First Few Days Back at School 2014

Before going back to school I packed up, scooped Peter’s litter box, and sorted some of Cam’s recycling. Then my dad picked me up and we stopped by Walgreen’s to get me some Zyrtec for my allergies and some lotion for my hands. We went to Crazy Dog’s getting Snapple for my drink with a new Snapple cap for my collection with it. We got to school, and I unpacked. After that I made another from a straw and worked on one of my lampshades made from straws. I also got an e-mail from my Film Appreciation instructor and learned that the class will be done on Blackboard. After that I ate dinner with Maria, Thad, Matt, John, and few other students from the hall, many of whom are new and I met a lot of them, which Maria invited us all to do. I took out my recycling and sorted a lot of recycling during which time I found a new shelf, which I used to put a lot of my recyclables, my yarn paintings, and my stamp collection. I talked to Granddad, who told me that he went to their friends Mr. and Mrs. North’s wedding reception where he saw Mrs. Kennedy, my high school principal who said that I was an inspiration to the students at Horizon who came after me. I talked to my dad who said I’d left my Zyrtec and lotion in his car but he agreed to send them to me along with some bottle caps, a Buddhist magazine someone gave him, and a crafts board he meant to bring this morning. I then made thirteen more flowers, using some of the excess straw to make beads.  While I was running on the treadmill, I worked on my handbag made from snack wrappers and saw the King of the Hill episode where Luanne struggles with finding herself while she and Lucky take care of their newborn baby.  I started feeling like having a child, who needs you so constantly, with no ability to be certain about their welfare all the time would really put strain on a relationship, but when I got back I remembered how I once read about a twentieth century Indian guru Hazrat Inayat Khan, who brought his teachings to the U.S. and met an American woman, who he married and had four kids with, and in a picture of his wife, she looked so happy, as if overjoyed to be with the one she loves.

                The next day I found another bottle cap for my collection while taking out my trash and recycling, before going down to the OAS Office to schedule an appointment with Dr. Mayfield about the UCM Autism Spectrum Support Group and scheduling my tests in the Testing Center.  I got there and saw Laci, who looked somewhat morose before she saw me, scheduled an appointment for Wednesday at 12, and gave her my name and phone number in case they needed to reach me. 

                “I’ll see you around, Laci,” I said as I left.

                “Bye,” she said to me.

                After that I e-mailed all the members and prospective peer mentors telling them I was working on getting a meeting going for the Autism Spectrum Support Group. I also found out one of the Prospective peer mentors, John, e-mailed me asking if I would like to come speak to his organization, the Psychology Club about my group on the 27th, and I obliged. Later I confirmed registration for my Film Appreciation class and my Modern Sub-Saharan Africa class. Then I did the first assignment for my Film Appreciation class, read all the readings and watched all the videos for now in my Modern Sub-Saharan Africa class. I learned that for this class, we would have to do a book report on an African novel. I finished the first assignment for that class, a map of Africa where we labeled each country, and only needed to look on-line for maybe three or four of them. I got back and had dinner with Oscar, Connor, David, Jess, Mary, Josh, and Kriti. I went to the hardware store and got a file for my belt buckle, and along the way I picked up some recyclables. I looked at my Lonely Planet West Africa book while running, looking for some novels to do my book report on. I also looked up ways to write a song and found, in wikihow.com a suggestion to write just some random rhyming words to find the rhythm, saying the song Yesterday started by going “Scrambled eggs. Lady, you’ve got such lovely legs.”  I also thought of a perfect rhythm for a song based off my poem Autistic Pride Day Sonnet and thought Maja Toudal may be a great one to sing it. I worked on my handbag when I got back, and then I went to Late Night where I saw on amazon.com a flute solo book for the first Hobbit movie, and told myself, If I take a risk and love someone who will love me the way I deserve to be loved, I will get myself that book as a reward. I also thought I’d just use my bottle caps to make some signs with them glued to a piece of wood saying words such as “Love” and “Breathe.”

                I went to my Early American Literature class the next day, where I found out we needed to read some pages of The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin for our next class period. I didn’t have it yet and I asked my instructor where he could find it, and he said I could get it at the UCM library. Later I got the idea to make some bottle cap signs in the future saying, “Look” and “Now,” all words from pieces of Buddhist calligraphy. I also was told in my World Archaeology class that we would be doing a book report on a book called The Goddess and the Bull, which dealt with an ancient prehistoric site in present-day Turkey. After that I sorted some recycling afterwards during which time I found another bottle cap and stamp for my collections. I ate dinner with Philip while I made twelve more flowers, and Philip told me he couldn’t go to school this semester as he lost his financial aid due to him failing bowling last semester so he’s trying to get a job and apartment in Warrensburg.

 “Well I’m sorry to hear that,” I said.

 “Eh, it’s ok.”

I called Erin and talked to her after that. Later I checked out the book for my Early American Literature class at the library while I realized that in The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King film, Aragorn not having his sword Anduril at Dunharrow or his Elven and Dunedain kin, as well as Denethor being insane, unwilling to light the beacons, and being driven to over the edge and asking his men to flee their posts during the Siege of Gondor, and the lack of the mustering of Gondor, Imrahil, Beregond, and others, made the looming threat of Gondor’s destruction more palpable, as well as justified Elrond’s lack of faith in men, Arwen’s struggle to remain loyal to Aragorn and thus the elves at Helm’s Deep, and Aragorn’s self-doubt, which also helped Arwen to be supportive of him like a good lover is supposed to do. On my way back I realized that Smaug’s weakness being a loose scale in the second Hobbit movie helped introduce Bard as the heir to Dale, and when I got back and realized that I could stimulate dragon fire on stage if I made light shine and wind blow in the same direction simultaneously. I layed out my crown bottle caps in my collection in rows and columns and saw how beautiful it looked with all colors, sort of like the people of the world. I also realized that in The Return of the King movie, all those factors Peter Jackson added that made Gondor’s threat more compelling also did that with Aragorn’s destiny to become king of Gondor, that The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers movie, Treebeard and the Ents deciding initially not to go to war with Isengard makes Saruman’s threat seem more serious, all of which seemed like a very great love story, or rather, a great way to show the love between Aragorn and Arwen in The Lord of the Rings films. 

                The next morning, I realized that the Elves at Helm’s Deep did sort of fit with them being a symbol of hope. Then I read a lot of the reading for my Early American Literature class. After that I made five more flowers and some separator beads from the excess straw. I also worked on priest, drummer, and Inuit sorcerer figurines made from plastic bottle caps and realized I could use pipe cleaners to support them and hold them together and make the arms of the Inuit sorcerer by cutting off the edges of milk bottle caps and twisting them into spirals and connecting the edges. I went to the OAS Office at to meet with Barbara, but they told me my meeting was at twelve o’ clock on Thursday. That was weird, I thought. 

Later I posted a response to a classmate’s favorite movies for my Film Appreciation class. I got back and I turned forty-eight straws into beads realizing I could stop my legs from falling asleep if I got up and stretched them every fifteen minutes and I did the Celtic vine meditation as I worked on the straws. I told my granddad about my appointment mix-up and realized my Early American Literature class is at the time I was scheduled to meet Barbara, and I would have to reschedule it. I later saw Philip in the cafeteria, and I read more of the reading for The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin. I read some more while I ran and told myself to read one sentence at a time and the result was that I read faster and down to the last thirty pages. After that I read about plastic bottle cap signs on my phone. I got back and I got my Modern Sub-Saharan Africa textbook in the mail. During Late Night I had two hot dogs, not to mention root beer floats and read about how Dr. King Jr. opposed the Vietnam War partly as it diverted funds needed for the integration of the black community but exploited people in the Third World without benefiting them at all, which the War in Iraq does to the people of Iraq while causing the government to neglect people with autism and others. I also got the idea to use some plastic bottle caps to make signs on our property in Colorado, which is full of trees, and thought that could be done in the Himalayas and other parts of the Third World, where plastic bags thrown away by tourists are a major environmental issue.

The next day I got more of my textbooks in the mail. Then I went the OAS Office and rescheduled my appointment for 9:00 on Tuesday and when I asked Laci, who was working there if she needed me to write down my name and number she said she didn’t because she had it from the schedule on the computer. After that I finished the rest of the reading for my Early American Literature class. 

I felt a little stressed trying to write one whole notebook pages worth of writing for an in-class writing assignment for my that class, only managing to fill most of the page. After my World Archaeology class I saw Laci as I was taking some bottles and cans from the trash can to the recycling bin. I said, “Oh hi, Laci.”

“Hi,” she said smiling, her eyes on a level with mine.

"How are you?"

“Good, how are you?"

"I'm good."

“So, are you going to keep doing the Anthropology Club this year?” I asked.

“Yeah, when I can make it.”

“That’s cool. Are you going to volunteer on Martin Luther King Day?”

“No, I don’t think I’ll be able to make it.”

“Yeah, well good to talk to you.”

“Good to talk to you too.” She said smiling.

As I walked to my dorm, I took another photo of some bare trees that I thought would look good for UCM Photo of the Week and sorted some recycling. I got back and I worked on my four pendant lamps. Then I made several more flowers, using the excess straws from some of them to make separator beads for malas. I also took out my trash and recycling and called Jamie to wish him a happy birthday.

I got a text the next morning from Hillary asking me if I could help one of her friends, John, study for his history class. Remembering my trouble with that class and wanting to help, I agreed. During lunch time I saw Oscar, Connor from THRIVE, Mr. B, and a THRIVE volunteer sitting at a table and I sat with them. After that I worked on my handbags, turned some straws into beads, and made another flower. I also ordered Anthills of the Savanah by Chinua Achebe on Amazon for my novel for the book report for my Modern Sub-Saharan Africa class at the Union computer lab. When I got back to my dorm, I added several flowers to my vase full of them and then went to dinner and read a lot of the reading for my Modern Sub-Saharan Africa class. Later I went to my mailbox and found out I got another one of my textbooks. When I got back to my dorm, determined to make my room less full of trash, I resolved to make ten straws into beads each day, twenty on weekends, until the straws in one of my bags were gone. 

The next day I jolted as I realized I had not turned in the map assignment for my Modern Sub-Saharan Africa class, even though I had finished it. I had breakfast with Alex, Tasha, and another THRIVE student, who I forgot the name of. Then after working on my handbag some more, I felt a little stressed about the work I had to do in a short amount of time, but with that stress I felt more motivation to do what Teresa had said and love someone who will love me the way I deserve to be loved. 

I walked down to Hasting’s later, trying to clear my mind. I saw Philip driving by and he told me he was going to live temporarily in the fraternity complex while he looked for a job and place in Warrensburg, since he is a fraternity member. I walked by Walgreen’s and saw smoke coming from the trash can and went inside to tell an employee, who said he would take care of it. When I got down to Hasting’s where I realized that Tauriel defying Thranduil to go save Kili and getting Legolas to join her makes her a strong woman and a genuine female presence in the story and I got National Geographic’s Beyond Our Galaxy: Exploring Our Universe, issue 85 Winter 2014 issue of Sufi magazine, issue 115 of Circle magazine, the February 2014 issue of Mindful magazine, the January/ February 2014 issue of Poets and Writers, and issue eighty-seven of SciFiNow magazine, which had an article about the second Hobbit movie, and I went to Bi-Lo Mart where I got the February/March 2014 issue of National Geographic Traveler. I picked up several recyclables and things to repurpose on the way back, which overfilled a bag I brought, and struggled to hold onto the rest along with my magazines. I was amazed at how much people litter and don’t recycle. 

I saw Hillary and Philip at the dining hall just as they were about to leave. Then I read in SciFiNow about how the Lake-Town was made to be an obstacle in the movie and how the Master was “greedy and cowardly” sort of like Tolkien described him, and a quote by Martin Freeman who plays Bilbo saying, “A hero who doesn’t self-doubt, or a person who doesn’t self-doubt I think is a lie anyway, and I don’t think lying is ever useful or entertaining to the audience. I think anything in real life that we genuinely call heroism is done by us. A hero is someone who looks like us, who feels like us, who is as stupid as we are and who is as scared as we are.” I read more of The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin while I ran on the treadmill. Then I got back and made twenty more flowers. I only turned ten straws into beads, however, and decided to make two more straws into beads from Monday to Friday to make up for it. 

I had always been able to meditation on my own mortality but had cringed at the thought of meditating on that of those I love, especially if she were say someone I dated or loved romantically. However, before I went to sleep, I decided my meditations on death could also focus on the people I love, not just myself, because in doing so I would be able to appreciate having them much more. I read the rest of the reading for my Modern Sub-Saharan Africa class at breakfast before Tyler called and I talked to him. After that I thought about taking the risk Teresa had asked me and remembered my “Unable/You enable” mantra. I also realized I just needed to be confident when I ask anyone out, even though I had not done it for nearly two years.  I did some laundry later and collected my stuffing as usual to make into paper, similar to the way discarded cloth is often made into paper in India, as many do not believe in cutting down trees, and thought I’d buy a lot of that when I go there as an alternative to traditional paper to save trees.  I ate dinner with Oscar that night and after he left thought to also visit, in addition to India, Turkey, to bear witness to the Armenian Genocide, and also see what other sites the country has to offer. After running on the treadmill, I felt so hungry and went down to a gas station and got some food. After I left, I saw Coke rings and tore them apart. As I walked farther along, I saw an enormous, long-necked goose, who I realized could have choked on those rings, and also was amazed by it, realizing all the different sorts of birds I could see when I travel to Africa, India, and elsewhere after finding a job after college and being able to make the money. I drank my Snapple when I got back, getting another cap, and then worked more on my handbag.

The next morning, I went down to the shopping center in Warrensburg with the barbershop and Hasting’s and got my hair cut, and an issue of SciFi that also featured an article on the Hobbit movie, though it didn’t have any Bilbo courage quotes I could have used. On my way to Walgreen’s to get some supplies I got the idea to cut off the sides of Coke cans and flatten them to make shelves for my toilet paper roll dioramas and replace my old one made from fruit snack boxes and construction paper, which I would keep having buy and take time to add rows and generate a lot of waste from the fruit snack packs. I got to Walgreen’s and bought some toothpaste, shampoo, and Altoids. When I got back, I worked more on my handbags. Later on, I jolted, thinking I had missed the Psychology Club meeting I was supposed to go to, but then realizing it was the next Monday. I called John, Hillary’s friend, who I learned had my same History professor as I did, Dr. Crews, and we agreed for me to find some time for me to help him. Then after finding some cans, worked on my shelf for to toilet paper roll dioramas, cutting my finger in the process, at which I decided to cover them with packing tape. I went down to Crazy Dog’s and got a new bottle cap for my beer and I got the idea to make coasters from Styrofoam for the UCM Autism Spectrum Support Group door prizes rather than bottle cap magnets, which take a lot of finesse and glue. While running I finished the section of The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin we were reading. I also wrote three things I was grateful for in a journal, remembering how I read people who practice gratitude regularly deal with stress better.

I got to my appointment at nine and Barbara and I agreed to get a meeting set up where people could say what times for meetings worked best for them and what activities they would enjoy. I filled out a request form for a room before working more on my shelf. During my World Archaeology class, Dr. Yelton told us that the Anthropology Club met the next day at 6. I got back and finished my shelf before making another flower. Then I ate dinner with Maria, a few other people from my hall, and a UCM student named Antwon, and later we got together at the Rec Center and played some basketball with a few other people on the hall. I turned twelve more straws into beads when I got back and then talked to Tyler on the phone.

 

Winter Break in Leadville, Colorado 2014

I rode with my mom and Dave to Colorado during which time I edited several of my poems and wrote another one. I started teaching myself Dzongkha, the chief language of Bhutan, and Tibetan, and came up with a way to have virtual conversations in different languages by typing phrases in my phone and playing them out loud using the speaker on my Word app and realized that poems would be helpful in learning a new language as they help you become better listeners. We stopped during which I realized that I could print of all my poems, bind them into a book, and give it to Tyler, to help him better retain and understand verbal information. We kept going during which time I realized that Bilbo might met Aragorn in the third Hobbit movie because he met him and wrote a poem about him, and the movies are Bilbo’s story, and the extended version of the Hobbit movie showed Bilbo seeing the shards of Narsil at Rivendell and that I could use my non-crown bottle caps to make a peace sign honoring American Buddhism’s counter-culture roots. We kept going after another stop and I worked on my travel plans to Bhutan. Mom and I went to Whole Foods where I got two new bottle caps, one crown and one non-crown, from a drink Mom got me and one we got to share. We drove on during which time I told Mom about my robot idea for Tyler, and she thought it was great. We stopped at a liquor store later and got beer. We rode on and finally we got to our house. Then I got another bottle cap for my collection from the beer we got. I also helped Dave and Kate unpack. After that we ate dinner during which I had a delicious roast beef sandwich and I said to Dave, "Dave, you know what I think is gonna happen in the third Hobbit movie?"

"What?"

"Bilbo's gonna meet Aragorn."

 "I think so, too."

After talking a little bit about the movies, Cate said, “Dad, I think Ben’s outknowledged you on Lord of the Rings.” I also helped Dave with some more stuff later and he and Mom agreed to pay for my help. Later I got an e-mail from Caitlin saying she had a good time, and I texted her back saying the same thing to her.  

The next day I found that two people had sent e-mails to me saying they were interested in peer mentoring, and I e-mailed them back and found out the head of the Nursing Department sent the word out about it to UCM’s Nursing student group. I took a walk through the woods, hoping to see some wildlife, getting several great pictures of the sunset and the landscapes, and as I walked back it was so dark, and my phone was dead. Suddenly the house I came up upon didn’t look anything like ours. I felt panicked realizing I was lost. Eventually I knocked on a neighbor’s door, called Mom, and got a ride home, and thanked the people who helped me. My mom went on, “It’s dangerous out there! This is the wilderness!” Eventually she got a hold of herself and said, “It’s fine. I’m glad you’re ok.” Later I helped Jamie and Graham put the bunk beds together.

The next day, I heard from my mom of a petition to start an American girl doll with a disability. Then I went on a hike around our property with my mom where I took some great pictures and learned the creek will be filled with birds during the summer. I went into town with my mom, Dave, and Kate during which I decided to not be too stingy with my money knowing how in the Third World vendors want people to buy something from them as they have themselves and their families to support and I bought some miniature prayer flags, some red yarn and a clay button to make a belt using a chopstick for a yarn needle, a bullet pocket knife, a round mints box with a woman from the old West, some cinnamon balls deciding to try new things as part of mindful travel, three old West postcards, one with bison, one with Native Americans, at a well, and one of a Native American coming-of-age ceremony with a sacred dwelling very similar to what I learned about in my North American Indian class, each having something to do with the sacred, as buffalo are sacred to some Native American cultures and wells are sacred to the ancient Celtic people, for me to frame as wall art, and a Native American arrowhead to wrap in wire and make into a necklace. After I got back, I saw Wally had chewed apart my mala, but I found most of the beads and could use one straw to replace the rest and use some of the yarn I bought as a cord. The next day Cate’s boyfriend Josh arrived. I went into town with my mom and got some new hiking boots and we went to a coffee shop, and I got a new bottle cap for Tyler from my drink. After that we had our pre-dinner New Year’s Eve celebration during which I told Josh about my screenwriting class, which he was impressed by, and he told me about his local film projects. My mom then brought up my meditation. Josh asked about that, and we exchanged meditation stories. We went to dinner and afterwards Dave, Cate, Josh, and I went bar hopping afterwards, though I didn’t drink anything as I had already drunk a beer and I like to have my wits about me. 

 

The first day of the new year had come. I spent the morning playing Scrabble with my mom and managed to win. Then I typed up some of my poems for Tyler and edited some of them in the process. After that I made another rose from straws, and then I worked on making a list of my places I wanted to see and things I wanted to do when going to Bhutan. I thought of how amazing it would be to travel in the footsteps of the Buddhist saint Padmasambhava, who brought Buddhism to Tibet, ad is sort of the equivalent of St. Patrick in Christianity; getting to see black-necked cranes, muntjacs, wild boars, sambars, serows, Himalayan black bears, leopards, red foxes, etc. I also got to thinking that the money we should be spending to give autistic people access to society aren’t just for them, but for their loved ones as well who care about them and want them to be successful in life.

 

The next day my mom, Jamie, and I drove to the town of Minturn to pick up Dave from a ski resort and stopped every so often to get pictures of the mountain scenery on the way there. We ate at a Greek restaurant, where I had some delicious chicken cooked in spices and dipped in yogurt sauce. Then I looked at a shop called Scarab, where my mom had gotten the Buddha woodcarving I got for my birthday. I went in and saw plenty of interesting exotic and hippy-looking things, such as Ethiopian ceremonial crosses and a cabinet decorated with bottle caps, which Jamie said I make a similar thing to easily. We picked up Dave and then we drove back to the house.

When we got there, I talked to Tyler who said he had several bottle caps for me. I worked more on my travel plans to Tibet, even though it was a little boring, but I remembered reading that people who use self-control are more likely to succeed in what they want to do. While I made my lists, I heard a video my mom was playing about an Evergreen College alumni who started salvaging wood from torn down houses and learned how that would often goes straight in our landfill. I finished working on my plans for the day and then typed up a few more of my poems for Tyler, this time also tweaking many of them. 

I went snowshoeing with my mom and Dave the next day, getting to see several mountain ranges, and managed to climb down the slope of the hill our house was on to the abandoned train tracks on the property near a creek. Then my mom, Jamie, and I went into town where I got a book called Watching Wildlife: Tips, Gear, and Great Places for Enjoying America’s Wild Creatures. I got some souvenir rock candy at another store, and then an arrowhead at another to make an arrowhead necklace for Tyler, who often talked about being part Native American. We went to the grocery store afterwards, and I got two new bottle caps for my collection, one crown and one not, from drinks we bought there. I also bought some sandpaper at the hardware store, planning to sand one of my Altoids tins in my suitcase and make a belt buckle. When we got back, I made it and it looked pretty good. I also saw I had left my mala on the table and that Wally had chewed it up. After that I worked on my travel plans for Tibet afterwards.

The next morning, I had a dream that I was at a movie theater on campus with a guy from my hall where everyone lay on their own bed on these bunk beds while they watched the movie and an auburn-haired man from the OAS Office came and kissed the guy on the cheek while he said he loved him and said that to me to. I typed up some more poems for Tyler and again saw how I could improve a few in the process. I made another flower for a straw afterwards and then I worked on my travel plans to Tibet. 

The next morning before I woke up, I had a dream that I was taken hostage in Tibet, but I managed to escape and get back to the United States and went home to my family. On my way back I saw the Disney TV show characters Austin and Ally, the titular characters from a show I saw when I was roommates with Tyler Austin and Ally, of whom Ally once developed unrequited feelings for Austin, but he later reciprocated them. Later we dropped Jamie off at the bus to take him to the airport to Olympia before school started. He would soon also be going to work twenty to thirty hours a week at the senior center for people with Alzheimer’s and Dementia with good pay. I also realized that if I could be roommates with Tyler so easily, perhaps an intimate relationship wouldn’t be such hard work. 

We went to the grocery store, and I got two new bottle caps from a drink my mom got me, a non-crown one, and another, a crown one, from a pack of drinks we got for the house. As I thought about the dream, I found that stone Teresa had given me, saying “Take a risk and travel to the countries you plan to go to,” and “Love someone who will love you the way you deserve to be loved.”  In the dream it seemed I had done the former, and when I did, things turned out ok. So maybe my dream was telling me that if I did the latter, things would be ok to. I also realized that perhaps my family symbolized things being alright if they don’t go how I want, because I will them and my friends for support. I worked on my travel plans to Tibet some more, making plans to trek Mt. Kailash, a holy Buddhist mountain, based on the suggested itinerary, and realizing it looked very pleasant with a lot of down time even. My mom talked to Dave about Jamie and his new girlfriend in his apartment, and how they were enamored but soon would find out things about each other that annoy them. Then I said, “Well, when I was dating Emily, I realized that I could do things that annoy her to, just as she could with me.”

“That’s true,” said my mom, nodding as she walked up to the kitchen near the couch I sat on.

“And,” I said, “When she does, I don’t have to direct my frustration at her. Anger is really just a way of covering up one’s vulnerability.”

 “That’s true,” she said, nodding again.

The next morning, I practiced my flute for half an hour, playing the first solo from my Lord of the Rings flute solo book The Prophecy. After that I sanded a shelf for my mom, who paid me ten dollars for it. I made another flower and a replacement mala from straws. Then I typed of more of my poems for Tyler again and edited a few while I was at it. I also watched the movie Tora, Tora, Tora, an older film about the Japanese bombing of Pearl Harbor in World War II, which was fairly good, although we did find some flaws to it.

We took our recyclables to the recycling center the next day, and there I found another non-crown bottle cap for my collection when I was inside. We took our trash to the dump, a place which shocked my mom, and I managed to pick up some cardboard and paper and we took it to the recycling center. As we drove away, my mom said, “It just shows you that when you throw something away, it doesn’t go away!” Then she asked me if I had ever been to the UCM Environmental Club. I told her no and she said, “You should check it out. You’d probably be very good for that.”

 We went into town afterwards, where I enjoyed (for the most part) some soda flavored jellybeans. Then I went to the bookstore again and got Jamie a book for his birthday on the 16th called 100 Simple Ways to Prevent Alzheimer’s. I ate at the café next door before I rode back to the house with my mom, who was touched by the present I got Jamie and promised to mail it to him. When we got back my mom and Dave paid me to organize some tools for them. Then I saw a post on Facebook from my former middle school teacher with several rows and columns of letters like a word search, with a caption saying, “The first three words you see will be your’s in 2014.” I looked and saw, “Love,” “Experience,” and “Youth.” 

For the rest of the night, I worked on my travel plans to Tibet and practiced my flute for half an hour again. Before going to bed the next morning, I realized whatever frustration I experience from a partner in a relationship can be counterbalanced by meditation. After breakfast I heard my mom say my aunt Laura had responded to my Facebook post about my coaster made from receipts that I had a picture of asking me, “Can I order some?” I wrote back asking her if she really wanted to. I went to nearby Breckenridge later with my mom and Dad while Dave went skiing in the town, working on my travel plans to Mongolia on the way. My mom and I went to a thrift store, where I only bought a decorative Indian plate with an intaglio print of the Taj Mahal. Then we went to a small diner where I had a bacon and egg sandwich on a bagel and got a new bottle cap for my collection from my soda. After that we tried their mini donuts, which were really good. I explored the town on my own later, seeing several different shops, but in the end only buying two sodas at a general store, where I got some new bottle caps for my collection from. I did however meet up with my mom at Starbucks and we went to a nature shop afterwards and I bought a piece of a very old dinosaur shell, which gave me an appreciation for how big the whole egg must have been, and a prehistoric sand dollar.  

I worked some more on my travel plans to Mongolia as the three of us drove back. The next day I snow-shoed to the workshop on our property where the owner used to make several things. I saw a lot of leather which he left behind, I realized that some of it would be great for binding my meditation journals in. I snow-shoed to the tracks and back up the hill getting some amazing pictures of the scenery around me as I did, thinking irresistibly about Middle Earth. 

I got back to the house and cut out some pieces for wood burning pictures from old wood on our property, pausing from it every so often to help my mom nail a new coast rack into the wall. When that was finished, I drew the outline of the picture from one of them, showing Bilbo in Rivendell from the Hobbit movie. I was very pleased by it and so was my mom. I did another drawing outline of the Celtic Endless Knot, which we were both also impressed by. That night I also got in touch with Tyler some more and he talked about how he was worried he would never find a girlfriend, but I assured him I would help him to overcome any obstacles he faced in doing it. 

The next morning, I did some touching up on my wood burning drawings before helping my mom screw in some knobs for the drawers in her’s and Dave’s bathroom. The three of us ate out one last time where I enjoyed a steak burger with fries and beer as I had suggested because it was our last night to eat out while we were all in Leadville before I flew home the next day for Kansas City.

On our way to the airport, my mom paid me twenty dollars for all the work I did. I also promised my mom I would scoop up Peter’s litter box before I got home. I got to the airport and through security and found the gates alright without much trouble. While waiting to board I saw my former coworker from Hen House, Jacob, who I learned was in Colorado over the winter break, and in school at Pitts State University. 

My dad picked me up from the airport and drove me home. On my way I showed him my two wood burning drawings and he was really impressed. He also told me he had several bottle caps to give me, although he wasn’t sure many of them would be new ones.  After I got home, I texted him with my UCM account username and password so I could find the course numbers for the classes I was taking and order my textbooks. Tyler and I agreed to go see a movie that night. I also thought of making that bottle cap peace sign as a reference to Thorin’s quote to Bilbo about how the world would be so much better if more people valued food and drink over gold and silver. Tyler’s mom picked me up and, on the ride, I gave him all the different duplicate bottle caps I had and the first necklace I made from a bottle cap that said, “Peace within one’s self, peace within the world.” He gave my two books called 3:16: The Number of Hope (referring to that passage from the Bible) and The Seat of the Soul: A Work on Thought, Evolution, and Reincarnation. All of that meant a lot to me. 

We ordered dinner at the theater to eat while we saw the movie, which this theater that Tyler worked at did, and when we finished our drinks, Tyler told me about how Disney Channel’s Friends for Change showed how they can be turned into paper airplanes, so I decided not to throw mine away. Somehow, we got an extra water too. We saw the movie while we ate, and in one scene I saw the girl who was the protagonist shake her boyfriend who she believed to be dead in the tournament, screaming and crying, while the world watched, and when he turned out to be alive, President Snow’s granddaughter said to Snow, “I hope I love someone that much someday,” to which Snow said, surprised, “You will.” I really enjoyed the movie that night.

While we waited after the movie for Tyler’s mom, Tyler took the cup from the water and said he plant on using it to plant seeds. After we meet up with Tyler’s mom, she had trouble finding where we parked, and Tyler suggested turning on the car alarm. His mom tried to explain she didn’t want to do that, but Tyler took her keys anyway and turned it on, so in the end, we found her car. When I got back, I packed up my stuff to go back to UCM the next day.

Winter Break at Home 2013

On my first day of the winter break I got favorable e-mails from the heads of the psychology, social work, and communications department who said they could put the message about peer mentors on Blackboard and their department’s organization websites. I called Hen House and found out they couldn’t put me on the schedule but call me each day that they had a shift available. I told my mom, and she said I ought to go down to the Prairie Village Hen House and tell Phil what was going on and see if I could get some hours at that store, also suggesting it might prompt Phil to call Rick and help him put me down. I realized though that I also probably wouldn’t get many more hours at the Prairie Village Hen House than I would at my own store. I learned the fingering for the Lord of the Rings book CDFGAB by developing a pneumonic that goes Cute Darling Female Gives a Bounty of Hope-which doesn’t exactly follow the pneumonic rules but was catchy to me and just felt right for some reason-and I improved my playing. After that I worked on scrapbooks with covers made from snack wrappers and my bag woven from Hen House produce bags. Then I worked on my bowl made from teabag wrappers and made some rosettes made from teabag wrappers. I tested out my coaster made from receipts on my beer, and it worked perfectly and took a picture to post on Facebook. I also talked to Tyler and agreed we might see the next Hobbit movie tomorrow night.

I talked to Tyler, and we agreed to go see the Hobbit movie that night. Then I finished two tambourines made from bottle caps and helped Mom pack for Colorado. After that I went to see the Hobbit movie with Tyler. I found it to be very action packed compared to the first one, noticing Gandalf getting taken prisoner, and I loved the dragon but was also surprised by the ending, which had a very cliffhanger feeling. Later I realized that I could repaint the letters on that stone with some lacquer paint from the hardware store, realizing I do need to take a risk in loving someone who will love me the way I deserve to be loved. As I was getting into Tyler’s dad’s car, I found a dollar on the ground and took it as a good sign.

The next day I found several more Snapple caps for Tyler. Then I worked on some more bottle cap tambourines, which my mom loved. I also remembered how I promised Teresa I would take a risk loving someone who loves me the way I deserve to be loved and do it even if I get hurt. The next day I grinded up and put leaves in the flower bed for fifteen dollars an hour for three hours. I did some laundry after that. Then I worked on my bottle cap tambourines, flower photo frames for my grandmom and Aunt Laura, which I also decided to make for my mom. Later I also drove to and back from Taco Republic, getting fifteen more minutes of driving and night driving. While we were there, I had some delicious roast chicken tacos, while Dave, an avid Tolkien fan, and I talked about Jackson’s movies, both of us thinking Jackson did a fairly good job of sticking to the story, myself saying that some of the changes simply helped make the movie more cinematic.

“I mean Lurtz wasn’t in the book, but he helps give the Uruk-hai a face.”

My mom shook her head in disbelief.

“Ben, you are just…brilliant!”

We talked about The Hobbit and Bard the Bowman, who Dave said was from the Lake-town of Esgaroth.

“Actually,” I said, “Bard was from Dale.”

“But the Lake-town was part of Dale, wasn’t it?”

“Well, no they were both their own little separate city-states, but the Lake-town becomes part of Dale.”

“Dave, I think Ben’s out-knowledged you on Lord of the Rings,” said my mom nudging Dave in the arm. 

I drove back getting another fifteen minutes of driving. When I got back my granddad called and asked if I would like to help him move things at his church to make some money and I told him I would do that. 

The next day I went to St. Anne’s and did some work for Granddad during which time I realized I could use the broken strap from my old Drawing I notebook to make bottle cap finger cymbals. My granddad paid me twenty-five dollars and then we ate lunch together. When I got back to the house my mom paid me for the work I did the day before. Then I went down into the basement to get some wire from my old journals in one of my boxes and recycle all the paper I didn’t use, and I found in that box my Scythian gold griffin and my Japanese gilded panel. After that I looked at my grades for the semester on my MyCentral account and found out I had gotten all Bs. While I did that, I tore out all the unused paper in my old notebooks from junior college and recycled it. Then I worked on my presents for my mom, grandmom, and Aunt Laura. After that I made my present for my granddad, a pair of finger cymbals made from flattened bottle caps to help him with meditation. I also saw on my Facebook page that Caitlin Samuels had invited me to see Frozen with her. 

The next day I got a new bottle cap from my drink at Better Cheddar and some wood for my tambourines at the hardware store. I got back and finished another tambourine and nearly finished another one. Then I cuddled with Peter thinking of how I would feel warmth doing the same thing with a girl who I loved and loved me the way Teresa talked about. After that I got a call from Hen House saying I’m working from 12-8 on Sunday, 8-4:30 on Monday, and 12-8 on Tuesday. I also went to Winstead’s with Granddad, then Barnes and Noble where I got the January 2014 issue of Shambhala Sun, the January/February 2014 issue of Afar, and a Moleskin Hobbit journal for my travels to India realizing that they may sort of be like Bilbo expanding his own horizons. Then we went to the Pathless Land where I meditated and did the closing. Afterwards I realized Granddad seemed to be telling me all along to keep my mind open to all the possible girlfriends who would come into my life.

               

The next morning Ian called, and we arranged a ride home from the reunion. Then I heard Caitlin say she could see the movie on the 26th. Later I grinded up some more leaves and spread them over the flower beds in the back yard. I drove to the Horizon Academy reunion getting ten more minutes of driving and night driving, while my mom talked to Dave on her cellphone, making me incredibly nervous, but I drove well all the same. She got there and said, “See I wasn’t there to give you instructions and you did fine.”

As I stepped out of the car, a strange feeling was upon me like I had just entered another world. At the reunion I saw several old friends of mine from school: Ian for one, then Matt Gauer. I saw my former high school teacher, Vicki Asher, looking exactly the same as when I saw her years ago. She hugged me and told me that they took the Horizon students to visit UCM.

“And we were all like ‘Where’s Ben? Where’s Ben?’”

I laughed.

After some pizza, Mrs. Kennedy our former school principal took us on a tour of the school. During that time, I heard Matt say that Ian was pursuing a career in some kind of international social work. I saw another familiar face next to me, a girl by the name of Adriana Godsey, with a tall dark young man standing next to her. I learned she was working at KU Medical Center and that the man, her fiancé, had finished school at Pittsburgh University with a degree in broadcasting. I, of course, gave Adriana my sincerest congratulations on her engagement.

We went to the downstairs floor, which had many renovations done to it even since I saw it last year. On the right side of the hall through a door, I saw a room with a dark carpet and a short shiny black stage.

“What is that room?” I asked Mrs. Altman, a teacher who was standing next to me.

“That is our new Blackbox Theater where we have some new drama classes.”

“Really?” I said. “Well, it sounds like it would be a great job, being a drama teacher.”

             “You should come back here and do that some time,” said Mrs. Altman.

“Why I would love that,” I said.

“Well, we have these cards in our reception room, and you could take one and write on the back that you love to come back and do that.”

“Definitely.”

We went back to the reception room, and I did indeed get one of those cards. Then I went with the others into the multipurpose room where there would be a performance of the nutcracker. I saw Sean Swindler there, whose son goes to Horizon. We said hello and I told him about how soon we would need the right paperwork for the peer mentors. He said he would get that to me sometime and would be sure to come down to Warrensburg sometime and help the UCM Autism Spectrum Support Group get more members. During the performance I put down on the card what was going on in my life which there was a section for and indeed mentioned my desire to come back and be a drama teacher. 

After the performance we went back into the reception room. I saw my old middle school teacher Bob Fritch. He said to me, “You were always the professorly one I remember.” 

He asked me what I was studying, and I told him my major was in Cultural Studies.

 “Do you think you’ll teach that some day?” I explained to him that I was planning on starting a film making career but sometime after school, in order to support myself, help in archaeological digs and hands-on cultural projects for kids with Down syndrome.

            “Well, you ought to come and teach here,” said Mr. Fritch.

“Well, yeah that would be great. Mrs. Altman said I ought to come back here and be a drama teacher and I thought that would be great.”

“Definitely.”

I later saw another familiar face, a dark-haired girl Jordan. I learned she was at Johnson County Community College and planned to get a degree in Occupational Therapy.

 “That’s cool,” I said.

 “Yeah,” she smiled brightly at me, and I smiled back. Then I met the new intern for my old school counselor, a woman with short blonde hair and a very kind face who said she knew both my dad and my grandmom, the former Dean of Education at the University of Kansas City, Missouri. I saw another old friend Riccardo Rossi, who earlier told me he had planned on being a counselor. I asked him if he still wanted to do that.

“I don’t know, just because it can be kind of stressful.”

“Well, any job can be stressful.”

“That’s true. What do you do about stress?”

“Well, I exercise regularly, have some hobbies, make time for friends…"

“I mean at work?”

“Well, I just take a deep breath and remind myself that there’s no moment to be in other than this one.”

“Yeah,” he said nodding slowly. 

After that I saw Mr. Epstein and got a chance to tell him about school and my blog Ben’s Blog, which he asked if any of the students might find interesting. I told him they might as they or someone they know might be on the spectrum and it deals with college, relationships, and independent living. I then went home with Ian Sneid and another one of my fellow students, Jacob Rasmussen, who told me that another one of my fellow students, Austin Oerkhe, was going to UCM. I got home and told my mom, dad, and granddad about tonight and about how they said I ought to be a drama teacher there and they were all really excited for me. My granddad told me that he also believed I would do a lot for the autism community. Then I worked on my bag woven from Walmart bags and organized my stash of plastic bags to repurpose up in my room. 

I drove to my psychiatrist appointment the next morning, getting ten more minutes of driving, to the post office, getting another ten minutes, to Bruce Smith getting another five minutes, then home, getting another five minutes, and got much better at turning hand-over-hand. I got a call from work asking me if I could come in on an emergency shift and I took it. I drove to work getting another ten minutes of driving. I also got a new Snapple cap on my break. I drove back home getting ten more minutes of driving and night driving. Then I watched the extended version of The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey with Mom, Dave, and Brenda while I thought about how Tyler is able to contribute to society even while on disability benefits and remembered a quote Dr. Mayfield told me from Einstein about how everyone is brilliant, and you can’t judge a fish by the standards of animals that climb trees. 

The next day I worked on a basket made from some of my plastic bags. Later I practiced my flute for half an hour, getting the fingering used in my Lord of the Rings flute solo book, getting better at it. Then I worked on making a foil statue of a panda bear. The next day at work I sang every now and then to pass time an old song I heard on King of the Hill:

Blue moon on Kentucky, keep on shining. Shine on the one that’s gone and left me blue.

Blue moon on Kentucky, keep on shining. Shine on the one that’s gone and left me blue.

It turned out my voice was much better than I thought. During lunch I got a new Snapple cap for my collection. While I sang, Angela, one of the cashiers said, “Ben, I’ve never seen you like this before. You’re normally so quiet. I love it!” After I got home, I realized that it was perfectly possible for the right services to be universally provided to autistic people as thirty-three states had already mandated that autism be covered by insurance. 

The next day I went to work, during which time I realized that the orcs pursuing the dwarves in the Hobbit movies is very true to the book as the orcs killed and tortured Thrain in Dol Guldur. I also got three new Nantucket caps for my collection on my breaks and lunch. I went to Abby’s birthday celebration after that. I also read that the orcs did march towards Erebor in the second Hobbit movie like I thought. I realized that the Kili and Tauriel romance really did help show the tension between the elves and dwarves in Middle Earth. I also read on lotr.wikia.com (Lord of the Rings Wikia) that during the War of Dwarves and Orcs, Azog tried to claim all the mansions of Durin as his own and many of the orcs fled to the High Pass near Rivendell so the orc chase in the first Hobbit movie kind of made sense. I told Dave this and he said, “Yeah…” sounding somewhat impressed.       

On Christmas day, not having anything for Jamie, Cam, Abby, and Eric, realized I could just give them all five dollars, which would easily make in tips in that day’s work. I drove to work doing well with speed and hand-over-hand turning even though Mom was on the phone, getting ten more minutes of driving. I also got a new Nantucket cap on my break. After I got home, I finished my picture frames made from bottle caps. Then I had Christmas Eve dinner with Jamie, Cam, Graham, my mom, and Dave. I also completed some more of the challenges in my book The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey Activity Book. 

I gave Jamie, Cam, Graham, my mom, and Dave, their presents and they all loved them. I got a December 2013 issue of Wired magazine with a cover article on Bill Gates and Bill Clinton and using technology to help the Third World, mouthwash, gum, chocolate, a paint tube shaped pin from the Indianapolis Museum of Art, a craft knife, Stamp Collecting for Dummies, Postal Service Guide to 2013 Stamps 40th Edition, The Letters of J.R.R. Tolkien, and a monk dashboard figurine for when I get my driver’s license from my mom and Dave. I also told Dave how I thought the expansion of Arwen’s role in The Lord of the Rings movie and Tauriel in The Hobbit films would have been supported by Tolkien because he meant to give females a greater role in the story, which is why he added Eowyn, and Dave agreed. On the way to my grandparent’s house, I got more of a feeling for American culture from the Postal Service Guide. I gave my dad, my granddad, my grandmom, Uncle Todd, Aunt Laura, Abby, and Eric their presents and they all loved them. I got a Tibetan victory banner and a Lego Architecture Big Ben set from Uncle Todd, Aunt Laura, Abby, and Eric, a $100 debit card and a shirt with a Chinese peace sign from Grandmom and Granddad, and a bird whistle, wooden Indian block printing textile stamp, Beer Crafts: Making the Most of Your Cans, Bottle Caps, and Labels, and Lonely Planet books on Tibet, Bhutan, and Mongolia from my dad. I learned some more of what I wanted to do in Tibet, Bhutan, and Mongolia from my travel books. I also realized that I could draw attention away from autism organizations that spend more on their executives than services for people with autism when I tell people what I’ve done as a person with autism. I went on the annual Christmas walk with Jamie, Cam, Dad, Granddad, Uncle Todd, Aunt Laura Abby, and Eric where I took several great pictures and walked to the edge of the forest with Uncle Todd and Aunt Laura. I got back and built the Lego Big Ben set. I ate dinner with Jamie, Cam, Abby, and Eric afterwards. Then I learned more of how my travel plans to Tibet, Bhutan, and Mongolia will go. I later realized that Azog being resurrected by Sauron and Bolg working as an interrogator at Dol Guldur makes sense because Gandalf came to Erebor with the news that the orcs led by Bolg were coming to attack after being in Dol Guldur, that the orc pursuit made sense because of Thrain having one of the dwarf rings, so therefore the orcs being hunted down by Legolas and Tauriel and the romance between Tauriel and Kili made since, and that the third Hobbit movie might open up with Gandalf talking to Thrain in Dol Guldur. When I got back, I talked to Tyler, and I told Dave how I thought the third Hobbit movie might open up with Gandalf meeting Thrain in Dol Guldur and he said he heard that would happen. I also saw that Caitlin had messaged me on Facebook asking if I could go see Frozen tomorrow. Since my brothers, dad, grandmom, aunt, uncle, and cousins were all planning on us going to see a movie that day I asked her if she was available the day after that.

The next day I told Caitlin through Facebook messaging that I could meet her anytime between 12-6 tomorrow and asked her to name a time and place. Then I got to my grandparent’s house before my dad, Jamie, Cam, grandmom, Uncle Todd, Aunt Laura, Abby, Eric, and I went to see The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug. I realized that my popcorn bag had a poster of the movie and decided to frame it, and after the movie was over to make the other’s bags into beads. During the movie I watched the movie, during which time I realized the way Peter Jackson told the conflict of the Elves and the Dwarves as being over jewels was true to the story as those jewels were what the Mirkwood elves besieged Erebor over before the Battle of Five Armies, that I am able to be valuable to a lot of people, not just with autism, for what I do for autistic people, as many have autistic loved ones and prejudice, stigma, and discrimination are self-destructive. Soon after it was over, I got the idea to make some robots out of cigarette boxes I collected for Tyler to play with, one representing the ego, another representing the id, and the other the super ego, to help teach him self-restraint. I got back and as I saw Dave with some new ice cream, I decided to eat it less nights to cut down on human waste, and I recycled all the cigarette boxes I collected except for some for beads and Tyler's robots. Then I found Caitlin said she could meet tomorrow at 10:45 at Town Center, and I said I’d meet her there. After that I gave Mom two bottle cap tambourines to give to Kyley and Hunter for Christmas and finished one for myself. I put my cousin's up on the top of a cabinet so Wally wouldn’t chew on them. 

                The next morning before I went to sleep, I realized how even though people have said that Gandhian economics wouldn’t have allowed India to become an economic superstar, it seems India’s real glory is the rich becoming richer while the poor become poorer, unlike Bhutan’s gross national happiness. After my meditation, showering, and breakfast, I drove to Town Center afterwards getting twenty more minutes of driving. Then I saw the movie with Caitlin at the movie. When it was over, we both seemed to have really liked it.  After the movie, Caitlin and I ate lunch at Panera and learned more about each other. After she gave me a ride home, I found my stone Teresa gave me. Then went to Bruce Smith where I got the December 2013 issue of National Geographic, the December 2013/January 2014 issue of Archaeology magazine, Sacred Places of the Ancient World from the editors of Archaeology magazine, and Mandela: His Life in Pictures: 1918-2013 and my medication. I then traded in a bunch of ones and quarters for fives. I also decided to take my World Archaeology tests in the Testing Center next semester. I ate dinner with the Wendland’s during which I heard Cam talk about his dorm life, with his building being largely Asian, and my mom suggested that the Chinese send their kids to America to be educated to meet the Chinese girls Americans have adopted and that their government probably became so corrupt because they were short of money. I got back and packed up for the trip to Colorado tomorrow. I also decided I would take my Early American Literature tests in the Testing Center as well.

Asperger Syndrome and Love

    

On the morning fo the football game I ate breakfast with John, as well as another UCM student, also named John. Then I found another pebble out in the Ellis courtyard. Then Tyler arrived, along with his mom, and his grandfather with Alzheimer’s, who looked very confused. We went to the THRIVE reunion barbecue where I saw Hillary, Mr. B, Mrs. Fahrmeier, Dr. Mayfield, and Julie. At the reception, Tyler struggled to help his grandfather into his coat, and I said, “Tyler do you want me to help with that?” I helped him grandfather get his arm through his sleeve and then something incredible happened: he smiled and held out his hand for me to shake, which I did. I suddenly realized what it must be like for my brother Jamie, working and interning at a senior center for people with Alzheimer’s and Dementia. Then Hillary, Tyler, and I went to watch the football game up in the presidential box where we had been invited for the reunion. I also read a story about a college couple on, the two of them with Asperger syndrome, who lived together in an apartment at the University of Massachusetts and found a way to compensate for their condition to be together. It began when Kirsten Lindsmith met a guy named Jack Robison. Kirsten had been misdiagnosed with ADHD and never had heard of autism. Her boyfriend at the time was a high school socialite who had a way of always correcting her social behaviors, such as speaking in monotone, scooping up the food she dropped on the floor at restaurants, and speaking for long minutes to her boyfriend’s friends about her interest in animal physiology. Kirsten went through years of social rejection, making her so eager to please, and thus prone to manipulation by others. Then at UMass Kirsten met Jack at a café as he, a man with an intense interest in chemistry, did some testing of explosives in the woods, which he filmed for YouTube, upsetting people from the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms, for Jack didn’t realize that setting off explosives in the woods may not necessarily be seen by the ATF as ambitious chemistry experiments.

 

Jack was cleared of all charges and recruited by the UMass Chemistry director, who was impressed by his home-built chemistry lab. Jack moreover was the son of John Elder Robison, the author of the book, Don’t Look Me in the Eye, about being diagnosed with Asperger syndrome at the age of thirty-nine. His father regularly wondered could someone with Asperger syndrome find love? I knew I had gotten the support in my childhood that allowed me to be very social and good at reading non-verbal cues and social perceptions and have the same quality of life as others, but that didn’t mean I never feared how others would perceive my own differences.

Kirsten met Jack between classes and he felt a strong sense of love for her but unable to tell from her non-verbal expressions what she felt, and one day simply e-mailed her telling her his feelings flat out. Kirsten told her boyfriend about it and that she felt she had found her soul mate. Jack and Kirsten grew closer and lived together in an apartment at UMass, but faced some difficulties, such as Jack’s lack of understanding of human touch in relationship that nearly brought Kirsten to a nervous meltdown. Yet through seeing a relationship counselor, they devised a plan for them to get a housecat, which they could pet and use that as a way to demonstrate how she wanted to be caressed. Afterwards their relationship continued to flourish, and they ended up contributing to Wrong Planet, so it seemed for Jack’s father, the answer to his question was yes, people with Asperger syndrome can indeed find love. I finished reading the story feeling very deeply and personally affected by it. Love, I’ve heard over and over, comes when you least expect it. I imagined over the summer before I dated Emily and after that, that I would meet at the UCM Autism Spectrum Support Group, yet my Granddad would say, “Maybe you will meet someone in one of your classes.” I remembered last year though how Teresa gave me a stone on our last Person-Centered Planning meeting that said “Risk,” asking me to love someone who will love me the way I deserved to be loved, which she said I did deserve. 

After I got back, I saw I was getting a call which turned out to be from my mom and I answered it. She said, (she and Dave being in Colorado) that our pet sitter Nick went into the sunroom and found my fourteen year old cat, Polly lying on the floor, dead. I froze and after I hung up, Tyler’s mom put her arm around me. I suddenly felt strange; Polly had been with me for fourteen years of my life. 
                Tyler and his mom left and I called my friend Erin, who gave me her condolences for Polly. I talked to my dad who told me his and Sherry’s old cat Buddy Girl, also died recently. Then I worked on my snack wrapper collage of Maja Toudal, though still with a residual shock over Polly. I still hadn’t eaten, and it was fifteen minutes until my exercise time, the closest restaurant being Chic Filet, which I didn’t want to eat at due to its owner’s stance on gay marriage, while there was also Crazy Dog’s which would make me late for my exercise, which I needed in light of Polly’s death. In the end, I went down to the food court shop and bought some beef jerky for dinner, so I would at least have some energy for the treadmill. After I got back I talked to Jamie, who had heard about Polly and gave me his condolences. He also said I was right about how it felt when I helped Tyler’s grandfather. I also made another mala from straws and finished a bicycle streamer made from snack wrappers. I decided to save my meditation journal entry for today for the next day and make that day’s and today’s entry one entry dedicated to Polly. Yet I felt a strange sense of joy realizing what she was to me. 

On Sunday I saw a trailor for The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug before I went to bed. After I got up and did my meditation, I worked on my travel plans to Kenya. I also talked to Tyler some more.  I learned about the ruins of Thimlich Ohinga in my Lonely Planet Kenya book, which were said to bear great resemblance to Great Zimbabwe, and felt excited for my Modern Sub-Saharan Africa class. Later Kyley came into my room and said she really liked the Autistic Pride pencil cups made from Pringles cans. After that I reorganized some of my recyclables and worked on some earrings made from bread bag tops. Then I went down to the library, got on a computer and posted on Facebook a eulogy for Polly:

R.I.P Polly Edwards. I knew you since you were a kitten when I got you for my tenth birthday. You were there for all of middle school, high school, learning to drive, two colleges, starting two student group, four relationships, two houses I lived in, and much more. I will remember you always.

Later I found Hillary and Alex Habib put their condolences by the remark and I thanked them for it. Afterwards I read most of the reading for my World Masterpieces class. I got back to my dorm and did my laundry. Later I worked on my snack wrapper collage of Maja Toudal. Of, course I also made the day’s meditation journal, about today and the day before that, something I dedicated to Polly. 

I later ate dinner with Logan and another THRIVE student, the former, especially, seeming happy to see me. After I got back from the Rec Center I made another mala from straws and talked to Tyler while I worked on my yarn painting of Hank Hill. 

 

In my next Drawing I class I learned more about accenting the lines on charcoal drawings. I later got some more super glue at the Union bookstore, getting another dime for my collection from my change. I found out later that my World Masterpieces so after sorting some recycling I got back to my dorm and worked on my foil sculptures of the Buddha and Thomas Jefferson while I talked to Tyler. Then I got finished with my Algebra homework for the day. Afterwards I worked some more on Hank Hill and Maja Toudal. 

The next day I made two more roses from straws and worked on my handbag made from snack wrappers. After my North American Indian class I went to the UCM Autism Spectrum Support Group meeting, which Tom and Dr. Mayfield came too and we decided on a Bowling Night the next week. I talked to Tyler some more while making some “plarn” (yarn made from loops cut out from plastic bags). After running on the treadmill I made another mala from straws. I also showed my mom my snack wrapper collage and she loved it. 

I sat with some THRIVE students at lunch the next day. Then I read most of the reading for my World Masterpieces class. After that I got one hundred percent on my Algebra quiz. I then e-mailed all the UCM Autism Spectrum Support Group members about the bowling night next week and the movie night. Later I talked to Tyler for a bit. Then I found a way to repurpose some of the plastic bottle caps in my pile by turning blue ones into Earth Day magnets, white ones into snowman magnets, and brown ones into Thanksgiving turkey magnets. 

The next day in my Algebra class I got 82.65% on my Algebra test and half way through the study guide. Then I posted on my Aunt Laura’s Facebook page thanking her, my uncle, and cousins for the birthday presents. Later at my North American Indian class I found out I got twenty-seven out of thirty points on the oral presentation and eighteen out of twenty points on the written part. I also started realizing how the more we learn about different cultures, the more we see how people can adapt to all different kinds of environments, like the harsh deserts of northern Kenya, or the Danakil Desert of Ethiopia and Eritrea. On my way back to the dorm, I got a picture of the Rec Center wall behind a tree and it was glowing yellow in the setting sun and I thought I’d submit it to UCM Photos of the Week contest. Later I made three more stamps from plastic bottle caps and Styrofoam, and I decided that instead of making signs with my bottle cap collection, I would make a wall fish, which would take up less space. Later I went to Max’s, the UCM drug-sniffing dog, retirement party. I also talked to Tyler while I made another mala from straws. I also told my Granddad about my photo and my idea to submit it to UCM Photos of the Week and he thought that was a great idea.

The next day at breakfast I sat with Oscar and Tom, inviting Oscar to join in the UCM Autism Spectrum Support Group movie night and he accepted. I also thought about the great works of art indigenous peoples have done and realized it shows their lives are not all about struggling for survival. I went to the movie, though no one ended up coming, though Oscar did text me saying he had a lot of studying to do and couldn’t come. I did notice how the planet the movie took place on almost looked like Tibet, and thought if the Chinese wanted to wipe out the natives through intermarriages, forced sterilizations, and assimilation, they’d need to find someone else to do all the menial work. I didn’t end up staying as I really had to use the bathroom and no one was there. Afterwards I would have gone to the Print Club but I was far too tired and needed a break. I talked to my granddad when I got back and he said that what the group may need is better advertising. Later I worked on my bag woven from bags and some plarn while I ran on the treadmill. I got back and talked to my dad who telling him about the movie night and he thought that people might not be showing up because there’s no one there for them to meet and we could start by getting a core group of THRIVE students to come. I liked this idea and decided to try and work it out. Afterwards I worked on my plastic bottle cap Green Man. 

The next morning I worked on my travel plans to Tanzania after breakfast. Then I sorted some recycling, during which time I found another bottle cap for my collection. I took out my own recycling and as I did I found my prescription from Dr. Mays. I found another pebble, and then I worked on my streamers and collages made from snack wrappers. I went to Those Were the Days and got some more embroidery floss for my malas and yarn paintings. Later I went to Walgreen’s and got some beef jerky, Hershey’s minibars, and Altoids. On my way I got a picture of a full moon over Ellis behind some clouds in a pitch black sky. Then I got back and talked to my granddad who suggested I tell the THRIVE students about the group in study hall or one of their classes. I read the reading for my World Masterpieces class while I was on the treadmill Notes From the Underground, which I thought was really good.  Then I made another mala from straws.

The next day I tried to submit my first photo but I couldn’t figure out this address I needed to type in to send it. Never-the-less, I still decided to take photos like that. I e-mailed Mr. B asking if I could come speak to one of his classes about the group. Then I ordered myself a sheet music book called The Lord of the Rings Trilogy Flute Solos and a Lonely Planet book on Mozambique. Then  I went to Hasting’s and got the Winter 2013 issue of Tricycle magazine, National Geographic’s Best City Weekends: Unforgettable Itineraries, Local Neighborhoods, 30 Insider Tips, the November/December 2013 issue of Native magazine, the Holiday 2013 issue of Woodcarving Illustrated, and the Winter 2013 issue of Do It Yourself magazine. I also recycled and sorted some bottles and cans I found along the way and when I got back. Then I made a pinwheel from a Kool-Aid pack. I also made twenty more flowers from straws. I read more of Notes From the Underground while I ran on the treadmill. I got back and did my laundry. Then I talked to Tyler for quite a while I made another mandala from straws. I also sent my mom the prescription numbers for my medications so she could refill them at home.

The next day I got three out of five questions right on a quiz for my World Masterpieces class, though I also got a bonus question right. Then I tried to get done my Algebra homework but again found myself to spaced out to concentrate that it took me a while to do several problems I normally knew how to do. I took a break during which I got the idea that while I didn’t have sixty milligrams of Vyvanse I was supposed to take I did have two thirty milligram pills, which I could take two of but decided to check with my dad who would know whether that would work. It turned out I wouldn’t be able to finish all the homework that night either however as I felt so exhausted from hearing about Tyler’s endless problems. I did talk to my dad though who said that two thirty milligram pills would be a good idea, though he also mentioned it didn’t work that way with every medication, for example, not all pills would have half the effect if you cut them in half. After that I made another bottle cap necklace for myself with a calligraphic piece by Thich Nhat Hanh printed on computer paper saying, “Peace is Every Step.” I decided I’d give my original necklace to Tyler, who might lose it, but giving it to him would still mean a lot to him. I also made seven more flowers from straws.

The next day I got a lot of the way done with yesterday’s assignment for my Algebra class during class time. Then I got back and worked on my second handbag made from snack wrappers, deciding to add one wrapper’s worth of links to it a day. Then after lunch I worked some more on my Algebra assignment before I had to go to my North American Indian class. After that I went to the Bowling Night where Tom came and we both excelled at the game, perhaps due to taking a Beginning Bowling class through the THRIVE program. Then I finished my Algebra homework and got a 95.12%. I got back and worked on my Thomas Jefferson bust while I talked to Tyler some more. After I finished running on the treadmill, I got the idea that maybe I would like, after I finished school and was waiting for my film career to take off, to work in helping with archaeological digs and hands-on cultural projects with kids with Down syndrome. I also got the idea to make an Inuit sorcerer figure from some of my plastic bottle caps. I talked to my dad who really liked the archaeological digging idea. I started working on my sorcerer figure and then took out my trash.

The next day in my Drawing I class I learned more about using different values to create contrast in an object. Then while I was at lunch Mr. B saw me and came over to my table telling me that, while he did not normally use class time for groups to talk about themselves, I could tell of my group to the THRIVE student organization and contact Ryan, who is their president. Later I went to my World Masterpieces class and got three out of five on the quiz. I got back and worked some more on my foil Thomas Jefferson bust. Later I made another toilet paper roll diorama of Erdene Zuu monastery in Mongolia. I also talked to my grandmom, who said she head from my mom that Sean Swindler would be coming down to UCM to check out the THRIVE program and help the UCM Autism Spectrum Support Group get more members. Then I worked on my Inuit sorcerer figure and then saw Abduction with some people from my hall. Then I worked on my bag woven from bags and my second handbag made from snack wrappers. I also talked to Tyler while I made another trellis square from bottle rings and twist-ties, and decided it was time to say goodbye when I finished. 

The net morning before I went to bed, I read in National Geographic about a Nigerian terrorist group called Boko Haram, who many Nigerians were so afraid of that they didn’t even say their name. I thought that sounded kind of like Lord Voldemort in Harry Potter, and then I realized that’s how I used to react whenever someone said the words “Asperger syndrome” or “autism.” After I woke up, did my meditation, and had breakfast, I went to my Algebra class where I passed the quiz. Then I did my daily work on my handbag made from snack wrappers. During my North American class, we watched a video on the controversy surrounding Native American mascots, which provoked such strong reactions from the people in class. As I saw it, a small part of me thought “that is the nature of prejudice and when I find love it will need to be with someone on the spectrum, who can understand the autistic struggle,” temporarily took hold of me like it never had before. As I thought this, Laci, who was sitting next to me, looked as though she’d just been told she was laid off a job. Suddenly, I thought perhaps I was wrong to think that, and that maybe that thinking is what has held back people with autism for so long. Really, I was just divided in two from years of prejudice and discrimination, the former which still has not stopped for me.

I worked on some streamers, scrapbook covers, and collages made from snack wrappers when I got back. I also visited the UCM art gallery where I got started on my gallery trip paper for my Drawing I class, critiquing an intaglio print. Later I ate dinner with Josh, Mary, Oscar, and Levi, and two other THRIVE students. Then I took out my trash and made three more stamps from plastic bottle caps and Styrofoam and an earth magnet to hang on my fridge. After running on the treadmill, I went to the Turkey Bowl with Hillary, Phillip, Mardy, and Ryan. I thought how it is often believed that people with autism don’t want relationships, or don’t care for the physical aspects of it, but I think it’s really that they don’t understand the social aspect to it. But I felt quite bad about my own ablest thoughts in my North American Indian class, especially seeing many of the people I had seen that day did not deserve to be tarred that way, which was no fairer than being denied access to society for their disability. I thought I did need to be more open in love, very uncertain of how it would turn out.