The Next Rush Begins

After I got back from Labor Day again made another bracelet for the silent auction. The next day I went outside, trying to spend some time outdoors as I heard it relieves stress, and read a lot of Walden for my American Renaissance class. I saw Sara walking by, though having forgotten her name, and she smiled and waved at me and we both said hello. I later went into the dining hall to get some coffee and relax, when I saw her. We both said hello and I said to her, feeling bad, “I’m sorry, I forgot your name.”

                “Sara,” she said.

                “Ok,”

                As she was getting some food, I told her, “If you want you can come sit with me.”

                “Ok,” she said.

                I sat down and after she was done getting food she joined me. We sat together and got to know each other a lot. I learned she was a Criminal Justice major, a junior, was from Lee’s Summit, had three older siblings, and didn’t like to watch TV, but loved to read. She was amazed by how I did my class schedule, saying she feels like she can only work with an organized schedule. I also learned she was taking Creative Problem-Solving with a different instructor. I told her about my coasters and art, and she said, “I could never do anything creative.” And I told her, “Well, remember what they say in class about how everyone has creativity.” I asked her if she had any pets, and she said she and her boyfriend both have a dog who lives in his apartment in Warrensburg. She asked, “Is your family coming down for family weekend?” I said, “No, there not.” It felt very nice that day being in her company.

                Later I returned my library books, deposited my pay checks, got a new student ID at the bank because mine was bent and they told me I could get a free replacement if I still had it at the bank, and bought some tape and glue at the Union bookstore to make some more receipt coasters for the silent auction. Then I read more of Walden this time indoors. After that I ate dinner with my hall. I skipped my exercise on the treadmill that night so I could finish my Creative Problem-Solving homework, which was due the next day. Then I started on my bracelet for today. Hillary got to my room and I helped her with her Composition I homework and agreed to be her tutor for that class. Then I finished my bracelet.

                The next morning I got up an hour earlier to do the rough draft for my Anthropology of Food class, which was due at the beginning of class at 9:30 that morning and was met by Paige, who I sat with, and she asked if I could meet her at the dining hall later today. We eventually decided on 4, and I agreed to be there. Then as I finished breakfast I saw President Ambrose of UCM come in and sit with a group of students, and went to say hello to him. He got up, shook my hand.

               “How are you doing?” he asked.

               “Good,” I said.

               “Yeah, and how are the new students?”

               “They seem pretty good. I’ve met a few of them this year though not all of them. I graduated a year ago.”

  “And you’re still here?” 

  “Yes,”

  “Well, I’m proud of you. Keep up the good work. How are classes going?”

  “Good,” I said.

  “Well, that’s great. You let me know if there’s anything I can do for you.”

  “Ok,” I said.       

                Wow. That felt good I thought as I left the hall.

                Sure enough I did get my paper typed up and turned in at the beginning of class. I also signed up for a paper tutorial the next Wednesday at 1. Then I responded to an e-mail from Nannie thanking me for my card, which she loved, and asking about my classes. After that I found Amos Bronson Alcott to write about for my American Renaissance research paper and e-mailed my instructor about it. I then read more of Walden. I went to my American Renaissance class where my paper proposal was approved of and I did the weekly writing and took part in our class discussion. When I got back and made another bracelet.

                I went and took my glass and other recyclables I found along my trip to the sheltered workshop. On my way back I went to the gas station where I got a new Snapple cap from my drink and saw Sara, whose hair looked like it had just gotten out of the shower. I got back and I made another bracelet. Then I made another coaster from receipts, while Jack called, during which time I told him I would be home next weekend and he invited me to come over and see his apartment, the Mission Project, his workplace, and order pizza, watch a movie, and go for a walk around the neighborhood. After that I went down to the bowling alley with people from my hall. I got back, and realized that if we, the autistic community who is dissatisfied with Autism Speaks’ impact on the autism community, were to give Alpha Xi Delta several one-star reviews on Facebook, telling them why we’re angry at the organization they support, we might be able to send a message out to them.

                The next day, I went down to breakfast and was joined by Paige while Mom called and said that she saw Rick at Hen House, and he said he got a note thanking him for my hours from me and was really impressed by it, and asked her to let me know that he’s always willing to give me work when I’m home for the breaks. I read a little bit about Walden in my latest issue of Sufi magazine, in an article about the spiritual environmental movement, and thought that might be something I’d love to get involved in with my writing and work. Afterwards I started working on some coasters while Josiah came and looked at our room and was impressed by the artwork I made. He showed me a battle ax he made from beer cans that he drank from and said that I ought to show Sara my art and mentioned that she always talks to me when she passes me. He and Mardy played some video games while I finished my coaster. I then went down to Those Were the Days and bought several new post cards to frame and some red embroidery floss. Soon after I got back, I saw several posts on Alpha Xi Delta’s Facebook page about their work with Autism Speaks, and realized we, the autism community who are not happy with Autism Speaks, were to gather in numbers and put several comments on those posts, we might get across to them. I talked to my granddad and he liked that idea. Then I went down to a gas station and got some more beers. Later on I went down to the new Fitzgerald diner where I sat with Mardy, Levi, his fiancée Rebecca, Blaire, Kriti, Josh, and several other THRIVE students. When I got back to the dorm, I felt tired and aching, and wrote a poem on how I felt like I had climbed a huge mountain every day from years of advocacy, bullying, and discrimination.

                The next morning, I went down to breakfast where I ate with Paige and two other THRIVE students who I met: Ellie and Sally. Afterwards I read a great deal of Walden outside for two hours. Then I did my laundry. During that time I sorted a lot of recycling. I also took my pictures for my Cinematography class.

                During dinner I commented on a Facebook post about Autism Speaks sponsors saying we should avoid the events of, comment on the posts about Autism Speaks from, and give one-star reviews criticizing Alpha Xi Delta’s involvement with Autism Speaks for the reasons we dislike it to Alpha Xi Delta. Then I shared the link urging people who disliked what AS does to the autistic community to avoid and unlike the pages of any of their sponsors that they had liked. I got back to my dorm and made another bracelet for the silent auction. I read more of Walden on the treadmill and when I got back I learned Ink4Autism decided to stop advising businesses to donate to Autism Speaks and donate to other groups instead and Drew Carrey, who was originally going to donate to Autism Speaks in solidarity of an autistic boy who was hurt during the Ice Bucket Challenge, instead decided to donate to a different organization after several people tweeted him telling them what Autism Speaks does to the autistic community. I then worked on my box and my Buddha a little more. I got the idea to carve some infinite signs, one for myself and one for the girl who turns out to be the right one for me, and started doing it. I went out into the lounge to relax, and again saw Sara pass me by, waving at me, carrying a bag.

                The next day I sat with Blair, Ellie, Kelsie, Shay and her boyfriend, and Mardy at lunch. Afterwards I read more of Walden outdoors. I also figured out how many white bottle caps I would need to make an autistic pride rainbow infinite sign. I then went into the dining hall to get a soda and saw Sara and Cameron there and we both said hello to each other, Sara giving me a very genuine smile. I figured out more of how I would make my bottle cap wall fish after that, and said goodbye to her before I left. After that I read more of Walden. Then I saw Sara through the doorway of the stairwell. She saw me and waved at me, smiling very wide. As we parted ways as she and Cameron went to the Rec Center, she turned around, smiling so widely she showed her teeth, and waved. Then I got to the Union bookstore and got some sticky pads. 

                After class I gave Hillary, Mardy, and Josiah all beers before going down to Crazy Dog’s to eat. I went to Crazy Dog’s where I enjoyed their delicious burgers and got a new bottle cap for my collection from my delicious ginger beer. I got back and as I was unlocking my door to go into my room, I saw Alex and he said he saw my snack wrapper collage and was really impressed and almost thought it was a painting. I went to Late Night where I met Hillary, Mardy, and Josiah. Then I carved my Buddha figurine some more, learning more of how advanced carving is done. After that I hung up all my prints I bought outside the Union. Then I made another bracelet for the silent auction.

                After taking a shower the next morning I went down to breakfast where I was joined by Josiah. During my Creative Problem-Solving class I remembered how at JCCC we used to have role-playing skits at my autism group to demonstrate the right way to act in the social situations we would encounter in our next week’s activity and gave people a copy of our agenda in each week’s meeting, and realized we ought to do that at UCM. So, after class I went down to the Union and scheduled an appointment with Barbara for next Wednesday at 11:30. After making my appointment, I went down to the Union bookstore and got a new pocket notebook to replace my old full one. Then I got myself a white chocolate blast from Jazzman’s as a reward for all my hard work, and sat down in the Union. After that I rested some more before going down to see a presentation about Mexican revolutionary politics during World War I. I got back and wrote down some more of my ideas and got the idea to compile all my poems into a book to show how I left my comfortable urban life to seek something more in rural Missouri. I went to Late Night and afterwards my granddad called to see how everything was going for me, and I told him all about the past few days and what had gone on then. I realized that this time I have down at Central Missouri is sort of like Thoreau’s experience at Walden Pond, leaving behind the city life for something more and learning to be satisfied with less. Then I went to do my Cinematography quiz. I got back and made another bracelet. 

The next morning I had breakfast with Mardy. Soon after that I went to the tutorial with Dr. Yelton, who told me his suggestions for my paper. I was walking back and ran into Karen Fahrmeier from the THRIVE staff, and went up to say hello. She told me the THRIVE students were putting on a float for the homecoming parade, whose theme this year was a puzzle piece, and thought my group would like to join in. I told her we would and thanked her before leaving her. I also saw Jacob, a friend of mine from South Korea, who I had met last year through my roommate, also from South Korea, while I was waiting for the meeting, and he invited me to come to a birthday barbeque of his with several of his friends and I agreed to do that. I also went on Amazon and ordered several plastic hardware buckles to make paracord bracelets for the silent auction, some rainbow paracord (as the rainbow colors are used often by autistic advocacy groups), and a book called The Golden Hat: Talking Back to Autism by Kate Winslet and a mother of a non-verbal autistic teen who together started the Golden Hat Foundation to provide services so children like her son could thrive. The book had quotes from celebrities who were drawn to the Golden Hat Foundation, poems from the woman’s son describing his life with autism, and the story of the Golden Hat, to whom a great deal of the proceeds from this book went to.

I went to the meeting, led by Anna, and at the end, Shay came up with the idea for a puzzle piece frame with a puzzle piece outside it, symbolizing that the viewer is the missing piece in the world of autism and needs to act. I told her I liked that idea before I left. My mom agreed to pick me up after I got back and the next day I went to Late Night with Sara and a few of her friends, where I learned she went home that weekend as she did every weekend, before they went to a party and I stayed behind as I realized I had an on-line quiz for my Creative Problem-Solving due at midnight that night. The next day I went to Those Were the Days and bought some more post cards to treat myself, before going down to the place outdoors, though partially under a canopy owned by UCM campus, where I met a few of Jacob’s friends, both Korean and Westerner, and enjoyed some delicious strips of marinated barbeque. I also got the idea that “the Autism Spectrum Support Group” might sound a little to dehumanizing for students to say they’re a part of to their friends and I thought “maybe the Autistic Student Union.” I put a pin in that and enjoyed some of Jacob’s delicious rum, afterwards feeling a little tipsy, and then had some of him fine whisky. A friend of his drove me back to the dorm, and we both commented on how he could be a great bartender, with me saying, he ought to combine it with a taxi service agency.

                I got back and met my mom, who understood that I was not up for driving and didn’t question my continual need to pull over to use a bathroom. I got home, feeling remarkably more alert, and called my friend Erin, and we got caught up on each other’s lives.

Spring Break 2014

I saw an e-mail about how condolences for the loss can be sent to the address of the ASA president Ellen Whit, whose name I recognized from the Friend of Autism Pledge, and I decided to send her an e-mail after break saying I recognized her name in the e-mail from the pledge and wanted to wish my condolences to her. I put up a Facebook post that said, “Three types of girls I will never date:/-Girls who don’t wear their seatbelts, or ride with people who do/-Girls who smoke/-Girls who support autism organizations that pay more to their executives than supporting individuals and families/All three of those thing could cut my time short with her.” I saw Dr. Downing, Jamie, Kurt, Britney, and one other person liked it. I also wrote “Three of the worst things you can do while driving:/-drink/-text/-support charities that don’t pay most of their money to the causes they claim to represent/When you do any of these things your car can kill.” Brittany liked that. I shared a link to Hook’s obituary on Ryan, Philip’s, Hillary’s, and Mardy’s page and saw that they liked it, and Hillary liked my comment on her page about how I reacted to these girls' deaths.  Brittany also liked several other things on my page. I shared a link about the vigil on THRIVE’s Facebook page, commenting on what the girls did for THRIVE and how I thought the link deserved to be on there, and Dr. Downing approved. I shared a Buddhist link with people at the Pathless Land, and several of them, including Steve, liked it, and Steve said, “Awesome Ben Edwards.” I realized I can reach out to and gain respect of people like that. I talked to Tyler who said he knew of the girl’s deaths and knew one of the girls. I realized there are times when college students lose their lies like this, like the fall semester before last, when a twenty-three-year-old UCM male student died in a car wreck not wearing his seatbelt, from seeing it in the Muleskinner while working there.

The next morning I felt pretty good though a little frustrated as I had a nosebleed while I had just undressed to take a shower and Dad texted me to call him and I wanted to call Elizabeth to make plans for tomorrow, but I called Dad, and I called Elizabeth and she offered to pick me up and take me to Panera tomorrow, which I accepted as I was feeling still quite overwhelmed by the loss of the girls. When Elizabeth pulled up in my driveway however, we ended up going to Minsky’s in downtown Prairie Village instead of Panera. Elizabeth and I started getting caught up on each other’s lives and she told me there was an Autistic Self-Advocacy Network chapter opening up in Kansas City. I started telling her about the group and she was excited to hear that it was getting ready and understood that it was taking a while to get off the ground.

“The thing about the autism community is that we’ve always sought friendship,” she also told me, “I’m your friend in the autism community.”

Finally, I also told her about the loss of Hook and Reeder.

“I’m sorry,” she said, very sincerely.

“It’s just, sometimes I still feel some pain, but then it just subsides.”

“That’s called grief and it’s perfectly natural. It means something was important to you.” 

I smiled. Elizabeth was being very empathetic just as I had expected she would.

“These kind of things just seem to happen, and I guess, ultimately, there’s really no point in trying to figure out why.”

Elizabeth looked at me with such kind eyes. Eventually we got off the subject of Hook and Reeder, which was really a relief to me. She asked me about my bottle cap necklace, and I told her about it and showed her my belt made from plastic bags. She looked amazed.

“It’s really strong,” I said.

“I believe you!"

I learned her brother had had cancer for the last year, although she did tell me not to make any negative assumption about it too quickly as she said he was getting better. She also gave me a business card for her work as a music therapist, which she had recently been licensed to do after finishing her practicum for it last year. As I got out of her car and said goodbye, I realized I truly did have one friend in the autism community.

Later that day I went with my dad to our family house at Lake Lotawana where I indeed also found twenty-three new pebbles near our garden. Then we went to have a beer at the Canoe Club while we waited for my grandparents to come and eat with us. In the meantime, he asked what I planned to do after college. I mentioned selling some environmental crafts on Etsy, being a drama teacher at Horizon, and maybe publishing a book on my experiences at UCM and other parts of my life, before, hopefully, getting a career in filmmaking. He thought those were all good ideas. Then he asked me, “Ben, have you ever thought of having a career as an autism specialist? It’s just that none of the autism specialists I’ve ever known of have had autism.”

“I don’t know," I said. "I mean I thought either way I would do some stuff involving autism.” 

Soon my grandparents arrived. My granddad started telling us about how Bob from the Pathless Land was told by his doctor that he absolutely needed to quit smoking. He had “had his last smoke” with my granddad, though there had been slips since then. I had hoped he would quit as he was a great man who I had known for the last two years at the Pathless Land. 

The next day I drove to my appointment with Dr. Mays, then to the post office, and then home getting twenty-five more minutes of driving. I made twelve more flowers, seven more heart-shaped pins, a rose, and then seventeen more heart-shaped pins from straws, and decided to use the heart-shaped pins in making prints. I went to Better Cheddar and got two new bottle caps for my collection and drank the drinks while I ate a Mars Bar and read Mckinsey’s blog post on world hunger statistics, which I commented on favorably. I went to the hardware store and got a saw to cut my board at school apart and some wood to cut into rectangles for wood burning. I then cut apart the board and turned that coaster project Mom started into two coasters, which she was pretty impressed by. I also got the idea for when I find “a one” to glue the letters of my old computers to two of those boards and give each of us one of them on our anniversary where we can write a word or phrase next to each other about how we feel about each other. I drove to Bella Napoli, getting ten more minutes of driving. There I also got a new bottle cap from my beer. I also realized how interesting it is that I drink two sodas and eat a Mars Bar while reading a post on world hunger statistics. 

The next day I called Jack and left a message to see if he could sleep over with Tyler and I this spring break. Afterwards I grinded up leaves and spread them in my mom’s garden for fifteen dollars an hour for three hours. I also felt comforted knowing Elizabeth could understand how I felt about those girls. I made one of my coasters for Aunt Laura from receipts. I went down to Better Cheddar and got two new bottle caps for my collection from my drinks. On my way back I picked up and sorted some recyclables. On my way back I found a good walking stick to carve. I also worked on my coasters made from paper plates and Styrofoam.

I was able to slow down and take a breath while I enjoyed some Welsh rarebit for dinner tonight. I then talked to Jack who said he couldn’t sleep over this spring break because he has a lot going on, but he did say he could do it over the summer. I also told him about the girls, which he was shocked about, but glad I told him about, and about how Emily and I broke up. I talked to Dad and he and I agreed to eat dinner together tomorrow night and I sent him the links to my blogs. I wrote another post Autism and Olympics: Not So Special After All and posted it. I also saw another one of my Facebook friends accepted my invitations to like Tania Marshall and Little People of America. I remembered how great it feels to wake up and get a text asking saying, “I love you.”

The next day I realized more of how I would organize my stamp collection before I went to BRGR with Dad and he gave me dozens of bottle caps, which I found five new ones in, two Buddhist magazines, which I already had but could make some DIY colleges with, and a craft board. The next day I drove to get my blood tested and got ten minutes of driving on the way, then to a garden shop, then Dunkin Donuts, where I had a jelly donut, then Bruce Smith, and then the hardware store, getting another twenty minutes of driving. Afterwards I got two new bottle caps from my drinks at Better Cheddar. I also got some bread and turkey at Hen House along with the current issue of National Geographic. I arranged to get together with Erin tomorrow at eleven, and then I wrote in my dream journal. I also made another rose from straws. Tyler got here and I gave him those bottle caps I’d saved for him. We ate burgers and fries and then watched Epic. 

The next day Tyler met Erin before she and I went to the Cheesecake Factory, and I gave her presents and she gave me mine: a book called Empires of the Silk Road: A History of Central Eurasia from the Bronze Age to the Present. I got home and then went to my dentist appointment. I got back and rested from the cavity filling. I also agreed to go with Mom and her family to New Hampshire over the fourth of July, as I don’t see her family very often. I swung in our backyard while I read a lot of Erin’s book. Later I got Tyler to resend the link to the Down Syndrome Dance form when I couldn’t get to the page via the link I was sent. 

The next morning, I worked on my revised research paper for my Early American Literature class. I moved some soil, mulch, and compost into my mom’s new garden bed, during which time I realized that Beorn attacking the dwarves as a bear in the second Hobbit movie was a good idea as that way the audience gets the see Beorn as a bear before the third movie comes out, and Beorn being at Dol Guldur doesn’t seem like such a bad idea as Beorn was close to Radagast, who was a member of the White Council, and lived near there. Later I saw some good miksang photos and got inspired to take some more, which I did. I saw that the Autism Women’s Network liked my review of them before I took another photo. I also got together some bottle caps for my rainbow fish wall fish.

Asperger Syndrome and Love

    

On the morning fo the football game I ate breakfast with John, as well as another UCM student, also named John. Then I found another pebble out in the Ellis courtyard. Then Tyler arrived, along with his mom, and his grandfather with Alzheimer’s, who looked very confused. We went to the THRIVE reunion barbecue where I saw Hillary, Mr. B, Mrs. Fahrmeier, Dr. Mayfield, and Julie. At the reception, Tyler struggled to help his grandfather into his coat, and I said, “Tyler do you want me to help with that?” I helped him grandfather get his arm through his sleeve and then something incredible happened: he smiled and held out his hand for me to shake, which I did. I suddenly realized what it must be like for my brother Jamie, working and interning at a senior center for people with Alzheimer’s and Dementia. Then Hillary, Tyler, and I went to watch the football game up in the presidential box where we had been invited for the reunion. I also read a story about a college couple on, the two of them with Asperger syndrome, who lived together in an apartment at the University of Massachusetts and found a way to compensate for their condition to be together. It began when Kirsten Lindsmith met a guy named Jack Robison. Kirsten had been misdiagnosed with ADHD and never had heard of autism. Her boyfriend at the time was a high school socialite who had a way of always correcting her social behaviors, such as speaking in monotone, scooping up the food she dropped on the floor at restaurants, and speaking for long minutes to her boyfriend’s friends about her interest in animal physiology. Kirsten went through years of social rejection, making her so eager to please, and thus prone to manipulation by others. Then at UMass Kirsten met Jack at a café as he, a man with an intense interest in chemistry, did some testing of explosives in the woods, which he filmed for YouTube, upsetting people from the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms, for Jack didn’t realize that setting off explosives in the woods may not necessarily be seen by the ATF as ambitious chemistry experiments.

 

Jack was cleared of all charges and recruited by the UMass Chemistry director, who was impressed by his home-built chemistry lab. Jack moreover was the son of John Elder Robison, the author of the book, Don’t Look Me in the Eye, about being diagnosed with Asperger syndrome at the age of thirty-nine. His father regularly wondered could someone with Asperger syndrome find love? I knew I had gotten the support in my childhood that allowed me to be very social and good at reading non-verbal cues and social perceptions and have the same quality of life as others, but that didn’t mean I never feared how others would perceive my own differences.

Kirsten met Jack between classes and he felt a strong sense of love for her but unable to tell from her non-verbal expressions what she felt, and one day simply e-mailed her telling her his feelings flat out. Kirsten told her boyfriend about it and that she felt she had found her soul mate. Jack and Kirsten grew closer and lived together in an apartment at UMass, but faced some difficulties, such as Jack’s lack of understanding of human touch in relationship that nearly brought Kirsten to a nervous meltdown. Yet through seeing a relationship counselor, they devised a plan for them to get a housecat, which they could pet and use that as a way to demonstrate how she wanted to be caressed. Afterwards their relationship continued to flourish, and they ended up contributing to Wrong Planet, so it seemed for Jack’s father, the answer to his question was yes, people with Asperger syndrome can indeed find love. I finished reading the story feeling very deeply and personally affected by it. Love, I’ve heard over and over, comes when you least expect it. I imagined over the summer before I dated Emily and after that, that I would meet at the UCM Autism Spectrum Support Group, yet my Granddad would say, “Maybe you will meet someone in one of your classes.” I remembered last year though how Teresa gave me a stone on our last Person-Centered Planning meeting that said “Risk,” asking me to love someone who will love me the way I deserved to be loved, which she said I did deserve. 

After I got back, I saw I was getting a call which turned out to be from my mom and I answered it. She said, (she and Dave being in Colorado) that our pet sitter Nick went into the sunroom and found my fourteen year old cat, Polly lying on the floor, dead. I froze and after I hung up, Tyler’s mom put her arm around me. I suddenly felt strange; Polly had been with me for fourteen years of my life. 
                Tyler and his mom left and I called my friend Erin, who gave me her condolences for Polly. I talked to my dad who told me his and Sherry’s old cat Buddy Girl, also died recently. Then I worked on my snack wrapper collage of Maja Toudal, though still with a residual shock over Polly. I still hadn’t eaten, and it was fifteen minutes until my exercise time, the closest restaurant being Chic Filet, which I didn’t want to eat at due to its owner’s stance on gay marriage, while there was also Crazy Dog’s which would make me late for my exercise, which I needed in light of Polly’s death. In the end, I went down to the food court shop and bought some beef jerky for dinner, so I would at least have some energy for the treadmill. After I got back I talked to Jamie, who had heard about Polly and gave me his condolences. He also said I was right about how it felt when I helped Tyler’s grandfather. I also made another mala from straws and finished a bicycle streamer made from snack wrappers. I decided to save my meditation journal entry for today for the next day and make that day’s and today’s entry one entry dedicated to Polly. Yet I felt a strange sense of joy realizing what she was to me. 

On Sunday I saw a trailor for The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug before I went to bed. After I got up and did my meditation, I worked on my travel plans to Kenya. I also talked to Tyler some more.  I learned about the ruins of Thimlich Ohinga in my Lonely Planet Kenya book, which were said to bear great resemblance to Great Zimbabwe, and felt excited for my Modern Sub-Saharan Africa class. Later Kyley came into my room and said she really liked the Autistic Pride pencil cups made from Pringles cans. After that I reorganized some of my recyclables and worked on some earrings made from bread bag tops. Then I went down to the library, got on a computer and posted on Facebook a eulogy for Polly:

R.I.P Polly Edwards. I knew you since you were a kitten when I got you for my tenth birthday. You were there for all of middle school, high school, learning to drive, two colleges, starting two student group, four relationships, two houses I lived in, and much more. I will remember you always.

Later I found Hillary and Alex Habib put their condolences by the remark and I thanked them for it. Afterwards I read most of the reading for my World Masterpieces class. I got back to my dorm and did my laundry. Later I worked on my snack wrapper collage of Maja Toudal. Of, course I also made the day’s meditation journal, about today and the day before that, something I dedicated to Polly. 

I later ate dinner with Logan and another THRIVE student, the former, especially, seeming happy to see me. After I got back from the Rec Center I made another mala from straws and talked to Tyler while I worked on my yarn painting of Hank Hill. 

 

In my next Drawing I class I learned more about accenting the lines on charcoal drawings. I later got some more super glue at the Union bookstore, getting another dime for my collection from my change. I found out later that my World Masterpieces so after sorting some recycling I got back to my dorm and worked on my foil sculptures of the Buddha and Thomas Jefferson while I talked to Tyler. Then I got finished with my Algebra homework for the day. Afterwards I worked some more on Hank Hill and Maja Toudal. 

The next day I made two more roses from straws and worked on my handbag made from snack wrappers. After my North American Indian class I went to the UCM Autism Spectrum Support Group meeting, which Tom and Dr. Mayfield came too and we decided on a Bowling Night the next week. I talked to Tyler some more while making some “plarn” (yarn made from loops cut out from plastic bags). After running on the treadmill I made another mala from straws. I also showed my mom my snack wrapper collage and she loved it. 

I sat with some THRIVE students at lunch the next day. Then I read most of the reading for my World Masterpieces class. After that I got one hundred percent on my Algebra quiz. I then e-mailed all the UCM Autism Spectrum Support Group members about the bowling night next week and the movie night. Later I talked to Tyler for a bit. Then I found a way to repurpose some of the plastic bottle caps in my pile by turning blue ones into Earth Day magnets, white ones into snowman magnets, and brown ones into Thanksgiving turkey magnets. 

The next day in my Algebra class I got 82.65% on my Algebra test and half way through the study guide. Then I posted on my Aunt Laura’s Facebook page thanking her, my uncle, and cousins for the birthday presents. Later at my North American Indian class I found out I got twenty-seven out of thirty points on the oral presentation and eighteen out of twenty points on the written part. I also started realizing how the more we learn about different cultures, the more we see how people can adapt to all different kinds of environments, like the harsh deserts of northern Kenya, or the Danakil Desert of Ethiopia and Eritrea. On my way back to the dorm, I got a picture of the Rec Center wall behind a tree and it was glowing yellow in the setting sun and I thought I’d submit it to UCM Photos of the Week contest. Later I made three more stamps from plastic bottle caps and Styrofoam, and I decided that instead of making signs with my bottle cap collection, I would make a wall fish, which would take up less space. Later I went to Max’s, the UCM drug-sniffing dog, retirement party. I also talked to Tyler while I made another mala from straws. I also told my Granddad about my photo and my idea to submit it to UCM Photos of the Week and he thought that was a great idea.

The next day at breakfast I sat with Oscar and Tom, inviting Oscar to join in the UCM Autism Spectrum Support Group movie night and he accepted. I also thought about the great works of art indigenous peoples have done and realized it shows their lives are not all about struggling for survival. I went to the movie, though no one ended up coming, though Oscar did text me saying he had a lot of studying to do and couldn’t come. I did notice how the planet the movie took place on almost looked like Tibet, and thought if the Chinese wanted to wipe out the natives through intermarriages, forced sterilizations, and assimilation, they’d need to find someone else to do all the menial work. I didn’t end up staying as I really had to use the bathroom and no one was there. Afterwards I would have gone to the Print Club but I was far too tired and needed a break. I talked to my granddad when I got back and he said that what the group may need is better advertising. Later I worked on my bag woven from bags and some plarn while I ran on the treadmill. I got back and talked to my dad who telling him about the movie night and he thought that people might not be showing up because there’s no one there for them to meet and we could start by getting a core group of THRIVE students to come. I liked this idea and decided to try and work it out. Afterwards I worked on my plastic bottle cap Green Man. 

The next morning I worked on my travel plans to Tanzania after breakfast. Then I sorted some recycling, during which time I found another bottle cap for my collection. I took out my own recycling and as I did I found my prescription from Dr. Mays. I found another pebble, and then I worked on my streamers and collages made from snack wrappers. I went to Those Were the Days and got some more embroidery floss for my malas and yarn paintings. Later I went to Walgreen’s and got some beef jerky, Hershey’s minibars, and Altoids. On my way I got a picture of a full moon over Ellis behind some clouds in a pitch black sky. Then I got back and talked to my granddad who suggested I tell the THRIVE students about the group in study hall or one of their classes. I read the reading for my World Masterpieces class while I was on the treadmill Notes From the Underground, which I thought was really good.  Then I made another mala from straws.

The next day I tried to submit my first photo but I couldn’t figure out this address I needed to type in to send it. Never-the-less, I still decided to take photos like that. I e-mailed Mr. B asking if I could come speak to one of his classes about the group. Then I ordered myself a sheet music book called The Lord of the Rings Trilogy Flute Solos and a Lonely Planet book on Mozambique. Then  I went to Hasting’s and got the Winter 2013 issue of Tricycle magazine, National Geographic’s Best City Weekends: Unforgettable Itineraries, Local Neighborhoods, 30 Insider Tips, the November/December 2013 issue of Native magazine, the Holiday 2013 issue of Woodcarving Illustrated, and the Winter 2013 issue of Do It Yourself magazine. I also recycled and sorted some bottles and cans I found along the way and when I got back. Then I made a pinwheel from a Kool-Aid pack. I also made twenty more flowers from straws. I read more of Notes From the Underground while I ran on the treadmill. I got back and did my laundry. Then I talked to Tyler for quite a while I made another mandala from straws. I also sent my mom the prescription numbers for my medications so she could refill them at home.

The next day I got three out of five questions right on a quiz for my World Masterpieces class, though I also got a bonus question right. Then I tried to get done my Algebra homework but again found myself to spaced out to concentrate that it took me a while to do several problems I normally knew how to do. I took a break during which I got the idea that while I didn’t have sixty milligrams of Vyvanse I was supposed to take I did have two thirty milligram pills, which I could take two of but decided to check with my dad who would know whether that would work. It turned out I wouldn’t be able to finish all the homework that night either however as I felt so exhausted from hearing about Tyler’s endless problems. I did talk to my dad though who said that two thirty milligram pills would be a good idea, though he also mentioned it didn’t work that way with every medication, for example, not all pills would have half the effect if you cut them in half. After that I made another bottle cap necklace for myself with a calligraphic piece by Thich Nhat Hanh printed on computer paper saying, “Peace is Every Step.” I decided I’d give my original necklace to Tyler, who might lose it, but giving it to him would still mean a lot to him. I also made seven more flowers from straws.

The next day I got a lot of the way done with yesterday’s assignment for my Algebra class during class time. Then I got back and worked on my second handbag made from snack wrappers, deciding to add one wrapper’s worth of links to it a day. Then after lunch I worked some more on my Algebra assignment before I had to go to my North American Indian class. After that I went to the Bowling Night where Tom came and we both excelled at the game, perhaps due to taking a Beginning Bowling class through the THRIVE program. Then I finished my Algebra homework and got a 95.12%. I got back and worked on my Thomas Jefferson bust while I talked to Tyler some more. After I finished running on the treadmill, I got the idea that maybe I would like, after I finished school and was waiting for my film career to take off, to work in helping with archaeological digs and hands-on cultural projects with kids with Down syndrome. I also got the idea to make an Inuit sorcerer figure from some of my plastic bottle caps. I talked to my dad who really liked the archaeological digging idea. I started working on my sorcerer figure and then took out my trash.

The next day in my Drawing I class I learned more about using different values to create contrast in an object. Then while I was at lunch Mr. B saw me and came over to my table telling me that, while he did not normally use class time for groups to talk about themselves, I could tell of my group to the THRIVE student organization and contact Ryan, who is their president. Later I went to my World Masterpieces class and got three out of five on the quiz. I got back and worked some more on my foil Thomas Jefferson bust. Later I made another toilet paper roll diorama of Erdene Zuu monastery in Mongolia. I also talked to my grandmom, who said she head from my mom that Sean Swindler would be coming down to UCM to check out the THRIVE program and help the UCM Autism Spectrum Support Group get more members. Then I worked on my Inuit sorcerer figure and then saw Abduction with some people from my hall. Then I worked on my bag woven from bags and my second handbag made from snack wrappers. I also talked to Tyler while I made another trellis square from bottle rings and twist-ties, and decided it was time to say goodbye when I finished. 

The net morning before I went to bed, I read in National Geographic about a Nigerian terrorist group called Boko Haram, who many Nigerians were so afraid of that they didn’t even say their name. I thought that sounded kind of like Lord Voldemort in Harry Potter, and then I realized that’s how I used to react whenever someone said the words “Asperger syndrome” or “autism.” After I woke up, did my meditation, and had breakfast, I went to my Algebra class where I passed the quiz. Then I did my daily work on my handbag made from snack wrappers. During my North American class, we watched a video on the controversy surrounding Native American mascots, which provoked such strong reactions from the people in class. As I saw it, a small part of me thought “that is the nature of prejudice and when I find love it will need to be with someone on the spectrum, who can understand the autistic struggle,” temporarily took hold of me like it never had before. As I thought this, Laci, who was sitting next to me, looked as though she’d just been told she was laid off a job. Suddenly, I thought perhaps I was wrong to think that, and that maybe that thinking is what has held back people with autism for so long. Really, I was just divided in two from years of prejudice and discrimination, the former which still has not stopped for me.

I worked on some streamers, scrapbook covers, and collages made from snack wrappers when I got back. I also visited the UCM art gallery where I got started on my gallery trip paper for my Drawing I class, critiquing an intaglio print. Later I ate dinner with Josh, Mary, Oscar, and Levi, and two other THRIVE students. Then I took out my trash and made three more stamps from plastic bottle caps and Styrofoam and an earth magnet to hang on my fridge. After running on the treadmill, I went to the Turkey Bowl with Hillary, Phillip, Mardy, and Ryan. I thought how it is often believed that people with autism don’t want relationships, or don’t care for the physical aspects of it, but I think it’s really that they don’t understand the social aspect to it. But I felt quite bad about my own ablest thoughts in my North American Indian class, especially seeing many of the people I had seen that day did not deserve to be tarred that way, which was no fairer than being denied access to society for their disability. I thought I did need to be more open in love, very uncertain of how it would turn out.

Last Few Days to Finish My Summer Plans

        On the first day of August, I went to work, and my mom returned my Lonely Planet Mongolia book to the library. After work I got a copy of the new National Geographic issue, and I filled out a request form for Thursday and Sunday. I got home and I called Erin in response to her calling me yesterday while I was at work, and she asked if I could get together the next day. I told her how I wouldn’t be available then and we decided to get together another time. I called my granddad and told him about how Emily hadn’t responded to any of my calls or texts recently. He thought it could be due to her ADHD or that she could be on vacation. My mom and I also talked about The United States of Autism and I told her how maddening it is that people buy into “autism charities” that do things like pay more to their executives then they do for autism services, and she said I could definitely help counterbalance that.

                The next day I practiced my flute for half an hour. I also talked to Tyler, and he said Mary said the breakup was about the fact that she was stressed and wasn’t herself and she didn’t want a long-distance relationship. Later I made a few roses out of straws and gave one to Kyley and one to Hunter.  I also talked to my granddad some more and he thought Emily could need some space. I talked to my dad, and he thought her not responding to my texts or calls could be due to her ADHD or her being on vacation. I also called work and found out I work on Monday from 3-10 the next week. 

                The next day while I was at work I decided to slow down in my life and enjoy my relatives being here. After work I talked to Tyler and comforted him after his attempt to get Mary back didn’t go so well. I realized Emily could not be responding to my calls or texts because she was depressed from missing me so much. The next day I worked on my travel plans to Tanzania and Madagascar and a bag woven from bags that morning and had dinner with my relatives and I realized that Emily could have possibly gotten a job taking care of children, as was her passion, and could come home too tired to talk. I also practiced my flute for another half an hour. Hunter came into the sunroom where I was and began asking a lot of questions which made me see how Emily could get tired from working with kids for so long. I later talked to Tyler on the phone for so long that I didn’t get around to telling my dad or granddad what I figured out about Emily, but I figured that was ok as his problems were worse than mine. 

On Monday I realized the next morning that providing services for autism is really a lot better for everyone because it would cut so many costs associated with not doing it. Before I went to bed, I read a lot of a novel called Water Touching Stone. Then after I woke up, my mom, Dave, aunt, uncle, and cousins all went to Powell Garden’s the next day and I found out I had been enrolled in my classes. I also thought it is one thing to make budget cuts, but to not include people with disabilities in them is another. When I got home, I deposited my paycheck and got a new bottle cap from a drink I got at Better Cheddar and later I talked to Tyler. 

As I was deleting several old e-mails, I saw a quote in one of them that said, “What lies before you and what lies behind you is nothing compared to what lies within you.” I also signed a petition to end tax-subsidized CEO bonuses saying I was an autistic person, and I find it unbelievable that the government can afford that but not to provide for us. I added myself as anonymous, but I figured that would make a more powerful statement about society’s treatment of autistics seeing how I chose not to share my name. I later had dinner with my mom, Dave, brothers, aunt, uncle, and cousins. That night I called Erin and found out she couldn’t get together on Thursday and I decided I would try next Monday and then I texted Oscar to see if he wanted to get together on Thursday with Jack and Tyler.  He said that would be great and we agreed to pick him up after my art class. I also found out Emily is on Facebook and changed my status to “in a relationship with Emily Webb.” I thought with us both on Facebook, I could show her I was able to give her some space.

                The next day I got my haircut before I went to work. Then I got home and talked to Tyler who said Mary said she wanted to date him but couldn’t find the time. The next morning, I started to see that autistic people may be driven to commit crime, so they don’t have to feel so invisible.  I also rode my bike for about an hour and I left Mary a message telling her the things Tyler said about how he feels about her.  Later I fixed some of my flowers made from straws and I deleted several e-mails.  While I did, I saw Autrey said, “Great,” in response to my new relationship status. 

                I talked to Erin, and we agreed to get together on Friday at the Cheesecake Factory then go to the Frida Kalho Diego Rivera exhibit at the Nelson. Afterwards on my way to Winstead’s with my Granddad, we agreed that while it may cost health insurance companies money to provide for autistic people, it would save them money on providing for health crises otherwise connected to autism, such as bladder problems, diabetes, and obesity. We ate at Winstead’s again where I got a picture of a moth on the glass window. After we left, I realized people with Down syndrome once had to fight hard to get things like group homes and other services. 

My granddad and I went to Barnes and Noble where I got the October 2013 issue of Mindful magazine, a September/October 2013 issue of Buddhadharma, National Geographic’s 100 Secret Journeys: The World’s Best Hidden Adventures, a September /October 2013 issue of Archaeology magazine, and an August 2013 issue of Empire magazine with an article on the upcoming Hobbit movie The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug. Then we went to the Pathless Land where we did the Chakra meditation again. After the class was over, my granddad said while we were in the car that Tyler probably finds it very liberating that I listen to him, which probably no one else has ever done. At Roasterie Coffee, I got a good picture of my muffin before my granddad took me home.

I got home and saw on the cover of the latest issue of Mindful, it said 3 Ways to Take Better Pictures. I got a text from Emily, and we texted back and forth. I said, “I love you,” and she said, “I love you to.” Then I said, “I can’t wait to see you again,” and she said, “Yeah,” and “I have miss talking to you.” I also talked to Tyler and listened to him about Mary. Then I realized I could make windmills from my super glue bottles, one of which I would give to Erin, who’s always dreamed of traveling to Europe, when I saw her next. That night I dreamt that I got a job offer in Taiwan so I could be there to help its people with their skewed relationship with China and Emily asked if I wanted to get married there.

The next day I drove Jack and I to art class again, getting twenty more minutes of driving. I almost finished another painting, and I learned block in shapes using different shades. Then I drove to Oscar’s house and took him, Jack, and I to my house getting another twenty minutes of driving. We had lunch then swam and tossed a Nerf football and played Marco Polo then my brother’s old version Merde Schiza. I drove Jack and Oscar home getting another twenty-five minutes of driving.

When I got back home, I read Mindful’s article on photography where I learned that three different aspects of it are color, texture, and people. Then I went down to Starbucks and wrote some poetry. Later I took several pictures like they suggested in Mindful and I talked to my dad who asked me what I would like for my birthday. I said something like The Little Book of Contemplative Photography or a book on whittling. He told me had gotten me a great pocketknife and a great piece of wood to carve a ball-in-a-cage. After I was done talking to him, I made two windmills, one of which I would give to Erin the next day.

On Friday afternoon I took several more pictures using the advice they wrote in Mindful then I was picked up by Erin and her mom. I gave her the windmill I made her which she thought was very clever and then we went to the Cheesecake Factory. After our main meal we enjoy some of their cheesecake which filled me up so much I could not finish the whole thing and had to get a to-go box. We went to the Nelson where I gave a dollar to help support their work and saw the Frida Kahlo Diego Rivera exhibit. While I was there, I saw several great photographs which demonstrated that, like the philosophy of contemplative photography, we don’t need great scenery to make great photographs. I also saw how Frida Kahlo’s work had a lot of color to it just like contemplative photos.

When I got home, I realized that substance abuse can really arise from low self-esteem among autistics. I also saw a girl from Tennessee in Good Luck, Charlie, who really reminded me of Emily, while I worked on my bag woven from bags. Then I called work and found out I work Monday from 3-7 Tuesday from 4-8, and Saturday from 11-7:30. The next morning, I cuddled an old teddy bear of mine pretending it was Emily getting a taste of what it would be like if it really was. After I got up and did my meditation, I refilled my prescription and then went to work.

While at work I got my employee birthday slip for a free pie and took some pictures of my M&Ms on my break. I realized that miksang photography is really just a philosophy of how great photography arises. I also realized that even if autism services cost us money, we would reimburse as they create jobs. After I got home, I realized that dream I had about Emily asking if I wanted to get married in Taiwan meant she always values my opinion about matters concerning our relationship. As I watched a Family Guy cut-away with Scarlett Johansson, her resemblance to Emily was just striking.

The next day I went to La Peep with my brothers, dad, and grandparents where my granddad gave me the latest issue of Smithsonian magazine and I took several pictures. I also realized that if parents of autistic children didn’t have to struggle to pay for their children’s services, they could buy more things that would really stimulate our economy. When I got home, I took several more photos and realized the elements of color and texture are in the environmental crafts I make like toilet paper roll dioramas and snack wrapper handbags. I also started to appreciate painting more. Later I helped Dave and Graham set up a studio downstairs in our old basement storage room.

After helping Dave I made another one of my bracelets from Hershey’s nugget wrapper. Then I saved more of Emily’s and my texts, and we texted back and forth.  I told her, “I love you,” and she said, “I love you too.” Then I told her she was really beautiful, and I cuddled with a teddy bear pretending it was her. She said, “Aww,” and I could hear her voice in the texts like she was right next to me.  Emily then said, “I miss you.” 

The next morning, I realized Emily, Jack, and Tyler were all capable of leading normal lives, especially with new college programs available for them. Then I drove to my art class with Jack getting twenty more minutes of driving. While I painted, I saw more of what Donna meant when she said to block in your big shapes and mix the colors on your pallet. I took several pictures of things around the studio and realized contemplative photography helps you to slow down and notice colors like you would when doing a painting. I also drove Jack home and my mom and I to Bruce Smith, then home getting another twenty-five minutes of driving. 

Emily and I texted each other back and forth some more before I went to work. I said, “I love you,” and she said, “Love u too.” I went to work and told Phil I would call him before the breaks started to tell him I would be available to work then, and he said that would be great. After work, my mom, Dave, Jamie, Cam, Graham, and I ate at a restaurant/movie theater called Standees in the Prairie Village shopping center. While we waited for our food, I talked to Tyler outside, who had called me while I was at work, and he said he got me several birthday presents.  I told him that was really thoughtful. Then we talked about Mary, and I told him I knew exactly how he felt from all my past break-ups.

After dinner, my mom, Dave, and I watched the movie Way, Way Back. When I got home, I found a bag inside my home with gummy worms, beef jerky, several chocolates, three ten-dollar Barnes and Noble gift cards, all with a card from Tyler. I talked to him some more on the phone and heard him talk about his break-up. The next day I took several pictures before I went to work. After work, I got Life magazine’s Remembering John Lennon, who was believed to be autistic. I realized how many autistic people can be afraid to speak out against discrimination for fear of the government based on abuse they’ve suffered in schools and health care institutions like I had in my life. I worked on my handbag for Emily a little more then I e-mailed my new roommate Connor, telling him about myself and asking him if he was bringing either a refrigerator or a microwave. I also realized that if I talked about some of my passions to Emily, she might not know how to say what she thinks, but that doesn’t mean she isn’t interested in what I’m saying.

The next day I found out Connor had e-mailed me back and I learned he was from Jacksonville, North Carolina, is a sophomore, and that his interests are church, military, firearms, history, and travel. He told me he would probably be moving into a fraternity house sometime this year and didn’t know how long we’d be rooming together. He also said he was not bringing a fridge or a microwave. Later I went down to the bank and deposited my last paycheck and got a new bottle cap from my drink I got at Better Cheddar. I got home and worked on my handbag for Emily and a lampshade made from straws.

Emily and I texted each other back and forth. She said, “I miss you so bad,” and I said, “I know.  I feel the same way about you.” She said, “Aww youre so sweet Ben.” I said, “Well I love you,” and she said, “I want to cuddle you.” I said, “Me too.” I also realized that contemplative photography is also about being aware of things while you photograph them, and I worked more on my bags woven from bags.

My granddad took me to Winstead’s and when I got in, I saw, sitting at a far table, my grandmom, there to see me for my birthday before I went off to school. I opened my card from them and opened my present from them: a fifty-dollar debit card. I also went to Barnes and Noble where I got the new issue of Tricycle magazine. I went to the Pathless Land for the last time for a while meditating with the others sitting, breathing, and being. After the Pathless Land, my granddad and I skipped going to Roasterie Coffee since Emily had just texted me.

We texted back and forth when I got home, and she asked me what I missed about her. I said I missed practically everything about her, and she said, “Aww that’s so sweet Ben.” It felt good to see that Emily didn’t think of me as someone with something wrong with them because I had autism. She texted me goodnight and I texted her goodnight back. I also realized how politicians just don’t seem to want to help us because they have this notion of “picking yourself up by your bootstraps.”

I drove Jack and I to art class the next day, getting twenty more minutes of driving. While I was there, I got several more pictures, including one of Jack break dancing. I drove Jack home and then to an estate sale, getting twenty more minutes of driving. While at the sale, I found a beautiful pink scarf which I bought for Emily. When she texted me, I told her I got her something at an estate sale.” She said, “Thanks babe that’s so sweet.” 

I drove to another estate sale, getting another ten minutes of driving. I bought Life Pictorial Atlas of the World, and Time-Life’s Ancient America, Barbarian Europe, Early Japan, Classical Greece, Early Islam, Imperial Rome, Age of Exploration, Ancient China, Historic India, Cradle of Civilization, Byzantium, and Renaissance for only thirty dollars. Then I drove to Target, getting myself another fifteen minutes of driving. I got hygiene supplies, snack food, tea, and a mini-fridge. Then I drove back home, getting myself another fifteen minutes of driving.

Back at home Emily and I texted each other back and forth. I said, “I love you,” and she said, “Love u too.” I asked her how work went, and she said she didn’t go because she had pink-eye. I said, “I’m sorry about that,” and that I hope she feels better soon. She said, “Thank you,” and I said, “Sure.  I love you.” She said, “You too.”

I whittled a sword and a knife and worked on whittling a fish and made a bird beak to replace one that broke off my mom’s bird statue. She was pretty happy with it. Then I texted Emily back and forth some more. She asked if she was able to be there for my birthday would I want her there and I said, “Of course I would.” She said, “Aww.” I said, “Of course. I love you,” and she said, “I love you too.”

She asked me why I got her something at an estate sale and I said it was because I thought it would be romantic and look good on her. She said, “Aww Ben,” and, “I miss you,” and I said, “I miss you too.”  We texted later and she said, “Cuddle.” I said, “I’d love to.” She said, “Really,” and I said, “Cuddle you?  Of course.” She said, “Aww.” Then I said, “Youre really beautiful Emily.” She said, “Thank you,” and I said, “Of course.  I love you.” She said, “I love you too.” I also talked to Tyler and told him to resist the temptation to e-mail Mary.

The next morning Emily and I texted each other some more. I told her, “I love you.” She said, I want to cuddle you,” and I said, “I know.  Me to.” She asked me, “And will you hold my hand wherever we go?” And I said, “Definitely.” She asked if I could call her and I said certainly. She said, “Thanks babe love you.”

I called her and we talked on the phone. She asked me what I wanted for my birthday, and I said she didn’t have to get me anything. She insisted though and I told her she could just give me a Barnes and Noble gift card. She also said she wanted to cuddle me, that there was a special app called Tango I could download for free and we could video chat, that she wished she could come back to UCM and see me every day, and that she missed me. I told her I was cuddling a bear pretending it was her and “I love you,” and she said, “I love you to.” 

I called her back after my meditation, and she asked me if I would give her a hug and kiss when she got to school and when she left. I said I would and then I found out for her and told her that Homecoming Week was from October 25^th-27^th. She said she would miss me even more after that. Later she told me she missed me again and I told her I would love to cuddle her. I told her, “I love you,” and she said, “I love you to.”

After we hung up, I got Tango. Once we figured out how it worked, we talked to each other on it and I saw her house and her cat Fuzzy. I showed her my mom, Jamie, the dogs, Peter, the rose I made her, and the scarf I got her and she liked them both. I told her, face-to-face, “I love you,” and she said, “I love you to.” I started packing up and we texted while I did. She said the rose and the scarf were really beautiful and I said I thought of her when I got the scarf. She said, “Aww.” I said I to my mom from her and said hi to Emily back. Later I glued some more origami hearts together and worked on a bag woven from bags and whittling a fish.

I went over to my dad’s later that night and I opened my birthday presents. I got a Swedish-made knife, very sharp and great for whittling, two books on whittling-Old-Time Whittling: Easy Techniques for Classic Projects and The Art of Whittling, a block of wood from which to carve a ball-in-a-cage, and some finger guards. My dad read an excerpt from The Art of Whittling, a historical reprint, in a Hank Hillish voice, “The love of tools seems to have been a natural trait among youth of all ages. This is especially true of the pocket-knife. What normal boy does not love to whittle?” After opening presents we went and ate at Jack Stack Barbeque. When I got home, I finished my fish, talked to Tyler some more, wrote in my gratitude journal, and packed some more.

The next day I drove to work once more getting ten more minutes of driving, where I thanked Phil for all the hours he had given me, and he told me thanks for all the hard work and to call him to let him know when I’m coming home for breaks. After work was over, I changed into some clothes my mom had brought me and drove to Elsa’s Ethiopian Restaurant getting myself another twenty minutes of driving.  Erin and Tyler called to wish me a happy birthday and my mom, Dave, Jamie, Cam, and I enjoyed a bounty of doro watt, doro tibbs lentils, injera, and other foods of Ethiopian cuisine. Hillary texted me to wish me a happy birthday and I drove home getting another ten minutes of driving. Once at home we ate some birthday cake and I opened my presents: a CD called The Gyuto Monks Tantric Choir, two books-The Lego Idea Book: Unblocking Your Imagination and The Lego Book, two really neat shirts, a Buddha woodcarving, and a mug with the statue of the Thinker on it thinking a huge bubble of thoughts which disappeared when filled with hot water left saying only coffee. I’d say it was a pretty good haul this year. Then I packed up some more for the big day tomorrow and signed up for the access meal plan.