Thanksgiving Break 2014

The day after I got back for Thanksgiving Break, I worked on making some more plarn. After that, Cam, Nora, and I met my dad at Panera, and he gave me his bottle caps that he saved, from which I got two new bottle caps for my collection. Then Cam, Nora, and I went to Hen House where I met Rick, and he told me to call him on Monday about work. Soon after that I talked to Tyler.

                The next day I worked more on one of my drawings. Then I read through over half of my book for my Anthropology of Food class, pausing every so often to go to the bathroom, draw some more, and help my mom edit one of her Facebook posts, and I got better at my drawing too.

                I showed my mom and Dave my drawings based off The Lord of the Rings appendices, and they liked them. Dave and I talked a lot about the gaps Tolkien left in the appendices of The Lord of the Rings and how there’s a whole Middle Earth fan fiction based off that, which he said I might enjoy. After I told my mom about how I planned to attend ASAN’s meeting tomorrow if I don’t work, she asked if she could come, and I said she could. I had dinner with my mom and Dave after that and told them about my time at school. Later I went down to Starbuck’s, where I thought to myself, if an Autism Awareness Homecoming queen candidate, of all people, deserved to be recognized at UCM for helping the autism community, why has she not made the autistics at UCM more able to be openly autistic there?

                The next morning, I realized I realized Alpha Sigma Alpha may have put an “autism awareness candidate,” as Homecoming Queen Candidate in an effort to help my group. The next day I called Rick and found out it was too late to get me on the schedule before the 30th, but I understood and felt a little relieved to have a little bit of a break. Then I worked on my drawings some more and then some plarn, around which time I decided to maybe make Jack and Elizabeth something for Christmas, thinking of the parents they lost who are no longer around to give them presents, except perhaps in spirit. After that I went down to Starbuck’s and enjoyed their peppermint Frappuccino. Soon after that, my mom and I met Dave at Bella Napoli en route to the ASAN meeting, which my mom stayed at temporarily to check out, before we headed back home. There I saw Mrs. England, her son Cole, his girlfriend, Pam, Anna, Spencer, and Marshall. Teigan stayed at home to de-stress from her schoolwork while Spencer led the meeting, and Marshall led the chat room. During the meeting, our two main points of conversation were ASAN’s participation in the Autism Society of the Heartland’s autism walk, of which ASAN would benefit from, and National Day of Mourning on March 1, for all the disabled people this year who had lost their lives to their caregivers. As the meeting ended and I left, Marshall said, “Good to see you, Ben.”

I got back and edited a poem in my journal and then found another way to moderate my pacing: with animals, namely Peter. That night, I recited a sankalpa, a practice in Buddhism whichinvolves setting an intention for the next day, as I had done about a week ago.  The next day I worked on some plarn some more. After that I went down to Starbuck’s. I got back and had burgers with Cam, my mom, and Dave. After that I decided to one day go around America and other parts of the world and see sites associated with the Disability Rights Movement and started listing them in my little pocket journal. Then I talked to Granddad some and he assured me I do a lot more for the autism community than “Autism Awareness Homecoming Queen,” and agreed that ASA may have appointed her Homecoming Queen candidate because she wanted to help the group. I also finished another bottle cap tambourine. Once more I recited a sankalpa that night. 

                The next day I went down to the store and got some pie crusts for my mom. I also e-mailed Mrs. England and Riccardo with The Friend of Autism Pledge. My mom's dad, who we his grandchildren call Pop-pop, arrived, along with his girlfriend Sandra. I also finished reading Eat, Drink, Vote. I had Thanksgiving dinner with my mom, Dave, Jamie, Cam, Pop-Pop, and Sandra, and it was very enjoyable. Soon after that I read some of Unfinished Tales while I waited for pie and continued reading it afterwards. I also read an article on-line about dealing with grief that was very helpful, talking about ways to express it, including art and poetry, as well as reading books and poetry. Soon after that I watched American Dad! with my mom, and for a short time Jamie, who was doing it in the hopes that it would get me to watch Trailer Park Boys. Pop-Pop said goodbye to me, and I made some more plarn. I also remembered how it’s been a while since I read my Tanaina Tales of Alaska book, but also my Inspector Shan books, whose character I loved for his Sherlock Holmes type wit, though he is a much more grim and sad character. That night I once more recited a sankalpa. 

                The next day I found out Jane England sent me an e-mail agreeing to let me add her name to The Friend of Autism Pledge. Then my mom offered to pay me to mow the lawn tomorrow. After that I finished and posted my next Ben’s Blog post. I also went with my dad, Jamie, and Cam to pick up Joe’s Kansas City Barbecue and went to our grandparent’s house where we all had it for dinner, after which my grandmom offered us some of her pumpkin bread, which I still had enough room for after dinner. As we drove home, I decided I could get some signatures on The Friend of Autism Pledge by reposting it and sharing a link to my post on some of my autism groups. After I got home, I did my part of the project for my Creative Problem-Solving class. Then I reposted The Friend of Autism Pledge on Facebook and shared a link to it and put on my post that if anyone didn’t want their name to be on it on Facebook, they can message me saying “porcupine,” and I will add their name. Soon after I posted The Friend of Autism Pledge, I got nine more names to add to my list through Facebook. Again, I recited a sankalpa that night. 

                The next morning, I saw my pledge got another like on Facebook. Soon after that I worked on my book report for my Anthropology of Food class. Then I went down to Starbuck’s. I got back had Minsky’s take-out with my mom and Dave, during which time my mom asked me to ask about Sara’s tattoo. After that I put some of my clothes in the laundry. That night I also recited a sankalpa.

                The next day I saw I had gotten another like on The Friend of Autism Pledge. Then I worked more on my toilet paper roll wall art pieces. Then I packed up for UCM. After that I drove back there with my mom. When I got back, I put all the names I had gotten for The Friend of Autism Pledge earlier on there. Later I wrote some poems during dinner. After dinner I went down to Break Time I got some more beers. I got back and Josiah gave me a Twix and some pumpkin bread, and I gave him a beer, and then we hung out while I found that one of the bottle caps I got recently was new to my collection. Then I put my sheets on my bed.  After that I ran on the treadmill for about an hour, where I worked on some newspaper bag plarn. After that I got back and finished making the plarn for Jack’s, Elizabeth’s, and my god’s eye. Soon after that I made some more plarn for a homeless blanket. Then I talked to Tyler. That night I also recited a sankalpa. 



Top left, Aragorn journeys to the land of Rhun in the Far East of Middle Earth;
Top middle, Aragorn rides with King Thengel of Rohan, father of King Theoden;
Top right, Aragorn serves Ecthelion, Steward of Gondor and father of Lord Denethor;
Bottom left, Aragorn meets Gandalf in Arnor, who persuades him to guard the Shire after he learns Bilbo has a ring of power;
Bottom middle, Aragorn and his rangers guard the Shire;
Bottom right, Aragorn leads a fleet of Gondor ships against the rebellious province of Umbar, burning their ships and killing their captain.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Great Losses

The next morning I made a braided leather bracelet and read my Modern Sub-Saharan Africa textbook while I was at breakfast. I also realized I’m doing a lot of good for the autistic community by providing information on local resources. Then I worked on some bracelets, which will have some Thich Nhat Hanh quotes, and some necklaces, which will say “UCM,” made from my leather scraps. I also ate dinner with Alex, Anna, Amanda, and Kriti, the former of who told me Culture Night is next Saturday at 6. She also told me of the Thai iced tea they had down at Siam.

I got back and read that Zen teaches that any art, whether painting, calligraphy, or tea ceremony, can be an object of meditation when they are finished. I watched a lot of The Bicycle Thief and was amazed that I was able to pick up on some of the Italian with the help of the English subtitles.  While running, I read a lot of the reading for my Modern Sub-Saharan Africa class and talked to Jacob and Wonyang. When I got back I told my granddad how I had started growing tired of arts and crafts, including flute-playing and photography, and would have loved to do something like archery, or even horse-back riding, one of the eight original contemplative arts, of it were available in this environment, and he said I had a lot of talent and needed to take some time for myself. I almost felt as if I had no work this weekend. I thought while I took a shower that I could pay my flute outside as few people will be out there in that weather, and I could use it to lift the spirits of people walking in this weather, but also that I could do some rock-climbing at the Rec Center, which could be a meditation on bravery, and I could invite Sinho along, as well as Hillary and Philip if they’d be willing to brave this weather. I read about a lot of the Tibetan Buddhist saints in my Lonely Planet books trying to get a perspective on my creative apathy, and I read that many of them were poets, singers (I play the flute, as I’m not much of a singer most times), artists, activists, and inventors, and suddenly I felt more connected to my usual passions, and that somehow, all was truly wonderful.

                The next morning I figured out more of my travel plans to Tibet. After meditating and showering I ate breakfast with Autrey. I got back and collected some sand on my floor from my shoes into one of my Altoids tins. I watched more of The Bicycle Thieves. Then I had dinner with Connor before getting back to watching finishing the movie. I also started on my Modern Sub-Saharan Africa post which I didn’t finish today because it was due for full credit today at 3, not 12, and it now basically doesn’t matter when I get it in before the deadline. After running I finished my Film Appreciation paper. I also took a shower again to keep myself awake for my meditation journal. 

    

The next day I also ate munch with Anna, Oscar, Mary, and Levi. Afterwards I saw a link Laci had shared about a fundraiser that was to something to do with helping people who dealt with a loss, but I hardly could pay attention in my dazed state of mind and liked it instantly. I realized that she could really be nervous about her presentation, which I could understand from going on television with Chris Hernandez. I also took a shower to keep myself awake for my meditation journal with another shower. 

I sorted some more recycling before going to bed the next morning. Later I also saw Barbara liked my warrior picture, and Jamie liked my post about Alexis Wineman’s call for acceptance, and that Brittany Pallone from my high school, and Michael liked my post on the Combat Autism Act. I ate at Siam afterwards and had some delicious Thai Iced Tea for the first time with my meal. I got back and made another heart-shaped pin from straws. I worked on my yarn made from plastic bags while I ran on the treadmill. I got back and I talked to Tyler and wished him a happy birthday, then to my dad, while I worked made another flower and two more heart-shaped pins from straws, and my dad told me that if one girl can like Tyler, then so can another. At Late Night I worked on my plarn for my bag.

I wrote my thank you note to Uncle Andy and Aunt Marge, and then read a lot of the reading for my Film Appreciation class, during which time I decided to check out and watch some of those films they mention on DharmaFlix and other Buddhist reviews, especially the comedy ones like American Beauty, to help figure out my filmmaking style some more. Then I mailed my note before going to the UCM Autism Spectrum Support Group meeting. There we decided to e-mail agendas to people to get their interest level up, while Barbara thought of some potential guest speakers such as a man who started a sports team for people with disabilities, which could cause people in my group to join and introduce others who might join to my group, and someone from the speech clinic, while I suggested someone from Trio. I also decided we could send out a Survey Monkey survey to the THRIVE students about what times would work for them and what activities they would like, and that I could invite the THRIVE students to an informal gathering in the Chic Filet area so I could speak to them about the group, and get together to see a movie at the Union theater with THRIVE students as well as Hillary, Philip, and Mardy and invite members and potential members along, and send e-mails out to the heads of groups like the Association of Student Social Workers and the Psychology Club, to forward to their members in case they’re interested, and Barbara told me that there’s an organization of education and special education students. I realized that the JCCC Autism Spectrum Support Group having eighty members should really spread a lot of awareness about autism and in a small town like Warrensburg it could do a lot more, and Barbara suggested we could open up the group to high school students in Warrensburg. She also liked my idea of me giving prizes to the THRIVE program for their award ceremonies.  She also said the sorority that helped set up the THRIVE formal may be willing to help us.

“What sorority was that?” I asked.

“Alpha Sigma Alpha.”

I saw my mom had thanked me for sending her the petition about the Combat Autism Act and said she would see what she could do. Then I set up another meeting for next Wednesday, and e-mailed Sean asking if he could send me all the papers we used for the JCCC group when he had the chance, though I later found out I sent it to the wrong address. I worked some more on my yarn while running and when I got back I told my dad about all the ideas Barbara and I had for the group, and he thought they were really good. Then at Late Night, I saw Hillary and Philip, and worked on my yarn.  Again I took a shower to keep myself awake for my meditation journal.

The next morning I had lunch with Anna and another THRIVE, both of whom saw me and just sat down next to me, while I read more of the reading for my Early American Literature class. I also decided to use the wood I found for wood burning and buy balsa wood, or whatever my dad said is the softest type of wood preferred by woodcarvers, to carve Buddha and Merlin figurines student, I did see Laci walking by after class, too far from me for me to greet her, though she saw me, and indeed there was a touch of fear in her face. Then I got back and worked on my coasters made from paper plates and Styrofoam, which I decided to just to give one of away for door prizes. I also talked to my granddad, who liked all the ideas Barbara and I came up with yesterday. I read more of the reading for my Film Appreciation class afterwards. Then I found out I got a ten out of ten on last week’s post for my Modern Sub-Saharan Africa class. I watched Bartholomew’s Song, and wrote and saved my post for it, though I didn’t yet post it as the computer wouldn’t let me, and I found out it’s not due for full credit until Sunday so I didn’t have to take care of it just now. Later that night I talked to my mom who also liked our ideas for the group before going down to a gas station and getting some snacks, including two bottled drinks with new caps for my collection, including, for the sake of collecting, a Monster Energy drink. On my way back I picked up several more recyclables, and when I got to my dorm I found that, to my surprise, the Monster Energy drink did not taste so bad, though I didn’t think I would be drinking it again. 

The next morning, before going to bed, I realized that I really gave Emily a reason to like me when she, Jack, and I were at a drugs and alcohol talk and the speaker asked us all if we had ever lost a loved one due to drugs and alcohol, and Emily, who had, started crying and I caressed her back, and the next morning in class the subject of a friend of hers who died a long time ago came up, and she started crying, and I caressed her back again, and she started crying and I caressed her back, and when Jack’s mom died and she started crying I put my arm around her. I also had a dream where Emily was staying near me for a while and talked to me in a very romantic voice as though she hadn’t realized we hadn’t talked for the last few months and wondered if that meant we were back together if I wanted it to be so, which I wouldn’t have minded in the dream, though I realized we would still be in a long-distance relationship. After meditating and showering, I looked up ‘ex-girlfriend’ in the dream dictionary, and it said it doesn’t necessarily mean you still have feelings for the girl, but that you’ve come a long way since the relationship, but you can also perhaps have fond memories of it, and something about that relationship may be manifesting in a current relationship. I took my Modern Sub-Saharan Africa test and I’m most certain I did well on it and may even have gotten one hundred.  Then I saw on Laci’s Facebook page a fund for the families of two female UCM students in Alpha Sigma Alpha who had been killed in a car wreck on March 1^st, and I realized Laci probably knew them through Greek interaction, so I posted on her page saying I would attend the vigil on the 12th, which I read about in the e-mail, and that I was of a mind that she knew those students and in that case I wanted to offer my condolences as much and as powerfully as I could, though it’s just not enough, and I shared the link on my page, wishing much metta to the girls and their loved ones. I somehow thought back strongly to Emily. I also learned I later posted a post about a vigil for disability advocates who were murdered by their trusted caregivers, wishing them much metta, which Brittany liked very quickly.  I invited several friends to like the National Council on Independent Living and the Kansas Center for Autism Research and Training, and Elizabeth accepted my invitation to the first and Jamie and Britney accepted my invitation to K-CART.  Two friends unfriended me perhaps because of all these invitations, but that was ok as I don’t need them. I ate dinner later with Connor, Mary, and Paige.  I also talked to my granddad about what I did with Laci and he said I had a way with words and was bound to show Laci I was thinking of her and the circle of people affected by these deaths, and it would mean a lot to Laci, and that how I comforted Emily gave her all the more reason to like me.  I worked on my plarn some more on the treadmill, and when I got back I talked to my dad, who was sure that my words to Laci would mean a lot to her, who I suddenly felt so bad for, along with many others.  I called my dad again to ask him what was considered to be the best wood for woodcarving and he said bass, which you could get on Amazon. I then went down to Break Time and got a new non-crown bottle cap from my drink there and some Altoids, and picked up and recycled some recyclables on my way back. I made another heart-shaped pin and three more flowers from straws. I called my mom to tell her I was doing well on medication and she said she had some new bottle caps for me from Hawaii. I took a shower again to keep myself awake to write in my meditation journal. I also realized that it was kind of interesting that Emily kept having ways to bring up her friend’s deaths and cried so many times. Somehow, not as if these two things were related, I remembered Facebook also told me that Emily was a mutual friend of Laci’s, perhaps from the Rush Week, where Emily had been invited to her organization. Something was going on in my head, yet at the time I seemed to be unable to make heads or tails of it. 

That next morning however I did not get one second of sleep. I could not help but think of the girls, Erin Hook and Jennifer Reeder, and the people who were affected by it, and I knew all too well why. I thought of the parents and how the heard of this accident with no warning on what seemed like an ordinary day and what caused it would never change. I cried unable to help myself, and as I waited for a video on my phone on the deaths to come up, I simply panicked saying, “Come on!”  As Sinho heard me moaning as if I had been stabbed, he said calmly, “Are you alright? Are you sick?”

“No, I’m fine, Sinho. Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“Ah, no, no, no.”

I also suddenly felt it was interesting to note that when Emily had cried about the loss of her friends two years ago while in our Learning Strategies class, and I caressed her back, I remembered our teacher, Mrs. Carter smiled at me and said, “Ben, it’s ok.” Moreover, I remembered how for one of our assignments on goal setting, I put “find a girlfriend,” and during the THRIVE meeting I had with her (something all students did), she mentioned that goal, and offered as a bit of friendly advice to, “surround myself with friends and when I least expected it, it would happen,” remarkably similar to what my granddad had said when he heard Emily and I were dating. I felt better as I ate with Mary, Anna, and Paige, who all planned to go down to Planet Sub with anyone who would come, and I said I’d come if they’d like that, and Mary said very serenely that I could come and hang out with them whenever I wanted. I remembered how Buddhism teaches that love is the bond that awakens us all from our illusion of separateness, which is in fact, the source of our suffering. I went down with Oscar and Paige-Mary went home for that day-and I heard Ryan knew the two girls. I went down to Ryan’s room and gave him my condolences and offered to go down to the vigil on Wednesday, and he appreciated it, hugged me, and lent me a shirt for the service. Ryan also said the THRIVE group might meet on Monday at 7:30 in the Ellis TV Lounge. I decided I would make those coasters for Aunt Laura over the break and donate a portion of the money to the scholarship fund created in one of the girl’s honor, and another portion to the Autistic Self-Advocacy Network. I also wrote a post on my other blog The Autist Dharma, wishing all the loved ones of Hook and Reeder my condolences, and then (partly for feeling I had to reward my viewers for reading a post that was not directly autism or Buddhism-related, wrote a post evaluating a summit meeting on autism in November of 2013. It had been my first two Autist Dharma posts in months, even if only one was what I intended to do with the blog, and really wanted to go out and celebrate. I went to the Culture Night, where one performance that interested me was the Buddhist dance from Korea, and I videotaped several performances until my camera had no more memory. I went back to my dorm and went to sleep without writing in my meditation journal as I was so tired and felt so bad because I promised to write in here the next day, for my children, and felt a little annoyed.  

The next morning I realized that you can remember the great times you have with people like those girls without feeling sorrow, like I do about many things in my life that have come to pass, and that my thoughtfulness towards the people affected will show I can appreciate what they feel. I also realized that I helped quite a few THRIVE students and Horizon students by being a role model for good social skills, and that I could take more pictures by getting some on my computer and deleting them on my phone. That day I ate with Antwon and made a lot of plarn for a belt, but got so frustrated as it could tangled up and I got short with Sinho as he tried to help and shook the plarn in my anger and the yarn seemed to whip him in his face.

“Ow, you hit me.”

“Oh, Sinho. I’m sorry!” I exclaimed, feeling guilty, and he looked me straight in the eye and said, “It’s ok.”

When I ran on the treadmill, I didn’t even bother sorting the recycling because I was too tired. I did make a lot of progress on the belt, which I wanted for the vigil so I could have a nice belt, as my current one was very raggedy. 

 

The next day I did a lot of work on my belt, and the day after that I got up early to read some reading for my Early American Literature class and do some laundry. Patty, the kind elderly woman who worked at the swipe-in counter, saw my belt and inquired. I told her about it and she nodded sympathetically. She also said, “Honey, you’re shaking. You need to eat more.” I heard in my Early American Literature class a person saying that one of the girls, an elementary education major, made some kids at the Warrensburg school stop wearing those bracelets that said “Boobies,” and that there were so many more important things going on. I did not feel upset about how they talked about Hook. On the contrary, I felt rather glad for them: I was happy they could be so unaffected, unlike how I was. I saw on Alpha Sigma Alpha’s Facebook page that Philip liked several posts about the girls, and saw Hillary had changed her Facebook picture to those girl’s pictures and knew them. I felt better thinking of the bottle caps Mom had for me and when I saw some apple pie in the cafeteria. I went down to Crazy Dog’s thinking that if I had both apple pie and found another bottle cap that night, it was a sign that universe wanted me to be happy, and I got two new bottle caps from a soda and a beer, and would get a new bottle cap from a different beer the next night. I didn’t enjoy it like I would have because I saw a girl sitting at a table and on the back of her shirt it said “Alpha Sigma Alpha,” and I wanted to wish her my condolences and finish my beer so I could leave afterwards if it wasn’t the right thing to do. I figured She won’t enjoy those girls for the rest of her life, so I can give up enjoying beer for one night, and I said I realized she was from ASA, and after I wished her my condolences, her face just lit up and she thanked me. 

The next day I also finished my belt. I also got a new bottle cap from a beer that, this time, I decided to savor at Crazy Dog’s. I sorted some recycling at the Rec Center as usual. I called Hillary via Ryan’s phone and we agreed to go down together with Ryan, Philip, and Mardy. I told her about how I had cried over the loss and she seemed rather surprised, as well as touched by it. She said she had also lost a pet and a grandparent this semester.  I asked Hillary, “These two girls, did they have boyfriends?”

“Yes,” said Hillary.  “And they are just devastated!”

I thought though that the girl’s significant others would learn to love from this experience in a way that would enrich any relationship they had in a year from now, which is often how long it takes to move on. I realized there’s more to grief than mourning: there’s rediscovering your identity. I realized that I however, have always had something to give me an identity. 

I saw Hillary the next morning and she agreed with me on the girl’s boyfriends. I also met John as I met with Hillary after her Trio classes. I realized the kindness I show the people suffering is contagious, and the kindness I show people in general is contagious, as is the kindness you show all people about anything. As I was going down to the UCM Autism Spectrum Support Group Game Night I saw Laci going in that direction, and I said, “Hi, how are you?” and she smiled widely, looking me straight in the eye and said, “Good. How are you?” She did look kind of shaken as she looked at me.  She walked down to the end of the hallway where our room was, only to go up the stairs in a direction that she could have taken on the floor above me.

Tom was at Game Night and I felt truly myself there, but still very shaken by the girl’s deaths. I went down to Crazy Dog’s and got that other bottle cap there and had a beer to make up for the one I hadn’t enjoyed the last night. As I walked back I picked up some recyclables and a woman at the Campus House saw me doing that there and called out “Thank you,” to me. Ryan came to my room and I gave him a brownie from the game night that Barbara had made, hoping to give one to Hillary, Philip, and Mardy, but Ryan and I ended up meeting the others at Mardy’s room. At the vigil I let Ryan and another guy use my candle to light theirs and had my arm around Hillary and Ryan a lot of the time.  Candle light always seemed to have something moving to it, and I thought perhaps that was why it has been used for meditation in the Tibetan Buddhist faith. I teared up when I heard one of the girl’s friends hear about how the girl’s died when she was expecting to hang out with them after work in her hometown an hour’s drive away, and how one of the girl’s was going to be an aunt. Of all of us, Mardy seemed to be the most composed of the group, though I thought to myself that didn’t necessarily mean anything. I saw Mckenzie, and went up to her and asked if she was alright, and she looked me straight in the eye and said she was.  I asked Emily from my Drawing I class, who teared up in a friend’s arms if she was alright and she said she was ok. Afterwards, the five of us went down to New China Buffet together, talking about the girls, and I organized a toast to them. I also heard Hillary say no one had heard from Emily and they didn’t even know if she was still alive. I said, “Well I guess Emily was a little immature.

The next morning I thought of how the significant others may need a year or so to move on, but even then, in that time, they may develop fondness and closeness for people around them. That next day I felt much better about the girls, though still too tired to read that much of the reading for my Early American Literature class. I realized some days are just harder than others, and whatever we need to do to grief, we just need to do. As the day progressed however, I thought of what Hillary said about Emily and my heart starting aching and I couldn’t focus on anything else. I had said the night before that she was a typical immature attention-loving college girl. I wished I had said she was loyal, selfless, hard-working, brave, polite, and a good friend. She invited me to everything she went to, stuck by my whenever I vented my about anything Cassie-related on her or Jack, always interested in hearing about what was going on with Cassie and I, and comforted me when it looked bleak, even though she liked me, was at Jack’s mom’s funeral with me, knew her rights as someone with ADHD in school and was able to stand up for herself, and was very good with children. Had Emily joined Alpha Omicrom Pi, as she had been invited to, would they have given her such a wonderful vigil? I felt Emily deserved it at least as much as Hook and Reeder. As I entered my World Archaeology class and sat down, Yelton seemed to have some sympathy to his demeanor that I had not noticed in him before. I was relieved anyway to find gotten a ninety-five percent on my test which he handed back. 

I did find out Emily was alive though and that her grandfather at age seventy-five had died on December 4^th. As my mom arrived at UCM, I was relieved to hear her say, “I guess you’re kind of tired to drive, huh?” 

I explained to her that this was indeed the case, and how the girl’s deaths had affected me.  She was shocked, considering I had only met them once or twice at the THRIVE formals, and said, “As hard as it is, people do move on.” 

I told her about Emily, and after talking about it for a few minutes, she said, “Ben, I wonder, maybe a girl who would be best is for you is,” she paused, and continued, “a girl on the spectrum: someone who understands what you have.” 

I sighed. Part of me in fact, still had trouble resisting that idea. I also thought a great deal back to Cassie, and thought how strange it was that so many of the things I loved about her-her socially isolated sort of existence, her often frantic desire to keep up with all her school demands, her messy hair, her youthful looks, her incredible singing voice, and her pursuit of a helping profession-were all things that Tania Marshall, the world’s leading specialist in girls with Asperger syndrome, mentioned in girls as common traits of Asperger syndrome. I also knew that had Cassie been still at UCM, she would have indeed been very comforting and compassionate towards my grief over these girls. 

After I got home I talked to Erin to plan for us to get together over Spring Break, so we could both give each other our Christmas and birthday presents we had gotten each other,and catch up on our lives. She seemed very friendly after I had told her about the girls and how I broke down in tears over them. A few minutes later I saw on my phone a text that said, “Hey.”

“Hey.” I replied. “Who is this?”

“Emily.”

“I’m sorry which Emily?  It’s just I know a lot of Emily’s.”

“From THRIVE.”

We started texting back and forth, as if we had never gone a long period without talking, and eventually I told her how two girls who we met at the THRIVE formal and with the sorority that organized it, had died in a car wreck.

“Aww.” She texted. I mentioned to her that I had broken down in tears after hearing about it, and at the vigil.

“Aww.  Im sorry.”  She texted back.

“Thank you.” I texted her. 

I guess Emily had not wanted to be my girlfriend still. That was ok. Part of me believed, hoped, felt, or perhaps knew that something great appeared to be on its way, even if it ever seemed unlikely to me, or anyone, that it was in fact a good thing for me. 

Tests, Test, and More Tests

With a stressful long-term project finally out of my way, I spent the next afternoon reading a lot of the reading for my Early American Literature class. Later I went to the meeting which only Tom and Dr. Mayfield showed up for and I learned Dr. Mayfield saw my post on a man with autism married to a neurotypical woman and the challenges they faced and I realized it might be hard for some visual autistic people to learn to talk because you can’t see how they’re doing it from the outside of their body, unlike waving, and when you’re taught to have, you might have trouble with depth perception that makes you unsure of where your hands would be, or when you are shown how to dress yourself, when you see what someone is doing with a yellow shirt, you may not see that you are supposed to do the same thing with a blue shirt. Then I invited several of my Facebook friends to like the Autism Women’s Empowerment Project. After a few minutes I saw Michael, a friend of mine from JCCC, had liked my post on the arbitrariness of autistic classifications. Later I talked to my granddad, and he said that I changed his whole view on autism in just one night after I told him about how an autistic person can have trouble knowing how to put on a blue shirt based on how someone puts on a yellow one, and that I’ve done my part for autism. While I ran, I learned to create a poem by writing the feelings you feel from a line of another poem chosen at random and found a poem by an autistic woman whose line I used to help inspire me and I started writing about how I feel about taking a risk and loving someone who does not know the fact of having my condition. When I got back, I talked to my dad who advised me to at least put out meetings for the UCM Autism Spectrum Support Groups even if hardly anyone comes. I finished that poem at Late Night and then wrote in my gratitude journal. After that I saw Teresa liked my post on the arbitrary classifications of autism. Then I took a shower to keep myself awake long enough to write this, during which time I decided to get myself one of those sketchbooks and brushes from the Union bookstore to do some watercolors and calligraphy. I also helped Sinho and Jai with some English questions. 

                The next morning, I learned about beach rock photos on a website and saw an interesting quote on there about how beach rocks teach us all to keep an open mind, because something we originally might reject may later become our favorite thing. I also read more of the reading for my Early American Literature class. Then I learned there is a test this week in my Film Appreciation class. After that I finished the rest of my reading for my Early American Literature class.  During my World Archaeology class, I heard about how Catalhoyuk is a place of artistic inspiration and a spiritual center and thought I might visit it in junction with a bearing witness trip to Turkey about the Armenian Genocide. Afterwards saw Becky working at a body acceptance project where I got myself weighed on a scale that only tells you good things about your body, and mine said “Lovely” and I got a picture for them to put to Facebook. Then I got a watercolor paintbrush, a Chinese bamboo brush, and a notebook for my watercolors and calligraphy. After that I read a poster in the Union on stress, which said that people who view stressful situations as an opportunity to grow are more likely to avoid some of the symptoms of stress. Then I sorted some recycling afterwards. I alsosaw on Facebook that my family friend Bob Tucker, who also went to the Pathless Land, liked my post about the arbitrariness of autism classifications and put, “Well explained and easily understood.  You are a brave lad my friend.” I then invited the rest of my Facebook friends to like the Autism Women’s Empowerment Project. I talked to my granddad who said that Bob Tucker, a real professional-a retired psychotherapist-and doesn’t compliment every Facebook post like that, and that I am continuing to gain credibility. I also realized later on that my sudden loss of passion for screenwriting seemed to stem from not feeling as connected to my characters like I used to, and if I could fix that, I could probably get it back.   Afterwards I worked on my handbag made from snack wrappers. After running I made another hair pin from straws. Then I worked on a scrapbook with a cover made from a chips bag. I also went to Late Night where I saw Ryan, who I sat with, and he told me he would e-mail me about the next THRIVE meeting next week or tomorrow morning when he knew when it was. 

                I realized as I lay awake the next morning that even if a girl does not share my condition, she may find it amazing what I’ve had to deal with as a person with autism. After meditating, showering, and eating breakfast, I studied for two fifty minute study blocks for my World Archaeology class with a ten minute break in between to use the bathroom and get a drink. After that I took my Film Appreciation test and got a thirty-seven out of forty. Later when I got back to the dorm I got back and saw Elizabeth Wood from my Creative Writing class, who I was surprised to see remembered my name. Then I finished four more coasters made from paper plates made three more pencil cups from Pringles cans. I talked to Mom who asked about coming down tomorrow and I agreed, and she agreed to come at 11:30, and was impressed with how hard I was working. I got back and worked on my coasters made from paper plates and Styrofoam, realizing what a good idea it was to tell a few people about the Friend of Autism Pledge, have them tell a few people, and for a certain amount of people they get to sign to give out environmentally friendly prizes. I took a shower to keep myself awake to write in my meditation journal. 

                The next morning, I ate breakfast with Connor from THRIVE. Then my mom came and brought my paper plates, Lost Years of Merlin books, and some clean pants. After that we went to the Egg Diner where I enjoyed a good grilled chicken and bacon sandwich, and Mom said that though she couldn’t connect with the characters in The Skull Mantra enough to get more than halfway through the book, she could tell there was a romance between Shan and Rebecca from the way the book described Rebecca’s hair flowing in the wind. Afterwards I made two more heart-shaped pins. Then I studied for my North American Indian class for two fifty minute study blocks with a ten minute break in between to use the bathroom and get a drink, during which I realized ways I could better answer Yelton’s questions on the test than I have on previous tests. After that I read more of the reading for my World Archaeology class and got more of the answers from the test out of it thus far. I also watched a documentary for my Modern Sub-Saharan Africa class where they talked about how the people in Ghana who produce our rice, chocolate, and gold are paid so poorly and work in such horrible conditions, and I thought, while some people may think it would cost us more for these products, that knife Dad got me from Sweden was made in a country where minimum wage and working condition laws are just as strict, if not more so than in the U.S., and that knife probably did not cost more than it would have otherwise, and got the idea to do a poem on that, and felt a little lonely from having two classes on-line, but more motivated to pursue a romantic relationship because of that.  I talked to my granddad afterwards, who said he saw Bob at the store recently and he was really impressed with my posting. I read an article and watched more of another documentary for my Modern Sub-Saharan Africa class. I read more of Anthills of the Savanah while I ran. I got back and made another flower and heart-shaped pin. I talked to Dad afterwards and he said he was able to get my knife for only twenty dollars as these knives, Moran knives, are very famous around the world. Then I walked to the gas station, seeing Ryan and Oscar on my way, while Ryan said that he would e-mail me tomorrow or sometime soon about when the THRIVE group meets next. I got back and wrote in my meditation journal, during which time I read that when Uncle Ray saw the girl who would become the love of his life for the first time in his life while riding home on the bus, he knew “where he was going to sit, thinking back to how a girl or two always use to sit next to me in class in the past few semesters. I again took a shower to keep myself awake to write in my meditation journal. 

                After showering the next morning, I had breakfast with Connor, Oscar, Brian, and Autrey. Later I found out the next discussion post for my Modern Sub-Saharan Africa class isn’t due until the 2nd of March. After that I worked on my PowerPoint presentation. I studied for my World Archaeology class for two fifty minute study blocks with a ten minute break in between to use the bathroom and get a drink and understood the material fairly well and how to give my best answers on the questions, during which time I realized Horizon never really taught us how to study well when I was there, nor did Belinder of course, and that raising the $50 million dollars for special education services required by the Americans with Disabilities Act may require higher taxes, but it is also the law. I realized that even if we had to pay more for things from countries with as high standards of working conditions as we had, it wouldn’t be a whole lot when it’s stretched out over each product sold to the public, and chips are made in America and they hardly cost anything. I got back and I worked on my bag and my mandalas made from bags. Then I watched Vegucated for my Film Appreciation class, during which time I was inspired to eat more spinach leaves along with some nuts, which I hadn’t realized were there before, as there just leaves, and learned free-range doesn’t always mean cruelty-free. I read more of Anthill of the Savanah while running, before submitting my Film Appreciation paper. I got back and I sorted some recycling, while I got a Coke. Then I took a shower to help me stay awake to write in my meditation journal. I also realized how beer can be made in America without having to be outrageously expensive. 

                On Monday, after meditating and showering, I read more of Anthills of the Savanah up to the last three pages and it was really good.  During brunch I had a salad, or rather sunflower seed wrapped in spinach leaves, while I read more of Anthills of the Savanah.  After that I finished my book report on it. Afterwards I studied for my World Archaeology class for two fifty minute study blocks with a ten minute break in between to use the bathroom and get a drink. I got back and I did some laundry. I ate dinner with Ryan afterwards, who said he’d e-mail me soon and might even have the meeting for the THRIVE group be on Wednesday. After Ryan left, I ate dinner with Casey, Antwon, and Robert. When they left, I worked on a poem and realized that poetry, much like calligraphy, can help us appreciate the beauty of human language. While I ran on the treadmill I realized that much like with poetry, I just have to create an ending while having a middle and find a plot that connects the two. I got back and made another heart-shaped pin from straws. I also worked on my bag woven from Walmart bags.  After Late Night I read a lot of the reading for my Early American Literature class. Again, I took a shower to keep myself awake for my meditation journal, but I ended up deciding to save my entry for the next day. 

                The next morning, I read more of the reading for my Early American Literature class. Later I took my test down at the Testing Center, which I thought I did really well on and may even get an A on, and realized that giving people with disabilities, far from giving them unfair advantages, helps better test what they’ve learned. I got back and worked on my coasters made from paper plates and Styrofoam. Then I went to Crazy Dog’s. I went and got my hair cut afterwards, tipping the barber an almost twenty-five percent tip. Then I got the current issue of National Geographic and Buddhadharma at Hasting’s. 

                After that I got some more shampoo and deodorant at Walgreen’s. I sorted and picked up some recyclables on my way back. I got back and made some more flowers and a heart-shaped pin. After that I worked on my bag woven from Walmart bags. Then I talked to Granddad who assured me I would know just what to say when I talk to the THRIVE group and always do and have it flow out of me so smoothly, and he complimented my writing ability again.  When I got back from running, I made another heart-shaped pin. Then I talked to my dad who thought that setting up receptacles in different halls for the stuff we use to make the UCM Autism Spectrum Support Group door prizes was a good idea. I also went to Late Night where I learned about acrostic poems and saw some really good miksang photos, including good ones of leaves, like a wet one on a beach and one holding and floating in water, which inspired me to take some more of my own. I got back and took several great beach pebble photos with my pebbles from Washington, realizing they looked better than I thought they would, like a nature or beach scene. When Tyler texted me saying he wanted to create an avengers team of people with special needs, I told him it was a great idea. When he said that he wanted to make a team of all the people he loves, I told him that when you love someone, they are always there with you. Then he said he loves the people he loves unconditionally and always feels their presence, and I said so do I. Then I took a shower to keep myself awake to write in my meditation journal. I also realized that an inspirational quote would go well with these beach rock photos. 

                The next day I ate lunch with Megan. I also realized I have several good photos which I could use for Chinese paintings. After that I realized I might as well keep meetings going to keep Tom’s interest and scheduled one for next Wednesday. I also worked on my covers for my meditation journals and realized I could use some of the extra leather to make bracelets, including some braided ones. I also put all my recyclables bags on my shelf, put my textbooks in a box shelf on top of my microwave, my Altoids boxes on my windowsill, some of the stuff on my microwave on my new shelf, and my yarn paintings, poster, and plastic bags mandala next to my shelf with my recyclables and my room looked great. Then I made some more flowers and fixed a few of them. I later found out I was missing my bag with my earphones and flash drive. I went to Late Night where I sat with Autrey, Ryan, and Logan, while I started making the yarn for my bag woven from Walmart bags. I also met a girl in the main hall of Ellis named Marissa, who I got to know a little bit. 

                The next morning, I realized how much plastic bags in the landfill is a problem when I realized that plastic bags were the biggest among all my recyclables. I got the idea to use all the letters in my Warrensburg plastic bag mandala to make a Buddhist saying like “Be Present.” Later I worked on my lampshade made and made some more heart-shaped pins. I went to Walgreen’s and got Time magazine’s Civil Rights: The Movement for Equality and the Dream Today. Then I ate at Siam where I made another flower, and had a delicious Thai iced coffee. I also got a new quarter and nickel from my change. As I walked back, I picked up and sorted some more recycling. I got back and made some more flowers and heart-shaped pins. After that I read the reading for my Film Appreciation class, while eating some wings with some hot sauce on the side at Late Night. I learned that the next assignment for my Film Appreciation class isn’t due for full credit until Sunday at midnight, and that I got 100% on all the assignments I’ve turned in for my Modern Sub-Saharan Africa class, including my book report, which I got some good comments on, and realized if I managed to turn in the rest of them, I’d do fine. I also sent out the e-mails to the UCM Autism Spectrum Support Group about next Wednesday’s meeting. I got back and made another flower, and heart-shaped pin, and ended up deciding to save my meditation journal entry for that day for the next day. 

                The next day after meditating and showering, I ate lunch with Connor, and then Jai and Kim. Later I worked on my lampshade and found some new pebbles in the Ellis courtyard. Afterwards I made another heart-shaped pin, and then worked on my coasters made from paper plates and Styrofoam. While running I read about how the samurai trained themselves in painting, poetry, calligraphy, and flower arranging. I got back and talked to my dad, during which time I realized that I feel my workload for the weekend is rather light compared to other weekends, or perhaps it’s just that I’m more used to my load now.

Writing a Long Term Paper

           The truth about the so-called emerging autism awareness, I felt as I lay awake before going to sleep a week into February, is that it has less to do with so-called charities which have no autistic members in their board or general membership body and pay more to their executives, but autistics such as Temple Grandin and Jim Sinclair. Soon after I woke up, I found seven more bottle caps for my collection in my stash of ones to repurpose. I then worked on my Altoids box diorama for Erin and my handbag made from snack wrappers, and at dinner I saw Jai, Ryan, and Kim, the latter of who told me Sinho was in Kansas City and would be back that night or the next day. Afterwards I thought about how I could perhaps make prints of my plastic bag mandalas to sell, like the artist Virginia Flecke does. After that I went to the Pinterest party and meet several people while I met several people and painted a picture of a buffalo like the one on the Jefferson nickel as a symbol of autistic pride as Thomas Jefferson was autistic, to inspire me, and realized I could make prints of this painting and others that I’ve done, and I cut out a coaster from the Styrofoam plate I used. I realized I could make prints of my Green Man made from bottle caps to.  I texted my dad a picture of the painting and my diorama and he liked them both. I talked to my Granddad and told him my new thought on the so-called emerging autism awareness, and he told me I had certainly done my part with my blogs, groups, my interview in the Kansas City Star, and my interview with Chris Hernandez. He also loved my print idea and we talked about how I sort aluminum cans and he said that is a way to prevent the need for more mining to secure aluminum sources. I realized that cutting down on mining by recycling aluminum cans is good for Tibet as mining by the Chinese is a huge problem. Then I sorted some more recycling. After that I worked on my coasters made from Styrofoam and paper plates. I took out my trash and recycling while I sorted some recycling in the Ellis courtyard and realized that another way, I am helping potentially helping the autism community the government spends less money on our landfills and has more money to spend on autism services. I got back and I realized I could make prints of my toilet paper roll wall art. Then I worked on my coasters made from Styrofoam and paper plates. After that I got the idea to do my Early American Literature paper on William Penn and his contribution to the founding of America. Then I worked on my snack wrapper collage of Maja Toudal, finishing her likeness. After that I realized I could also do prints of my yarn paintings. 

                The next morning, when Sinho had returned and asked me a question on the proper English of a sentence, I started to have a little bit of understanding for how the Korean language works. Then Tyler called me, and I talked to him a little bit, during which time we role-played me asking a girl out and he talked about this children’s sci-fi movie as I remember it, and how it was one of Tyler Weekly’s favorite movie as a kid. I went down to Walgreen’s and got some new nail clippers, some packing tape, and four more Altoids boxes, then to Hasting’s where I got the March 2014 issue of Shambhala Sun, the February 2014 issue of National Geographic, and the February 2014 issue of Archaeology magazine. I went to Walgreen’s to see if they had a new issue of National Geographic Traveler or Mindful, and when I left, I got a good picture of a church silhouette in the sunlight. On my way back to campus I also picked up some more bottles and cans. Later I found out my Modern Sub-Saharan Africa book report is due on the twenty-fourth. I also found several different types of warrior traditions from all different cultures for my Altoids box dioramas. I read the reading for my Film Appreciation class, during which time I read about the stress a director takes on and remembered how when I helped a camp counselor with this one non-verbal kid at Camp Determination, he, who I told of my ambitions to become a director, said he really believed I would become a director, in contrast to the people who say people with Asperger syndrome can’t speak for non-verbal people. Sinho offered me these shrimp flavored chips from his native Korea, which were really good, and I offered him some Altoids, to which he only ate one at a time, and said they were good, even if he was just being polite, and I learned he and I learned he had been to Thailand, Germany, France, Switzerland, Italy, and the Vatican, the last of which he had some trouble pronouncing during which time I learned some times for him and other international students there is the challenge of knowing how to pronounce a word in communicating with other students, and he asked if he could ask me about me to help him understand English, which said was fine and he asked me what religion I practiced to which I said I followed the teachings of the Buddha, though really more as a way of life than as a religion, and learned he had no religion but his mother was Catholic, and that he loves to read comic books, including Japanese comic books, which are really popular in South Korea, and watch movies, and asked me what kinds of movies I like and I said I love The Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit movies and he said he loves them to, that The Lord of the Rings is very popular in South Korea, and that he hasn’t seen the second Lord of the Rings movie, and we agreed to watch it together next weekend hopefully being able to find Korean subtitles, so I thought I would do my Film Appreciation movie viewing and writing for next week and the weeks after that earlier in the week, and he asked me what kinds for snack I liked, saying he wanted to get me a snack at the Break Time gas station where he was shopping and after I told him a little bit about it he came back with some Doritos. I talked to my granddad and he said that I prove with Tyler how untrue that is, and that letting Tyler role-play must really make him feel better. I realized Tyler cannot speak for himself and the fact that he’s not even autistic shows I can speak for people of all sorts of abilities. Then I sorted some more recycling near the front desk. I saw several of the girls and female THRIVE volunteers in the TV Lounge after that and said hi to them, who I learned were having “girl time.” I said, “Well I don’t mean to interrupt,” at which point Mary (Oscar’s girlfriend) said, “No, you’re fine.” Then I got a post card from Mom and Dave in Hawaii and two new stamps for my collection from it. I also finished my Altoids box diorama for Erin and I realized Granddad was probably right about how letting Tyler role-play with me makes him feel much better. 

                The next morning Sinho and I ate breakfast with Autrey and Tom, who I introduced to Sinho. Then I got the idea to make a Christmas tree angel out of paper plates before watching a movie on race for my Film Appreciation class called An Imitation of Life, about a half-black girl who had a black mother and a father who abandoned her and her mother, and she herself always tried to pass for white, while living with a white widow actress and her daughter, while I worked a little bit on my angel. Then I ate dinner with Tom and Autrey. After that I made some playing cards into boxes, which I used to keep small miscellaneous items, my rubber gloves, and my bird puppets, allowing me to recycle the tin can I kept them in, and two more malas from straws. Then I worked on my handbag.  After that I sorted a bit of recycling in the Ellis TV Lounge. 

            

                The next morning before I went to bed, I helped Sinho learn how to open our mailbox, but after trying several times, he said we could just figure it out another time.  Before I went to sleep, I made a few more flowers from straws. I improved and finished my Altoids box diorama for Erin, using a lot of brightly colored paper I’ve found in trash cans to support the cut-outs. Then I worked on my coasters made from paper plates and Styrofoam. After that I saw on my e-mail account that during Autism Awareness Month, the Autism Society of America was going to challenge subminimum wage laws, and aversives, restraints, and seclusion of autistic people in schools, and help with transitioning programs, as well as links to GRASP (Global and Regional Asperger Syndrome Partnership) and scientifically based therapies for autism as well as that Ryan was interested in me speaking at the THRIVE student organization about my group. Then I found several sources for my research paper for my Early American Literature class. I e-mailed my instructor asking if he approved of the topic. Then I started reading one of the books for my research paper. I also found out we needed to meet with the instructor at least once to talk about the paper. After that I e-mailed Laura Scott asking if we could move the meeting time to next Wednesday. She e-mailed me back saying that would work perfectly. I then sent the e-mail about the next meeting out to everyone. After that I decided I would start projects like my research paper earlier, requiring me to do less work but over a longer period of time. Then I checked out those books from the library. I got back and worked on my Christmas tree angel made from paper plates. After that I ate dinner with Sinho, Ryan, Kim, and another guy whose name I sort of remember, while I read more of the books I checked out. I got and I worked on my handbag. While I was at Late Night I made some more flowers. After that I sorted some more recycling. Then I did some laundry. I got back and I found out Dad really like the environmental crafts I showed him. Then I made another mala from straws. After that I wrote in my gratitude journal. 

                The next morning, I sat with Oscar at lunch. After that I kept reading the reading for my Early American Literature class. Then I edited my paper for my World Archaeology class. I went to my Early American Literature class afterwards where I found out that William Penn was not yet taken. Then I met with my Early American Literature instructor about my paper. I got back and I made another flower. Then I worked on my lampshade made from straws, my snack wrapper collages, and my handbag. Afterwards I fixed my angel made from paper plates. Then I cleaned a lot of dust off my floor. I sorted some recycling in Ellis during which time I found two more bottle caps for my collection. Later I had dinner with Sinho, Jai, Kim, and another South Korean student named Hideki. After that I wrote in my gratitude journal.  Then I helped Sinho with homework some more. I also made another mala from straws and five more heart-shaped hair pins from straws.

                The next morning, I read some more of my books on William Penn for my Early American Literature class. Then I sorted some recycling. I read a lot of the reading for my Early American Literature class. After that I worked on my coasters made from paper plates and Styrofoam. 

               Later I cleaned out and made thirteen pencil cans from Pringles cups for the UCM Autism Spectrum Support Group. I also woke Sinho up twice I while I worked on my coasters made from paper plates and Styrofoam and decided one of our door prizes would be a set of five coasters, rather than one, and the first door prize would be or getting five people to sign, while the second would be for getting ten people to sign, and the third would be for getting twenty people to sign.  I also worked on my lampshade made from straws. After that I shared A Thinking Person’s Guide to Autism’s post on inclusive education examples on Facebook. Then I realized I may have positively impacted many autistic people’s acceptance from their parents and themselves, which could make them more openly autistic and raise awareness about this condition. While running I almost finished making nine heart-shaped hair pins from straws, thinking I was making only eight. After that I realized a willingness to burn myself alive if I failed the autistic community that I had and even and even give my life for them is not too different from the samurai suicide tradition, which I suddenly understood more in the context of warriorship, and a knight or warrior’s own willingness to die for people. I got back and talked to Dad while I finished those heart-shaped hair pins and realized how many I had made which he said he really liked. I worked on my handbag and during Late Night I read that the Combating Autism Act has been criticized by ASAN for its curing autism mentality. I felt so connected and understanding of who I am afterwards, with my artistic talent, filmmaking and writing ambition, my love of books, nature, art and music, Buddhist convictions, deep passion for social justice, and interest in different cultures, things that I share in common with many females with Asperger syndrome that psychologist Tania Marshall described. I wrote in my gratitude journal afterwards.

                The next day I realized that what I’m studying in school has a lot do with struggles like the autistic struggle such as religion and literature (Gandhi’s non-violence was inspired by Hinduism, Jainism, Buddhism, Christianity, and Leo Tolstoy’s and Henry David Thoreau’s works), political science, literature, and film (the Civil Rights era was inspired by Gandhi’s work, novels, and several films), history (the Disability rights movement was inspired by the Civil Rights movement and Women’s Rights movements, which were in turn inspired by Gandhi), and art (various artists helped inspire the anti-apartheid movement), and they may all come as useful when I strive for the autism community. I also realized how great my plastic bag mandala made from restaurant take-out bags would look, with the Quizno’s Q and Chinese restaurant smiley face looking like geometrics signs all on a mostly white surface. I made several more flowers and worked on my lampshade. After that I helped Sinho understand some of the things on his Blackboard. Then I worked on my mandalas made from plastic bags realizing that the K, A, and U possibly from the bags that say “Thank You” look kind of like Greek letters, and the Colonel from the KFC bag almost looks kind of like me (and really might in fifty years) and I could say he’s helping me visualize myself as the Buddha, and I worked on my handbag while I ate dinner with Sinho and Jai. I ran on the treadmill for about forty minutes-I would have run longer but someone accidentally set the alarm off, and I left-during which time I made eight more heart-shaped pins from straws. I went to Late Night where I met Jacob and Wonyang, two of the Korean students I saw at the soccer game and got Jacob’s number and said when we were doing things with the hall, I would text them to invite them. 

                After that I had lunch with Kim and Jacob, who I introduced to each other. I also posted several links from autism groups I belong to. After that I posted on Elizabeth’s Facebook page saying Elizabeth Boresow is one of the greatest and bravest autism advocates I have ever met, that graduating from KU, she has worked so hard in cross-disability activism, that through the hussels of her life she advocates for gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transgender, and underprivileged people in a way that is overwhelming, has been through numerous hardships, yet has risen like a phoenix from the ashes to be a bastion of comfort for those in her struggles, that people like her who challenge governments in such just ways are truly immortal, and viva autism liberation. 

I later invited my friends to like a feminist blog, repurposing, a page opposing a Kansas bill against gay marriage, the Autistic Self-Advocacy Network, Parenting Autistic Children with Love and Acceptance, the Down Syndrome Guild of Greater Kansas City, and the National Disability Rights Center. Afterwards I took a walk where I saw Ryan e-mailed me about meeting with his group and got some quarters. I got back and learned that the Chipko movement to save trees in India practices the non-violent resistance methods of Mahatma Gandhi. Then I did a watercolor poster of Merlin from the cover of The Lost Years of Merlin, and it looked so bright and colorful and just great, and that Shambhala arts is about bringing art to people who are not necessarily professional artists. After that I read a lot of the reading for my Film Appreciation class. I got back and added a quote to my poster “The heart can see things invisible to the eye.” After that I saw several people responded to my invitations and that Elizabeth liked my two posts about her. I invited people to like the Autism Women’s Network. Later I got rather caught up in working on my snack wrapper collage of Charles Darwin and after helping Sinho some more unsuccessfully, I saw how easy it could be for a girl like my friend Cassie not to overextend herself in a relationship while she focused on her career. I did find I got a postcard from Hawaii with new stamps for my collection and package from Mom with wasabi peas, a chocolate lollipop, and receipts, sharing some peas and a piece of lollipop with Sinho, who declined anymore peas after he found out they were spicy, saying that Japanese sushi and wasabi peas are eaten in South Korea, though he doesn’t eat them himself, after which I realized that Korea must have had a long history of influence from China and Japan. 

                The next morning, I didn’t sleep at all, and I used the time to web-surf on my phone. During that I learned the Chinese Yuxia warriors often practiced calligraphy, in addition to fighting, one of the main types of Shambhala arts. After I got out of bed, I read the reading for my Film Appreciation class before watching the films for the class. I wrote what I plan to say for the post down. Then I cleared my bed of my collages, wood burnings, and painting. After that I turned the binder, I found in the garbage into a bin for my newspaper using some duct tape, and the envelope from Mom’s packaging into a folder for my syllabi and papers. I made eight more heart-shaped pins while running and I got back and worked on some wallets made from Kool-Aid pouches. I talked to Tyler for a bit, who role-played as a girl for me to ask out telling me she heard Tyler Weekly was the vice president of the UCM Autism Spectrum Support Group when I brought it up, told me I need to think of things other people wanted to do, and asked me why I always get angry at my computer. I also decided to get up early tomorrow to work on my paper so I could get my reward for doing so before it was due, and to get myself a reward if I get in bed by 1 tonight. Then I wrote in my meditation journal, during which time I thought I might be able to get sodas in a can near in the machine near the South Ellis first floor lounge, so as not to down-cycle. I realized I could and for fifty cents less while I sorted some recycling.

                The next morning, I ate breakfast with Mary.  Then I cleaned of my desk, microwave, and windowsill. After that I got eight total sources and used them in my research paper for my Early American Literature. I got back and had dinner with Tom. After that I sent my Film Appreciation instructor my paper. Then I did the posts for that class. After that I sent several people on Facebook invitations to like several of my autism groups and a petition against an educational facility using restraints and aversives while I realized that even if not a lot of people sign or like these things, I will have helped by getting some people with me and also made my intentions known. I also saw ten people liked the Autistic Self-Advocacy Network, while five or six people liked the Autism Women’s Network, the National Disability Rights Center, the Down Syndrome Guild of Greater Kansas City, and the Autism Support Network.

     

The next day I decided to try and put more time into my stamp collection, realizing how it may teach people like boy scouts things like about different cultures, and thus to be good citizens, which is one of the teachings Trungpa gave his students, and I went to the library and finished my research paper for my Early American Literature class. Then I sent some more invitations to like autism groups on Facebook. After that I posted some more things on my Facebook page after that. I also I decided to spread out my invitations, so people won’t get overwhelmed. Later I found a way to use a black coke bottle cap to make my carved egg stand up on my desk. Then I made about fourteen more heart-shaped pins and then twenty more while running. When I got back, I found out my dad liked my Charles Darwin collage, my Merlin painting, my newspaper rack made from a binder and duct tape, my folder made from a mail carrier, my heart-shaped pins, and my egg stand. During Late Night I made eight more heart-shaped pins. I got back and I realized I could use my ripped plastic bags to wrap things I buy when I travel. I also got some quarters from a purchase at the gas station when I bought something there so I could do laundry when the front desk was out of ones, and I only had a five. I got back and did some laundry. I also realized that the art of calligraphy, which does kind of have a warrior feel, was something Sokka from Avatar the Last Air Bender learned when being taught to sword, just as he learned painting, like that Merlin painting I did, and others throughout my life. 

                During my Early American Literature class, I found out we could revise our papers later and got the idea to make a sky for one of my plastic bag mandalas using the red and blue colors from Price Chopper bags. After my last class I went to the OAS Office and scheduled an appointment with the Testing Center. Later I saw Laci walking by alone down at the Rec Center and she smiled, and I smiled back. After that I went to look for some straws I was carrying thinking I’d dropped them, and I would only have enough to make heart-shaped hair pins for half an hour and not know what to do on the treadmill afterwards and went back in knowing I’d already done my part to help the environment and found them on the front desk as I swiped in again. While running I made nineteen more heart-shaped pins. During Late Night, I felt after the relief of having finished my paper, a sense of wanting to find some new activities to occupy my time, maybe taking a break from environmental crafts, and thinking of doing some bird-watching in that time, and work on my screenplays.