, “You’re always doing something cool.” I realized this poster should help people around me be more familiar with my work combined with the poster and pledge I put out on the door, thus helping get more signatures to the pledge. I decided to capitalize the ‘A’ in ‘Disability’ in order to emphasis the difference aspect of autism instead of just the disability part, and to make it distinguishable among the other posters.

The next morning, I went down to the Union and set up the poster. Then I worked on our presentation for my Creative Problem-Solving class. After that I went to my Anthropology of Food class where I figured out how to crotchet to make plarn belts and placemats and could use my white, yellow, brown, and gray plarn to make a striped belt. I also got out I realized that maybe at ASPO we could have an on-line conversation where members could exchange skills and information they have on certain things, so they can participate without having to do it as an autistic person, and others can see that others in their circle might be autistic. Then I got a new Susan B. Anthony dollar from my change at the vending machine in the Lovinger building. After that I sat with Josiah and Josh and read a lot of Moby-Dick. I also went to my Creative Problem-Solving class where Tobias and I gave our presentation. I also got back and made some more plarn as well as saw Sara in passing. I hung out with Giovanni in his room, and he asked about my poster on my door and about my high school and told him I went to Horizon and learned he once considered going there after discovering he was gifted in math and considered “special needs.” He also taught soccer there during the summer. I eventually told him I planned to make belts for the ASAN-KC for their silent auction, and he mentioned how one of Horizon’s founder’s sons has autism. I realized I am slowly creating the tone of autism on my hall as a positive one.

I made some more plarn at dinner. Then I got another Susan B. Anthony dollar, two more Sacagawea dollars, and another presidential dollar for my coin collection. I then went to the gas station across the street from Break Time and got some more beers. I got back and worked on my yarn painting. Then I ran on the treadmill for about an hour while I worked on my bottle cap drawings. I got back and talked to Dad who again liked my new idea. I called Cam and wished him a happy birthday. I talked to my granddad, who also liked my new idea. Then I went down to Late Night and made some more plarn. I got back and helped Hillary with her English Composition II homework.

The next day I took some pictures of my poster and uploaded them onto Facebook. I also shared an article on ABA that I found on the autism blog UnstrangeMinds, detailing stories of abuse that had come out of it. After that I treated myself with a mocha blast as they were out of white chocolate, and then ordered for myself The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug Activity Book, The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey Visual Companion, and Songs of a Gorilla Nation, a memoir of an autistic woman Dawn Prince-Hughes who travels to Africa to study gorillas, who she says think in very similar ways to her as an autistic person. After that I got back and worked on my yarn painting. Then I went to dinner with some people from my hall. After that I worked on my yarn painting some more. 

While I ran, I saw Teigan had messaged me asking if I had written this article on ABA because she thought if I had, I must have experienced a lot of bad from it and in that case she wondered if I needed someone to talk to. I told her I hadn’t but thanked her and let her know she was a great friend for doing that. I also asked her that if she sees Wendy to give her my regards due to her husband’s cancer, and she responded with a smiley face. I realized that trying to support Wendy like that was just what I needed to lift myself from the mental and emotional strain I was feeling at running the group, not simply because her plight was worse than mine, but because in doing so, I was reminded of why I run the group, because people like her are my brothers and sisters, and ASAN-KC feels to me like I strive to make the group: like a true family. I got back and wrote a few poems, including one expressing my love for ASAN-KC. Then I went to Late Night and saw April, who I asked if she was going to the lake this weekend, and she said she wasn’t, but was willing to give me a ride if I wanted to go there. I had a coke and wrote some more poems, and then did my laundry while talking to Tyler, who had some “suggestions” on helping the autism group, and I realized he tries to help because he likes to feel important. Then I wrote a few more poems and found some toy dinosaurs in a goody bag that Mardy threw away and I put in my laundry hamper to save for later, though all the gum had gone through the laundry and had the awful taste of detergent. It went:

Three plastic dinosaurs
bring me back
to simpler times.
 

               That night, before I went to bed, I made some more plarn. I also realized that many autistics, like I was, are not so much hiding their condition from others but from themselves and then realized that simply the fear of being different isn’t what troubles a lot of autistics about having autism, as many will admit to having ADD. After class I went down to Hasting’s on my way to my appointment with Dr. Mays and bought Gandhi’s An Autobiography: The Story of My Experiments with the Truth. I read it as I was waiting for my appointment and really connected with it. Then I had my appointment where I told Dr. Mays about my experiment with autism advocacy in Warrensburg, and he said I was really blazing a trail. He also gave me a new prescription for my vyvanse.

            I got back and made some more plarn at dinner. On my way to Break Time, I ran into Jess, Kameron, and Jessie, who had just got back from playing volleyball, and said I should come with them the next time they go. I realized I had put the poster out and they still wanted to include me. I went to Break Time and got some Doritos as well as some new beers, which had a new bottle cap for my collection. Then I went to McDonald’s with Hillary, Philip, and Mardy. After that I ran on the treadmill for about an hour while I made some more plarn. I got back to my dorm and went down to Late Night where I started knitting a plarn belt for the silent auction. I saw Jacob, who was on his break, and we agreed to go to Hasting’s on Sunday at 12 o’clock, and then go to King’s Chef Buffet, and he would bring a friend of his, who happened to be Chinese too. He also invited me to go fishing with him and Ryan and come to another barbeque like the one he had before. The next day I hung out with Hillary, Philip, and Mardy and then we went to Bi-Lo Mart and got pizza bagel stuff, as well as some gum and mini Altoids, which I adored. I also sent The Friend of Autism Pledge to Dr. Mayfield. Soon after that I ran on the treadmill for about an hour while I made some more plarn. I also wrote another haiku, and I saw Ian, and we agreed to get together sometime. I also saw that guy from my hall that I saw for the first time that one dinner come out and talk with several people from our hall, during which time Jessie told him she saw him in the marching band while she worked with athletic training and said he did really good.

            I had a great deal of trouble getting to sleep that night, so I took a walk around UCM. I walked by the fraternity house, remembering how I had been invited to the fraternity Tau Kappa Epsilon there, which I willingly gave up in order to put more time into starting ASPO; then to the Multipurpose Building, where I remembered seeing my good friend Cassie Burghoff graduate over a year ago before going back to her home in St. Louis. As I crossed the street heading back from the building, two girls in a car drove by, one sticking her head out the window shouting, “Tits and beer!” I went to the Wood building where my Anthropology classes were held, remembering the time I willed myself to think I could find love with a neurotypical girl; then to the north side of the Union, where I had danced with several Alpha Sigma Alpha girls, including Erin Hook, a UCM student killed in a car wreck last year, along with her friend Jennifer Reeder. On my way around campus, I took some pictures of the beautiful buildings beneath the night sky. When I got back to Ellis, I realized Jessie’s compliment probably meant a lot to that guy. After meditation, showering, and breakfast I went into town and enjoyed some tea and a tempeh burger at the Black Adder Café.  Then I went to the Salvation Army store where I donated my old shoes and bought a puzzle and three belts. I got back and started turning the belts into bracelets. I then hung out with Hillary, Philip, and Mardy at Todd while we watched the baseball game. Then we went to eat Mexican food in the town. We got back and watched the game some more. Then we went to the Warrensburg movie theater to see Annabella.

                The next day, I drew some more of my sketch of a bottle cap picture while I waited to hear from or see Jacob, but I never did. Then I took out my trash and recycling. I also got Songs of a Gorilla Nation in the mail. I talked to my granddad, who I learned had just gotten out of the hospital, and who I told about the stress I was having, and he was very sympathetic. I also undid my original attempt at crocheting plarn. I saw Jacob and learned there was a misunderstanding, and we agreed to meet on Wednesday. I also sat with him and Josh. Afterwards, including some of the time I was on the treadmill, and while I heard Sara was in Jessie’s and Kameron’s room talking to them and another girl, I spent some time figuring out how to crochet, and finally got it.

                On Monday, After that I went down to the dining hall where I ran into Sara, Kameron, and Drake. Afterwards I worked more on my plarn belt and went to a presentation on sleep on the fourth-floor lounge, where I enjoyed some vanilla ice cream with chocolate sauce and sprinkles and learned you could help your sleep by establishing a ritual of winding down at the end of the day, like crocheting. After that I went to the Rec Center where I got a new quarter for my collection from my change at the vending machine and ran on the treadmill for about an hour while I worked on my belt and read part of tomorrow’s reading for my Anthropology of Food class. Then I went down to Late Night where I worked on my belt some more, and two people saw me doing it, and complimented me on it. I got back and worked on my belt some more. After that I helped Hillary get done her journal entries. Then I worked on my belt some more.

                The next day I read more of the reading for my Anthropology of Food class. After that I e-mailed Brittany, the RA who had invited Mardy and I to the sleeping seminar last night, in response to her e-mailing us about our blinds. Then I read some of the reading for my American Renaissance class while I worked on my crochet belt. After my last class, Brittany came by our room and said she had put in a work order for our blinds while I crocheted some more. Then I worked on my belt and crocheted some more.

                On my way down to the Union to take down the poster I put up there, I was approached in the courtyard by representatives from several Homecoming campaign groups, all trying to get me to vote for their candidate. I was approached by a blonde Alpha Sigma Alpha girl, telling me for a good few minutes how their Homecoming Queen candidate had worked so much for “autism awareness,” and that I ought to vote for her because she really “cares about doing good for the community.” I listened numbly as she spoke. Did she realize that I was an autistic guy, much more one who had started student groups for autistic students at UCM and JCCC, and spoke about autism and my experience with it to children at an autism camp, learning disabled school, and NBC news, or that autism awareness had so often been associated with focusing on autism as a burden on families and societies, rather than on the social issues faced by autistics. At the end I said, “Sounds interesting. I’ll have to look at that.”

                Not promising her anything, I went in the Union and bought some more glue, walking past the electronic voting booths near the atrium. I was not yet decided that I was going to vote for the ASA queen, if anyone, until I knew that she wasn’t a fundraising agent for Autism Speaks. The brochure I had gotten didn’t say what sort of organizations or programs she had worked for, just “Autism Awareness,” and “Fitting the Pieces Together.”

                As I left the Union, I sort of accidentally-on-purpose waved the poster showing the name Autistic Student and Peer Organization in the face of the girl who had approached me, as if to tell her “working for autism awareness” wasn’t going to impress every champion of the autism community. I got back and got my The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey Visual Companion book in the mail. Then I saw that the candidate’s campaign flyer did not say she had worked with Autism Speaks (or indeed any autism organization or program), just “Autism Awareness,” and “Fitting the Pieces Together,” and I realized that perhaps their work for autism has been inspired by what I’ve been doing lately, and were doing their best to help, which I should be there to show the right way for. I talked to my granddad, and he agreed that could be true.

I went to Crazy Dog’s to reward my hard work. Then I ran on the treadmill for about an hour where I read some of my Hobbit book. I got back and finally got the hang of making a crochet chain and redid my on the second crochet belt I started making. Then I went to Late Night and read some more of my Hobbit book. I got back and hung out with a lot of the people from my hall. Then I worked on my next belt some more. After that I went down to Break Time and got myself some Fruit Slices and some small Altoids. Also, that night, Mardy, for reasons of his own, moved out of our room and to the second floor of North Ellis.

That night I dreamt that another girl, besides Hook and Reeder, had died last year. Then Elizabeth, several autistic friends, and I were lying on our backs on fields as a ritual to petition the Governor of Associations, a supernatural spirit of the Great Beyond, to remember those two girls. Sara also joined us, and as we sat, I thought, “These are my brothers and sisters.” Then I fell asleep. I woke up in the attic of my house and saw from a window what looked like my head in one of those containers with a glass lid being held by Elizabeth, Sara, and several other autistics, like they were doing for Hook and Reeder. I went downstairs and inadvertently walked through a short maze with doors that look like the things on pinball machines. At the end I thought, “Sara!” realizing she thought I was dead and rushed to go tell her the truth, but before I could, a spirit shot balls of light from itself at the doors two times, closing them. I looked behind me to where it was coming from, and saw a great white ball of light, glowing purple, blue, and red around the edges, speaking in a frightening voice in some sort of unknown language: the Governor of Associations.

                I got out of bed and realized what the dream must have meant: autistics, to embrace their condition, feel the need to grieve for the old self they tried to hold to. And in the dream, when I realized every one of the autistics, as well as Sara, thought I was dead, I didn’t think of how Elizabeth would be affected if that were the case, perhaps signifying that she was already out of the autism closet. Also, another girl had died in the dream, indicating, perhaps, that another girl at UCM had come out of the autism closet last year. I realized one thing: that the way a person grieves, which can be vastly different from one person to the next, is influenced by a number of factors. Some of them included things such as genetics, religion, culture, upbringing, and environment, but one that was relatively similar for almost all of the autistics I was trying to entice to join my group was age.

As I took a shower, I remembered what my former high school teacher, Mrs. Asher, told me about embracing oneself as an autistic: that it was like the five stages of grief; not everyone experienced it the same. Accepting oneself as autistic was like losing oneself. When I first went to Horizon Academy, I remembered how I spent the first few years trying to reinvent myself after years of bullying and neglect in the public school system. 

                As I walked to the Ellis lounge to do some work I saw Sara outside her room with some guy, and we said hello to each other. The guy asked her, “Who’s your friend?” and she said, “I don’t know.  Just some guy.” 

                After that I worked on my crochet belt a little more. I continued it while I was at the Rec Center. After that I went down to Late Night where I met two friends of Alex’s, Jasmine and Jasmine. 

                The next morning, I read a lot of the reading for my Anthropology of Food class. Then I went to that class where I learned that animals produce more blood when stressed and realized that if it hadn’t been for Temple Grandin, we may not have been able to stop something like Mad Cow Disease. I also realized that vegetarian lifestyles may very well lead to farming machinery destroying animals habitats, deforestation from clearing of forests, children in the Third World wandering to their deaths in the city to make a living when the farmers who are their parents don’t make enough money to feed their families, and warfare, as in the case of Burma, when indigenous peoples are forced of their lands. After that class I read a little bit of the reading for my American Renaissance class. Then Josiah came and sat with me, and I talked to him. He also promised to bring me some plastic bags from his home this weekend.

                After my next class, I remembered the feeling I had once last year, where, in addition to my grief over the deaths of Hook and Reeder, I felt certain that Emily, my then would-be ex-girlfriend, had died, as she hadn’t texted me for so long. The feeling was only for four hours, yet it felt so real, as if I really had lost the love of my life. Somehow, after I got out of class, I still felt like that, feeling almost unable to concentrate that next class period, wanting to go to my dorm and lay my head on my desk, drink alcohol, and forget about all my passions-art, music, writing, autism advocacy.  I felt significantly better after class got out, and suddenly I realized the fear that I had lost Emily was a feeling of grief, albeit under false pretenses and for only a few hours, that could allow me to understand the “grief” of accepting a new autism identity that I had once, and many autistics still feel. After Late Night, I spent the night on my computer, watching a Lord of the Rings fan film The Hunt for Gollum based on the appendices of The Lord of the Rings, which I thought was really good, especially for a low budget film, and had good fighting sequences. I realized that before I left Horizon, the time when I embraced myself as an autistic, I would also be preparing to grief for another loss: the school I had known and loved for so long, perhaps making it easy to grieve for the loss of the self of which autism was not a part of. The next day I wrote another food journal entry for my Anthropology of Food class on what I had learned about animal’s stress in food production, and how it relates to the work of Temple Grandin.

                The next morning as I was waiting to get a ride to my friend Ryang’s birthday party, I saw a grasshopper and got a picture of it up-close. Soon I went to Lion’s Lake, accompanied by several Asian students on the ride, and met up with several Korean, American, and international students, including Jacob. There I enjoyed the company of everyone there, enjoyed some delicious meat and learned a lot more about Korean culture, made some more plarn from our bags, found another bottle cap for my collection, and picked up some more recyclables. Jacob also agreed to go to Hasting’s with me sometime. 

                The next morning, I sat with Amanda and Paige. I got back and worked on my Hobbit activity book some more. Then I worked more on my belt made from plarn. After that I wrote my paper for my Anthropology of Food class. I got back and worked on my belt some more and went to Crazy Dog’s and worked on it some more, and realized I didn’t feel I needed to vote for an autism awareness Homecoming Queen candidate considering all the things I had done for the autism community. I got back and talked to my granddad, who agreed that I had no reason to feel the need to vote for the ASA Homecoming Queen candidate for her autism awareness platform after all I had done, as I knew he would, and told me the group was doing a lot. Then I called Hillary to see if she could help me by being in the shot remake for my Cinematography class. She called back and said she could. Then I ran on the treadmill for about an hour while I worked more on my belt. I got back and Hillary helped me remake a shot from the movie Saving Silverman, which turned out alright, though I realized I could have got the setting better and shouldn't have done it with my cell-phone camera. Then we went down to Mardy’s new room and hung out with him and Sheldon, a former THRIVE student, who was visiting for the weekend.

                On the next Monday I worked on my belt and did a lot of the reading for my Cinematography class. The day after that Afterwards I saw April in the dining hall and later Sara, who seemed extremely nervous right then. After that I e-mailed Sean about an e-mail Teigan and I were supposed to get about the conference and then messaged Teigan about to say that I talked to Sean and that I think we should still go to this conference. After that I worked more on my belt, while I heard the rap music of the tenets of one of the dorms in the lounge and realized that much like music is for a lot of people, flapping one’s hands for many autistic people is a way to drown out the sensory experiences around you. After classes got out, Alex stopped by, commenting on my art, especially the snake, which he said he still can’t get over. Then Josiah and Josh came in and I hung out with them, trading a beer for a Dr. Pepper with Josiah, before he later invited me to come sit with him, Josh, and some of his other friends at dinner in the dining hall, about whom he told me he was bragging about my art to, including some art majors. At the table I still got some favorable comments on my belt, which I worked some more on. I got back and went to Late Night where I worked some more on my drawing of Gandalf for my Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug Activity Book. Then I went to Break Time and got some beers, Jacked Doritos, and small Altoids.

The next morning, I found my blinds had been fixed. Later, while I sat in the lounge Sara walked through the lounge I was sitting in and seemed very happy to see me. Mom texted me asking what time I wanted to be picked up tomorrow, and I said 3:30 after class. Later on, I ate dinner with Josiah and Josh. I also worked more on my two belts and my toilet paper roll wall art and got a new bottle cap from my new beers that I got recently. I ran on the treadmill for about an hour while I read more of the reading for my Anthropology of Food class. I also called Mom and asked her to bring my old fridge with her, explaining how Mardy moved out and I no longer had his fridge, and she agreed to do it. Then I got back and worked on my toilet paper roll wall art with some of the toilet paper rolls I got down at the Rec Center today. After that I went down to Late Night where I joined April and Morgan. I also lined up the bottle caps in my collection, during which time I realized that organizing my bottle caps by who drank the beers they were from into groups and using them to make wind chimes is a great way to learn about the way the food (or rather drink) they consume expresses something about who they are, and my bottle cap collecting journal has written down all the places the caps I get come from, which I can use to learn about how food and drink says things about those places, and the collections of bags from Kansas City and Warrensburg that I use to make mandalas can tell me more about how food reflects the identity of those places. After that I finished the reading for my Anthropology of Food class. Then I worked some more on my toilet paper roll wall art.

The next day after my Anthropology of Food class, I read a lot of the reading for my American Renaissance class. After I got out of class I got the idea to make bread top pixel art. I got back and finished packing up my stuff. Then I drove home with Mom. 

I got home and saw that my mom had left on my bed several bottle caps and receipts, a catalogue from the Autism Asperger Publishing Company, and a check for $43.66 from my painting, which sold at the Mission Project auction, which sold for $125 for which, they will start art classes there, along with a letter thanking me for my donation. After that I finished and posted my next Ben’s Blog post. Later I worked on my toilet paper roll wall art and finished one piece. I also had Szechuan chicken with my mom, who during that time mentioned that Aunt Nini said I should be “the next Temple Grandin.” The thought seemed almost overwhelming to me.

After dinner, I told my mom one thing: that if my group succeeds, it should be a catalyst for groups like it to start all over the country. My mom said, “Well, it’s like Sean said about the JCCC group. It’s a good model for other groups to replicate.”

After that I talked to Erin and my granddad. I also made some more plarn and learned that they voted at ASAN-KC three neutral on going to the JCCC Autism Conference, four abstain, and seven still go. I also made some more plarn.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Beyond the Ides of March

On the Sunday morning before the end of Spring Break, my dad came to pick me up at 12 and take me back to school. We went to Crazy Dog’s where I again got a new bottle cap for my collection. When I got back I unpacked my stuff. The next morning I ate lunch with Connor, Anna, and Amanda after that.  Then I worked on my boxes made from Lord of the Rings cards. Then I e-mailed Ellen Whitt to tell her that I recognized her name on an e-mail about the girl’s deaths from her name on the Friend of Autism Pledge and I wanted to wish her my condolences, telling her I was awake a whole night for which I cried for part of after I heard about it and know several people who are very dear to me who knew the girls and that I teared up at the vigil when I heard Jennifer was to be an aunt. I said that I had the pleasure of meeting the girls at the THRIVE formal as a former THRIVE student and how I appreciated what they and their organization did for THRIVE such as the formal and Zumba, as a former THRIVE student and autistic person, was at the vigil with a former THRIVE students, a current one who is also the president of the THRIVE student organization, and two other friends who have disabilities, how equal access to education is not yet available to people with disabilities, and I shared a link about the vigil on THRIVE’s Facebook page saying I thought it deserved to be on their for what the girls and their organization did with approval from director Joyce Downing.  I said that I am pleased she took the time to consider signing the Friend of Autism Pledge and that she is always welcome at the group to try and further her work for people such as the THRIVE students, and if she wishes to get involved to contact Barbara Mayfield asking her to forward my invitations to her and tell her I told her to ask her, or that any potential volunteer for the group from ASA in the social work, psychology, special education nursing, and communication disorder programs are welcome to contact me to try and get involved, and that I sent her and her sisters my love in this time and believe to I speak on some level for my group, THRIVE, and the whole of the autistic and disabled community when I do on some level, and hope her vacation has been as been enjoyable to the fullest extent possible, whatever, that may be, in this time. I realized that I would show her I care about her enough to take the time to write this e-mail, showed her I was thinking of her and observant of her, what the girls meant to me, that their and ASA’s work with THRIVE is appreciated, that people within the THRIVE community to care about ASA’s plight, and shown her how other people share her and other’s grief, and it felt really good and relieved so much of the feelings I have had recently. I had also seen Laci share a picture of her and some her sisters laughing, saying they spend half their time on the hall doing that.

                I realized that when Laci posted that post saying that she and her sisters spend half their time in the Panhellenic talking and laughing, she may have been saying, indirectly, that she and her sisters are dealing with the deaths of those girls very well, and I need not worry about them. I thought of the phrase “love me the way I deserve to be loved,” and instantly I could see a face very clearly, without even trying. I read through a lot of the reading for tomorrow in my Early American Literature class, deciding I would get myself the book The Divine Madman as a reward if I finished it before class tomorrow. After that Mardy and I went down to housing and found out I need to fill out a housing agreement form before I can pick my room. He helped me do it, during which time he admired the view from my room and thought he’d love living in this room, instead of the one in North Ellis. Later I filled out the ticket form for the Down Syndrome Dance. After that I saw that The Autist Dharma had gotten twenty views in one day in the past week, and I saw on Facebook that Mom loved a post from the Autism Women’s Network from a parent saying she would does not wish for a neurotypical version of her child, after which she said, “Shine a light on that,” which basically referred to Autism Speaks saying, “Shine a light on autism.” It convinced me that Mom really does love me and respect me the way I am, respects my ideas about the autism community. I also shared a few more links on Facebook, one of which has already gotten three likes. During dinner I ate with Maria, Casey, Antwon, Robert, and Adrian. I also realized that for many the fact that I care and love the autistic community like I would my country or religion really comforts people. I read all but two of the pages for my Early American Literature class while I was on the treadmill. When I got back, I made some more heart-shaped pins from straws and at Late Night I turned several more plastic bags into yarn. 

                The next morning, I started my meditation without having my mala nearby, so I used the jar of bottle caps on my desk that I got from Those Were the Days to help me recite my mantras. I took a good miksang photo after that of the bottle caps from the jar on my desk which I used to help me count my mantras. Then at brunch I made another flower from a straw, saw Caitlin shared one of my dyslexia links from Horizon’s Facebook page, that Stacy, Stephanie, and Brittany liked my AD/HD link from their page, and that Horizon was doing an Horizon Academy (HA) story of the month thing by students, former students, parents of students, and faculty members, and I decided to share mine, realizing I could do it really well. I learned that Aragorn was lived in Rivendell until he was twenty, ten years after Bilbo went to Rivendell while returning from the quest of Erebor, so I is quite likely Bilbo met him, and I learned of an on-line movie that depicts the lives of Aragorn’s ancestors leading up to his childhood called Born of Hope. After that I made several more beads from straws and stored and sorted them in several of my Altoids containers and made some more flowers and heart-shaped pins. Then I went down to the Union bookstore and got a calendar and a receipt book, the former of which I made note of the due dates in my class, and the latter where I kept track of today’s purchases.  I took some good picture prints of my pins and then made some more beads. Afterwards I worked on my bags woven from bags. Then I read a lot of Tuesday’s reading for my World Archaeology class. I shared several links of Facebook, which got liked very quickly and invited several friends of mine to like one or two pages. After that I ordered some basswood on Amazon for whittling. I got back and found out an ice cream social was taking place in the Ellis TV Lounge and decided to do that instead for the treadmill, which gave me some time to start my snack wrapper collage of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. Then I went to the ice cream social and saw Antwon and met a girl there named Amy. Afterwards I went to Late Night where I saw that several more people liked my links on Facebook, and one of them accepted one of my invitations. I worked on wall pieces made from toilet paper rolls. I started watching Born of Hope, and then I walked down to use the bathroom, walking past a girl I did not think I knew, saying, “Excuse me,” she said, “Sorry, Ben,” I thought, “That was weird. How does she know my name?” I talked to Ryan after that and learned he knows several Alpha Sigma Alpha and several Alpha Omicrom Pi girls and The Lords of the Rings and The Hobbit movies and I told him about Born of Hope, and we agreed to get together and watch it on Saturday. I also learned that an Alpha Sigma Alpha girl was interested in him, and while he said that he didn’t want to date anyone right now to focus on his career, I told him those ideas can always change in an instant. I sorted some recycling afterwards and when I left, I realized how great Ryan’s advice to hang in there for those affected by the girl’s deaths was because if you can last for a certain amount of time, time will heal these wounds. I realized that Laci probably put a lot of those Facebook photos of she and her friends enjoying themselves after I posted on how I was so full of grief after the girl’s deaths because people I love so much knew them and were affected by it, as a way of easing my grief by letting me know she was ok. I realized that if my friends like Caitlin and Stacy, who never went to my high school, which I at least know for sure with Caitlin as I know she went to Shawnee Mission East, then it seems I’m becoming quite the advocate for Horizon on Facebook, adding to my credibility as an autism advocate.

                On Friday night I saw The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug again. On Saturday morning I During breakfast I realized while standing in line for pancakes how it must be to work at Suxedo where you stand on your feet all that time, as I usually regard breakfast time on weekends as my relaxation time. I also worked on a picture frame made from chips bags. Then I made another flower from a straw. After that I took out my trash and recycling. Later I read the rest of the reading for my Film Appreciation class. I sat with Mary at dinner later and afterwards I saw I got my basswood (though wrapped in an inordinate amount of paper when it wasn’t something like say, fine china), and carved an Indian Om from it. I worked on my plastic bag yarn on the treadmill and after I got back, I made another coaster from receipts. Ryan ended up not being unable to watch the movie Saturday due to schoolwork, so we decided to reschedule it. I realized Bob could maybe break his smoking habit by having a pack or two around him, but they are filled with sweets and such, so he would always have a pack around and wouldn’t feel like he needs to get more, but at the same time there wouldn’t be any cigarettes for him to smoke. 

                On Sunday I also watched and read all the material for my Modern Sub-Saharan Africa class this week and was able to do the posting and two responses, which I felt were very good, though I posted them after 3, which my instructor said is the deadline for full credit though he’s ignored that rule before. I realized I can be totally engrossed in talking insightfully, clearly, and with great detail about the world of film and then move on to doing so about democratization on Africa. I saw a film which talked about a woman selling bags from Africa in a for-profit business, which was deliberate because she wanted to show that fair trade and business can go hand-in-hand. A filmmaker in that video (who is white by the way) had one of his hit films shown at the Pan-African Film Festival, and he said he wanted to show people that successful films can do something like be accurate or something.                   On Monday, I finally finished my article summary for my Early American Literature class. I also gotten to do some reading on DIY yarn projects, and learned about making old t-shirts into yarn, which I started with the t-shirts I’ve collected, and that you can pull on it to twist it. I read all this while I drank a macchiato and ate a bagel from Einstein’s with the two hundred dollars Mom agreed to transfer from my Missouri bank account to my U.S. Bank account today when she got back from Philadelphia, so I would get it today. I saw her first post for her beekeeping blog, which I told her about how I thought it was great. I also complimented the author of The Third Glance, who I will mention in my post on what I plan to do for Autism Acceptance Month, on her post about how she plans to post more this month. I also got some more Doritos, fruit slices, and an Snapple (no new cap though) tonight, walking to help clear my head, and picked up several recyclables on my way back, and throughout the day I took several more miksang photos and made several more heart-shaped pins from straws, one of which, a colorful one, I took a picture of with the reflection of light from a ceiling lamp on a table in the dining hall surrounding it so it looks like light’s shining from it, and I’ve studied for two fifty minute study blocks with a ten minute break in between to use the bathroom, and get a drink, for my World Archaeology test, which I found out is on Thursday and I’ve made an appointment for in the Testing Center. I also noticed that the Hank Hill yarn painting I’ve been doing looks an awful lot like me.