Great Losses

The next morning I made a braided leather bracelet and read my Modern Sub-Saharan Africa textbook while I was at breakfast. I also realized I’m doing a lot of good for the autistic community by providing information on local resources. Then I worked on some bracelets, which will have some Thich Nhat Hanh quotes, and some necklaces, which will say “UCM,” made from my leather scraps. I also ate dinner with Alex, Anna, Amanda, and Kriti, the former of who told me Culture Night is next Saturday at 6. She also told me of the Thai iced tea they had down at Siam.

I got back and read that Zen teaches that any art, whether painting, calligraphy, or tea ceremony, can be an object of meditation when they are finished. I watched a lot of The Bicycle Thief and was amazed that I was able to pick up on some of the Italian with the help of the English subtitles.  While running, I read a lot of the reading for my Modern Sub-Saharan Africa class and talked to Jacob and Wonyang. When I got back I told my granddad how I had started growing tired of arts and crafts, including flute-playing and photography, and would have loved to do something like archery, or even horse-back riding, one of the eight original contemplative arts, of it were available in this environment, and he said I had a lot of talent and needed to take some time for myself. I almost felt as if I had no work this weekend. I thought while I took a shower that I could pay my flute outside as few people will be out there in that weather, and I could use it to lift the spirits of people walking in this weather, but also that I could do some rock-climbing at the Rec Center, which could be a meditation on bravery, and I could invite Sinho along, as well as Hillary and Philip if they’d be willing to brave this weather. I read about a lot of the Tibetan Buddhist saints in my Lonely Planet books trying to get a perspective on my creative apathy, and I read that many of them were poets, singers (I play the flute, as I’m not much of a singer most times), artists, activists, and inventors, and suddenly I felt more connected to my usual passions, and that somehow, all was truly wonderful.

                The next morning I figured out more of my travel plans to Tibet. After meditating and showering I ate breakfast with Autrey. I got back and collected some sand on my floor from my shoes into one of my Altoids tins. I watched more of The Bicycle Thieves. Then I had dinner with Connor before getting back to watching finishing the movie. I also started on my Modern Sub-Saharan Africa post which I didn’t finish today because it was due for full credit today at 3, not 12, and it now basically doesn’t matter when I get it in before the deadline. After running I finished my Film Appreciation paper. I also took a shower again to keep myself awake for my meditation journal. 

    

The next day I also ate munch with Anna, Oscar, Mary, and Levi. Afterwards I saw a link Laci had shared about a fundraiser that was to something to do with helping people who dealt with a loss, but I hardly could pay attention in my dazed state of mind and liked it instantly. I realized that she could really be nervous about her presentation, which I could understand from going on television with Chris Hernandez. I also took a shower to keep myself awake for my meditation journal with another shower. 

I sorted some more recycling before going to bed the next morning. Later I also saw Barbara liked my warrior picture, and Jamie liked my post about Alexis Wineman’s call for acceptance, and that Brittany Pallone from my high school, and Michael liked my post on the Combat Autism Act. I ate at Siam afterwards and had some delicious Thai Iced Tea for the first time with my meal. I got back and made another heart-shaped pin from straws. I worked on my yarn made from plastic bags while I ran on the treadmill. I got back and I talked to Tyler and wished him a happy birthday, then to my dad, while I worked made another flower and two more heart-shaped pins from straws, and my dad told me that if one girl can like Tyler, then so can another. At Late Night I worked on my plarn for my bag.

I wrote my thank you note to Uncle Andy and Aunt Marge, and then read a lot of the reading for my Film Appreciation class, during which time I decided to check out and watch some of those films they mention on DharmaFlix and other Buddhist reviews, especially the comedy ones like American Beauty, to help figure out my filmmaking style some more. Then I mailed my note before going to the UCM Autism Spectrum Support Group meeting. There we decided to e-mail agendas to people to get their interest level up, while Barbara thought of some potential guest speakers such as a man who started a sports team for people with disabilities, which could cause people in my group to join and introduce others who might join to my group, and someone from the speech clinic, while I suggested someone from Trio. I also decided we could send out a Survey Monkey survey to the THRIVE students about what times would work for them and what activities they would like, and that I could invite the THRIVE students to an informal gathering in the Chic Filet area so I could speak to them about the group, and get together to see a movie at the Union theater with THRIVE students as well as Hillary, Philip, and Mardy and invite members and potential members along, and send e-mails out to the heads of groups like the Association of Student Social Workers and the Psychology Club, to forward to their members in case they’re interested, and Barbara told me that there’s an organization of education and special education students. I realized that the JCCC Autism Spectrum Support Group having eighty members should really spread a lot of awareness about autism and in a small town like Warrensburg it could do a lot more, and Barbara suggested we could open up the group to high school students in Warrensburg. She also liked my idea of me giving prizes to the THRIVE program for their award ceremonies.  She also said the sorority that helped set up the THRIVE formal may be willing to help us.

“What sorority was that?” I asked.

“Alpha Sigma Alpha.”

I saw my mom had thanked me for sending her the petition about the Combat Autism Act and said she would see what she could do. Then I set up another meeting for next Wednesday, and e-mailed Sean asking if he could send me all the papers we used for the JCCC group when he had the chance, though I later found out I sent it to the wrong address. I worked some more on my yarn while running and when I got back I told my dad about all the ideas Barbara and I had for the group, and he thought they were really good. Then at Late Night, I saw Hillary and Philip, and worked on my yarn.  Again I took a shower to keep myself awake for my meditation journal.

The next morning I had lunch with Anna and another THRIVE, both of whom saw me and just sat down next to me, while I read more of the reading for my Early American Literature class. I also decided to use the wood I found for wood burning and buy balsa wood, or whatever my dad said is the softest type of wood preferred by woodcarvers, to carve Buddha and Merlin figurines student, I did see Laci walking by after class, too far from me for me to greet her, though she saw me, and indeed there was a touch of fear in her face. Then I got back and worked on my coasters made from paper plates and Styrofoam, which I decided to just to give one of away for door prizes. I also talked to my granddad, who liked all the ideas Barbara and I came up with yesterday. I read more of the reading for my Film Appreciation class afterwards. Then I found out I got a ten out of ten on last week’s post for my Modern Sub-Saharan Africa class. I watched Bartholomew’s Song, and wrote and saved my post for it, though I didn’t yet post it as the computer wouldn’t let me, and I found out it’s not due for full credit until Sunday so I didn’t have to take care of it just now. Later that night I talked to my mom who also liked our ideas for the group before going down to a gas station and getting some snacks, including two bottled drinks with new caps for my collection, including, for the sake of collecting, a Monster Energy drink. On my way back I picked up several more recyclables, and when I got to my dorm I found that, to my surprise, the Monster Energy drink did not taste so bad, though I didn’t think I would be drinking it again. 

The next morning, before going to bed, I realized that I really gave Emily a reason to like me when she, Jack, and I were at a drugs and alcohol talk and the speaker asked us all if we had ever lost a loved one due to drugs and alcohol, and Emily, who had, started crying and I caressed her back, and the next morning in class the subject of a friend of hers who died a long time ago came up, and she started crying, and I caressed her back again, and she started crying and I caressed her back, and when Jack’s mom died and she started crying I put my arm around her. I also had a dream where Emily was staying near me for a while and talked to me in a very romantic voice as though she hadn’t realized we hadn’t talked for the last few months and wondered if that meant we were back together if I wanted it to be so, which I wouldn’t have minded in the dream, though I realized we would still be in a long-distance relationship. After meditating and showering, I looked up ‘ex-girlfriend’ in the dream dictionary, and it said it doesn’t necessarily mean you still have feelings for the girl, but that you’ve come a long way since the relationship, but you can also perhaps have fond memories of it, and something about that relationship may be manifesting in a current relationship. I took my Modern Sub-Saharan Africa test and I’m most certain I did well on it and may even have gotten one hundred.  Then I saw on Laci’s Facebook page a fund for the families of two female UCM students in Alpha Sigma Alpha who had been killed in a car wreck on March 1^st, and I realized Laci probably knew them through Greek interaction, so I posted on her page saying I would attend the vigil on the 12th, which I read about in the e-mail, and that I was of a mind that she knew those students and in that case I wanted to offer my condolences as much and as powerfully as I could, though it’s just not enough, and I shared the link on my page, wishing much metta to the girls and their loved ones. I somehow thought back strongly to Emily. I also learned I later posted a post about a vigil for disability advocates who were murdered by their trusted caregivers, wishing them much metta, which Brittany liked very quickly.  I invited several friends to like the National Council on Independent Living and the Kansas Center for Autism Research and Training, and Elizabeth accepted my invitation to the first and Jamie and Britney accepted my invitation to K-CART.  Two friends unfriended me perhaps because of all these invitations, but that was ok as I don’t need them. I ate dinner later with Connor, Mary, and Paige.  I also talked to my granddad about what I did with Laci and he said I had a way with words and was bound to show Laci I was thinking of her and the circle of people affected by these deaths, and it would mean a lot to Laci, and that how I comforted Emily gave her all the more reason to like me.  I worked on my plarn some more on the treadmill, and when I got back I talked to my dad, who was sure that my words to Laci would mean a lot to her, who I suddenly felt so bad for, along with many others.  I called my dad again to ask him what was considered to be the best wood for woodcarving and he said bass, which you could get on Amazon. I then went down to Break Time and got a new non-crown bottle cap from my drink there and some Altoids, and picked up and recycled some recyclables on my way back. I made another heart-shaped pin and three more flowers from straws. I called my mom to tell her I was doing well on medication and she said she had some new bottle caps for me from Hawaii. I took a shower again to keep myself awake to write in my meditation journal. I also realized that it was kind of interesting that Emily kept having ways to bring up her friend’s deaths and cried so many times. Somehow, not as if these two things were related, I remembered Facebook also told me that Emily was a mutual friend of Laci’s, perhaps from the Rush Week, where Emily had been invited to her organization. Something was going on in my head, yet at the time I seemed to be unable to make heads or tails of it. 

That next morning however I did not get one second of sleep. I could not help but think of the girls, Erin Hook and Jennifer Reeder, and the people who were affected by it, and I knew all too well why. I thought of the parents and how the heard of this accident with no warning on what seemed like an ordinary day and what caused it would never change. I cried unable to help myself, and as I waited for a video on my phone on the deaths to come up, I simply panicked saying, “Come on!”  As Sinho heard me moaning as if I had been stabbed, he said calmly, “Are you alright? Are you sick?”

“No, I’m fine, Sinho. Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“Ah, no, no, no.”

I also suddenly felt it was interesting to note that when Emily had cried about the loss of her friends two years ago while in our Learning Strategies class, and I caressed her back, I remembered our teacher, Mrs. Carter smiled at me and said, “Ben, it’s ok.” Moreover, I remembered how for one of our assignments on goal setting, I put “find a girlfriend,” and during the THRIVE meeting I had with her (something all students did), she mentioned that goal, and offered as a bit of friendly advice to, “surround myself with friends and when I least expected it, it would happen,” remarkably similar to what my granddad had said when he heard Emily and I were dating. I felt better as I ate with Mary, Anna, and Paige, who all planned to go down to Planet Sub with anyone who would come, and I said I’d come if they’d like that, and Mary said very serenely that I could come and hang out with them whenever I wanted. I remembered how Buddhism teaches that love is the bond that awakens us all from our illusion of separateness, which is in fact, the source of our suffering. I went down with Oscar and Paige-Mary went home for that day-and I heard Ryan knew the two girls. I went down to Ryan’s room and gave him my condolences and offered to go down to the vigil on Wednesday, and he appreciated it, hugged me, and lent me a shirt for the service. Ryan also said the THRIVE group might meet on Monday at 7:30 in the Ellis TV Lounge. I decided I would make those coasters for Aunt Laura over the break and donate a portion of the money to the scholarship fund created in one of the girl’s honor, and another portion to the Autistic Self-Advocacy Network. I also wrote a post on my other blog The Autist Dharma, wishing all the loved ones of Hook and Reeder my condolences, and then (partly for feeling I had to reward my viewers for reading a post that was not directly autism or Buddhism-related, wrote a post evaluating a summit meeting on autism in November of 2013. It had been my first two Autist Dharma posts in months, even if only one was what I intended to do with the blog, and really wanted to go out and celebrate. I went to the Culture Night, where one performance that interested me was the Buddhist dance from Korea, and I videotaped several performances until my camera had no more memory. I went back to my dorm and went to sleep without writing in my meditation journal as I was so tired and felt so bad because I promised to write in here the next day, for my children, and felt a little annoyed.  

The next morning I realized that you can remember the great times you have with people like those girls without feeling sorrow, like I do about many things in my life that have come to pass, and that my thoughtfulness towards the people affected will show I can appreciate what they feel. I also realized that I helped quite a few THRIVE students and Horizon students by being a role model for good social skills, and that I could take more pictures by getting some on my computer and deleting them on my phone. That day I ate with Antwon and made a lot of plarn for a belt, but got so frustrated as it could tangled up and I got short with Sinho as he tried to help and shook the plarn in my anger and the yarn seemed to whip him in his face.

“Ow, you hit me.”

“Oh, Sinho. I’m sorry!” I exclaimed, feeling guilty, and he looked me straight in the eye and said, “It’s ok.”

When I ran on the treadmill, I didn’t even bother sorting the recycling because I was too tired. I did make a lot of progress on the belt, which I wanted for the vigil so I could have a nice belt, as my current one was very raggedy. 

 

The next day I did a lot of work on my belt, and the day after that I got up early to read some reading for my Early American Literature class and do some laundry. Patty, the kind elderly woman who worked at the swipe-in counter, saw my belt and inquired. I told her about it and she nodded sympathetically. She also said, “Honey, you’re shaking. You need to eat more.” I heard in my Early American Literature class a person saying that one of the girls, an elementary education major, made some kids at the Warrensburg school stop wearing those bracelets that said “Boobies,” and that there were so many more important things going on. I did not feel upset about how they talked about Hook. On the contrary, I felt rather glad for them: I was happy they could be so unaffected, unlike how I was. I saw on Alpha Sigma Alpha’s Facebook page that Philip liked several posts about the girls, and saw Hillary had changed her Facebook picture to those girl’s pictures and knew them. I felt better thinking of the bottle caps Mom had for me and when I saw some apple pie in the cafeteria. I went down to Crazy Dog’s thinking that if I had both apple pie and found another bottle cap that night, it was a sign that universe wanted me to be happy, and I got two new bottle caps from a soda and a beer, and would get a new bottle cap from a different beer the next night. I didn’t enjoy it like I would have because I saw a girl sitting at a table and on the back of her shirt it said “Alpha Sigma Alpha,” and I wanted to wish her my condolences and finish my beer so I could leave afterwards if it wasn’t the right thing to do. I figured She won’t enjoy those girls for the rest of her life, so I can give up enjoying beer for one night, and I said I realized she was from ASA, and after I wished her my condolences, her face just lit up and she thanked me. 

The next day I also finished my belt. I also got a new bottle cap from a beer that, this time, I decided to savor at Crazy Dog’s. I sorted some recycling at the Rec Center as usual. I called Hillary via Ryan’s phone and we agreed to go down together with Ryan, Philip, and Mardy. I told her about how I had cried over the loss and she seemed rather surprised, as well as touched by it. She said she had also lost a pet and a grandparent this semester.  I asked Hillary, “These two girls, did they have boyfriends?”

“Yes,” said Hillary.  “And they are just devastated!”

I thought though that the girl’s significant others would learn to love from this experience in a way that would enrich any relationship they had in a year from now, which is often how long it takes to move on. I realized there’s more to grief than mourning: there’s rediscovering your identity. I realized that I however, have always had something to give me an identity. 

I saw Hillary the next morning and she agreed with me on the girl’s boyfriends. I also met John as I met with Hillary after her Trio classes. I realized the kindness I show the people suffering is contagious, and the kindness I show people in general is contagious, as is the kindness you show all people about anything. As I was going down to the UCM Autism Spectrum Support Group Game Night I saw Laci going in that direction, and I said, “Hi, how are you?” and she smiled widely, looking me straight in the eye and said, “Good. How are you?” She did look kind of shaken as she looked at me.  She walked down to the end of the hallway where our room was, only to go up the stairs in a direction that she could have taken on the floor above me.

Tom was at Game Night and I felt truly myself there, but still very shaken by the girl’s deaths. I went down to Crazy Dog’s and got that other bottle cap there and had a beer to make up for the one I hadn’t enjoyed the last night. As I walked back I picked up some recyclables and a woman at the Campus House saw me doing that there and called out “Thank you,” to me. Ryan came to my room and I gave him a brownie from the game night that Barbara had made, hoping to give one to Hillary, Philip, and Mardy, but Ryan and I ended up meeting the others at Mardy’s room. At the vigil I let Ryan and another guy use my candle to light theirs and had my arm around Hillary and Ryan a lot of the time.  Candle light always seemed to have something moving to it, and I thought perhaps that was why it has been used for meditation in the Tibetan Buddhist faith. I teared up when I heard one of the girl’s friends hear about how the girl’s died when she was expecting to hang out with them after work in her hometown an hour’s drive away, and how one of the girl’s was going to be an aunt. Of all of us, Mardy seemed to be the most composed of the group, though I thought to myself that didn’t necessarily mean anything. I saw Mckenzie, and went up to her and asked if she was alright, and she looked me straight in the eye and said she was.  I asked Emily from my Drawing I class, who teared up in a friend’s arms if she was alright and she said she was ok. Afterwards, the five of us went down to New China Buffet together, talking about the girls, and I organized a toast to them. I also heard Hillary say no one had heard from Emily and they didn’t even know if she was still alive. I said, “Well I guess Emily was a little immature.

The next morning I thought of how the significant others may need a year or so to move on, but even then, in that time, they may develop fondness and closeness for people around them. That next day I felt much better about the girls, though still too tired to read that much of the reading for my Early American Literature class. I realized some days are just harder than others, and whatever we need to do to grief, we just need to do. As the day progressed however, I thought of what Hillary said about Emily and my heart starting aching and I couldn’t focus on anything else. I had said the night before that she was a typical immature attention-loving college girl. I wished I had said she was loyal, selfless, hard-working, brave, polite, and a good friend. She invited me to everything she went to, stuck by my whenever I vented my about anything Cassie-related on her or Jack, always interested in hearing about what was going on with Cassie and I, and comforted me when it looked bleak, even though she liked me, was at Jack’s mom’s funeral with me, knew her rights as someone with ADHD in school and was able to stand up for herself, and was very good with children. Had Emily joined Alpha Omicrom Pi, as she had been invited to, would they have given her such a wonderful vigil? I felt Emily deserved it at least as much as Hook and Reeder. As I entered my World Archaeology class and sat down, Yelton seemed to have some sympathy to his demeanor that I had not noticed in him before. I was relieved anyway to find gotten a ninety-five percent on my test which he handed back. 

I did find out Emily was alive though and that her grandfather at age seventy-five had died on December 4^th. As my mom arrived at UCM, I was relieved to hear her say, “I guess you’re kind of tired to drive, huh?” 

I explained to her that this was indeed the case, and how the girl’s deaths had affected me.  She was shocked, considering I had only met them once or twice at the THRIVE formals, and said, “As hard as it is, people do move on.” 

I told her about Emily, and after talking about it for a few minutes, she said, “Ben, I wonder, maybe a girl who would be best is for you is,” she paused, and continued, “a girl on the spectrum: someone who understands what you have.” 

I sighed. Part of me in fact, still had trouble resisting that idea. I also thought a great deal back to Cassie, and thought how strange it was that so many of the things I loved about her-her socially isolated sort of existence, her often frantic desire to keep up with all her school demands, her messy hair, her youthful looks, her incredible singing voice, and her pursuit of a helping profession-were all things that Tania Marshall, the world’s leading specialist in girls with Asperger syndrome, mentioned in girls as common traits of Asperger syndrome. I also knew that had Cassie been still at UCM, she would have indeed been very comforting and compassionate towards my grief over these girls. 

After I got home I talked to Erin to plan for us to get together over Spring Break, so we could both give each other our Christmas and birthday presents we had gotten each other,and catch up on our lives. She seemed very friendly after I had told her about the girls and how I broke down in tears over them. A few minutes later I saw on my phone a text that said, “Hey.”

“Hey.” I replied. “Who is this?”

“Emily.”

“I’m sorry which Emily?  It’s just I know a lot of Emily’s.”

“From THRIVE.”

We started texting back and forth, as if we had never gone a long period without talking, and eventually I told her how two girls who we met at the THRIVE formal and with the sorority that organized it, had died in a car wreck.

“Aww.” She texted. I mentioned to her that I had broken down in tears after hearing about it, and at the vigil.

“Aww.  Im sorry.”  She texted back.

“Thank you.” I texted her. 

I guess Emily had not wanted to be my girlfriend still. That was ok. Part of me believed, hoped, felt, or perhaps knew that something great appeared to be on its way, even if it ever seemed unlikely to me, or anyone, that it was in fact a good thing for me. 

First Week of the Autism Group

Note: this post mentions several individuals from the UCM Autism Spectrum Support Group. The names of these individuals have been changed to protect their privacy.

On Monday morning I learned how to draw much more 3-dimensionally in my Drawing I class.  Then at my World Masterpieces class I got a five out of five on the quiz. Then I got back to my dorm and organized all the material I planned to repurpose. Then I worked on my lampshade. After that I went down to the Lovinger computer lab and filled out an application form for a room in the Union for the UCM Autism Spectrum Support Group to meet and I finished my math review. 

                I got back to my dorm and made another flower from straws and made a vase to put all these flowers in from a Pringles can. After dinner I made three more pencil cups from Pringles cans and two more cable holders from toilet paper rolls. I also took some more photos. I texted Emily later though I didn’t hear back from her. That night at Late Night I worked on my handbag over a root beer float from dispensed root beer and ice cream from the soft-serving machine Tyler came up with, which we had together every night last year. I also called my mom and found out she had sent my money to my account at UCM. Then on my phone I saw a design from a Korean Buddhist temple and went back to my dorm and started making some toilet paper roll wall art like it. 

                The next day I read the reading for the last North American Indian class, which was online, and nobody could access the link to. After class as I sorted some more recycling, I found a stamp for my stamp collection showing Thomas Jefferson, America’s autistic president, as well as two new Snapple caps. On the way back I took some pictures. For dinner I had apple sauce for my fruit as it wouldn’t result in me throwing anything into the landfill. After dinner I made two more pencil cups from Pringles cans and worked on my lampshade. I thought Raun Kaufman, the poster child for his parent’s home-grown autism recovery program probably only inspires neurotypicals and self-hating autistics, while I’ve inspired people with various mental and perceptual abilities. 

             While I running, I read most of the reading for The Odyssey then sorted a lot of recycling. I got back and took several photos and worked on my handbag. I saw Kyley as she was leaving the hall, and we said hi, and I realized the people on my hall really do seem to value me. Meanwhile, while I had been taking a lot of pictures of my stuff to repurpose, I felt that is fine as Lao Tzu in The Tao Te Ching said, there is nothing better than uncut wood or raw silk, from which great things arise. I got back to my dorm and worked on my toilet paper roll wall art, which I got some pictures of. 

              I took a few photos before I went to my Drawing I class the next day. There I prefect my drawing technique some more. Later I found out one of my prescriptions had been refilled. Then I started working on my coasters made from straws.

              I had lunch with Autrey before my World Masterpieces class. On my way to that class I took some pictures and realized that color and texture can help us realize what we’re seeing and tell a lot about what’s in the photo. I took some more photos after class. Then I got a new issue of American Cinematographer from a stack in the Communications Building before getting one hundred percent on my Algebra practice quiz. Then I talked to Tyler a little bit.

                I read on-line that many students in inclusive education develop better social skills, which I thought it may be due to interacting more with regular students. Then I signed two petitions afterwards, one to a website asking them to take down and apologize for material claiming there is a link between autism and pedophilia and another to Goodwill asking them to pay their disabled workers fair wages while their executives make six figure earnings. I got back and made another pencil cup from a Pringles can. Then I worked on a bracelet made from snack wrappers. I also thought of how spending every minute of one’s day home from school for non-neurotypical people can take away from one’s sleep, worsening their school performance, and creating a vicious cycle. While running, I made a bracelet from strips of plastic bag. I went to Late Night with Ro, Connor, and Mckenzie afterwards.  Autrey joined us shortly after that and got to meet Connor. 

                The next day at my Algebra class I took the test and got 82.35%, my highest grade ever on an Algebra test since I had an Algebra teacher named Mark Hills, who happened to have Asperger syndrome, at JCCC, which was around an 81%, and that was in a pre-college Algebra class. I viewed the video lectures for the next lesson able to go back if I needed to and learned how the internet and technology can allow us to accommodate people with disabilities in a cost-efficient manner. I got back, took out my trash and recycling, and found some more pebbles for my collection. I also realized that my arts and crafts seem to have the elements of texture and color much like miksang photography and about how the Buddhist art of dressage, contemplative horseback riding, is about working with another being’s body and how that is sort of like the art of Tango. 

                I read more of the reading for my North American Indian class and read in their about how in our society, people taking on opposite gender roles were thought of as strange, unlike in Native American societies, and that lead to them having second-class status, much like with disabled people.  During the class I was able to connect everything the instructor said fairly well. I also realized people view struggling as a way to identify autism, learning disabilities, and other cognitive differences, yet we never heard of Thomas Jefferson or Charles Darwin struggling it seems and we could identify them both as having autism, and autism and other cognitive disabilities could also be perhaps identified with strengths rather than just weaknesses, all the more reason the idea of autistic pride is so important. I also remembered the poster out in the hall with the Dalai Lama, and a quote saying, “The more you are motivated by compassion, the more fearless your actions will become.” I also realized I could put more images for magnets, cable holders, and pencil cups on one sheet of paper to start saving paper. 

                As I sorted some more recycling, I found another new Snapple cap. After dinner I found out my mom had gotten my medications. Then I worked on my lampshade and finished two bracelets made from snack wrappers. When I got back from the Rec Center I worked more on my handbag. 

                The next day I learned some new drawing techniques in my Drawing I class, and then I took some more photos. I went to my World Masterpieces class where I got an A on my first response paper and a three out of five on the quiz. After class I found out the first meeting for the UCM Autism Spectrum Support Group would be on Tuesday from 3:30-4:30 in Union Room 308 and I e-mailed it to Barbara to forward to the students registered with autism in her office so that I got send a message to them and no one would see their names. I got back to my dorm, and I started making a picture frame for the picture I got from the Campus Kick-Off from a paper plate. Afterwards I went to the Art Shoppe where I got some more embroidery floss and picked up some cans and bottles to recycle. Then I went to Crazy Dog’s where I got a new bottle cap for my collection and tried unsuccessfully to make coasters from snack wrappers but did get the idea to make Oriental stress balls from pulp dried up from paper straw wrappers and give one pair to Tyler to help him deal with his stress. I realized as much as people are imperfect, it makes us work harder to love and accept them and be better able to work with and relate to different kinds of people. When I got back to my dorm, I also realized I could make my paper plate picture frame stronger if I put a cardboard square inside. 

                The next day, while I was showering, I thought of how during Gandhi’s peaceful resistance to British rule, the violent crackdown on the protests at Amritsar Temple may have made the British more careful about using violence on protesters with the press probably seeing such violence being used against peaceful protester moreover at one of the holiest Sikh sites. I remembered learning in my History of India class at Johnson County Community College how the Gandhian strategy of boycotting British clothes and gathering their own salt had been so effective against the British Empire because the British needed the funds to colonize India. After breakfast I took some more pictures and read more of Sahara. Then went to the library where I sorted some recycling and e-mailed Sean Swindler from the JCCC Autism Spectrum Support Group asking him if he could send me the interest surveys we used at JCCC, which asked a person’s basic information, a checklists of interests, social strengths, areas they wanted to improve, how they learned best, whether they had an IEP in high school, their goals for the group, and anything else they wanted us to know, to help us get to know the students better and plan activities for them. Then I went to Hasting’s, taking several pictures on the way and getting the current issue of American Archaeology. Then I went to Bi-Lo Mart where I got shredded mozzarella cheese, pepperoni, and bagels.  I got back and took several pictures on the way. 

                I worked on some Oriental stress balls made from straw wrappers, and then Richard from my hall invited me to eat dinner with him. I did or rather had more of a pre-dinner snack as later I ate dinner at Sonic as a way of rewarding myself for working so hard on Ben’s Blog. I was glad I had a lot of hobbies to help me relax, which is a very Easter philosophical approach, often taught by Taoism. Later I got a new nickel for my collection while at the Rec Center before running on the treadmill for two-and-a-half hours, while reading up on travel with my Lonely Planet books on Kenya and Northeast India. I also found out that I had sent my e-mail for Sean to the wrong address, so I looked it up, retyped, and resent the e-mail on my phone.

                The next morning, I read more of Sahara. Then I found out Dr. Mayfield had sent e-mails out to all the students and while I was napping, I saw Sean had e-mailed me back saying he was getting back into town the next day and would love to e-mail me the papers in town and would love to have lunch with me sometimes if I was ever home to visit. I got out of bed and went to the library, as my Ethernet cord had broken, and e-mailed Sean back thanking him for sending me the papers and would love to get together and eat with him some weekend while at home. I also thanked him for helping me get these groups together, saying I thought they would soon help make things happen in a way we were only beginning to understand. I got back to my dorm and made a toilet paper roll diorama of Boudhnath Stupa in Nepal. Tyler texted me later saying, “You are my favorite brother I have you through thick and thin always thank you.” I also read more of the reading for my World Masterpieces class while running on the treadmill for two-and-a-half hours. 

                On Monday I took part in a two-person drawing that was in two-point perspective. After that I took some more pictures. I also thought that maybe if people on the spectrum were given the services they need, they might not overeat, and we wouldn’t pay for so many health problems. Later I nearly finished the study guide for my Algebra class and finished the on-line assignment. After that I took some more pictures. I also learned how to stitch a book together on-line and about making snack wrappers into bicycle streamers. I also talked to Tyler some more.

                The next day I got help with the last problem I needed to do in my Algebra class and found a problem I did wrong and corrected it. On my way to my Algebra class, I got a picture of a bronze heart sculpture in the library. I got one hundred percent on my Algebra quiz. Afterwards I read the rest of the reading for my North American Indian class at lunch, found out Sean had sent the surveys, e-mailed him thanking him, and then printed fifty off.

                After my North American Indian class, I went upstairs in the Union where the group would be held, but Dr. Mayfield and I waited for at least half an hour, and no one came. We talked and finally two young women, one thirty, and one eighteen walked up to where we had a room reserved. I asked them, “Are you here for the meeting here?”

                “Yeah,” said the younger one.

                I asked the younger one her name.

                “Joe,” she said.

                “Thank you,” I said then turning the older one said, “And you.”

                “Lavender.”

                “Thank you."

                I took their names down in a notebook and then I gave Joe and Lavender interest surveys and told them to hand them back to me when they were done. After I got them back, we started the meeting with introductions. First, I introduced myself, telling them about how I started the group, then Dr. Mayfield, then the two girls, who I learned were sisters. I told them we only had a few simple rules: avoid any put-down like comments or sharing of one’s own or other’s private information, and how if one had something they needed to talk about with someone, they could see a peer mentor. Then we took four minutes to pair up two people and get to know three things about the other person. I paired up with Lavender and Dr. Mayfield paired up with Joe and we took four minutes. I learned how Lavender looked cats, grew up in Warrensburg, and went to school in North Carolina. I also heard Joe tell Dr. Mayfield she was interested in creative writing. After four minutes was over, we shared what we learned about the other person with the whole group. Then I asked them all what they thought would be a great idea for us to do the next week, mentioning a couple of ideas, including a Game Night.

                “Game Nights good,” said Lavender. “Because I have a lot of games. I have one game that we can play that can hold up to twelve players since we don’t know how many people we’ll have next week."  Joe nodded.

                “Game Night would be good,” said Dr. Mayfield.

                “Alright, Game Night it is,” I said.

                On the whole I was really pleased with how the group had turned out that day. I sorted a little bit of recycling after that like I would have normally done after class and a guy saw me doing and asked me, “Are you recycling?”

                “Yeah,” I said.

                “Thank you,” he said.

                I took out my trash and recycling when I got back. I told my mom she was just thrilled and I also asked her if she could send me several corks to make some bottle cap magnets and she said yes. Afterwards I read most of the reading for my World Masterpieces class while running on the treadmill. Later I told my dad and grandparents who the meeting went. They were also thrilled. I saw sure enough that Joe’s survey said Creative Writing, while Lavender’s said Crafts/Projects and Art/Painting. I also talked to Tyler some more.

                The next day, after passing by a guy near the bridge handing out bibles, I worked on the assignment we had for the day in my Drawing I class. Then I read more of the reading for my World Masterpieces class. During that class I got a four out of five on the quiz. Afterwards I sorted some recycling during which I noticed several dead bees in coffee shop cups. A woman sitting nearby me thanked me for that while another guy said, “Good job.” In the trash I found several bibles and a guy passed by me saying, “Oh good, you’re recycling.” Then he asked me, “What are all those books?”

                “Oh, these are bibles people have thrown away.”

                “I’ll take one,” he said.

                “Sure,” I said. “There’s two versions. Which one do you want?”

                I don’t care.” I gave him both of them. 

                Soon another thought occurred to me about how bureaucrats will withhold services from people with autism, saying they are too expensive. Yet I’ve heard it said that the most successful people with autism are the ones who advocate the most aggressively for their kids. I thought that if the courts kept going to battle with the parents, it would eventually cost more than providing them with the right services. On my way back I ran into Mrs. Carter from my first year in THRIVE and we stopped, said hi, and talked for a bit. Then I got back to the dorm and gave Connor one of the bibles and started on a Buddha sculpture made from tin foil. I returned my library books and sorted some recycling in the library, careful not to be too noisy. I saw an exhibit of shells down on the first floor which I got several pictures of, getting in the color, light, and texture. I felt encouraged to slow down not worrying about what things like what our government with its spending cuts do our schools and people with disabilities as bigots it has been said, are more likely to suffer heart problems raising the costs of health insurance, losing both good health and paying lower taxes. I also saw an ethnic musical instrument display which I admired fondly, thinking of my ethnic musical instrument collection. 

               I printed off more of the images for the UCM Autism Spectrum Support Group items at the Lovinger and the girl at the desk asked me what they were for, and I explained how I was making magnets from bottle caps, cable holders from toilet paper rolls, and pencil cups from Pringles cans. 

                “That’s really cool,” she said.

                After that I sorted some more recycling at the Lovinger building. After I was leaving the Rec Center, a guy walking back to me said with a slightly thick Caribbean accent, “Hey I see you a lot at the Rec Center.”

                “Oh, yeah, I go down there every night.”

                “Yeah, I work there.”

                “That’s cool.” 

                “My name’s Francis.”

                “Ben,” I said shaking his hand. “Do you live around here?”

                “I live in an apartment a little bit away,” he said.

                “Cool, what’s your major?”

                “Mechanics,” he said.  “What about you?”

                “Mine is Cultural Studies.”

                “That’s cool,” he said. “Well, I got to go. See ya.”

                “See ya.” I got back to the dorm and talked to Tyler.

                I saw my psychiatrist Dr. Mays, who worked part time in Warrensburg the next day telling him about transitioning from THRIVE to the regular UCM program, repurposing trash, writing in my meditation journal to teach my future kids about meditation, my friend Tyler, and the UCM Autism Spectrum Support Group and how it went back to my time at JCCC. He said it was amazing someone as young as I could have such a broad perspective on helping other people. I did tell him I also tended to feel somewhat distracted from time to time and he thought it could be that I was taking on more challenges, so we agreed to experiment with a slightly higher dose of one of my medications. When I got back, I went to the Student Success Center and got help with my study guide. Then I got back the last two study guides in my Algebra class both with five out of five points. 

                Later while I was at my Anthropology class, I heard a blonde female professor from the earlier class, telling two female students about a condition related to Down syndrome called Trisomy 18 and how babies with it were highly unlikely to ever survive for long in life.  One of the girls said she heard  kids with Down syndrome would often grow up to be really great, and I told them about being in THRIVE and having a roommate with Down syndrome and learning so much from him, then showed them some pictures and they all looked really touched. After class I sorted more recycling and felt a greater sense of compassion as I sorted some recycling and bees got on my arm and hand but didn’t sting me, seeming very friendly. I remembered how a mother once asked the Dalai Lama at one of his talks how kids can be taught to be compassionate in a world filled with violence, and he said, “Teach kids to learn about insects.” I got back and talked to Tyler some more. I also got the idea to start a bee farm on the several acres of land my mom and Dave bought in Colorado. 

                Later I started the assignment for my North American Indian class and a janitor working at the Rec Center saw me sorting some recycling and gave me some gloves to do it. I got back and worked on my handbag. Then I talked to my Granddad who thought I’d be great at a bee farm. Then I worked more on my Buddha sculpture. I also talked to my mom, and she liked the idea of a bee farm.

                The next day we didn’t have Drawing I. Never-the-less around the time I went to my World Masterpieces class I felt a little overwhelmed by a feeling of being rushed. After class I sorted some more recycling and a woman, middle-aged, asked what I was doing, and I said I was just using some snack wrappers to make bicycle streamers. She said she thought I was looking for food and was going to give me some money, saying she could be doing that someday, but I thought if she kept her money, maybe she wouldn’t, and no one would give her money and end up in her situation later. I realized that landfill could destroy bees by destroying their habitat, making me think of what the Chinese government was doing in Tibet, and I poured Coke and other soft drinks out of bottles and cups as I realized the, drawing bees away from the trash. 

                I did take some more pictures and realized the colors and texture in my photos are very similar to ones I made in paintings. Then I bought some more glue, tape, and construction paper down at the Union. I got back and sorted my upcyclable materials some more and worked on my lampshade. I also made a promise to myself that I would do the reading for my World Masterpieces class and the papers for my North American Indian and Drawing I class. I also e-mailed Dr. Mayfield, Joe, and Lavender about the Game Night. I went to the Print Club meeting later, but I was only there for about ten minutes as the faculty advisor, Mark Farris, was on a staff retreat. Then I went to Crazy Dog’s finding another Snapple cap on the ground from a bottle to be recycled and my drink there where I also read more of the website for my North American Indian class. Later that night I saw Monster’s University at the Union movie theater. On my way back to Ellis, I almost went down the stairs past the bridge, as though going to the ground floor of South Ellis where the THRIVE hall used to be, forgetting I now lived on the second floor.

                 At breakfast the next day I worked on my shopping bags and saw Philip who asked if we had been given a study guide for our upcoming class in World Masterpieces when he wasn’t there. I told him we had and offered to make a copy for him. I also showed him the shopping bag woven from Walmart bags I was working on and asked him to pull it and feel how strong it was. He did and said, “Boy, that’s strong!”

                We exchanged numbers and I took some pictures after that. I was working on a scrapbook cover made from snack wrappers when I heard a knock on my door and found Maria asking if I wanted to come to dinner with the hall. I said sure and I went down with her, Richard, and a few other students where I finished the scrapbook, leaving them all very impressed. I also showed Philip, who was working down there and was also impressed. I talked to Tyler later on and I found out at the Rec Center that there was a group called the Filmmaker’s and Actor’s Coalition meeting on Wednesday at 4:30 in the Union. I read more of The Aeneid for my World Masterpieces class on the treadmill and when I got back, I talked to Tyler some more. He said he was going to apply for a position with the Down Syndrome Gild working with the government and said Ann, the woman in charge of the program, said she knew me. 

                During breakfast the next day I read more of The Aeneid then I took out my trash and recycling and also found some more pebbles. I got back to my dorm and typed up my paper for my North American Indian class. I worked on my shopping bags and learned about how you can use plastic bags to make a Buddhist mandala, an idea originating from an artist named Virginia Flecke living in L.A. inspired by “celebrity yoga and Hollywood Buddhism.” I talked to Tyler while making some bracelets made from strips of plastic bags. Unfortunately, I also realized Emily and I hadn’t talked in a long time and wondered if she was actually the girl for me.

Labor Day Weekend 2013

On Friday before Labor Day, I read more of the assigned reading of The Odyssey before my Drawing I class started. Then at class I perfected some more of my lines in drawing and learned to make lines heavier where there is space between two objects. After class I read more of The Odyssey and I saw Paige and new student in THRIVE, Candy, in the cafeteria. I also sat with Ryan, David, Mardy, and Ryan’s new roommate Connor. Afterwards I went to my World Masterpieces class where I got a three out of five on a quiz. Then I rode home with Alex Place and his mom. When I got home, I worked on one of my bags woven from bags and my Algebra homework. The next day after I did my meditation, I read a little more of my book Sahara: A Natural History and worked on my Algebra homework some more. Then I read some more of Sahara at Starbucks.

On the first day of the month, I went down to Bruce Smith and got the most recent issue of National Geographic. Then I went and ate at Starbuck’s while I read an article in my magazine about artists in the Democratic Republic of the Congo, which was pretty interesting I thought. When I got back, I worked on my Algebra homework some more before taking some photos. Then Emily and I texted each other back and forth. Before we left, she said, “Love u,” and I said, “I love you to. Then I talked to Tyler some.

The next day before I got out of bed, Emily and I talked on the phone, and we wished each other a happy Labor Day. Before we hung up, I said, “I love you,” and she said, “I love you to.” Later I got a call from my granddad saying he and my grandmom would pick me up at three then get Alex before taking me back to UCM. I called Alex and told him the plan. Later I struggled some with the practice quiz for my Algebra class, but I did learn how to do the problems better.

My grandparents came and got me, and we picked up Alex. Driving back, I hoped to get there at four, have dinner, finish my quiz at the library as I was having trouble with my Ethernet cord, but on our way back, after we had driven for twenty minutes, I realized I had forgotten my key, and we drove back for it. Alex and my grandparents thankfully were very good about it. As I got my key, I also brought some watercolor pencils thinking I would make more mani stones, and a Buddhist crossword puzzle, just in case I was ever looking for something to do. On my way back I also realized more of how to make my bird carved from wood, my handbag for Emily, and I thought, some penguins from snack wrappers. Finally, at about 4:40 we got back. I said goodbye to my grandparents and put my things away then headed for the library, only to find it closed. On my way back I still couldn’t help but take pictures. But I got back and consistently could not get my internet to work and had trouble getting onto Mathxl on my phone. After I ate dinner, I tried some more to get my internet to work, desperate to finish the quiz. I talked to one of my neighbors from across the hall, but she had nothing. Then I talked to Maria, and she said I would have to go to the Ward Edwards building tomorrow. Then I got back to my room trying to get my internet to work, experimenting with plugging the cord into a different outlet, and, finally, it worked.

I ate dinner, trying to hurry and get my quiz done, until I saw some apple pie and was encouraged to slow down. I got back and texted Emily back and forth a little bit. Finally, I told her I had to get back to my math homework. She sent me a text with a frown face and told her I know, but I have to do it. She said, “Love u,” and I said, “I love you to.” I attempted the quiz so many times without getting one hundred percent needed to move on, each time getting so close and I even chose to stay behind from the Rec Center. Finally, literally after hours, I got one hundred percent.

Feeling triumphant over passing, I sort of made three penguins from snack wrappers then I texted Tyler, Jack, Oscar, and Elizabeth wishing them all a happy Labor Day. Oscar texted me back saying, “Thanks. You too man.” Elizabeth texted me back wishing me a happy Labor Day too and asked me how I was enjoying UCM. I told her I was loving it and asked her what she was doing. She said she was living at home and working and number of part-time jobs and asked me when I would be home again. I told her I didn’t know but would let her know when I did and said perhaps we could meet then. She said that would be great and told me to enjoy UCM. Finally, I called my mom telling her how I got back ok and how I finished the Algebra quiz. She said that was great and reminded me not to forget to take breaks and have time for myself and I said I would do that.

 

 

       

First Few Days as a Regular Student

  

The day had come for me to go back to Warrensburg, this year as a regular student. I found my running shoes then started packing the car until there was practically no room left. I got some printer paper, notebooks, and ink cartridges at Office Depot. Then I realized my running shoes maybe at home. I called Cam and asked him to check in my room and he said they were there, so we drove home and got them. Then my mom drove me to Warrensburg for half an hour, then I drove the rest of the way, getting thirty-five more minutes of driving. Finally, we got there and unpacked, and I filled out a form about my room and got my key. I got settled in and met Ro and Mckenzie, my neighbors from across the hall.

On the way to the Campus Kick-Off, I met one of the students in my hall, Richard. Then I got to the Multipurpose Building, rem,embering how only a few months ago I saw Cassie graduate there, leaving UCM for good. The Campus Kick-Off was pretty exciting though. I got a picture of some “sumo wrestlers” and I saw Kriti, Josh, Levi, the last two now THRIVE mentors, Tay, Andrea, and Solomon from my Public Speaking class, and Oscar, Ryan, and Autrey. I enjoyed some hot dogs, ice cream, and lemonade, got my picture taken with others on the floor, and went on an obstacle course.

On my way back I got to know my CA Maria. I learned she was born in the Philippines, grew up in Saudi Arabia, and was majoring in nursing and she got to know me and how my main passion was film. When I got back, I tried to carve a bust of the Buddha using a piece of wood I recently found lying around and worked on some calligraphy and a trellis made from bottle cap rings and twist-ties. I also took some more pictures. Then I went to the mandatory meeting at 8:30 where Maria had us write something about us on a piece of paper, throw it in the air for it to fall and someone to pick it up, then find the person who wrote it. I had a little trouble finding my person due to trouble reading the handwriting, but I soon figured out who he was. This exercise reminded me that with the right structure, autistic people can learn to socialize and the UCM and JCCC Autism Spectrum Support Groups will be able to help service providers learn such things so the right services can become more accessible to autistic people.

Maria then went over some rules: no alcohol for people under twenty-one, no one under twenty-one in a room where people are drinking alcohol, and no more than four people drinking alcohol at a time; no candles or incense burning; if we felt compelled to burn candles or incense for any reason, they could set us up with a room to do it; quiet hours were from 10PM-10AM from Sunday through Thursday and 12PM-10AM Friday and Saturday. We also met our residence hall director. After the meeting I got my mailbox code and a roommate agreement form. Connor had not yet shown up. I started filling out my part of the roommate agreement form and sure enough, Connor came to our room. I got introduced to him and learned he was changing his major from aviation to a double major in Business and Technology. I also found out he likes Family Guy, American Dad, King of the Hill, The Cleveland Show, and Bob’s Burgers.

After settling into life at UCM, I worked on my trellis made from bottle caps and carved an egg out of wood, which gave me some idea about how whittling works. I also introduced myself to people on the hall including a nearby roommate named Kyley. I started writing some of my screenwriting ideas down in my little notebook while I waited in line to get me computer registered which happened soon enough. In the Union, where I went to get a new student ID, I started noticing how strange it was that Cassie wasn’t here, and in the lobby, I remembered being here on the exact same day that I had met Emily. 

I later found out I did not need to get a new ID. As I was going back to my dorm, I bought two posters: one with several different beer bottles saying, “Life is full of difficult decisions,” and the other of the Berlin Wall with a message in graffiti saying, “Mother, should I trust the government?” I got back and thanked Dave for helping to pay my tuition. I also started on my ball-in-a-cage. Then I ran on the treadmill for about an hour as I had done last year. When I got back, I took some more pictures and, to help me deal with stress, wrote in my gratitude journal.

The next day Algebra class had started. I waited outside until a short, dark-haired woman unlocked the door. As I sat down, I noticed she was extremely young, not much older than I. When we all sat down, she started talking to the class. She looked very nervous, and I was reminded strongly of Cassie. We would be registering with an on-line program for this class for which we needed a code that came with a packet. I and a few other people who didn’t yet have these were given temporary codes.  Then I started working on the assignment. 

On my way back to the dorm I took some pictures of leaves. Later I went to my North American class and my impressions of the teacher, and the class all started out on a positive note. I called Erin when I got back to tell her I was all moved in. Then Maria walked by our door to ask if we had finished the roommate agreement form. I told her I hadn’t, and she asked that I get it done as soon as I could. Then Connor came to our room, and we finished our roommate agreement form. As I went into the cafeteria, I decided I would try and stop eating so much sweets like I did last year to help me be more relaxed and focused. I also saw Hillary and Philip, as they were about to leave and we all said hi to each other and Amanda Rothe, now a second-year THRIVE student, as I was about to leave. When I got back to my dorm I found a Lonely Planet book on Northeast India at a really good price on Amazon. I also figured that even though Emily was not the girl I expected to date, that’s ok because like my granddad says, we’re all on a journey and it wouldn’t be a journey to know the end before you got there. After I ran on the treadmill, I talked to Tyler and Gabe on the phone and then wrote in my gratitude journal.

The next day after my classes I went to the Student Success Center and got help on my math homework. Then I checked out a Lonely Planet book on Mongolia and one on India. I went to my World Masterpieces class, where, to my surprise, I saw Philip. On my way back to the dorm I found to new American Cinematographer issues for my collection that they give out on a rack in the Martin Building and I took several more pictures then got back and worked on a lampshade made from straws and my handbag for Emily.

Later I took out my trash and recycling bin then went down to the THRIVE hall where I saw Autrey, Alex, and Paige. Then I got most of my books in the mail as I saw Mary passing by. I went into town and got a summer 2013 issue of Sufi magazine, the latest issue of Circle magazine, and Time magazine’s Your Body: The Science of Keeping it Healthy. I also got a fifty-dollar Amazon gift card, and I took some more photos on my way back which helped me learn to slow down in life. When I got back Mckenzie asked me if I wanted to go get dinner with some of the others though I declined because I had already eaten but her invitation made me feel like the people on the hall really wanted to include me in things. 

When I went down to the Rec Center, so late from making last minute changes to my meditation journal and having two times where the vending machine wouldn’t give me the drink I paid for and getting a refund that I missed the first King of the Hill episode, I decided from then on, I would sort the recycling after I worked out. I talked to Tyler and Gabe afterwards and Gabe invited me to the wedding of him and Alex (a girl from THRIVE who graduated the same year he did) on the twenty-first of June in Washington D.C. Then I called my mom to tell her I was adjusting well to life at UCM, and she was thrilled. I also hung out with Kyley, Richard, Thad, and a few other people on my hall in Kyley’s room who I told about Emily and one of my screenplays which they thought sounded great. Afterwards I knocked on Mckenzie’s door and told her I was sorry I wasn’t able to make it to dinner and next time I’ll get everything I need to do done before then so I could make it and that I’d love to do those kinds of things with them and she said, “Alright.” I got back to my room and wrote in my gratitude journal.

The next morning, before I went to bed, I worked on my ball-in-a-cage. After I woke up and did my meditation, I got the idea to make Phil a card thanking him for all the hours he gave me at Hen House. During my Algebra class, I got done a lot of the assignment that would be due next week. I got back and I worked on my trellises. I also took some more pictures on the way to my North American Indian class. Later I realized I could have easily made it to dinner with the others if I hadn’t gone into town. I got all my supplies for my Drawing I class at the Union bookstore and as I was leaving, I ran into Dr. Mayfield and told her about the poster board idea I had for the group, and we agreed on maybe meeting her on Thursday to talk about the group.

               

I got back to my dorm and worked on my lampshade and ordered on Amazon: Sahara: A Natural History, The Little Book of Contemplative Photography, and a Lonely Planet book on Northeast India and one on Central Africa. I remembered how I planned to go to Equatorial Guinea as a bearing witness trip for the genocide of the Bubi people under their former government. I read most of the reading for my World Masterpieces class afterwards from The Epic of Gilgamesh and I realized I could continue reading it on the treadmill. I talked to Tyler when I got back, and then to my dad. Afterwards I played a Mario game with some of my hall mates, which I wasn’t very good at but at least had something to do with them. With my lack of skills in the game I learned to compensate to late sort of like what many autistic people go through in the real world.

The next day I saw Mary in the cafeteria and asked her how she was doing. She said ok, sounding a little stressed out. In my Drawing I class, our teacher taught us to hold our pencils lower in our hands and use them to measure the angles of what we’re drawing. After my Drawing class I worked some more on my ball-in-a-cage. Then I went to my World Masterpieces class where Philip told the class about his epilepsy and what he needed if he had a seizure and found a willing volunteer, certified in these situations to help. I realized this is the kind of self-advocacy autistic people need to learn sometime. As I was hearing about Gilgamesh in the class I thought he sounded sort of like a warrior mentioned in the Shambhala tradition of Buddhism like the Tibetan Epic of Gesar of Ling.

              

After class I decided to get myself rewards like from Jazzman’s Coffee Shop in the Union for sorting recycling, repurposing so much trash, and writing in my meditation journal to one day give to my future children to help them learn about meditation to help them survive the world and its flaws using it. Back in my room I worked on my handbag, my lampshade, and my trellises. I also remembered how my mom said the guy who founded Wrong Planet in The United States of Autism sounded impressive and I realized I would say a lot of the same things on neurodiversity that he did.  I worked on my travel plans in the Union where I saw Hillary and Philip and Philip congratulated me on my relationship with Emily. Later I went to Crazy Dog’s and took several pictures along the way, and I got a new bottle cap for my collection. While I ran on the treadmill later that night, I was sort of able to tell how the King of the Hill episode I watched was written for its effect which I guess meant I was becoming more of a screenwriter. When I got back, I wrote in my gratitude journal and worked on my ball-in-a-cage.

The next day I went to Walgreen’s, taking several pictures along the way, and I got some shredded mozzarella cheese and pepperoni for pizza bagels. When I got back, I finished my Algebra assignment. When the day was nearly over, I had almost finished my ball-in-a-cage. On Sunday, I finished it completely. I told my dad and the phone and showed him a picture. He and my granddad, who were eating together were really impressed. Later I worked on my handbag and later made a toilet paper roll diorama of Swayambhunath Stupa in Nepal. Then I had dinner with several people on the floor, which Maria invited us all to do, and Ryan saw me and joined us. I also wrote in my gratitude journal that night.

Before my Drawing I class I read a little more of the assigned reading for The Epic of Gilgamesh. During the class we learned to draw still-lifes drawing just the corners and overlapping lines, using a variety of shades, lengths, and thickness of lines. During my World Masterpieces class, I got a four out of five on the quiz. I got back to my dorm and continued working on my lampshade. Then I finished an assignment then a quiz for my Algebra class. Then I texted Emily back and forth and told her about how I dedicated the last Ben’s Blog post to her. She said, “Aww that’s sweet.” I then told her I loved her.

I finished another Algebra assignment then texted Emily back and forth at dinner. After I finished eating, I worked a little more on organizing my stamp collection. Then I talked more to Tyler. While I was running on the treadmill, I realized how even though health insurance agencies might think providing for autism would cost them more, if so many people with autism are underemployed, they might not be able to buy health insurance from them in the first place. When I got back, I worked on my handbag for Emily.

I woke up the next morning and Emily and I texted each other back and forth. She said, “Love U,” and I said, “I love you to.” Then she said, “Do you want to talk,” then “Call me.” I called her and found out she wouldn’t be able to come during Homecoming Week because her mom would be in New York during that time, but she would come another week. She said she missed me, and I said I missed her too. Soon I had to hang up so I could get ready for class but before that I told her, “I love you,” and she said, “I love you to.”

After breakfast I got help with my Algebra homework at the Student Success Center. I took several pictures on my way to my math class and before it started, I finished the reading for my North American Indian class. During class I got one hundred percent on the math quiz. Then I registered with a permanent code and got back my worksheet with a five out of five. Today was the second day our teacher had not been there, and I decided to e-mail her wishing her to get well. 

After class I ate lunch with Ryan, Marty, and David from THRIVE. Ryan invited me to a football game, but I told him I wasn’t able to go because of my workload. I felt a little bad so before I left, I told him I would try and get together with him another time and he thought that was great. Later I read the reading for my North American Indian class and got some brown construction paper at the Union to make toilet paper roll dioramas. During class that day I learned how the theories that the Mayan pyramids and other achievements of Native Americans were caused by Egyptians, Welshmen, Hebrews, Vikings, or Chinese (suggesting that they couldn’t do such things themselves) were shown not to be true since at these sites, the texts there didn’t not resemble any of their languages, the artifacts didn’t not resemble the artifacts of those people, and the physical remains were shown to be Native American. After class I texted Emily back and forth while I worked on my lampshade. 

As I was leaving the Union, I ran into Dr. Mayfield, and we talked about the group a little bit and she told me she might be able to meet about it on Thursday. I got back and did some laundry while I texted Emily. I asked her if she was ok and she said, “I just miss you.” I said, “I know.  I miss you to.”  She said, “Aww,” then I said, “Well youre a great friend and a great girlfriend and I love you.”

Later I worked on some bags woven from bags and took several pictures. Then I got a knock on my door. I answered it and it was Kyley, and she said she was going to ask if Connor wanted to go eat with her and several others and invited me along to. I agreed to come along. Then I started seeing how Emily sounds so much like she does in person in her texts. I did some more photography after wards and on the treadmill, I found the perfect thing to put on the UCM Autism Spectrum Support Group magnets, cable holders, and pencil cups. When I finished running on the treadmill I joined Kyley, Mckinsey, Ro, and six other girls at Players restaurant where I had some coke and chicken wings. 

The next day in my Drawing I class I learned about balancing my hand on a piece of paper while drawing. During my World Masterpieces class, I learned about the Greek term arête, meaning excellence, which I believed I had read about one time in my book Family Guy and Philosophy. After class was over, I wrote thank you notes, one to my grandmom for the fifty dollar check she had sent me, and one to Phil for all the hours he had given me at Hen House. I made a collage on the front of my grandmom’s card of one of the Ten Ox-Herding pictures from Zen Buddhism, with a man riding his ox to the market. Then I called the OAS Office and found out Dr. Mayfield was all booked up for Thursday.

Later I went down to the Union and got myself a white chocolate blast as a reward for all my environmental crafts. When I got back found out The Little Book of Contemplative Photography had arrived in the mail. Then after dinner I found I couldn’t find my key and decided to see if it fell on my way to the Union or back, but then I remembered I had to have had it before dinner because I would have needed it to get into my room, so I asked them had the front desk to help me get into my room and when they unlocked my door I found my key in there. Then Emily and I texted each other back and forth and I ended up doing a lot of work to fix my shelf for my toilet paper roll dioramas that I decided to save the day’s entry for my meditation journal for tomorrow. Emily said, “Love u,” and I said, “I love you to.” After I got back from the Rec Center, I decided to take a break from my usual routine, something my granddad taught me about, by writing in my gratitude journal in the lounge area instead of dorm. 

The next day I worked on some Algebra homework in class. Our teacher was still absent that day. Then I read the reading for my North American Indian class. After class I went to the Union and e-mailed my Algebra teacher, then got myself a supreme white chocolate blast from Jazzman’s Coffee Shop in the Union as a reward for writing in my meditation journal for the last two years to give my future children lessons on meditation to help them survive in the world. I saw Kriti there and I told her about everything going on with me and about Emily and me. I drank my coffee drink while working on my handbag. 

Emily and I texted each other later on. She asked me if I was alright, and I said I was just a little overwhelmed. She said, “Aww its ok. " I told her about the handbag when she asked her what I was making for her and she said, “Aww thanks babe youre too sweet.” She also said, “I wish I could be hanging out with you right now. Later that night I talked to my mom and learned I would be going home for Labor Day with Alex Place from THRIVE and his mom.