Spring Break 2014

I saw an e-mail about how condolences for the loss can be sent to the address of the ASA president Ellen Whit, whose name I recognized from the Friend of Autism Pledge, and I decided to send her an e-mail after break saying I recognized her name in the e-mail from the pledge and wanted to wish my condolences to her. I put up a Facebook post that said, “Three types of girls I will never date:/-Girls who don’t wear their seatbelts, or ride with people who do/-Girls who smoke/-Girls who support autism organizations that pay more to their executives than supporting individuals and families/All three of those thing could cut my time short with her.” I saw Dr. Downing, Jamie, Kurt, Britney, and one other person liked it. I also wrote “Three of the worst things you can do while driving:/-drink/-text/-support charities that don’t pay most of their money to the causes they claim to represent/When you do any of these things your car can kill.” Brittany liked that. I shared a link to Hook’s obituary on Ryan, Philip’s, Hillary’s, and Mardy’s page and saw that they liked it, and Hillary liked my comment on her page about how I reacted to these girls' deaths.  Brittany also liked several other things on my page. I shared a link about the vigil on THRIVE’s Facebook page, commenting on what the girls did for THRIVE and how I thought the link deserved to be on there, and Dr. Downing approved. I shared a Buddhist link with people at the Pathless Land, and several of them, including Steve, liked it, and Steve said, “Awesome Ben Edwards.” I realized I can reach out to and gain respect of people like that. I talked to Tyler who said he knew of the girl’s deaths and knew one of the girls. I realized there are times when college students lose their lies like this, like the fall semester before last, when a twenty-three-year-old UCM male student died in a car wreck not wearing his seatbelt, from seeing it in the Muleskinner while working there.

The next morning I felt pretty good though a little frustrated as I had a nosebleed while I had just undressed to take a shower and Dad texted me to call him and I wanted to call Elizabeth to make plans for tomorrow, but I called Dad, and I called Elizabeth and she offered to pick me up and take me to Panera tomorrow, which I accepted as I was feeling still quite overwhelmed by the loss of the girls. When Elizabeth pulled up in my driveway however, we ended up going to Minsky’s in downtown Prairie Village instead of Panera. Elizabeth and I started getting caught up on each other’s lives and she told me there was an Autistic Self-Advocacy Network chapter opening up in Kansas City. I started telling her about the group and she was excited to hear that it was getting ready and understood that it was taking a while to get off the ground.

“The thing about the autism community is that we’ve always sought friendship,” she also told me, “I’m your friend in the autism community.”

Finally, I also told her about the loss of Hook and Reeder.

“I’m sorry,” she said, very sincerely.

“It’s just, sometimes I still feel some pain, but then it just subsides.”

“That’s called grief and it’s perfectly natural. It means something was important to you.” 

I smiled. Elizabeth was being very empathetic just as I had expected she would.

“These kind of things just seem to happen, and I guess, ultimately, there’s really no point in trying to figure out why.”

Elizabeth looked at me with such kind eyes. Eventually we got off the subject of Hook and Reeder, which was really a relief to me. She asked me about my bottle cap necklace, and I told her about it and showed her my belt made from plastic bags. She looked amazed.

“It’s really strong,” I said.

“I believe you!"

I learned her brother had had cancer for the last year, although she did tell me not to make any negative assumption about it too quickly as she said he was getting better. She also gave me a business card for her work as a music therapist, which she had recently been licensed to do after finishing her practicum for it last year. As I got out of her car and said goodbye, I realized I truly did have one friend in the autism community.

Later that day I went with my dad to our family house at Lake Lotawana where I indeed also found twenty-three new pebbles near our garden. Then we went to have a beer at the Canoe Club while we waited for my grandparents to come and eat with us. In the meantime, he asked what I planned to do after college. I mentioned selling some environmental crafts on Etsy, being a drama teacher at Horizon, and maybe publishing a book on my experiences at UCM and other parts of my life, before, hopefully, getting a career in filmmaking. He thought those were all good ideas. Then he asked me, “Ben, have you ever thought of having a career as an autism specialist? It’s just that none of the autism specialists I’ve ever known of have had autism.”

“I don’t know," I said. "I mean I thought either way I would do some stuff involving autism.” 

Soon my grandparents arrived. My granddad started telling us about how Bob from the Pathless Land was told by his doctor that he absolutely needed to quit smoking. He had “had his last smoke” with my granddad, though there had been slips since then. I had hoped he would quit as he was a great man who I had known for the last two years at the Pathless Land. 

The next day I drove to my appointment with Dr. Mays, then to the post office, and then home getting twenty-five more minutes of driving. I made twelve more flowers, seven more heart-shaped pins, a rose, and then seventeen more heart-shaped pins from straws, and decided to use the heart-shaped pins in making prints. I went to Better Cheddar and got two new bottle caps for my collection and drank the drinks while I ate a Mars Bar and read Mckinsey’s blog post on world hunger statistics, which I commented on favorably. I went to the hardware store and got a saw to cut my board at school apart and some wood to cut into rectangles for wood burning. I then cut apart the board and turned that coaster project Mom started into two coasters, which she was pretty impressed by. I also got the idea for when I find “a one” to glue the letters of my old computers to two of those boards and give each of us one of them on our anniversary where we can write a word or phrase next to each other about how we feel about each other. I drove to Bella Napoli, getting ten more minutes of driving. There I also got a new bottle cap from my beer. I also realized how interesting it is that I drink two sodas and eat a Mars Bar while reading a post on world hunger statistics. 

The next day I called Jack and left a message to see if he could sleep over with Tyler and I this spring break. Afterwards I grinded up leaves and spread them in my mom’s garden for fifteen dollars an hour for three hours. I also felt comforted knowing Elizabeth could understand how I felt about those girls. I made one of my coasters for Aunt Laura from receipts. I went down to Better Cheddar and got two new bottle caps for my collection from my drinks. On my way back I picked up and sorted some recyclables. On my way back I found a good walking stick to carve. I also worked on my coasters made from paper plates and Styrofoam.

I was able to slow down and take a breath while I enjoyed some Welsh rarebit for dinner tonight. I then talked to Jack who said he couldn’t sleep over this spring break because he has a lot going on, but he did say he could do it over the summer. I also told him about the girls, which he was shocked about, but glad I told him about, and about how Emily and I broke up. I talked to Dad and he and I agreed to eat dinner together tomorrow night and I sent him the links to my blogs. I wrote another post Autism and Olympics: Not So Special After All and posted it. I also saw another one of my Facebook friends accepted my invitations to like Tania Marshall and Little People of America. I remembered how great it feels to wake up and get a text asking saying, “I love you.”

The next day I realized more of how I would organize my stamp collection before I went to BRGR with Dad and he gave me dozens of bottle caps, which I found five new ones in, two Buddhist magazines, which I already had but could make some DIY colleges with, and a craft board. The next day I drove to get my blood tested and got ten minutes of driving on the way, then to a garden shop, then Dunkin Donuts, where I had a jelly donut, then Bruce Smith, and then the hardware store, getting another twenty minutes of driving. Afterwards I got two new bottle caps from my drinks at Better Cheddar. I also got some bread and turkey at Hen House along with the current issue of National Geographic. I arranged to get together with Erin tomorrow at eleven, and then I wrote in my dream journal. I also made another rose from straws. Tyler got here and I gave him those bottle caps I’d saved for him. We ate burgers and fries and then watched Epic. 

The next day Tyler met Erin before she and I went to the Cheesecake Factory, and I gave her presents and she gave me mine: a book called Empires of the Silk Road: A History of Central Eurasia from the Bronze Age to the Present. I got home and then went to my dentist appointment. I got back and rested from the cavity filling. I also agreed to go with Mom and her family to New Hampshire over the fourth of July, as I don’t see her family very often. I swung in our backyard while I read a lot of Erin’s book. Later I got Tyler to resend the link to the Down Syndrome Dance form when I couldn’t get to the page via the link I was sent. 

The next morning, I worked on my revised research paper for my Early American Literature class. I moved some soil, mulch, and compost into my mom’s new garden bed, during which time I realized that Beorn attacking the dwarves as a bear in the second Hobbit movie was a good idea as that way the audience gets the see Beorn as a bear before the third movie comes out, and Beorn being at Dol Guldur doesn’t seem like such a bad idea as Beorn was close to Radagast, who was a member of the White Council, and lived near there. Later I saw some good miksang photos and got inspired to take some more, which I did. I saw that the Autism Women’s Network liked my review of them before I took another photo. I also got together some bottle caps for my rainbow fish wall fish.

Tests, Test, and More Tests

With a stressful long-term project finally out of my way, I spent the next afternoon reading a lot of the reading for my Early American Literature class. Later I went to the meeting which only Tom and Dr. Mayfield showed up for and I learned Dr. Mayfield saw my post on a man with autism married to a neurotypical woman and the challenges they faced and I realized it might be hard for some visual autistic people to learn to talk because you can’t see how they’re doing it from the outside of their body, unlike waving, and when you’re taught to have, you might have trouble with depth perception that makes you unsure of where your hands would be, or when you are shown how to dress yourself, when you see what someone is doing with a yellow shirt, you may not see that you are supposed to do the same thing with a blue shirt. Then I invited several of my Facebook friends to like the Autism Women’s Empowerment Project. After a few minutes I saw Michael, a friend of mine from JCCC, had liked my post on the arbitrariness of autistic classifications. Later I talked to my granddad, and he said that I changed his whole view on autism in just one night after I told him about how an autistic person can have trouble knowing how to put on a blue shirt based on how someone puts on a yellow one, and that I’ve done my part for autism. While I ran, I learned to create a poem by writing the feelings you feel from a line of another poem chosen at random and found a poem by an autistic woman whose line I used to help inspire me and I started writing about how I feel about taking a risk and loving someone who does not know the fact of having my condition. When I got back, I talked to my dad who advised me to at least put out meetings for the UCM Autism Spectrum Support Groups even if hardly anyone comes. I finished that poem at Late Night and then wrote in my gratitude journal. After that I saw Teresa liked my post on the arbitrary classifications of autism. Then I took a shower to keep myself awake long enough to write this, during which time I decided to get myself one of those sketchbooks and brushes from the Union bookstore to do some watercolors and calligraphy. I also helped Sinho and Jai with some English questions. 

                The next morning, I learned about beach rock photos on a website and saw an interesting quote on there about how beach rocks teach us all to keep an open mind, because something we originally might reject may later become our favorite thing. I also read more of the reading for my Early American Literature class. Then I learned there is a test this week in my Film Appreciation class. After that I finished the rest of my reading for my Early American Literature class.  During my World Archaeology class, I heard about how Catalhoyuk is a place of artistic inspiration and a spiritual center and thought I might visit it in junction with a bearing witness trip to Turkey about the Armenian Genocide. Afterwards saw Becky working at a body acceptance project where I got myself weighed on a scale that only tells you good things about your body, and mine said “Lovely” and I got a picture for them to put to Facebook. Then I got a watercolor paintbrush, a Chinese bamboo brush, and a notebook for my watercolors and calligraphy. After that I read a poster in the Union on stress, which said that people who view stressful situations as an opportunity to grow are more likely to avoid some of the symptoms of stress. Then I sorted some recycling afterwards. I alsosaw on Facebook that my family friend Bob Tucker, who also went to the Pathless Land, liked my post about the arbitrariness of autism classifications and put, “Well explained and easily understood.  You are a brave lad my friend.” I then invited the rest of my Facebook friends to like the Autism Women’s Empowerment Project. I talked to my granddad who said that Bob Tucker, a real professional-a retired psychotherapist-and doesn’t compliment every Facebook post like that, and that I am continuing to gain credibility. I also realized later on that my sudden loss of passion for screenwriting seemed to stem from not feeling as connected to my characters like I used to, and if I could fix that, I could probably get it back.   Afterwards I worked on my handbag made from snack wrappers. After running I made another hair pin from straws. Then I worked on a scrapbook with a cover made from a chips bag. I also went to Late Night where I saw Ryan, who I sat with, and he told me he would e-mail me about the next THRIVE meeting next week or tomorrow morning when he knew when it was. 

                I realized as I lay awake the next morning that even if a girl does not share my condition, she may find it amazing what I’ve had to deal with as a person with autism. After meditating, showering, and eating breakfast, I studied for two fifty minute study blocks for my World Archaeology class with a ten minute break in between to use the bathroom and get a drink. After that I took my Film Appreciation test and got a thirty-seven out of forty. Later when I got back to the dorm I got back and saw Elizabeth Wood from my Creative Writing class, who I was surprised to see remembered my name. Then I finished four more coasters made from paper plates made three more pencil cups from Pringles cans. I talked to Mom who asked about coming down tomorrow and I agreed, and she agreed to come at 11:30, and was impressed with how hard I was working. I got back and worked on my coasters made from paper plates and Styrofoam, realizing what a good idea it was to tell a few people about the Friend of Autism Pledge, have them tell a few people, and for a certain amount of people they get to sign to give out environmentally friendly prizes. I took a shower to keep myself awake to write in my meditation journal. 

                The next morning, I ate breakfast with Connor from THRIVE. Then my mom came and brought my paper plates, Lost Years of Merlin books, and some clean pants. After that we went to the Egg Diner where I enjoyed a good grilled chicken and bacon sandwich, and Mom said that though she couldn’t connect with the characters in The Skull Mantra enough to get more than halfway through the book, she could tell there was a romance between Shan and Rebecca from the way the book described Rebecca’s hair flowing in the wind. Afterwards I made two more heart-shaped pins. Then I studied for my North American Indian class for two fifty minute study blocks with a ten minute break in between to use the bathroom and get a drink, during which I realized ways I could better answer Yelton’s questions on the test than I have on previous tests. After that I read more of the reading for my World Archaeology class and got more of the answers from the test out of it thus far. I also watched a documentary for my Modern Sub-Saharan Africa class where they talked about how the people in Ghana who produce our rice, chocolate, and gold are paid so poorly and work in such horrible conditions, and I thought, while some people may think it would cost us more for these products, that knife Dad got me from Sweden was made in a country where minimum wage and working condition laws are just as strict, if not more so than in the U.S., and that knife probably did not cost more than it would have otherwise, and got the idea to do a poem on that, and felt a little lonely from having two classes on-line, but more motivated to pursue a romantic relationship because of that.  I talked to my granddad afterwards, who said he saw Bob at the store recently and he was really impressed with my posting. I read an article and watched more of another documentary for my Modern Sub-Saharan Africa class. I read more of Anthills of the Savanah while I ran. I got back and made another flower and heart-shaped pin. I talked to Dad afterwards and he said he was able to get my knife for only twenty dollars as these knives, Moran knives, are very famous around the world. Then I walked to the gas station, seeing Ryan and Oscar on my way, while Ryan said that he would e-mail me tomorrow or sometime soon about when the THRIVE group meets next. I got back and wrote in my meditation journal, during which time I read that when Uncle Ray saw the girl who would become the love of his life for the first time in his life while riding home on the bus, he knew “where he was going to sit, thinking back to how a girl or two always use to sit next to me in class in the past few semesters. I again took a shower to keep myself awake to write in my meditation journal. 

                After showering the next morning, I had breakfast with Connor, Oscar, Brian, and Autrey. Later I found out the next discussion post for my Modern Sub-Saharan Africa class isn’t due until the 2nd of March. After that I worked on my PowerPoint presentation. I studied for my World Archaeology class for two fifty minute study blocks with a ten minute break in between to use the bathroom and get a drink and understood the material fairly well and how to give my best answers on the questions, during which time I realized Horizon never really taught us how to study well when I was there, nor did Belinder of course, and that raising the $50 million dollars for special education services required by the Americans with Disabilities Act may require higher taxes, but it is also the law. I realized that even if we had to pay more for things from countries with as high standards of working conditions as we had, it wouldn’t be a whole lot when it’s stretched out over each product sold to the public, and chips are made in America and they hardly cost anything. I got back and I worked on my bag and my mandalas made from bags. Then I watched Vegucated for my Film Appreciation class, during which time I was inspired to eat more spinach leaves along with some nuts, which I hadn’t realized were there before, as there just leaves, and learned free-range doesn’t always mean cruelty-free. I read more of Anthill of the Savanah while running, before submitting my Film Appreciation paper. I got back and I sorted some recycling, while I got a Coke. Then I took a shower to help me stay awake to write in my meditation journal. I also realized how beer can be made in America without having to be outrageously expensive. 

                On Monday, after meditating and showering, I read more of Anthills of the Savanah up to the last three pages and it was really good.  During brunch I had a salad, or rather sunflower seed wrapped in spinach leaves, while I read more of Anthills of the Savanah.  After that I finished my book report on it. Afterwards I studied for my World Archaeology class for two fifty minute study blocks with a ten minute break in between to use the bathroom and get a drink. I got back and I did some laundry. I ate dinner with Ryan afterwards, who said he’d e-mail me soon and might even have the meeting for the THRIVE group be on Wednesday. After Ryan left, I ate dinner with Casey, Antwon, and Robert. When they left, I worked on a poem and realized that poetry, much like calligraphy, can help us appreciate the beauty of human language. While I ran on the treadmill I realized that much like with poetry, I just have to create an ending while having a middle and find a plot that connects the two. I got back and made another heart-shaped pin from straws. I also worked on my bag woven from Walmart bags.  After Late Night I read a lot of the reading for my Early American Literature class. Again, I took a shower to keep myself awake for my meditation journal, but I ended up deciding to save my entry for the next day. 

                The next morning, I read more of the reading for my Early American Literature class. Later I took my test down at the Testing Center, which I thought I did really well on and may even get an A on, and realized that giving people with disabilities, far from giving them unfair advantages, helps better test what they’ve learned. I got back and worked on my coasters made from paper plates and Styrofoam. Then I went to Crazy Dog’s. I went and got my hair cut afterwards, tipping the barber an almost twenty-five percent tip. Then I got the current issue of National Geographic and Buddhadharma at Hasting’s. 

                After that I got some more shampoo and deodorant at Walgreen’s. I sorted and picked up some recyclables on my way back. I got back and made some more flowers and a heart-shaped pin. After that I worked on my bag woven from Walmart bags. Then I talked to Granddad who assured me I would know just what to say when I talk to the THRIVE group and always do and have it flow out of me so smoothly, and he complimented my writing ability again.  When I got back from running, I made another heart-shaped pin. Then I talked to my dad who thought that setting up receptacles in different halls for the stuff we use to make the UCM Autism Spectrum Support Group door prizes was a good idea. I also went to Late Night where I learned about acrostic poems and saw some really good miksang photos, including good ones of leaves, like a wet one on a beach and one holding and floating in water, which inspired me to take some more of my own. I got back and took several great beach pebble photos with my pebbles from Washington, realizing they looked better than I thought they would, like a nature or beach scene. When Tyler texted me saying he wanted to create an avengers team of people with special needs, I told him it was a great idea. When he said that he wanted to make a team of all the people he loves, I told him that when you love someone, they are always there with you. Then he said he loves the people he loves unconditionally and always feels their presence, and I said so do I. Then I took a shower to keep myself awake to write in my meditation journal. I also realized that an inspirational quote would go well with these beach rock photos. 

                The next day I ate lunch with Megan. I also realized I have several good photos which I could use for Chinese paintings. After that I realized I might as well keep meetings going to keep Tom’s interest and scheduled one for next Wednesday. I also worked on my covers for my meditation journals and realized I could use some of the extra leather to make bracelets, including some braided ones. I also put all my recyclables bags on my shelf, put my textbooks in a box shelf on top of my microwave, my Altoids boxes on my windowsill, some of the stuff on my microwave on my new shelf, and my yarn paintings, poster, and plastic bags mandala next to my shelf with my recyclables and my room looked great. Then I made some more flowers and fixed a few of them. I later found out I was missing my bag with my earphones and flash drive. I went to Late Night where I sat with Autrey, Ryan, and Logan, while I started making the yarn for my bag woven from Walmart bags. I also met a girl in the main hall of Ellis named Marissa, who I got to know a little bit. 

                The next morning, I realized how much plastic bags in the landfill is a problem when I realized that plastic bags were the biggest among all my recyclables. I got the idea to use all the letters in my Warrensburg plastic bag mandala to make a Buddhist saying like “Be Present.” Later I worked on my lampshade made and made some more heart-shaped pins. I went to Walgreen’s and got Time magazine’s Civil Rights: The Movement for Equality and the Dream Today. Then I ate at Siam where I made another flower, and had a delicious Thai iced coffee. I also got a new quarter and nickel from my change. As I walked back, I picked up and sorted some more recycling. I got back and made some more flowers and heart-shaped pins. After that I read the reading for my Film Appreciation class, while eating some wings with some hot sauce on the side at Late Night. I learned that the next assignment for my Film Appreciation class isn’t due for full credit until Sunday at midnight, and that I got 100% on all the assignments I’ve turned in for my Modern Sub-Saharan Africa class, including my book report, which I got some good comments on, and realized if I managed to turn in the rest of them, I’d do fine. I also sent out the e-mails to the UCM Autism Spectrum Support Group about next Wednesday’s meeting. I got back and made another flower, and heart-shaped pin, and ended up deciding to save my meditation journal entry for that day for the next day. 

                The next day after meditating and showering, I ate lunch with Connor, and then Jai and Kim. Later I worked on my lampshade and found some new pebbles in the Ellis courtyard. Afterwards I made another heart-shaped pin, and then worked on my coasters made from paper plates and Styrofoam. While running I read about how the samurai trained themselves in painting, poetry, calligraphy, and flower arranging. I got back and talked to my dad, during which time I realized that I feel my workload for the weekend is rather light compared to other weekends, or perhaps it’s just that I’m more used to my load now.

Writing a Long Term Paper

           The truth about the so-called emerging autism awareness, I felt as I lay awake before going to sleep a week into February, is that it has less to do with so-called charities which have no autistic members in their board or general membership body and pay more to their executives, but autistics such as Temple Grandin and Jim Sinclair. Soon after I woke up, I found seven more bottle caps for my collection in my stash of ones to repurpose. I then worked on my Altoids box diorama for Erin and my handbag made from snack wrappers, and at dinner I saw Jai, Ryan, and Kim, the latter of who told me Sinho was in Kansas City and would be back that night or the next day. Afterwards I thought about how I could perhaps make prints of my plastic bag mandalas to sell, like the artist Virginia Flecke does. After that I went to the Pinterest party and meet several people while I met several people and painted a picture of a buffalo like the one on the Jefferson nickel as a symbol of autistic pride as Thomas Jefferson was autistic, to inspire me, and realized I could make prints of this painting and others that I’ve done, and I cut out a coaster from the Styrofoam plate I used. I realized I could make prints of my Green Man made from bottle caps to.  I texted my dad a picture of the painting and my diorama and he liked them both. I talked to my Granddad and told him my new thought on the so-called emerging autism awareness, and he told me I had certainly done my part with my blogs, groups, my interview in the Kansas City Star, and my interview with Chris Hernandez. He also loved my print idea and we talked about how I sort aluminum cans and he said that is a way to prevent the need for more mining to secure aluminum sources. I realized that cutting down on mining by recycling aluminum cans is good for Tibet as mining by the Chinese is a huge problem. Then I sorted some more recycling. After that I worked on my coasters made from Styrofoam and paper plates. I took out my trash and recycling while I sorted some recycling in the Ellis courtyard and realized that another way, I am helping potentially helping the autism community the government spends less money on our landfills and has more money to spend on autism services. I got back and I realized I could make prints of my toilet paper roll wall art. Then I worked on my coasters made from Styrofoam and paper plates. After that I got the idea to do my Early American Literature paper on William Penn and his contribution to the founding of America. Then I worked on my snack wrapper collage of Maja Toudal, finishing her likeness. After that I realized I could also do prints of my yarn paintings. 

                The next morning, when Sinho had returned and asked me a question on the proper English of a sentence, I started to have a little bit of understanding for how the Korean language works. Then Tyler called me, and I talked to him a little bit, during which time we role-played me asking a girl out and he talked about this children’s sci-fi movie as I remember it, and how it was one of Tyler Weekly’s favorite movie as a kid. I went down to Walgreen’s and got some new nail clippers, some packing tape, and four more Altoids boxes, then to Hasting’s where I got the March 2014 issue of Shambhala Sun, the February 2014 issue of National Geographic, and the February 2014 issue of Archaeology magazine. I went to Walgreen’s to see if they had a new issue of National Geographic Traveler or Mindful, and when I left, I got a good picture of a church silhouette in the sunlight. On my way back to campus I also picked up some more bottles and cans. Later I found out my Modern Sub-Saharan Africa book report is due on the twenty-fourth. I also found several different types of warrior traditions from all different cultures for my Altoids box dioramas. I read the reading for my Film Appreciation class, during which time I read about the stress a director takes on and remembered how when I helped a camp counselor with this one non-verbal kid at Camp Determination, he, who I told of my ambitions to become a director, said he really believed I would become a director, in contrast to the people who say people with Asperger syndrome can’t speak for non-verbal people. Sinho offered me these shrimp flavored chips from his native Korea, which were really good, and I offered him some Altoids, to which he only ate one at a time, and said they were good, even if he was just being polite, and I learned he and I learned he had been to Thailand, Germany, France, Switzerland, Italy, and the Vatican, the last of which he had some trouble pronouncing during which time I learned some times for him and other international students there is the challenge of knowing how to pronounce a word in communicating with other students, and he asked if he could ask me about me to help him understand English, which said was fine and he asked me what religion I practiced to which I said I followed the teachings of the Buddha, though really more as a way of life than as a religion, and learned he had no religion but his mother was Catholic, and that he loves to read comic books, including Japanese comic books, which are really popular in South Korea, and watch movies, and asked me what kinds of movies I like and I said I love The Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit movies and he said he loves them to, that The Lord of the Rings is very popular in South Korea, and that he hasn’t seen the second Lord of the Rings movie, and we agreed to watch it together next weekend hopefully being able to find Korean subtitles, so I thought I would do my Film Appreciation movie viewing and writing for next week and the weeks after that earlier in the week, and he asked me what kinds for snack I liked, saying he wanted to get me a snack at the Break Time gas station where he was shopping and after I told him a little bit about it he came back with some Doritos. I talked to my granddad and he said that I prove with Tyler how untrue that is, and that letting Tyler role-play must really make him feel better. I realized Tyler cannot speak for himself and the fact that he’s not even autistic shows I can speak for people of all sorts of abilities. Then I sorted some more recycling near the front desk. I saw several of the girls and female THRIVE volunteers in the TV Lounge after that and said hi to them, who I learned were having “girl time.” I said, “Well I don’t mean to interrupt,” at which point Mary (Oscar’s girlfriend) said, “No, you’re fine.” Then I got a post card from Mom and Dave in Hawaii and two new stamps for my collection from it. I also finished my Altoids box diorama for Erin and I realized Granddad was probably right about how letting Tyler role-play with me makes him feel much better. 

                The next morning Sinho and I ate breakfast with Autrey and Tom, who I introduced to Sinho. Then I got the idea to make a Christmas tree angel out of paper plates before watching a movie on race for my Film Appreciation class called An Imitation of Life, about a half-black girl who had a black mother and a father who abandoned her and her mother, and she herself always tried to pass for white, while living with a white widow actress and her daughter, while I worked a little bit on my angel. Then I ate dinner with Tom and Autrey. After that I made some playing cards into boxes, which I used to keep small miscellaneous items, my rubber gloves, and my bird puppets, allowing me to recycle the tin can I kept them in, and two more malas from straws. Then I worked on my handbag.  After that I sorted a bit of recycling in the Ellis TV Lounge. 

            

                The next morning before I went to bed, I helped Sinho learn how to open our mailbox, but after trying several times, he said we could just figure it out another time.  Before I went to sleep, I made a few more flowers from straws. I improved and finished my Altoids box diorama for Erin, using a lot of brightly colored paper I’ve found in trash cans to support the cut-outs. Then I worked on my coasters made from paper plates and Styrofoam. After that I saw on my e-mail account that during Autism Awareness Month, the Autism Society of America was going to challenge subminimum wage laws, and aversives, restraints, and seclusion of autistic people in schools, and help with transitioning programs, as well as links to GRASP (Global and Regional Asperger Syndrome Partnership) and scientifically based therapies for autism as well as that Ryan was interested in me speaking at the THRIVE student organization about my group. Then I found several sources for my research paper for my Early American Literature class. I e-mailed my instructor asking if he approved of the topic. Then I started reading one of the books for my research paper. I also found out we needed to meet with the instructor at least once to talk about the paper. After that I e-mailed Laura Scott asking if we could move the meeting time to next Wednesday. She e-mailed me back saying that would work perfectly. I then sent the e-mail about the next meeting out to everyone. After that I decided I would start projects like my research paper earlier, requiring me to do less work but over a longer period of time. Then I checked out those books from the library. I got back and worked on my Christmas tree angel made from paper plates. After that I ate dinner with Sinho, Ryan, Kim, and another guy whose name I sort of remember, while I read more of the books I checked out. I got and I worked on my handbag. While I was at Late Night I made some more flowers. After that I sorted some more recycling. Then I did some laundry. I got back and I found out Dad really like the environmental crafts I showed him. Then I made another mala from straws. After that I wrote in my gratitude journal. 

                The next morning, I sat with Oscar at lunch. After that I kept reading the reading for my Early American Literature class. Then I edited my paper for my World Archaeology class. I went to my Early American Literature class afterwards where I found out that William Penn was not yet taken. Then I met with my Early American Literature instructor about my paper. I got back and I made another flower. Then I worked on my lampshade made from straws, my snack wrapper collages, and my handbag. Afterwards I fixed my angel made from paper plates. Then I cleaned a lot of dust off my floor. I sorted some recycling in Ellis during which time I found two more bottle caps for my collection. Later I had dinner with Sinho, Jai, Kim, and another South Korean student named Hideki. After that I wrote in my gratitude journal.  Then I helped Sinho with homework some more. I also made another mala from straws and five more heart-shaped hair pins from straws.

                The next morning, I read some more of my books on William Penn for my Early American Literature class. Then I sorted some recycling. I read a lot of the reading for my Early American Literature class. After that I worked on my coasters made from paper plates and Styrofoam. 

               Later I cleaned out and made thirteen pencil cans from Pringles cups for the UCM Autism Spectrum Support Group. I also woke Sinho up twice I while I worked on my coasters made from paper plates and Styrofoam and decided one of our door prizes would be a set of five coasters, rather than one, and the first door prize would be or getting five people to sign, while the second would be for getting ten people to sign, and the third would be for getting twenty people to sign.  I also worked on my lampshade made from straws. After that I shared A Thinking Person’s Guide to Autism’s post on inclusive education examples on Facebook. Then I realized I may have positively impacted many autistic people’s acceptance from their parents and themselves, which could make them more openly autistic and raise awareness about this condition. While running I almost finished making nine heart-shaped hair pins from straws, thinking I was making only eight. After that I realized a willingness to burn myself alive if I failed the autistic community that I had and even and even give my life for them is not too different from the samurai suicide tradition, which I suddenly understood more in the context of warriorship, and a knight or warrior’s own willingness to die for people. I got back and talked to Dad while I finished those heart-shaped hair pins and realized how many I had made which he said he really liked. I worked on my handbag and during Late Night I read that the Combating Autism Act has been criticized by ASAN for its curing autism mentality. I felt so connected and understanding of who I am afterwards, with my artistic talent, filmmaking and writing ambition, my love of books, nature, art and music, Buddhist convictions, deep passion for social justice, and interest in different cultures, things that I share in common with many females with Asperger syndrome that psychologist Tania Marshall described. I wrote in my gratitude journal afterwards.

                The next day I realized that what I’m studying in school has a lot do with struggles like the autistic struggle such as religion and literature (Gandhi’s non-violence was inspired by Hinduism, Jainism, Buddhism, Christianity, and Leo Tolstoy’s and Henry David Thoreau’s works), political science, literature, and film (the Civil Rights era was inspired by Gandhi’s work, novels, and several films), history (the Disability rights movement was inspired by the Civil Rights movement and Women’s Rights movements, which were in turn inspired by Gandhi), and art (various artists helped inspire the anti-apartheid movement), and they may all come as useful when I strive for the autism community. I also realized how great my plastic bag mandala made from restaurant take-out bags would look, with the Quizno’s Q and Chinese restaurant smiley face looking like geometrics signs all on a mostly white surface. I made several more flowers and worked on my lampshade. After that I helped Sinho understand some of the things on his Blackboard. Then I worked on my mandalas made from plastic bags realizing that the K, A, and U possibly from the bags that say “Thank You” look kind of like Greek letters, and the Colonel from the KFC bag almost looks kind of like me (and really might in fifty years) and I could say he’s helping me visualize myself as the Buddha, and I worked on my handbag while I ate dinner with Sinho and Jai. I ran on the treadmill for about forty minutes-I would have run longer but someone accidentally set the alarm off, and I left-during which time I made eight more heart-shaped pins from straws. I went to Late Night where I met Jacob and Wonyang, two of the Korean students I saw at the soccer game and got Jacob’s number and said when we were doing things with the hall, I would text them to invite them. 

                After that I had lunch with Kim and Jacob, who I introduced to each other. I also posted several links from autism groups I belong to. After that I posted on Elizabeth’s Facebook page saying Elizabeth Boresow is one of the greatest and bravest autism advocates I have ever met, that graduating from KU, she has worked so hard in cross-disability activism, that through the hussels of her life she advocates for gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transgender, and underprivileged people in a way that is overwhelming, has been through numerous hardships, yet has risen like a phoenix from the ashes to be a bastion of comfort for those in her struggles, that people like her who challenge governments in such just ways are truly immortal, and viva autism liberation. 

I later invited my friends to like a feminist blog, repurposing, a page opposing a Kansas bill against gay marriage, the Autistic Self-Advocacy Network, Parenting Autistic Children with Love and Acceptance, the Down Syndrome Guild of Greater Kansas City, and the National Disability Rights Center. Afterwards I took a walk where I saw Ryan e-mailed me about meeting with his group and got some quarters. I got back and learned that the Chipko movement to save trees in India practices the non-violent resistance methods of Mahatma Gandhi. Then I did a watercolor poster of Merlin from the cover of The Lost Years of Merlin, and it looked so bright and colorful and just great, and that Shambhala arts is about bringing art to people who are not necessarily professional artists. After that I read a lot of the reading for my Film Appreciation class. I got back and added a quote to my poster “The heart can see things invisible to the eye.” After that I saw several people responded to my invitations and that Elizabeth liked my two posts about her. I invited people to like the Autism Women’s Network. Later I got rather caught up in working on my snack wrapper collage of Charles Darwin and after helping Sinho some more unsuccessfully, I saw how easy it could be for a girl like my friend Cassie not to overextend herself in a relationship while she focused on her career. I did find I got a postcard from Hawaii with new stamps for my collection and package from Mom with wasabi peas, a chocolate lollipop, and receipts, sharing some peas and a piece of lollipop with Sinho, who declined anymore peas after he found out they were spicy, saying that Japanese sushi and wasabi peas are eaten in South Korea, though he doesn’t eat them himself, after which I realized that Korea must have had a long history of influence from China and Japan. 

                The next morning, I didn’t sleep at all, and I used the time to web-surf on my phone. During that I learned the Chinese Yuxia warriors often practiced calligraphy, in addition to fighting, one of the main types of Shambhala arts. After I got out of bed, I read the reading for my Film Appreciation class before watching the films for the class. I wrote what I plan to say for the post down. Then I cleared my bed of my collages, wood burnings, and painting. After that I turned the binder, I found in the garbage into a bin for my newspaper using some duct tape, and the envelope from Mom’s packaging into a folder for my syllabi and papers. I made eight more heart-shaped pins while running and I got back and worked on some wallets made from Kool-Aid pouches. I talked to Tyler for a bit, who role-played as a girl for me to ask out telling me she heard Tyler Weekly was the vice president of the UCM Autism Spectrum Support Group when I brought it up, told me I need to think of things other people wanted to do, and asked me why I always get angry at my computer. I also decided to get up early tomorrow to work on my paper so I could get my reward for doing so before it was due, and to get myself a reward if I get in bed by 1 tonight. Then I wrote in my meditation journal, during which time I thought I might be able to get sodas in a can near in the machine near the South Ellis first floor lounge, so as not to down-cycle. I realized I could and for fifty cents less while I sorted some recycling.

                The next morning, I ate breakfast with Mary.  Then I cleaned of my desk, microwave, and windowsill. After that I got eight total sources and used them in my research paper for my Early American Literature. I got back and had dinner with Tom. After that I sent my Film Appreciation instructor my paper. Then I did the posts for that class. After that I sent several people on Facebook invitations to like several of my autism groups and a petition against an educational facility using restraints and aversives while I realized that even if not a lot of people sign or like these things, I will have helped by getting some people with me and also made my intentions known. I also saw ten people liked the Autistic Self-Advocacy Network, while five or six people liked the Autism Women’s Network, the National Disability Rights Center, the Down Syndrome Guild of Greater Kansas City, and the Autism Support Network.

     

The next day I decided to try and put more time into my stamp collection, realizing how it may teach people like boy scouts things like about different cultures, and thus to be good citizens, which is one of the teachings Trungpa gave his students, and I went to the library and finished my research paper for my Early American Literature class. Then I sent some more invitations to like autism groups on Facebook. After that I posted some more things on my Facebook page after that. I also I decided to spread out my invitations, so people won’t get overwhelmed. Later I found a way to use a black coke bottle cap to make my carved egg stand up on my desk. Then I made about fourteen more heart-shaped pins and then twenty more while running. When I got back, I found out my dad liked my Charles Darwin collage, my Merlin painting, my newspaper rack made from a binder and duct tape, my folder made from a mail carrier, my heart-shaped pins, and my egg stand. During Late Night I made eight more heart-shaped pins. I got back and I realized I could use my ripped plastic bags to wrap things I buy when I travel. I also got some quarters from a purchase at the gas station when I bought something there so I could do laundry when the front desk was out of ones, and I only had a five. I got back and did some laundry. I also realized that the art of calligraphy, which does kind of have a warrior feel, was something Sokka from Avatar the Last Air Bender learned when being taught to sword, just as he learned painting, like that Merlin painting I did, and others throughout my life. 

                During my Early American Literature class, I found out we could revise our papers later and got the idea to make a sky for one of my plastic bag mandalas using the red and blue colors from Price Chopper bags. After my last class I went to the OAS Office and scheduled an appointment with the Testing Center. Later I saw Laci walking by alone down at the Rec Center and she smiled, and I smiled back. After that I went to look for some straws I was carrying thinking I’d dropped them, and I would only have enough to make heart-shaped hair pins for half an hour and not know what to do on the treadmill afterwards and went back in knowing I’d already done my part to help the environment and found them on the front desk as I swiped in again. While running I made nineteen more heart-shaped pins. During Late Night, I felt after the relief of having finished my paper, a sense of wanting to find some new activities to occupy my time, maybe taking a break from environmental crafts, and thinking of doing some bird-watching in that time, and work on my screenplays. 

First Few Days Back at School 2014

Before going back to school I packed up, scooped Peter’s litter box, and sorted some of Cam’s recycling. Then my dad picked me up and we stopped by Walgreen’s to get me some Zyrtec for my allergies and some lotion for my hands. We went to Crazy Dog’s getting Snapple for my drink with a new Snapple cap for my collection with it. We got to school, and I unpacked. After that I made another from a straw and worked on one of my lampshades made from straws. I also got an e-mail from my Film Appreciation instructor and learned that the class will be done on Blackboard. After that I ate dinner with Maria, Thad, Matt, John, and few other students from the hall, many of whom are new and I met a lot of them, which Maria invited us all to do. I took out my recycling and sorted a lot of recycling during which time I found a new shelf, which I used to put a lot of my recyclables, my yarn paintings, and my stamp collection. I talked to Granddad, who told me that he went to their friends Mr. and Mrs. North’s wedding reception where he saw Mrs. Kennedy, my high school principal who said that I was an inspiration to the students at Horizon who came after me. I talked to my dad who said I’d left my Zyrtec and lotion in his car but he agreed to send them to me along with some bottle caps, a Buddhist magazine someone gave him, and a crafts board he meant to bring this morning. I then made thirteen more flowers, using some of the excess straw to make beads.  While I was running on the treadmill, I worked on my handbag made from snack wrappers and saw the King of the Hill episode where Luanne struggles with finding herself while she and Lucky take care of their newborn baby.  I started feeling like having a child, who needs you so constantly, with no ability to be certain about their welfare all the time would really put strain on a relationship, but when I got back I remembered how I once read about a twentieth century Indian guru Hazrat Inayat Khan, who brought his teachings to the U.S. and met an American woman, who he married and had four kids with, and in a picture of his wife, she looked so happy, as if overjoyed to be with the one she loves.

                The next day I found another bottle cap for my collection while taking out my trash and recycling, before going down to the OAS Office to schedule an appointment with Dr. Mayfield about the UCM Autism Spectrum Support Group and scheduling my tests in the Testing Center.  I got there and saw Laci, who looked somewhat morose before she saw me, scheduled an appointment for Wednesday at 12, and gave her my name and phone number in case they needed to reach me. 

                “I’ll see you around, Laci,” I said as I left.

                “Bye,” she said to me.

                After that I e-mailed all the members and prospective peer mentors telling them I was working on getting a meeting going for the Autism Spectrum Support Group. I also found out one of the Prospective peer mentors, John, e-mailed me asking if I would like to come speak to his organization, the Psychology Club about my group on the 27th, and I obliged. Later I confirmed registration for my Film Appreciation class and my Modern Sub-Saharan Africa class. Then I did the first assignment for my Film Appreciation class, read all the readings and watched all the videos for now in my Modern Sub-Saharan Africa class. I learned that for this class, we would have to do a book report on an African novel. I finished the first assignment for that class, a map of Africa where we labeled each country, and only needed to look on-line for maybe three or four of them. I got back and had dinner with Oscar, Connor, David, Jess, Mary, Josh, and Kriti. I went to the hardware store and got a file for my belt buckle, and along the way I picked up some recyclables. I looked at my Lonely Planet West Africa book while running, looking for some novels to do my book report on. I also looked up ways to write a song and found, in wikihow.com a suggestion to write just some random rhyming words to find the rhythm, saying the song Yesterday started by going “Scrambled eggs. Lady, you’ve got such lovely legs.”  I also thought of a perfect rhythm for a song based off my poem Autistic Pride Day Sonnet and thought Maja Toudal may be a great one to sing it. I worked on my handbag when I got back, and then I went to Late Night where I saw on amazon.com a flute solo book for the first Hobbit movie, and told myself, If I take a risk and love someone who will love me the way I deserve to be loved, I will get myself that book as a reward. I also thought I’d just use my bottle caps to make some signs with them glued to a piece of wood saying words such as “Love” and “Breathe.”

                I went to my Early American Literature class the next day, where I found out we needed to read some pages of The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin for our next class period. I didn’t have it yet and I asked my instructor where he could find it, and he said I could get it at the UCM library. Later I got the idea to make some bottle cap signs in the future saying, “Look” and “Now,” all words from pieces of Buddhist calligraphy. I also was told in my World Archaeology class that we would be doing a book report on a book called The Goddess and the Bull, which dealt with an ancient prehistoric site in present-day Turkey. After that I sorted some recycling afterwards during which time I found another bottle cap and stamp for my collections. I ate dinner with Philip while I made twelve more flowers, and Philip told me he couldn’t go to school this semester as he lost his financial aid due to him failing bowling last semester so he’s trying to get a job and apartment in Warrensburg.

 “Well I’m sorry to hear that,” I said.

 “Eh, it’s ok.”

I called Erin and talked to her after that. Later I checked out the book for my Early American Literature class at the library while I realized that in The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King film, Aragorn not having his sword Anduril at Dunharrow or his Elven and Dunedain kin, as well as Denethor being insane, unwilling to light the beacons, and being driven to over the edge and asking his men to flee their posts during the Siege of Gondor, and the lack of the mustering of Gondor, Imrahil, Beregond, and others, made the looming threat of Gondor’s destruction more palpable, as well as justified Elrond’s lack of faith in men, Arwen’s struggle to remain loyal to Aragorn and thus the elves at Helm’s Deep, and Aragorn’s self-doubt, which also helped Arwen to be supportive of him like a good lover is supposed to do. On my way back I realized that Smaug’s weakness being a loose scale in the second Hobbit movie helped introduce Bard as the heir to Dale, and when I got back and realized that I could stimulate dragon fire on stage if I made light shine and wind blow in the same direction simultaneously. I layed out my crown bottle caps in my collection in rows and columns and saw how beautiful it looked with all colors, sort of like the people of the world. I also realized that in The Return of the King movie, all those factors Peter Jackson added that made Gondor’s threat more compelling also did that with Aragorn’s destiny to become king of Gondor, that The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers movie, Treebeard and the Ents deciding initially not to go to war with Isengard makes Saruman’s threat seem more serious, all of which seemed like a very great love story, or rather, a great way to show the love between Aragorn and Arwen in The Lord of the Rings films. 

                The next morning, I realized that the Elves at Helm’s Deep did sort of fit with them being a symbol of hope. Then I read a lot of the reading for my Early American Literature class. After that I made five more flowers and some separator beads from the excess straw. I also worked on priest, drummer, and Inuit sorcerer figurines made from plastic bottle caps and realized I could use pipe cleaners to support them and hold them together and make the arms of the Inuit sorcerer by cutting off the edges of milk bottle caps and twisting them into spirals and connecting the edges. I went to the OAS Office at to meet with Barbara, but they told me my meeting was at twelve o’ clock on Thursday. That was weird, I thought. 

Later I posted a response to a classmate’s favorite movies for my Film Appreciation class. I got back and I turned forty-eight straws into beads realizing I could stop my legs from falling asleep if I got up and stretched them every fifteen minutes and I did the Celtic vine meditation as I worked on the straws. I told my granddad about my appointment mix-up and realized my Early American Literature class is at the time I was scheduled to meet Barbara, and I would have to reschedule it. I later saw Philip in the cafeteria, and I read more of the reading for The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin. I read some more while I ran and told myself to read one sentence at a time and the result was that I read faster and down to the last thirty pages. After that I read about plastic bottle cap signs on my phone. I got back and I got my Modern Sub-Saharan Africa textbook in the mail. During Late Night I had two hot dogs, not to mention root beer floats and read about how Dr. King Jr. opposed the Vietnam War partly as it diverted funds needed for the integration of the black community but exploited people in the Third World without benefiting them at all, which the War in Iraq does to the people of Iraq while causing the government to neglect people with autism and others. I also got the idea to use some plastic bottle caps to make signs on our property in Colorado, which is full of trees, and thought that could be done in the Himalayas and other parts of the Third World, where plastic bags thrown away by tourists are a major environmental issue.

The next day I got more of my textbooks in the mail. Then I went the OAS Office and rescheduled my appointment for 9:00 on Tuesday and when I asked Laci, who was working there if she needed me to write down my name and number she said she didn’t because she had it from the schedule on the computer. After that I finished the rest of the reading for my Early American Literature class. 

I felt a little stressed trying to write one whole notebook pages worth of writing for an in-class writing assignment for my that class, only managing to fill most of the page. After my World Archaeology class I saw Laci as I was taking some bottles and cans from the trash can to the recycling bin. I said, “Oh hi, Laci.”

“Hi,” she said smiling, her eyes on a level with mine.

"How are you?"

“Good, how are you?"

"I'm good."

“So, are you going to keep doing the Anthropology Club this year?” I asked.

“Yeah, when I can make it.”

“That’s cool. Are you going to volunteer on Martin Luther King Day?”

“No, I don’t think I’ll be able to make it.”

“Yeah, well good to talk to you.”

“Good to talk to you too.” She said smiling.

As I walked to my dorm, I took another photo of some bare trees that I thought would look good for UCM Photo of the Week and sorted some recycling. I got back and I worked on my four pendant lamps. Then I made several more flowers, using the excess straws from some of them to make separator beads for malas. I also took out my trash and recycling and called Jamie to wish him a happy birthday.

I got a text the next morning from Hillary asking me if I could help one of her friends, John, study for his history class. Remembering my trouble with that class and wanting to help, I agreed. During lunch time I saw Oscar, Connor from THRIVE, Mr. B, and a THRIVE volunteer sitting at a table and I sat with them. After that I worked on my handbags, turned some straws into beads, and made another flower. I also ordered Anthills of the Savanah by Chinua Achebe on Amazon for my novel for the book report for my Modern Sub-Saharan Africa class at the Union computer lab. When I got back to my dorm, I added several flowers to my vase full of them and then went to dinner and read a lot of the reading for my Modern Sub-Saharan Africa class. Later I went to my mailbox and found out I got another one of my textbooks. When I got back to my dorm, determined to make my room less full of trash, I resolved to make ten straws into beads each day, twenty on weekends, until the straws in one of my bags were gone. 

The next day I jolted as I realized I had not turned in the map assignment for my Modern Sub-Saharan Africa class, even though I had finished it. I had breakfast with Alex, Tasha, and another THRIVE student, who I forgot the name of. Then after working on my handbag some more, I felt a little stressed about the work I had to do in a short amount of time, but with that stress I felt more motivation to do what Teresa had said and love someone who will love me the way I deserve to be loved. 

I walked down to Hasting’s later, trying to clear my mind. I saw Philip driving by and he told me he was going to live temporarily in the fraternity complex while he looked for a job and place in Warrensburg, since he is a fraternity member. I walked by Walgreen’s and saw smoke coming from the trash can and went inside to tell an employee, who said he would take care of it. When I got down to Hasting’s where I realized that Tauriel defying Thranduil to go save Kili and getting Legolas to join her makes her a strong woman and a genuine female presence in the story and I got National Geographic’s Beyond Our Galaxy: Exploring Our Universe, issue 85 Winter 2014 issue of Sufi magazine, issue 115 of Circle magazine, the February 2014 issue of Mindful magazine, the January/ February 2014 issue of Poets and Writers, and issue eighty-seven of SciFiNow magazine, which had an article about the second Hobbit movie, and I went to Bi-Lo Mart where I got the February/March 2014 issue of National Geographic Traveler. I picked up several recyclables and things to repurpose on the way back, which overfilled a bag I brought, and struggled to hold onto the rest along with my magazines. I was amazed at how much people litter and don’t recycle. 

I saw Hillary and Philip at the dining hall just as they were about to leave. Then I read in SciFiNow about how the Lake-Town was made to be an obstacle in the movie and how the Master was “greedy and cowardly” sort of like Tolkien described him, and a quote by Martin Freeman who plays Bilbo saying, “A hero who doesn’t self-doubt, or a person who doesn’t self-doubt I think is a lie anyway, and I don’t think lying is ever useful or entertaining to the audience. I think anything in real life that we genuinely call heroism is done by us. A hero is someone who looks like us, who feels like us, who is as stupid as we are and who is as scared as we are.” I read more of The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin while I ran on the treadmill. Then I got back and made twenty more flowers. I only turned ten straws into beads, however, and decided to make two more straws into beads from Monday to Friday to make up for it. 

I had always been able to meditation on my own mortality but had cringed at the thought of meditating on that of those I love, especially if she were say someone I dated or loved romantically. However, before I went to sleep, I decided my meditations on death could also focus on the people I love, not just myself, because in doing so I would be able to appreciate having them much more. I read the rest of the reading for my Modern Sub-Saharan Africa class at breakfast before Tyler called and I talked to him. After that I thought about taking the risk Teresa had asked me and remembered my “Unable/You enable” mantra. I also realized I just needed to be confident when I ask anyone out, even though I had not done it for nearly two years.  I did some laundry later and collected my stuffing as usual to make into paper, similar to the way discarded cloth is often made into paper in India, as many do not believe in cutting down trees, and thought I’d buy a lot of that when I go there as an alternative to traditional paper to save trees.  I ate dinner with Oscar that night and after he left thought to also visit, in addition to India, Turkey, to bear witness to the Armenian Genocide, and also see what other sites the country has to offer. After running on the treadmill, I felt so hungry and went down to a gas station and got some food. After I left, I saw Coke rings and tore them apart. As I walked farther along, I saw an enormous, long-necked goose, who I realized could have choked on those rings, and also was amazed by it, realizing all the different sorts of birds I could see when I travel to Africa, India, and elsewhere after finding a job after college and being able to make the money. I drank my Snapple when I got back, getting another cap, and then worked more on my handbag.

The next morning, I went down to the shopping center in Warrensburg with the barbershop and Hasting’s and got my hair cut, and an issue of SciFi that also featured an article on the Hobbit movie, though it didn’t have any Bilbo courage quotes I could have used. On my way to Walgreen’s to get some supplies I got the idea to cut off the sides of Coke cans and flatten them to make shelves for my toilet paper roll dioramas and replace my old one made from fruit snack boxes and construction paper, which I would keep having buy and take time to add rows and generate a lot of waste from the fruit snack packs. I got to Walgreen’s and bought some toothpaste, shampoo, and Altoids. When I got back, I worked more on my handbags. Later on, I jolted, thinking I had missed the Psychology Club meeting I was supposed to go to, but then realizing it was the next Monday. I called John, Hillary’s friend, who I learned had my same History professor as I did, Dr. Crews, and we agreed for me to find some time for me to help him. Then after finding some cans, worked on my shelf for to toilet paper roll dioramas, cutting my finger in the process, at which I decided to cover them with packing tape. I went down to Crazy Dog’s and got a new bottle cap for my beer and I got the idea to make coasters from Styrofoam for the UCM Autism Spectrum Support Group door prizes rather than bottle cap magnets, which take a lot of finesse and glue. While running I finished the section of The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin we were reading. I also wrote three things I was grateful for in a journal, remembering how I read people who practice gratitude regularly deal with stress better.

I got to my appointment at nine and Barbara and I agreed to get a meeting set up where people could say what times for meetings worked best for them and what activities they would enjoy. I filled out a request form for a room before working more on my shelf. During my World Archaeology class, Dr. Yelton told us that the Anthropology Club met the next day at 6. I got back and finished my shelf before making another flower. Then I ate dinner with Maria, a few other people from my hall, and a UCM student named Antwon, and later we got together at the Rec Center and played some basketball with a few other people on the hall. I turned twelve more straws into beads when I got back and then talked to Tyler on the phone.