A Week of New Identity

Later, after breakfast, I went down to the Union and finished the stuff for the poster board tomorrow. Then I got back and cut out and colored the pieces for the diorama for my Cinematography class. I read the reading for that class, during which time I realized that if autistic students knew there was someone else in their circle of friends who was autistic, they might be more willing to come out of the autism closet. Soon afterwards I went to my Cinematography class where I found out our first video got twenty-one out of twenty-five points while the class saw our second one and liked it a whole lot better. I also realized that for some art pieces I could depict pictures from bottle caps or stamps since autistic art is about representing the experiences and thoughts of autistic people, and one of my experiences is going to Warrensburg and discovering the joy in simple pleasures, as well as seeing the beauty in everyday life like a Shambhala warrior. I also realized that maybe I could find a way to get more autistic students in the circle of friends of autistics at UCM.

I went down to Crazy Dog’s where I got a new bottle cap from my drink, a pumpkin apple cider. Then I got back and started sketching some bottle cap images in my little notebook. After that I ran on the treadmill for about an hour while I drew some more bottle cap picture sketches in my notebook and wrote down some of my ideas for getting people to come out of the autism closet, as well as realizing we could possibly put The Friend of Autism Pledge up on the Blackboard sites for a lot of the departments we’re trying to draw peer mentors from, and that a display in the Union which focuses more on the social and cultural aspects of autism may help autistics feel more comfortable coming out of the autism closet as their friends might be thought to be more accepting. I got back and talked to my dad and granddad, who both agreed with my idea that other autistic students in the circle of friends of autistic students might be helpful in getting them to come out of the autism closet. Then I went down to Late Night where I saw Jacob, and we ended up agreeing to go down to Hasting’s, which he has not been to before, sometime this weekend and go to a restaurant afterwards, and I drew more of my bottle cap sketches. After that I rested for a few minutes before I went down to the Harmon Center in the library and printed off all my stuff for the poster board. I got back and taped it all on the board, while Giovanni walked by and inquired about what I was doing, and I told him I was doing a poster for Disability Awareness Week, to which he said, “You’re always doing something cool.” I realized this poster should help people around me be more familiar with my work combined with the poster and pledge I put out on the door, thus helping get more signatures to the pledge. I decided to capitalize the ‘A’ in ‘Disability’ in order to emphasis the difference aspect of autism instead of just the disability part, and to make it distinguishable among the other posters.

The next morning, I went down to the Union and set up the poster. Then I worked on our presentation for my Creative Problem-Solving class. After that I went to my Anthropology of Food class where I figured out how to crotchet to make plarn belts and placemats and could use my white, yellow, brown, and gray plarn to make a striped belt. I also got out I realized that maybe at ASPO we could have an on-line conversation where members could exchange skills and information they have on certain things, so they can participate without having to do it as an autistic person, and others can see that others in their circle might be autistic. Then I got a new Susan B. Anthony dollar from my change at the vending machine in the Lovinger building. After that I sat with Josiah and Josh and read a lot of Moby-Dick. I also went to my Creative Problem-Solving class where Tobias and I gave our presentation. I also got back and made some more plarn as well as saw Sara in passing. I hung out with Giovanni in his room, and he asked about my poster on my door and about my high school and told him I went to Horizon and learned he once considered going there after discovering he was gifted in math and considered “special needs.” He also taught soccer there during the summer. I eventually told him I planned to make belts for the ASAN-KC for their silent auction, and he mentioned how one of Horizon’s founder’s sons has autism. I realized I am slowly creating the tone of autism on my hall as a positive one.

I made some more plarn at dinner. Then I got another Susan B. Anthony dollar, two more Sacagawea dollars, and another presidential dollar for my coin collection. I then went to the gas station across the street from Break Time and got some more beers. I got back and worked on my yarn painting. Then I ran on the treadmill for about an hour while I worked on my bottle cap drawings. I got back and talked to Dad who again liked my new idea. I called Cam and wished him a happy birthday. I talked to my granddad, who also liked my new idea. Then I went down to Late Night and made some more plarn. I got back and helped Hillary with her English Composition II homework.

The next day I took some pictures of my poster and uploaded them onto Facebook. I also shared an article on ABA that I found on the autism blog UnstrangeMinds, detailing stories of abuse that had come out of it. After that I treated myself with a mocha blast as they were out of white chocolate, and then ordered for myself The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug Activity Book, The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey Visual Companion, and Songs of a Gorilla Nation, a memoir of an autistic woman Dawn Prince-Hughes who travels to Africa to study gorillas, who she says think in very similar ways to her as an autistic person. After that I got back and worked on my yarn painting. Then I went to dinner with some people from my hall. After that I worked on my yarn painting some more. 

While I ran, I saw Teigan had messaged me asking if I had written this article on ABA because she thought if I had, I must have experienced a lot of bad from it and in that case she wondered if I needed someone to talk to. I told her I hadn’t but thanked her and let her know she was a great friend for doing that. I also asked her that if she sees Wendy to give her my regards due to her husband’s cancer, and she responded with a smiley face. I realized that trying to support Wendy like that was just what I needed to lift myself from the mental and emotional strain I was feeling at running the group, not simply because her plight was worse than mine, but because in doing so, I was reminded of why I run the group, because people like her are my brothers and sisters, and ASAN-KC feels to me like I strive to make the group: like a true family. I got back and wrote a few poems, including one expressing my love for ASAN-KC. Then I went to Late Night and saw April, who I asked if she was going to the lake this weekend, and she said she wasn’t, but was willing to give me a ride if I wanted to go there. I had a coke and wrote some more poems, and then did my laundry while talking to Tyler, who had some “suggestions” on helping the autism group, and I realized he tries to help because he likes to feel important. Then I wrote a few more poems and found some toy dinosaurs in a goody bag that Mardy threw away and I put in my laundry hamper to save for later, though all the gum had gone through the laundry and had the awful taste of detergent. It went:

Three plastic dinosaurs
bring me back
to simpler times.
 

               That night, before I went to bed, I made some more plarn. I also realized that many autistics, like I was, are not so much hiding their condition from others but from themselves and then realized that simply the fear of being different isn’t what troubles a lot of autistics about having autism, as many will admit to having ADD. After class I went down to Hasting’s on my way to my appointment with Dr. Mays and bought Gandhi’s An Autobiography: The Story of My Experiments with the Truth. I read it as I was waiting for my appointment and really connected with it. Then I had my appointment where I told Dr. Mays about my experiment with autism advocacy in Warrensburg, and he said I was really blazing a trail. He also gave me a new prescription for my vyvanse.

            I got back and made some more plarn at dinner. On my way to Break Time, I ran into Jess, Kameron, and Jessie, who had just got back from playing volleyball, and said I should come with them the next time they go. I realized I had put the poster out and they still wanted to include me. I went to Break Time and got some Doritos as well as some new beers, which had a new bottle cap for my collection. Then I went to McDonald’s with Hillary, Philip, and Mardy. After that I ran on the treadmill for about an hour while I made some more plarn. I got back to my dorm and went down to Late Night where I started knitting a plarn belt for the silent auction. I saw Jacob, who was on his break, and we agreed to go to Hasting’s on Sunday at 12 o’clock, and then go to King’s Chef Buffet, and he would bring a friend of his, who happened to be Chinese too. He also invited me to go fishing with him and Ryan and come to another barbeque like the one he had before. The next day I hung out with Hillary, Philip, and Mardy and then we went to Bi-Lo Mart and got pizza bagel stuff, as well as some gum and mini Altoids, which I adored. I also sent The Friend of Autism Pledge to Dr. Mayfield. Soon after that I ran on the treadmill for about an hour while I made some more plarn. I also wrote another haiku, and I saw Ian, and we agreed to get together sometime. I also saw that guy from my hall that I saw for the first time that one dinner come out and talk with several people from our hall, during which time Jessie told him she saw him in the marching band while she worked with athletic training and said he did really good.

            I had a great deal of trouble getting to sleep that night, so I took a walk around UCM. I walked by the fraternity house, remembering how I had been invited to the fraternity Tau Kappa Epsilon there, which I willingly gave up in order to put more time into starting ASPO; then to the Multipurpose Building, where I remembered seeing my good friend Cassie Burghoff graduate over a year ago before going back to her home in St. Louis. As I crossed the street heading back from the building, two girls in a car drove by, one sticking her head out the window shouting, “Tits and beer!” I went to the Wood building where my Anthropology classes were held, remembering the time I willed myself to think I could find love with a neurotypical girl; then to the north side of the Union, where I had danced with several Alpha Sigma Alpha girls, including Erin Hook, a UCM student killed in a car wreck last year, along with her friend Jennifer Reeder. On my way around campus, I took some pictures of the beautiful buildings beneath the night sky. When I got back to Ellis, I realized Jessie’s compliment probably meant a lot to that guy. After meditation, showering, and breakfast I went into town and enjoyed some tea and a tempeh burger at the Black Adder Café.  Then I went to the Salvation Army store where I donated my old shoes and bought a puzzle and three belts. I got back and started turning the belts into bracelets. I then hung out with Hillary, Philip, and Mardy at Todd while we watched the baseball game. Then we went to eat Mexican food in the town. We got back and watched the game some more. Then we went to the Warrensburg movie theater to see Annabella.

                The next day, I drew some more of my sketch of a bottle cap picture while I waited to hear from or see Jacob, but I never did. Then I took out my trash and recycling. I also got Songs of a Gorilla Nation in the mail. I talked to my granddad, who I learned had just gotten out of the hospital, and who I told about the stress I was having, and he was very sympathetic. I also undid my original attempt at crocheting plarn. I saw Jacob and learned there was a misunderstanding, and we agreed to meet on Wednesday. I also sat with him and Josh. Afterwards, including some of the time I was on the treadmill, and while I heard Sara was in Jessie’s and Kameron’s room talking to them and another girl, I spent some time figuring out how to crochet, and finally got it.

                On Monday, After that I went down to the dining hall where I ran into Sara, Kameron, and Drake. Afterwards I worked more on my plarn belt and went to a presentation on sleep on the fourth-floor lounge, where I enjoyed some vanilla ice cream with chocolate sauce and sprinkles and learned you could help your sleep by establishing a ritual of winding down at the end of the day, like crocheting. After that I went to the Rec Center where I got a new quarter for my collection from my change at the vending machine and ran on the treadmill for about an hour while I worked on my belt and read part of tomorrow’s reading for my Anthropology of Food class. Then I went down to Late Night where I worked on my belt some more, and two people saw me doing it, and complimented me on it. I got back and worked on my belt some more. After that I helped Hillary get done her journal entries. Then I worked on my belt some more.

                The next day I read more of the reading for my Anthropology of Food class. After that I e-mailed Brittany, the RA who had invited Mardy and I to the sleeping seminar last night, in response to her e-mailing us about our blinds. Then I read some of the reading for my American Renaissance class while I worked on my crochet belt. After my last class, Brittany came by our room and said she had put in a work order for our blinds while I crocheted some more. Then I worked on my belt and crocheted some more.

                On my way down to the Union to take down the poster I put up there, I was approached in the courtyard by representatives from several Homecoming campaign groups, all trying to get me to vote for their candidate. I was approached by a blonde Alpha Sigma Alpha girl, telling me for a good few minutes how their Homecoming Queen candidate had worked so much for “autism awareness,” and that I ought to vote for her because she really “cares about doing good for the community.” I listened numbly as she spoke. Did she realize that I was an autistic guy, much more one who had started student groups for autistic students at UCM and JCCC, and spoke about autism and my experience with it to children at an autism camp, learning disabled school, and NBC news, or that autism awareness had so often been associated with focusing on autism as a burden on families and societies, rather than on the social issues faced by autistics. At the end I said, “Sounds interesting. I’ll have to look at that.”

                Not promising her anything, I went in the Union and bought some more glue, walking past the electronic voting booths near the atrium. I was not yet decided that I was going to vote for the ASA queen, if anyone, until I knew that she wasn’t a fundraising agent for Autism Speaks. The brochure I had gotten didn’t say what sort of organizations or programs she had worked for, just “Autism Awareness,” and “Fitting the Pieces Together.”

                As I left the Union, I sort of accidentally-on-purpose waved the poster showing the name Autistic Student and Peer Organization in the face of the girl who had approached me, as if to tell her “working for autism awareness” wasn’t going to impress every champion of the autism community. I got back and got my The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey Visual Companion book in the mail. Then I saw that the candidate’s campaign flyer did not say she had worked with Autism Speaks (or indeed any autism organization or program), just “Autism Awareness,” and “Fitting the Pieces Together,” and I realized that perhaps their work for autism has been inspired by what I’ve been doing lately, and were doing their best to help, which I should be there to show the right way for. I talked to my granddad, and he agreed that could be true.

I went to Crazy Dog’s to reward my hard work. Then I ran on the treadmill for about an hour where I read some of my Hobbit book. I got back and finally got the hang of making a crochet chain and redid my on the second crochet belt I started making. Then I went to Late Night and read some more of my Hobbit book. I got back and hung out with a lot of the people from my hall. Then I worked on my next belt some more. After that I went down to Break Time and got myself some Fruit Slices and some small Altoids. Also, that night, Mardy, for reasons of his own, moved out of our room and to the second floor of North Ellis.

That night I dreamt that another girl, besides Hook and Reeder, had died last year. Then Elizabeth, several autistic friends, and I were lying on our backs on fields as a ritual to petition the Governor of Associations, a supernatural spirit of the Great Beyond, to remember those two girls. Sara also joined us, and as we sat, I thought, “These are my brothers and sisters.” Then I fell asleep. I woke up in the attic of my house and saw from a window what looked like my head in one of those containers with a glass lid being held by Elizabeth, Sara, and several other autistics, like they were doing for Hook and Reeder. I went downstairs and inadvertently walked through a short maze with doors that look like the things on pinball machines. At the end I thought, “Sara!” realizing she thought I was dead and rushed to go tell her the truth, but before I could, a spirit shot balls of light from itself at the doors two times, closing them. I looked behind me to where it was coming from, and saw a great white ball of light, glowing purple, blue, and red around the edges, speaking in a frightening voice in some sort of unknown language: the Governor of Associations.

                I got out of bed and realized what the dream must have meant: autistics, to embrace their condition, feel the need to grieve for the old self they tried to hold to. And in the dream, when I realized every one of the autistics, as well as Sara, thought I was dead, I didn’t think of how Elizabeth would be affected if that were the case, perhaps signifying that she was already out of the autism closet. Also, another girl had died in the dream, indicating, perhaps, that another girl at UCM had come out of the autism closet last year. I realized one thing: that the way a person grieves, which can be vastly different from one person to the next, is influenced by a number of factors. Some of them included things such as genetics, religion, culture, upbringing, and environment, but one that was relatively similar for almost all of the autistics I was trying to entice to join my group was age.

As I took a shower, I remembered what my former high school teacher, Mrs. Asher, told me about embracing oneself as an autistic: that it was like the five stages of grief; not everyone experienced it the same. Accepting oneself as autistic was like losing oneself. When I first went to Horizon Academy, I remembered how I spent the first few years trying to reinvent myself after years of bullying and neglect in the public school system. 

                As I walked to the Ellis lounge to do some work I saw Sara outside her room with some guy, and we said hello to each other. The guy asked her, “Who’s your friend?” and she said, “I don’t know.  Just some guy.” 

                After that I worked on my crochet belt a little more. I continued it while I was at the Rec Center. After that I went down to Late Night where I met two friends of Alex’s, Jasmine and Jasmine. 

                The next morning, I read a lot of the reading for my Anthropology of Food class. Then I went to that class where I learned that animals produce more blood when stressed and realized that if it hadn’t been for Temple Grandin, we may not have been able to stop something like Mad Cow Disease. I also realized that vegetarian lifestyles may very well lead to farming machinery destroying animals habitats, deforestation from clearing of forests, children in the Third World wandering to their deaths in the city to make a living when the farmers who are their parents don’t make enough money to feed their families, and warfare, as in the case of Burma, when indigenous peoples are forced of their lands. After that class I read a little bit of the reading for my American Renaissance class. Then Josiah came and sat with me, and I talked to him. He also promised to bring me some plastic bags from his home this weekend.

                After my next class, I remembered the feeling I had once last year, where, in addition to my grief over the deaths of Hook and Reeder, I felt certain that Emily, my then would-be ex-girlfriend, had died, as she hadn’t texted me for so long. The feeling was only for four hours, yet it felt so real, as if I really had lost the love of my life. Somehow, after I got out of class, I still felt like that, feeling almost unable to concentrate that next class period, wanting to go to my dorm and lay my head on my desk, drink alcohol, and forget about all my passions-art, music, writing, autism advocacy.  I felt significantly better after class got out, and suddenly I realized the fear that I had lost Emily was a feeling of grief, albeit under false pretenses and for only a few hours, that could allow me to understand the “grief” of accepting a new autism identity that I had once, and many autistics still feel. After Late Night, I spent the night on my computer, watching a Lord of the Rings fan film The Hunt for Gollum based on the appendices of The Lord of the Rings, which I thought was really good, especially for a low budget film, and had good fighting sequences. I realized that before I left Horizon, the time when I embraced myself as an autistic, I would also be preparing to grief for another loss: the school I had known and loved for so long, perhaps making it easy to grieve for the loss of the self of which autism was not a part of. The next day I wrote another food journal entry for my Anthropology of Food class on what I had learned about animal’s stress in food production, and how it relates to the work of Temple Grandin.

                The next morning as I was waiting to get a ride to my friend Ryang’s birthday party, I saw a grasshopper and got a picture of it up-close. Soon I went to Lion’s Lake, accompanied by several Asian students on the ride, and met up with several Korean, American, and international students, including Jacob. There I enjoyed the company of everyone there, enjoyed some delicious meat and learned a lot more about Korean culture, made some more plarn from our bags, found another bottle cap for my collection, and picked up some more recyclables. Jacob also agreed to go to Hasting’s with me sometime. 

                The next morning, I sat with Amanda and Paige. I got back and worked on my Hobbit activity book some more. Then I worked more on my belt made from plarn. After that I wrote my paper for my Anthropology of Food class. I got back and worked on my belt some more and went to Crazy Dog’s and worked on it some more, and realized I didn’t feel I needed to vote for an autism awareness Homecoming Queen candidate considering all the things I had done for the autism community. I got back and talked to my granddad, who agreed that I had no reason to feel the need to vote for the ASA Homecoming Queen candidate for her autism awareness platform after all I had done, as I knew he would, and told me the group was doing a lot. Then I called Hillary to see if she could help me by being in the shot remake for my Cinematography class. She called back and said she could. Then I ran on the treadmill for about an hour while I worked more on my belt. I got back and Hillary helped me remake a shot from the movie Saving Silverman, which turned out alright, though I realized I could have got the setting better and shouldn't have done it with my cell-phone camera. Then we went down to Mardy’s new room and hung out with him and Sheldon, a former THRIVE student, who was visiting for the weekend.

                On the next Monday I worked on my belt and did a lot of the reading for my Cinematography class. The day after that Afterwards I saw April in the dining hall and later Sara, who seemed extremely nervous right then. After that I e-mailed Sean about an e-mail Teigan and I were supposed to get about the conference and then messaged Teigan about to say that I talked to Sean and that I think we should still go to this conference. After that I worked more on my belt, while I heard the rap music of the tenets of one of the dorms in the lounge and realized that much like music is for a lot of people, flapping one’s hands for many autistic people is a way to drown out the sensory experiences around you. After classes got out, Alex stopped by, commenting on my art, especially the snake, which he said he still can’t get over. Then Josiah and Josh came in and I hung out with them, trading a beer for a Dr. Pepper with Josiah, before he later invited me to come sit with him, Josh, and some of his other friends at dinner in the dining hall, about whom he told me he was bragging about my art to, including some art majors. At the table I still got some favorable comments on my belt, which I worked some more on. I got back and went to Late Night where I worked some more on my drawing of Gandalf for my Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug Activity Book. Then I went to Break Time and got some beers, Jacked Doritos, and small Altoids.

The next morning, I found my blinds had been fixed. Later, while I sat in the lounge Sara walked through the lounge I was sitting in and seemed very happy to see me. Mom texted me asking what time I wanted to be picked up tomorrow, and I said 3:30 after class. Later on, I ate dinner with Josiah and Josh. I also worked more on my two belts and my toilet paper roll wall art and got a new bottle cap from my new beers that I got recently. I ran on the treadmill for about an hour while I read more of the reading for my Anthropology of Food class. I also called Mom and asked her to bring my old fridge with her, explaining how Mardy moved out and I no longer had his fridge, and she agreed to do it. Then I got back and worked on my toilet paper roll wall art with some of the toilet paper rolls I got down at the Rec Center today. After that I went down to Late Night where I joined April and Morgan. I also lined up the bottle caps in my collection, during which time I realized that organizing my bottle caps by who drank the beers they were from into groups and using them to make wind chimes is a great way to learn about the way the food (or rather drink) they consume expresses something about who they are, and my bottle cap collecting journal has written down all the places the caps I get come from, which I can use to learn about how food and drink says things about those places, and the collections of bags from Kansas City and Warrensburg that I use to make mandalas can tell me more about how food reflects the identity of those places. After that I finished the reading for my Anthropology of Food class. Then I worked some more on my toilet paper roll wall art.

The next day after my Anthropology of Food class, I read a lot of the reading for my American Renaissance class. After I got out of class I got the idea to make bread top pixel art. I got back and finished packing up my stuff. Then I drove home with Mom. 

I got home and saw that my mom had left on my bed several bottle caps and receipts, a catalogue from the Autism Asperger Publishing Company, and a check for $43.66 from my painting, which sold at the Mission Project auction, which sold for $125 for which, they will start art classes there, along with a letter thanking me for my donation. After that I finished and posted my next Ben’s Blog post. Later I worked on my toilet paper roll wall art and finished one piece. I also had Szechuan chicken with my mom, who during that time mentioned that Aunt Nini said I should be “the next Temple Grandin.” The thought seemed almost overwhelming to me.

After dinner, I told my mom one thing: that if my group succeeds, it should be a catalyst for groups like it to start all over the country. My mom said, “Well, it’s like Sean said about the JCCC group. It’s a good model for other groups to replicate.”

After that I talked to Erin and my granddad. I also made some more plarn and learned that they voted at ASAN-KC three neutral on going to the JCCC Autism Conference, four abstain, and seven still go. I also made some more plarn.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lessons in Autism

 On Monday after I got back I worked on my drawing for my Drawing I class some more. During that class we sat and discussed each person’s drawing and when mine was discussed I got a lot of positive comments as well as some good suggestions. I also thought of my bird woodcarving and decided to make my bird the Eastern Bluebird, the state bird of Missouri, where I had all these adventures. Before class got out, I agreed to pay five dollars for gas to Emily in that class, who I was getting a ride with to or field trip to the Nelson Atkins Museum of Art. After class, I went down to the Union and took down the poster board for the UCM Autism Spectrum Support Group.

        When I got back to Ellis, I read most of the reading for my World Masterpieces class. During that class I got a five out of five on the quiz. After class and sorting some recycling, I did my Algebra homework. Then I got some more board for my snack wrapper collages at the Union bookstore. When I got back to the dorm and worked on blocking out the colors for them.
        I later finished my abstract for my North American Indian class but I accidentally forgot to save it. However I knew everything I said on it so I could retype it. I read most of the reading for my North American Indian class on the treadmill. Afterwards I got back and talked to Tyler. I also realized I had one more day than I thought I did to go get something from Those Were the Days to make something for the Print Club.
        The next morning during my Algebra class I got one hundred percent on the quiz. After I got back to my dorm I worked on some beads made from cigarette boxes and then I reorganized my recyclables. After that I finished the reading for my North American Indian class. After my North American Indian class I went to the UCM Autism Spectrum Support Group.
        Only Tom and Matt showed up to the group. We didn’t really do introductions, go over our rules, or pair up two people and take four minutes to get to know three things about the other person as we already knew each other and I suggested two ideas for or next meeting: getting together at a coffee shop, or a music night where we each picked a song that we secretly wrote down on a piece of paper, played it, and everyone would then try to get who picked the song. No one really seemed to care to much either way so they just agreed to have a music night. Tom and Matt left early but I stayed behind until 4:30 to see if anyone showed up to ask about the meeting, which they didn’t. While I did I read on my phone an article talking about how many people with bipolar disorder withdraw from social relationships and I thought perhaps women with autism are often undiagnosed with the condition as autistic traits can overlap with traits of other conditions they may have, such as bipolar disorder or ADHD. I also thought that it may have taken the Buddhist saint Padmasambhava years to subdue the wrathful demons of Tibet to help bring Buddhism to the country.
        I got back to my dorm later and made twenty more flowers from straws. Later I talked to my Granddad and he told me to have some patience with starting the group. Later on I worked on my snack wrapper collage of Maja Toudal some more and I thought it was becoming very satisfying. I also talked to my Granddad some more later on and told him about how I thought my snack wrapper collage of Maja Toudal was coming along great and how I thought all my collages would look very realistic and he said if anyone could make it look like a professional, I could and said that looking at my scrapbooks he couldn’t tell the covers were made from Cheetos wrappers. I talked to Tyler some more after that telling him I would talk to him for twenty minutes then had to go because there was other things I had to do but when he started getting upset over his breakup I agreed to talk to him for five more minutes.
        The next day in my Drawing I class we learned about how to shade a drawing and also how to make lines better. I thought while learning this that I might really enjoy woodburning with all I learned in the class. After my Drawing I class I read most of the reading for my World Masterpieces class. Then I went to that class and found out I got 81% on the exam. On my way to Those Were the Days I found three new bottle caps for my collection and I went to the store and got a jar full of Bubble Up bottle caps with bent edges and insides lined with cork thinking I could make something from them for the Print Club and I remembered how I once read that collections can often stem from memories of or past. I also got a postcard of Craters of the Moon National Park, which I would try and frame and hang on a wall as rock formations kind of have a spiritual feeling for me. After I got back to UCM I took a walk around campus and found another bottle cap for my collection. I also realized just how big this campus really was.
        When I got back I read about how girls with Asperger syndrome will often try to blend in with others and get very exhausted from doing it, and also causing them to go undiagnosed and their apparently unknown fits of exhaustion cold cause them to be misdiagnose as bipolar. During dinner I realized I could make a necklace from one of the bottle caps I got at Those Were the Days, using the knife my dad got me. I also figured out how to shorten my North American Indian abstract to make it two hundred fifty words or less and learned on-line how to put a word count on my paper. While I ran on the treadmill I found the perfect image for my bottle cap necklace: calligraphy done by the Vietnamese Zen Buddhist master Thich Nhat Hanh saying, “Peace within oneself, peace within the world,” inside a Zen brush painted circle. I got back and I took strips of board leftover from the sheets I cut out for my collages to make a yarn painting. I talked to my dad, a professional PhD psychologist, who agreed that coexisting conditions may make it harder for girls with autism to get the diagnosis. I also talked to Tyler, who didn’t talk so much about his break up this time. However that night I did not get any sleep at all.

        The next morning I found I couldn’t find the sheet I had for the UCM Autism Spectrum Support Group with the list of times and places for or meetings so I e-mailed Presley Wehrle from the Office of Student Activities asking for her to resend it. I later went to my Algebra class and got back a four out of five on my study guide though partly because of a grading error and I showed it to the instructor and got back a five out of five. I also got one hundred percent on the quiz. I also read an article on Wrong Planet about how many people told their friends they had Asperger syndrome and it caused those friends to stop being friends with them.
        Later on I finished my abstract. During my North American Indian class, when I was ready to take a nap afterwards from exhaustion, the instructor told us about Saudi Arabia Day in that library at 3:30Shortly after my North American Indian class I went to Saudi Arabia Day where there was an exhibition in the museum of traditional Saudi arts and handicrafts and I stepped out of my finicky eating habits and tried some delicious Saudi food. Saudi Arabia I knew was a country somewhat involved in a conflict between Buddhists and Muslims in Bangladesh where Bengali settlers were evicting the predominantly Buddhist hill tribes of eastern Bangladesh off their lands while the Bengali army and the Saudi-funded Islamist missionary group al-Rabat joined in trying “civilize the heathens.” Eastern Bangladesh and Northeastern India were as far east as the ancient Arab-Islamic empire spread as the jungles of that area prevented Arab-Islamic conquerors from moving into there and cut them off from peninsular Southeast Asia. Yet here at Saudi Arabia Day these things hardly seemed to have any importance to myself or others.
        I got back to my dorm and talked to Tyler whose older brother he told me was having another baby and I told Tyler I was happy for him. I also made two of those necklaces from the bottle caps in the jar I got, including one for myself. Then I took a nap to make up for my loss of sleep. After I got back from the Rec Center I took out my recycling, and then made five more roses from straws. I also talked to Tyler some more.
        The next day I rode with Emily and Kiera from my Drawing I class to the Nelson and paid Emily the $5. When we got there, we went on a scavenger hunt to find certain kinds of paintings listed on a sheet of paper. After we were done I heard Kiera telling our instructor that she was thinking of doing art therapy for children with Down syndrome and told her and Emily as we were leaving the museum about Tyler and some unforgettable experiences I had with him. I told them about some environmental crafts I did and they thought that sounded great. We went to Spin Pizza afterwards where I also got a new non-crown bottle cap from my drink.
       Later I started thinking some people with autism may go misdiagnosed with AD/HD as they are particularly sensitive and thus prone to distraction by certain sensory experiences. Later I sent out an e-mail to the UCM Autism Spectrum Support Group about the next meeting. I got back and I made a flower from receipts to decorate a hairpin. I also went to the Print Club where our faculty advisor told us to bring any sort of artistic creation we felt like bringing to sell at our booth at Those Were the Days that we were going to set up. After the meeting I made another coaster from receipts and I talked to Tyler.
        The next morning I refilled one of my medication prescriptions and did some laundry. I also called my mom asking her to send fifty dollars from my account at home to my account at school which she said she would do. Then I read some reading for my World Masterpieces class. Later I called my mom again and I told her about my medication and she said she would try and have her friend Mrs. Wendland sent it up as she and Dave were in our vacation house in Colorado for about a week longer. She also suggested trying to get people to come to the autism group by sending out personal invitations to those who had already come.
        Later I made one hundred sixty dreidels from plastic bottle caps and toothpicks and after dinner I made twenty-seven beads from cigarette boxes. I used some gum boxes to store those beads, hair bands, paper clips, and teabag strings so I wouldn’t need to store them in cigarette boxes and could make more beads from them. Then I worked on some trellises made from bottle rings and twist-ties. After I got back from the Rec Center I worked on an outline for my yarn painting, depicting Mahatma Gandhi. Then I talked to Tyler for a few minutes.
        After talking to Tyler, I started cutting apart a leather belt I had that was too small for me to make bracelets using the knife my dad got me but as I was cutting apart strips to make strings, I got an awful cut on my thumb and quickly wrapped it in paper towels to stop the blood from flowing out. Then I took a little nap before writing in my meditation journal and while I did, I read on a website about Shambhala arts (contemplative arts in the Shambhala Buddhist community) I learned about the Heaven principle, the principle of the unknown. Then I read about the Earth principle, the principle of one’s inspiration. Then I read about the Human principle, the principle of bringing one’s heart and awareness into the process. I also watched a video of a Shambhala arts class where they were making collages and were supposed to learn about their subjects in the process. Then I watched another Shambhala arts video of a man making music and thought maybe I could inspire myself to play my flute some more if I found some new music to play and get out of my routine. I also sent a picture of my collage to my mom who said she liked it and couldn’t wait to see the final product.

        The next morning, I found three new bottle caps for my collection while sorting some recycling in Ellis after I saw a guy throw away a cardboard pack of beers loaded with cans, found some new pebbles outside when I recycled the cardboard, cleaned my bathroom, and swept my floors. Then I worked on some earrings made from bread tops and my bags woven from bags. Then I read some most of the reading for the past few days and that day for my World Masterpieces class, taking ten minute breaks after each hour where I sorted some recycling and took some photos. After I got back to Ellis I sorted some more recycling on my floor. Later I worked on my yarn painting of Gandhi, made some dreidels from bottle caps, and a little after running on the treadmill for an hour I talked to Tyler.

        On Monday in my Drawing I class I continued to improve my drawing ability. After class I read the rest of the reading for my World Masterpieces class. Later I realized I could stop the inside of my bottle cap necklaces from smearing or smudging by putting some tape over them and I did that after I finished my Algebra homework. I ate dinner with Mary and I worked on my yarn painting some more after that as well as my bag woven from bags. After I got back from the Rec Center I worked on the design for a mandala made from plastic bags while I talked to Tyler.
        The next morning during my Algebra class I tried to pass the practice test a few times but couldn’t do it though I still had until 12 the next night. Later I read the reading for my World Masterpieces class. After my North American Indian class I went to Music Night where Tom and Dr. Mayfield showed up to and I had them both write down a song on a piece of receipt paper. Then first we played Radioactive, then Amazing, Just the Way You Are, then Here Comes the Sun. We guessed soon that Brian picked the first, I played the second, and Dr. Mayfield picked the third.
        After the meeting I saw Monica about to sign up to volunteer with the Special Olympics, and she seemed fairly happy to see me and said she mixed up the time of the meeting. I worked on that bag woven from bags when I got to dinner and Mary passed by my table admiring the project. I realized after I got back from the Rec Center that I could make my mandala smoother if I covered it with packing tape and I made a necklace from a plastic bottle cap and straws. I sent a picture of my plastic bag mandala, my Gandhi yarn painting, and my straw necklace to my dad and he loved them. I also talked to Tyler and thought, while you could say looking after someone with a disability like him can be an emotional burden, other things in my life become less so from learning to deal with him and the same could be so with educators and health care professionals and even if it costs more to provide autistic and others support, in doing so it would cost less to make our educators and medical professionals more productive.
        The next morning during my Drawing I class I continued improving my drawing skills. Afterwards I read most of the reading for Friday in my World Masterpieces class. During that class we talked about how societies coddle girls and ask boys not to show any emotion and wondered if that could have any effect on how girls on the spectrum show their emotions more than boys and be mis/diagnosed with bipolar disorder. After class I passed the practice test. Then I e-mailed Dr. Mayfield asking her if I should start looking to enroll in classes for next semester and she e-mailed me back saying yes. I also sent out a group e-mail and individual e-mails to all the students in the group.
        Afterwards I got some packing tape, magnetic tape, board, and super glue at the Union bookstore. On my way back I thought of how people in inclusive classroom settings have been demonstrated in studies to have more sensitivity, problem-solving skills, and leadership skills and that if future politicians were more like that our government would do things that were more beneficial to people and “paying it forward,” like providing Head Start programs. When I got back I worked on my Gandhi yarn painting and decided to put the Indian flag in the background with the wheel Gandhi and his people used to help themselves achieve their independence. While I ran on the treadmill I did a planning drawing for a snack wrapper collage of Pablo Picasso, also on the autism spectrum. When I got back to my dorm, I worked on that bag woven from bags while I talked to Tyler. I also got a new quarter for my collection when I went down to get a snack from the vending machine.
        The next morning during my Algebra class I got a 94.12% on my test and then I finished the study guide and started on the next homework assignment. When I got back to Ellis, I read the reading for my North American Indian class and started on the role-playing assignment. During that class I got a call on my cellphone, and I later found out it was from the Office of Academic Advising, and I called them back and scheduled a meeting for next Thursday at 10:30. Then I bought some more super glue at the Union bookstore. When I got back, I took the box my mom sent my coat in into the recycling bin outside. Then I went to Walgreen’s and got some Altoids to make dioramas, floss, some packing tape, and a new quarter from my change, then I went to Hasting’s and got the November/December 2013 issue of Poets and Writers, the November 2013 issue of Shambhala Sun, Volume 17, Issue 100 of Ancient American, the November/December 2013 issue of Archaeology magazine, and National Geographic’s The World’s Greatest Empires: A History of Power. When I got back, I worked on my yarn painting of Gandhi some more. Then I talked to Tyler while I worked on some beads made from cigarette boxes. I also sorted some more recycling in Ellis.
        On Friday I didn’t have my Drawing I class so I used a lot of that time to read the reading for my World Masterpieces class. During the class I got four out of five on the quiz. After class I got a new flash drive as I lost my old one, again. I got back and reorganized my recyclables. Then I went down to Hasting’s and got a November 2013 issue of Total Film magazine with an article on the next two Hobbit movies, and Issue 105, Volume 20 of MovieMaking magazine, with screenwriting exercises and I realized now that I have plenty of screenplay ideas, I might try using some of the exercises in one of my books that I could use before because I didn’t have them. I got back and watched Spongebob during dinner, remembering how Monica watches the show. Then I worked on my Gandhi yarn painting and some Oriental stress balls made from straw wrappers. I also decided that in order to not procrastinate on the book report on the book for my North American Indian class Cahokia to try and read ten pages every night. I read eighteen while I was on the treadmill and loved it. I got back and worked on a scrapbook with a snack wrapper for a cover and made a dream catcher from a glow necklace.

        The next morning before I went to bed I made some more beads from cigarette boxes. Then I read an article on girls with Asperger syndrome, about how Asperger syndrome can culminate in depression, how Marilyn Monroe is suspected to have had Asperger syndrome, greatly contributing to her depression, how Lisa Simpson is thought of as a girl with Asperger syndrome, and how many girls with Asperger syndrome become obsessed with looks, dress, and dieting. After breakfast I went down to Hasting’s and got the Historical Collector’s Edition JKF Assassination: the 50th Anniversary Edition as well as an illustrated children’s version of a great classic The Epic of Sundiata, a West African epic called Sundiata: The Lion-King of Mali. Then I went to Bi-Lo Mart and got the current issue of National Geographic Traveler. I picked up and recycled several bottles and cans on my way back.
        Shortly after I got back, I got back I did some laundry. Then I sorted some recycling and found another non-crown bottle cap for my collection. Then I worked on that bag woven from bags and the role-playing assignment for my North American Indian class. I sorted some more recycling and made a stamp from a plastic bottle cap and some Styrofoam. I also read Sundiata at dinner during which I read that the warrior-king of Mali who freed his country from enemy invasion, was, in addition to being born unable to walk, also unable to speak. He was also driven into exile by rivals in the court of Mali shortly before Mali was invaded. Later while I ran on the treadmill, I read fifteen more pages of Cahokia. After I finished running, I saw an ad for an event on campus the next Friday at 7 called Experience Africa hosted by the UCM African Student Organization which would feature music, dancing, poetry, and fashion shows. I got back and read about half of the next day’s reading for my World Masterpieces class. I also realized that maybe, since so many girls with autism find a way to “blend in,” those who would have trouble with speech mimic speaking the way parrots, who don’t actually speak, but manipulate the muscles in their body to stimulate sound, say things.

        The next morning, I woke up earlier than usual to try and get ahead of my workload, thinking my World Masterpieces take-home exam was due on Friday when it was actually due next Monday. I used that time to work on some bike streamers made from snack wrappers. On my way back to the dorm from my Drawing I class I found another pebble for my collection. I finished reading all the reading for my World Masterpieces class and I got a four out of five on the day’s quiz. Afterwards I tried to finish all of the assignment for the next day for my College Algebra class but there were some problems I had a lot of trouble with and couldn’t focus so well on all of the sudden. I got some help in the Student Success Center though some of the tutors took a while to get to me and figure out what to do. I got done all I could before taking a break to eat dinner, which I did with Autrey and Amanda while I worked on that bag, then worked until the Union computer lab closed at eight, realizing that I was really exhausted from hearing Tyler with his problems with Mary. I started understanding how many girls on the spectrum can get tired from trying to blend in with others and wondered if all the work they put into physical appearance was to help them feel respected by their peers and thought I needed one of my medications to do this in the future. I didn’t go to the Rec Center that night but read twelve more pages of Cahokia. I later called my mom and reminded her to wire one hundred fifty dollars from home to my account at school. I also talked to Tyler a little bit. I also wondered if Marilyn Monroe never put so much work into her looks to get respect.
        The next morning, I finished my Algebra homework and only got less than half a percent off for lateness. After class I worked on my North American Indian role-playing paper. Despite feeling limited energy, I managed to go to the UCM Autism Spectrum Support Group meeting and Tom and Dr. Mayfield were still the only ones who showed up. However, when I suggested several activities for next week, such as bingo, trivia, or ice breakers, Tom said, “Bingo,” this time with a lot more enthusiasm and Dr. Mayfield said she thought that would be great and said she would bring prizes to. When I got back to my dorm, I read some more of the blog post on women with Asperger syndrome by Tania Marshall and saw it also included a great sense of humor. After that I made another stamp from a plastic bottle cap and Styrofoam and I ate dinner with Connor, John, and a few other people from my hall. I worked on some Oriental stress balls afterwards and some earrings made from bread tops. I read twelve more pages of Cahokia on the treadmill and shortly after I got back, I talked to Tyler some more explaining how I felt about always listening to his problems about Mary and he agreed to talk about them less.
        The next day during my Drawing I class I learned how to do better wrist movement by balancing my hand on the paper. Later I got an idea to make a Green Man face from plastic bottle caps and wire. I finished my Algebra practice quiz after my World Masterpieces class got out, and then I worked on and edited the role-playing paper for my North American Indian class. I got back to my dorm and worked on my mandala made from plastic bags and started on my Green Man made from bottle caps. I covered my giraffe sculpture made from snack wrappers with packing tape to make it sturdier and have a nicer texture and realized that like a giraffe, I have my head high even when there’s trouble. Later on, I went to a SexEd trivia on my floor and then I read another twelve pages of Cahokia. I also talked to Tyler some more while I made five more stamps made from plastic bottle caps and Styrofoam. I also realized how I’m sort of like a giraffe in that I’m very independent.

 

        The next morning, I went to my academic advising meeting with Krisana and enrolled for Modern Sub-Saharan Africa on-line, Early American Literature, World Archaeology, and Film Appreciation, also on-line. Then I went to my Algebra class where I got one hundred percent on the quiz and got more than halfway through the study guide. I read most of the reading for my North American Indian class afterwards while I sat with Alex at lunch. After class I finished that paper and e-mailed to my instructor before the deadline at 12. I also got a call from the Office of Student Financial Services and found out I needed to fill out a tax registration form and went over to their office and got one. After fixing some of my flowers made from straws and my giraffe sculpture, I ate dinner with Oscar, Logan, and a first-year THRIVE student whose name I forgot and found out from Logan that Ryan collects bottle caps like I do by going onto Coca-Cola’s website and winning bottle caps as prizes. I later saw Ryan at the THRIVE Halloween party and he said he’d sometime show me how to do that. Later I ran on the treadmill while I read ten more pages of Cahokia. I got back and talked to Tyler some more. I also talked to my mom who I found out had sent the money she said she would.