Visiting My Brothers and Sisters

            On Saturday morning in the middle of September I drove down to the Overland Park Convention Center for the Kansas City Ability Expo featuring artists from the Kansas City area, including Teigan and Marshall from the Autistic Self-Advocacy Network of Kansas City. After a little trouble finding the directions I got there and sure enough I saw them, sitting at a table with Teigan selling some of her drawings and Marshall selling comic books of his. They both seemed very happy to see me. Teigan told me that Elizabeth had come earlier.  

             “Thanks for coming!” she said.

Teigan told me at the Expo about ASAN-KC’s new petition to Netflix to get them to show more movies with positive portrayals of disability, as she said when you search ‘disability’ on there, the first thing that comes up is Autism Speaks’ film Sounding the Alarm. I told them about how I had recently been working on my letter to Alpha Xi Delta national president Sandy Edwards trying to persuade AZD to withdraw their sponsorship of Autism Speaks. Teigan told me that they at ASAN-KC had e-mailed them several times, each time getting back a “sorry, but not sorry” response. She suggested that we could try reaching out to individual chapter leaders instead to try and get all that we could on our side and until much of AZD had changed its viewpoint that Sandy Edwards would have to respond. I told her though that if individual chapter leaders stopped supporting AS, they could face extreme consequences from the National Council of AZD. Then I told her my idea for getting at least two hundred people from the autism community to put one-star reviews on AZD’s page criticizing their support of AS, since they now had an average review rating of 4.7 stars out of sixty-seven reviews and if we got two hundred or so autistics to put one-star reviews on their page, their average rating would drop so much and we could get their attention. Teigan liked that idea. I also told her my idea to get a bunch of us to put comments on their posts about their work with AS. She told me however that whenever someone puts a negative comment about AS on their page, they delete it and block the person.

                “Ok,” I said thinking heavily on the issue.

                “It’s alright,” said Teigan. “What’s that saying the squeaky wheel gets the oil?”

                 I met several artists at the Expo including an older woman with Cerebral Palsy, the mother of a non-verbal autistic girl who made several drawings, a deaf woman who gave me a pad of paper and a pen to communicate with her, and an older man with a speech impediment, who made fantastic prints and paintings. There were tables selling handbags, crochet patterns, paper cards with 3-dimensional flowers, and much more. I ended up getting two bookmarks for an optional donation and for $3 a card that said, “Thinking of you,” for when I find the love of my life and am away from her for a long time.  Before I left I went to say goodbye to Teigan and Marshall.  

                “Thanks for coming!” she said once more.

                “Sure,” I said.

                “You’re practically one of our favorite members. You’re a…what’s that word I’m thinking of?” she asked Marshall.

                “Asset,” he said.

                “Yes. I know, I’m just so tired, but yeah. We’ve been trying to get you involved for a long time… You’re like famous in the local community!”

                “Well, thank you,” I said.

                I finished saying goodbye to Teigan and Marshall taking some ASAN-KC business cards to give to people who might be interested in them. Then I went down to the lower floor, about to walk to my car and drive home when I got a call on my phone. Unable to see the Caller ID number because my screen was cracked I answered it, and a female voice came up, with me having trouble finding out whose it was because it sounded so similar at first to other female voices I know. Finally I found out who it was.  It was Erin. 

                “Sorry," I said, "I couldn’t tell who you were at first.”
                “Is there something you’re not telling me?” she asked in a very concerned tone of voice.

                “No,” I said honestly.

                “Cause I’m worried about you. Promise me you won’t do anything stupid.”

                “I won’t”, I said. “Don’t worry. I’m not going to drive in a car without my seatbelt like those two girls at UCM last year.”

                Erin heaved a sigh of relief.

                “Ok,” she said. “I was just kind of worried after I heard you had those drinks because I know some people who aren’t supposed to take alcohol because it interferes with their medication.”

                “No, it’s not that. I just didn’t realize how strong these drinks were.”

                “Ok,” said Erin, sounding relieved.

                Eventually I told her what I was doing, how I was at the Kansas City Ability Expo and what that was.      

                “You should get involved in that, Benny”, she said.

                “Really?”

                “Yes, cause your arts so good.”

                “Ok, well thanks.”

                I drove home and got back a few minutes later. Suddenly I realized that since I wanted to make plarn (plastic bag yarn) belts for ASAN-KC’s silent auction in November, I could take the gray Walmart bags I used to keep some of my stuff to repurpose, and replace them with white one, which I had over two hundred of to make plarn bags, which took about seventy bags, and use the gray ones for belts, as I thought that would look better for belts then white ones. After that I went down to Starbuck’s with my Cinematography textbook to read. First, however, I checked my notifications on my Facebook feed and saw that a Facebook friend of mine, Amy Sequenzia, another person who was famous in the autistic community, had invited me to an event on Facebook called “Tell Dr. Phil and the Media that Issy Stapleton is the VICTIM!” Basically, a mother, Kelli Stapleton, with a severely autistic girl had tried to murder that daughter of hers, causing her father to take her away, and Dr. Phil would be interviewing her on the Dr. Phil Show. We weren’t sure, but many of us were worried Dr. Phil would sympathize with Kelli’s statements that she tried to murder her daughter due to there being, “not enough services for her.” I accepted the invitation and then read my textbook.

                Later I went down to Jack’s new apartment in the Mission Project, with assistance for people with disabilities that let them live somewhat independently, seeing it for the first time. It felt great to finally see Jack again, and showed me his living room, kitchen, dining room, and bedroom, in which there were fantastic paintings and sculptures he had done at Johnson County Community College after he left THRIVE, including ones I had seen of his earlier. Jack had always been a terrific artist, and I was not surprised at these works. He also showed me a storage space he had down in the basement, where he kept his bicycle, and the laundry room. He also told me Corey, Zach, Pierce, and Julie, our friends from THRIVE, were now living at the Mission Project. He took me down to his workplace Script Pro., which manufactures pharmaceutical machines. It was a beautiful building, which also had a goldfish pond and garden from a house it had bought, which was now part of its facilities, a rec center, and a martial arts and yoga studio. He took me to their break building, storage units, custodial area, and customer service building. It was a neat area, and I was glad Jack got to work for it. In a couple of years, he said, he may move on to doing things other than custodial work, which he enjoyed doing for them. He said the people were really nice, some of them being funny, and that one person there also had autism.

                We got back to his apartment and ordered pizza from Dominos, which we walked down to get. As I remembered him, he ordered his with no sauce just like mine. Afterwards we watched the movie Cast Away on the sofa in his living room, and towards the end, I noticed Tom Hanks said that during all his experiences, when he wished he was dead, all he could do was breathe, and it reminded him he was still alive. Before I left, I gave Jack a business card of ASAN-KC, thinking he might want to get involved in the art expo next year.

                I got back home that night thinking about what Teigan had said earlier that day about reaching out to individual chapter leaders of Alpha Xi Delta to withdraw their support for Autism Speaks. I realized, of course, that if they did that, Sandy Edwards from the National Council might invoke harsh consequences on them. She might revoke their charter, and the whole chapter would no longer be in Alpha Xi Delta. But then I thought, so what? I had already given up something like that for the autism community, having opted the choice of refusing to pledge to Tau Kappa Epsilon fraternity last year to focus on starting an autism group at UCM, after feeling the bid was a refreshing step from years of bullying, discrimination, and misguided counselor, and since then had not looked back, as I said to my dad (about the autistic community of UCM), “they are my brothers and sisters.” If Alpha Xi Delta sisters were to wear the mane of autism advocates, why should they not have to sacrifice like I did for the cause? I remembered Cassie Burghoff, the first friend I had made at UCM outside of THRIVE, who I was now long sure had Asperger syndrome, remembering her sacrifice to be a social worker, and my willingness to honor her path despite the fact that I had grown very fond of her. Why should AZD sisters be considered top advocates when they have done what they do from comfort and convenience from being sorority leaders with resources and privilege like we had not had?

                The next morning before I went back to school, I gathered up all my gray Walmart bags I used to keep my recyclables in and put them in white ones. As I was about to leave and feeling stressed about all I had to do (at least that I wanted), I remembered what Tom Hanks said in Cast Away about how he just had to breathe and he remembered that he was alive, just how I remembered Timber Hawkeye in Buddhist Boot Camp said we can focus on our breath and remember that we are alive. Then, with my mom in the car next to me, I drove on the highway for the first time in a while to Lee’s Summit, where I would meet my grandparents who would take me back to school. We drove back, and I told my grandmom, who was excited to hear, about my work with ASAN-KC and their new existence in Kansas City.  

                “Well that’s good," she said. "We need that.”

                I got back, gathered my stuff, said goodbye to my grandparents, hugging my grandmom goodbye, and went up to my dorm. I took my recyclables (except for my glass) down to the recycling bin in the courtyard. Then I made four more leather bracelets, getting caught up on my quota. I also saw my plastic buckles had come in the mail. 

                I ate dinner with Josiah, Sally, and Josiah’s friend Ben tonight. After that I made another paracord bracelet. Then I worked on my song some more. After that I ran on the treadmill for about an hour. After I got back I got some more beers at Break Time, an amber lager, which tasted surprisingly good to me, and from which I got a new bottle cap for my collection. Erin called me, apologizing for jumping to conclusion with me yesterday, and told me she didn’t mean to imply I’d do anything. I told her it was fine and she didn’t need to worry. Then I went back to my dorm waiting to get to sleep, and remembered how whenever I mention anything autism-related to Cassie, e.g., my autism group, she tended to get a little annoyed at me mentioning such a thing, as if she did not want to talk about it. Yet I realized if one were to say that had an autism spectrum condition to their friends, it would be so much trouble faking to pass for “normal,” as autistics so often had to do.

                But I knew exactly how Cassie felt. There was nothing wrong with her beyond the way of being a normal human being. Having an autism group to go to and be accepted at couldn’t possibly satisfy the need to feel like everyone else. 

 

               

The Next Rush Begins

After I got back from Labor Day again made another bracelet for the silent auction. The next day I went outside, trying to spend some time outdoors as I heard it relieves stress, and read a lot of Walden for my American Renaissance class. I saw Sara walking by, though having forgotten her name, and she smiled and waved at me and we both said hello. I later went into the dining hall to get some coffee and relax, when I saw her. We both said hello and I said to her, feeling bad, “I’m sorry, I forgot your name.”

                “Sara,” she said.

                “Ok,”

                As she was getting some food, I told her, “If you want you can come sit with me.”

                “Ok,” she said.

                I sat down and after she was done getting food she joined me. We sat together and got to know each other a lot. I learned she was a Criminal Justice major, a junior, was from Lee’s Summit, had three older siblings, and didn’t like to watch TV, but loved to read. She was amazed by how I did my class schedule, saying she feels like she can only work with an organized schedule. I also learned she was taking Creative Problem-Solving with a different instructor. I told her about my coasters and art, and she said, “I could never do anything creative.” And I told her, “Well, remember what they say in class about how everyone has creativity.” I asked her if she had any pets, and she said she and her boyfriend both have a dog who lives in his apartment in Warrensburg. She asked, “Is your family coming down for family weekend?” I said, “No, there not.” It felt very nice that day being in her company.

                Later I returned my library books, deposited my pay checks, got a new student ID at the bank because mine was bent and they told me I could get a free replacement if I still had it at the bank, and bought some tape and glue at the Union bookstore to make some more receipt coasters for the silent auction. Then I read more of Walden this time indoors. After that I ate dinner with my hall. I skipped my exercise on the treadmill that night so I could finish my Creative Problem-Solving homework, which was due the next day. Then I started on my bracelet for today. Hillary got to my room and I helped her with her Composition I homework and agreed to be her tutor for that class. Then I finished my bracelet.

                The next morning I got up an hour earlier to do the rough draft for my Anthropology of Food class, which was due at the beginning of class at 9:30 that morning and was met by Paige, who I sat with, and she asked if I could meet her at the dining hall later today. We eventually decided on 4, and I agreed to be there. Then as I finished breakfast I saw President Ambrose of UCM come in and sit with a group of students, and went to say hello to him. He got up, shook my hand.

               “How are you doing?” he asked.

               “Good,” I said.

               “Yeah, and how are the new students?”

               “They seem pretty good. I’ve met a few of them this year though not all of them. I graduated a year ago.”

  “And you’re still here?” 

  “Yes,”

  “Well, I’m proud of you. Keep up the good work. How are classes going?”

  “Good,” I said.

  “Well, that’s great. You let me know if there’s anything I can do for you.”

  “Ok,” I said.       

                Wow. That felt good I thought as I left the hall.

                Sure enough I did get my paper typed up and turned in at the beginning of class. I also signed up for a paper tutorial the next Wednesday at 1. Then I responded to an e-mail from Nannie thanking me for my card, which she loved, and asking about my classes. After that I found Amos Bronson Alcott to write about for my American Renaissance research paper and e-mailed my instructor about it. I then read more of Walden. I went to my American Renaissance class where my paper proposal was approved of and I did the weekly writing and took part in our class discussion. When I got back and made another bracelet.

                I went and took my glass and other recyclables I found along my trip to the sheltered workshop. On my way back I went to the gas station where I got a new Snapple cap from my drink and saw Sara, whose hair looked like it had just gotten out of the shower. I got back and I made another bracelet. Then I made another coaster from receipts, while Jack called, during which time I told him I would be home next weekend and he invited me to come over and see his apartment, the Mission Project, his workplace, and order pizza, watch a movie, and go for a walk around the neighborhood. After that I went down to the bowling alley with people from my hall. I got back, and realized that if we, the autistic community who is dissatisfied with Autism Speaks’ impact on the autism community, were to give Alpha Xi Delta several one-star reviews on Facebook, telling them why we’re angry at the organization they support, we might be able to send a message out to them.

                The next day, I went down to breakfast and was joined by Paige while Mom called and said that she saw Rick at Hen House, and he said he got a note thanking him for my hours from me and was really impressed by it, and asked her to let me know that he’s always willing to give me work when I’m home for the breaks. I read a little bit about Walden in my latest issue of Sufi magazine, in an article about the spiritual environmental movement, and thought that might be something I’d love to get involved in with my writing and work. Afterwards I started working on some coasters while Josiah came and looked at our room and was impressed by the artwork I made. He showed me a battle ax he made from beer cans that he drank from and said that I ought to show Sara my art and mentioned that she always talks to me when she passes me. He and Mardy played some video games while I finished my coaster. I then went down to Those Were the Days and bought several new post cards to frame and some red embroidery floss. Soon after I got back, I saw several posts on Alpha Xi Delta’s Facebook page about their work with Autism Speaks, and realized we, the autism community who are not happy with Autism Speaks, were to gather in numbers and put several comments on those posts, we might get across to them. I talked to my granddad and he liked that idea. Then I went down to a gas station and got some more beers. Later on I went down to the new Fitzgerald diner where I sat with Mardy, Levi, his fiancée Rebecca, Blaire, Kriti, Josh, and several other THRIVE students. When I got back to the dorm, I felt tired and aching, and wrote a poem on how I felt like I had climbed a huge mountain every day from years of advocacy, bullying, and discrimination.

                The next morning, I went down to breakfast where I ate with Paige and two other THRIVE students who I met: Ellie and Sally. Afterwards I read a great deal of Walden outside for two hours. Then I did my laundry. During that time I sorted a lot of recycling. I also took my pictures for my Cinematography class.

                During dinner I commented on a Facebook post about Autism Speaks sponsors saying we should avoid the events of, comment on the posts about Autism Speaks from, and give one-star reviews criticizing Alpha Xi Delta’s involvement with Autism Speaks for the reasons we dislike it to Alpha Xi Delta. Then I shared the link urging people who disliked what AS does to the autistic community to avoid and unlike the pages of any of their sponsors that they had liked. I got back to my dorm and made another bracelet for the silent auction. I read more of Walden on the treadmill and when I got back I learned Ink4Autism decided to stop advising businesses to donate to Autism Speaks and donate to other groups instead and Drew Carrey, who was originally going to donate to Autism Speaks in solidarity of an autistic boy who was hurt during the Ice Bucket Challenge, instead decided to donate to a different organization after several people tweeted him telling them what Autism Speaks does to the autistic community. I then worked on my box and my Buddha a little more. I got the idea to carve some infinite signs, one for myself and one for the girl who turns out to be the right one for me, and started doing it. I went out into the lounge to relax, and again saw Sara pass me by, waving at me, carrying a bag.

                The next day I sat with Blair, Ellie, Kelsie, Shay and her boyfriend, and Mardy at lunch. Afterwards I read more of Walden outdoors. I also figured out how many white bottle caps I would need to make an autistic pride rainbow infinite sign. I then went into the dining hall to get a soda and saw Sara and Cameron there and we both said hello to each other, Sara giving me a very genuine smile. I figured out more of how I would make my bottle cap wall fish after that, and said goodbye to her before I left. After that I read more of Walden. Then I saw Sara through the doorway of the stairwell. She saw me and waved at me, smiling very wide. As we parted ways as she and Cameron went to the Rec Center, she turned around, smiling so widely she showed her teeth, and waved. Then I got to the Union bookstore and got some sticky pads. 

                After class I gave Hillary, Mardy, and Josiah all beers before going down to Crazy Dog’s to eat. I went to Crazy Dog’s where I enjoyed their delicious burgers and got a new bottle cap for my collection from my delicious ginger beer. I got back and as I was unlocking my door to go into my room, I saw Alex and he said he saw my snack wrapper collage and was really impressed and almost thought it was a painting. I went to Late Night where I met Hillary, Mardy, and Josiah. Then I carved my Buddha figurine some more, learning more of how advanced carving is done. After that I hung up all my prints I bought outside the Union. Then I made another bracelet for the silent auction.

                After taking a shower the next morning I went down to breakfast where I was joined by Josiah. During my Creative Problem-Solving class I remembered how at JCCC we used to have role-playing skits at my autism group to demonstrate the right way to act in the social situations we would encounter in our next week’s activity and gave people a copy of our agenda in each week’s meeting, and realized we ought to do that at UCM. So, after class I went down to the Union and scheduled an appointment with Barbara for next Wednesday at 11:30. After making my appointment, I went down to the Union bookstore and got a new pocket notebook to replace my old full one. Then I got myself a white chocolate blast from Jazzman’s as a reward for all my hard work, and sat down in the Union. After that I rested some more before going down to see a presentation about Mexican revolutionary politics during World War I. I got back and wrote down some more of my ideas and got the idea to compile all my poems into a book to show how I left my comfortable urban life to seek something more in rural Missouri. I went to Late Night and afterwards my granddad called to see how everything was going for me, and I told him all about the past few days and what had gone on then. I realized that this time I have down at Central Missouri is sort of like Thoreau’s experience at Walden Pond, leaving behind the city life for something more and learning to be satisfied with less. Then I went to do my Cinematography quiz. I got back and made another bracelet. 

The next morning I had breakfast with Mardy. Soon after that I went to the tutorial with Dr. Yelton, who told me his suggestions for my paper. I was walking back and ran into Karen Fahrmeier from the THRIVE staff, and went up to say hello. She told me the THRIVE students were putting on a float for the homecoming parade, whose theme this year was a puzzle piece, and thought my group would like to join in. I told her we would and thanked her before leaving her. I also saw Jacob, a friend of mine from South Korea, who I had met last year through my roommate, also from South Korea, while I was waiting for the meeting, and he invited me to come to a birthday barbeque of his with several of his friends and I agreed to do that. I also went on Amazon and ordered several plastic hardware buckles to make paracord bracelets for the silent auction, some rainbow paracord (as the rainbow colors are used often by autistic advocacy groups), and a book called The Golden Hat: Talking Back to Autism by Kate Winslet and a mother of a non-verbal autistic teen who together started the Golden Hat Foundation to provide services so children like her son could thrive. The book had quotes from celebrities who were drawn to the Golden Hat Foundation, poems from the woman’s son describing his life with autism, and the story of the Golden Hat, to whom a great deal of the proceeds from this book went to.

I went to the meeting, led by Anna, and at the end, Shay came up with the idea for a puzzle piece frame with a puzzle piece outside it, symbolizing that the viewer is the missing piece in the world of autism and needs to act. I told her I liked that idea before I left. My mom agreed to pick me up after I got back and the next day I went to Late Night with Sara and a few of her friends, where I learned she went home that weekend as she did every weekend, before they went to a party and I stayed behind as I realized I had an on-line quiz for my Creative Problem-Solving due at midnight that night. The next day I went to Those Were the Days and bought some more post cards to treat myself, before going down to the place outdoors, though partially under a canopy owned by UCM campus, where I met a few of Jacob’s friends, both Korean and Westerner, and enjoyed some delicious strips of marinated barbeque. I also got the idea that “the Autism Spectrum Support Group” might sound a little to dehumanizing for students to say they’re a part of to their friends and I thought “maybe the Autistic Student Union.” I put a pin in that and enjoyed some of Jacob’s delicious rum, afterwards feeling a little tipsy, and then had some of him fine whisky. A friend of his drove me back to the dorm, and we both commented on how he could be a great bartender, with me saying, he ought to combine it with a taxi service agency.

                I got back and met my mom, who understood that I was not up for driving and didn’t question my continual need to pull over to use a bathroom. I got home, feeling remarkably more alert, and called my friend Erin, and we got caught up on each other’s lives.

The Working Man and the Autistic Porcupine Movement

            The day I spoke at the panel for adults with autism was over, and the end of July was approaching. That day I went to Starbuck’s and read Water Touching Stone some more. I also learned that Nantucket Nectars, a drink I got on my breaks so frequently at Hen House because I liked to collect their different bottle caps, which all had facts about the island of Nantucket, was sponsoring the group Autism Speaks, which I and many other autistics and allies disfavor for their budget which went mostly towards genetic research of autistics, ads, which often do things like equate having an autistic child to being struck by lightning, and six-figure salaries for their executives, not to mention having not a single autistic in their board or general membership since their last openly autistic employee John Elder Robison resigned after Autism Speaks cofounder Suzanne Wright made a speech at George Washington University where she basically claimed autistics to be burdens on families and societies. On hearing this I decided I would no longer buy Nantucket on my breaks at work until they stopped their sponsorship. AS, I believed, makes it hard for real autistics to raise their own voices to fight autism discrimination. The next day I worked for eight-and-a-half hours as I had done before getting a new Sweet Leaf Tea bottle cap, which had different sayings called “Grannyisms,” for my collection from my drink on my first break, and two different USDA caps, which all had either six-word memoirs or quotes from famous individuals, on my lunch and last break. I worked the next night from 4 to 9:30, and the next night from 4 to 7, getting a new USDA cap for my collection from my drink with my dinner at the end of my shift. The next day however, my mom told me that we leave for Colorado on the first of August, when I was supposed to work from 4 to 7, so when I got to work, I asked my coworker James if he would be willing to trade shifts with me. I learned he worked the next day from 10:30 to 7, so I agreed to trade shifts with him then, so I would be able to go to Colorado. On my first break I got a new Sweet Leaf Tea cap, as with my lunch and second break, but during the latter, something happened that grabbed my attention. I looked at the Wikipedia page of the sorority Alpha Xi Delta, trying to learn something about their support of the organization Autism Speaks. Unfortunately, what I read about AXD was absolutely disgusting to me. Apparently, “Sisters ‘raise awareness’ in various ways, including passing out blue ribbons, placing advertisements in campus and local newspapers, distributing information in the community and appearing on local television programs to educate people about autism.”

                So AXD helped spread Autism Speaks’ poisonous ideas too, did they? They would spread ideas that were hateful to autistics and alienate those on their campuses? I could not think. I did not believe they respected autistic people at all. I remembered being invited to a college friend to the Tau Kappa Epsilon fraternities local chapter, and after the others thought I was someone they liked, they gave me a bid for membership, which I declined to focus on starting the Autism Spectrum Support Group for UCM. But I doubted that had I been an openly and happily autistic woman at AXD’s Rush Week that they would have been so fair to me. We could of course protest their walks, as had happened in Columbus, Ohio, though I felt with an irresistible jolt of anger, that like with our brothers and sisters in Columbus, the women of AXD would probably give us the “F@#! you!” along with hurling at us sandwiches and drinks that had happened everywhere we had protested. I had seen these sort of girls in my life too much already. We (the autistic community) had to boycott them in some way, but how?  Had we not exhausted all our methods as we who disliked AS were also boycotting other companies that sponsored them, such as Joe’s Crab Shack and Home Depot? Perhaps, I thought, the early American colonists stood up to the British by driving on the right side of the road, as a opposed the Brits, who drove on the left, and called biscuits cookies; perhaps we could do the same thing?

                I went to dinner at Panera with Cam and my dad after work, my mind still occupied with AXD’s complicity in Autism Speaks’ harmful acts. I got home and learned one of AXD’s symbols was a golden feather quill, symbolizing, “the pen being mightier than the sword,” while their mascot was a teddy bear, the BetXi Bear; what would be the opposite of that? I looked up “opposite of teddy bear,” and found several answers including an asteroid and a porcupine, the opposite of cute, soft, and cuddly. That didn’t do it for me. I think vainly, “Maybe a Schwinn bicycle, they are not made by kids in factories in China?”

                At last, I called my granddad and told him my concern.  

                “I understand, but I, think you should write a letter to them and maybe get other people to write letters to them because I think you could get your ideas across," he said.

                “Ok,” I said. 

                “And remember, you can do a lot more for the autism community than just criticize Autism Speaks.”

  “Thank you.  You came through for me when I needed it.”

                “That’s what I here for.”

                After I hung up, I decided to make my “Boycott Alpha Xi Delta” symbol a porcupine anyway.  Porcupine was the name of a town in Second Life where several autistic rights activists gathered. And I looked up “porcupine symbolism” and learned that in Zen martial arts it is associated with being aware of one’s surroundings and defense without being aggressive. I thought, that sounds like us autistics. We don’t want to be aggressive; we just want to live our lives. Also, for its size, a porcupine is very able to defend itself against larger creatures, including a bear, or a BetXi Bear for that matter, just as autistic people can defend their rights even as a minority group. What’s more, porcupines may not be cuddly, just as many autistic people don’t like to be hugged, but that doesn’t mean they’re less important to this world or this ecosystem. I also read that porcupines symbolize leisure and storytelling. That makes sense I thought, because porcupines provide us with quills, like for writing, poetry, and calligraphy practiced by East Asian warriors, just as AXD has their feather quill. It made a very good symbol for autism in general, I thought. So, I went ahead and did it: I changed my Facebook album cover to a porcupine, and saw that within the first twenty minutes, it had already gotten three likes, one from Barbara Mayfield and my grandmom. Feeling satisfied, I retired from autism work for the day.

The next day went very much the way Sunday did. On my first break I found out I got a Facebook message from Sean Swindler, my advisor at the JCCC Autism Spectrum Support Group, asking me if the Autistic Self-Advocacy Network of Kansas City would like to participate in JCCC’s Autism Across the Life Span Conference on October 24-25. I told him we would be glad to. I realized that what my granddad said was true: I could do a lot more for autism than just criticize Autism Speaks. Later I got two more USDA caps during my lunch and second break, and soon after I got home, I packed to go to Colorado the next day.

 

 

Writing a Long Term Paper

           The truth about the so-called emerging autism awareness, I felt as I lay awake before going to sleep a week into February, is that it has less to do with so-called charities which have no autistic members in their board or general membership body and pay more to their executives, but autistics such as Temple Grandin and Jim Sinclair. Soon after I woke up, I found seven more bottle caps for my collection in my stash of ones to repurpose. I then worked on my Altoids box diorama for Erin and my handbag made from snack wrappers, and at dinner I saw Jai, Ryan, and Kim, the latter of who told me Sinho was in Kansas City and would be back that night or the next day. Afterwards I thought about how I could perhaps make prints of my plastic bag mandalas to sell, like the artist Virginia Flecke does. After that I went to the Pinterest party and meet several people while I met several people and painted a picture of a buffalo like the one on the Jefferson nickel as a symbol of autistic pride as Thomas Jefferson was autistic, to inspire me, and realized I could make prints of this painting and others that I’ve done, and I cut out a coaster from the Styrofoam plate I used. I realized I could make prints of my Green Man made from bottle caps to.  I texted my dad a picture of the painting and my diorama and he liked them both. I talked to my Granddad and told him my new thought on the so-called emerging autism awareness, and he told me I had certainly done my part with my blogs, groups, my interview in the Kansas City Star, and my interview with Chris Hernandez. He also loved my print idea and we talked about how I sort aluminum cans and he said that is a way to prevent the need for more mining to secure aluminum sources. I realized that cutting down on mining by recycling aluminum cans is good for Tibet as mining by the Chinese is a huge problem. Then I sorted some more recycling. After that I worked on my coasters made from Styrofoam and paper plates. I took out my trash and recycling while I sorted some recycling in the Ellis courtyard and realized that another way, I am helping potentially helping the autism community the government spends less money on our landfills and has more money to spend on autism services. I got back and I realized I could make prints of my toilet paper roll wall art. Then I worked on my coasters made from Styrofoam and paper plates. After that I got the idea to do my Early American Literature paper on William Penn and his contribution to the founding of America. Then I worked on my snack wrapper collage of Maja Toudal, finishing her likeness. After that I realized I could also do prints of my yarn paintings. 

                The next morning, when Sinho had returned and asked me a question on the proper English of a sentence, I started to have a little bit of understanding for how the Korean language works. Then Tyler called me, and I talked to him a little bit, during which time we role-played me asking a girl out and he talked about this children’s sci-fi movie as I remember it, and how it was one of Tyler Weekly’s favorite movie as a kid. I went down to Walgreen’s and got some new nail clippers, some packing tape, and four more Altoids boxes, then to Hasting’s where I got the March 2014 issue of Shambhala Sun, the February 2014 issue of National Geographic, and the February 2014 issue of Archaeology magazine. I went to Walgreen’s to see if they had a new issue of National Geographic Traveler or Mindful, and when I left, I got a good picture of a church silhouette in the sunlight. On my way back to campus I also picked up some more bottles and cans. Later I found out my Modern Sub-Saharan Africa book report is due on the twenty-fourth. I also found several different types of warrior traditions from all different cultures for my Altoids box dioramas. I read the reading for my Film Appreciation class, during which time I read about the stress a director takes on and remembered how when I helped a camp counselor with this one non-verbal kid at Camp Determination, he, who I told of my ambitions to become a director, said he really believed I would become a director, in contrast to the people who say people with Asperger syndrome can’t speak for non-verbal people. Sinho offered me these shrimp flavored chips from his native Korea, which were really good, and I offered him some Altoids, to which he only ate one at a time, and said they were good, even if he was just being polite, and I learned he and I learned he had been to Thailand, Germany, France, Switzerland, Italy, and the Vatican, the last of which he had some trouble pronouncing during which time I learned some times for him and other international students there is the challenge of knowing how to pronounce a word in communicating with other students, and he asked if he could ask me about me to help him understand English, which said was fine and he asked me what religion I practiced to which I said I followed the teachings of the Buddha, though really more as a way of life than as a religion, and learned he had no religion but his mother was Catholic, and that he loves to read comic books, including Japanese comic books, which are really popular in South Korea, and watch movies, and asked me what kinds of movies I like and I said I love The Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit movies and he said he loves them to, that The Lord of the Rings is very popular in South Korea, and that he hasn’t seen the second Lord of the Rings movie, and we agreed to watch it together next weekend hopefully being able to find Korean subtitles, so I thought I would do my Film Appreciation movie viewing and writing for next week and the weeks after that earlier in the week, and he asked me what kinds for snack I liked, saying he wanted to get me a snack at the Break Time gas station where he was shopping and after I told him a little bit about it he came back with some Doritos. I talked to my granddad and he said that I prove with Tyler how untrue that is, and that letting Tyler role-play must really make him feel better. I realized Tyler cannot speak for himself and the fact that he’s not even autistic shows I can speak for people of all sorts of abilities. Then I sorted some more recycling near the front desk. I saw several of the girls and female THRIVE volunteers in the TV Lounge after that and said hi to them, who I learned were having “girl time.” I said, “Well I don’t mean to interrupt,” at which point Mary (Oscar’s girlfriend) said, “No, you’re fine.” Then I got a post card from Mom and Dave in Hawaii and two new stamps for my collection from it. I also finished my Altoids box diorama for Erin and I realized Granddad was probably right about how letting Tyler role-play with me makes him feel much better. 

                The next morning Sinho and I ate breakfast with Autrey and Tom, who I introduced to Sinho. Then I got the idea to make a Christmas tree angel out of paper plates before watching a movie on race for my Film Appreciation class called An Imitation of Life, about a half-black girl who had a black mother and a father who abandoned her and her mother, and she herself always tried to pass for white, while living with a white widow actress and her daughter, while I worked a little bit on my angel. Then I ate dinner with Tom and Autrey. After that I made some playing cards into boxes, which I used to keep small miscellaneous items, my rubber gloves, and my bird puppets, allowing me to recycle the tin can I kept them in, and two more malas from straws. Then I worked on my handbag.  After that I sorted a bit of recycling in the Ellis TV Lounge. 

            

                The next morning before I went to bed, I helped Sinho learn how to open our mailbox, but after trying several times, he said we could just figure it out another time.  Before I went to sleep, I made a few more flowers from straws. I improved and finished my Altoids box diorama for Erin, using a lot of brightly colored paper I’ve found in trash cans to support the cut-outs. Then I worked on my coasters made from paper plates and Styrofoam. After that I saw on my e-mail account that during Autism Awareness Month, the Autism Society of America was going to challenge subminimum wage laws, and aversives, restraints, and seclusion of autistic people in schools, and help with transitioning programs, as well as links to GRASP (Global and Regional Asperger Syndrome Partnership) and scientifically based therapies for autism as well as that Ryan was interested in me speaking at the THRIVE student organization about my group. Then I found several sources for my research paper for my Early American Literature class. I e-mailed my instructor asking if he approved of the topic. Then I started reading one of the books for my research paper. I also found out we needed to meet with the instructor at least once to talk about the paper. After that I e-mailed Laura Scott asking if we could move the meeting time to next Wednesday. She e-mailed me back saying that would work perfectly. I then sent the e-mail about the next meeting out to everyone. After that I decided I would start projects like my research paper earlier, requiring me to do less work but over a longer period of time. Then I checked out those books from the library. I got back and worked on my Christmas tree angel made from paper plates. After that I ate dinner with Sinho, Ryan, Kim, and another guy whose name I sort of remember, while I read more of the books I checked out. I got and I worked on my handbag. While I was at Late Night I made some more flowers. After that I sorted some more recycling. Then I did some laundry. I got back and I found out Dad really like the environmental crafts I showed him. Then I made another mala from straws. After that I wrote in my gratitude journal. 

                The next morning, I sat with Oscar at lunch. After that I kept reading the reading for my Early American Literature class. Then I edited my paper for my World Archaeology class. I went to my Early American Literature class afterwards where I found out that William Penn was not yet taken. Then I met with my Early American Literature instructor about my paper. I got back and I made another flower. Then I worked on my lampshade made from straws, my snack wrapper collages, and my handbag. Afterwards I fixed my angel made from paper plates. Then I cleaned a lot of dust off my floor. I sorted some recycling in Ellis during which time I found two more bottle caps for my collection. Later I had dinner with Sinho, Jai, Kim, and another South Korean student named Hideki. After that I wrote in my gratitude journal.  Then I helped Sinho with homework some more. I also made another mala from straws and five more heart-shaped hair pins from straws.

                The next morning, I read some more of my books on William Penn for my Early American Literature class. Then I sorted some recycling. I read a lot of the reading for my Early American Literature class. After that I worked on my coasters made from paper plates and Styrofoam. 

               Later I cleaned out and made thirteen pencil cans from Pringles cups for the UCM Autism Spectrum Support Group. I also woke Sinho up twice I while I worked on my coasters made from paper plates and Styrofoam and decided one of our door prizes would be a set of five coasters, rather than one, and the first door prize would be or getting five people to sign, while the second would be for getting ten people to sign, and the third would be for getting twenty people to sign.  I also worked on my lampshade made from straws. After that I shared A Thinking Person’s Guide to Autism’s post on inclusive education examples on Facebook. Then I realized I may have positively impacted many autistic people’s acceptance from their parents and themselves, which could make them more openly autistic and raise awareness about this condition. While running I almost finished making nine heart-shaped hair pins from straws, thinking I was making only eight. After that I realized a willingness to burn myself alive if I failed the autistic community that I had and even and even give my life for them is not too different from the samurai suicide tradition, which I suddenly understood more in the context of warriorship, and a knight or warrior’s own willingness to die for people. I got back and talked to Dad while I finished those heart-shaped hair pins and realized how many I had made which he said he really liked. I worked on my handbag and during Late Night I read that the Combating Autism Act has been criticized by ASAN for its curing autism mentality. I felt so connected and understanding of who I am afterwards, with my artistic talent, filmmaking and writing ambition, my love of books, nature, art and music, Buddhist convictions, deep passion for social justice, and interest in different cultures, things that I share in common with many females with Asperger syndrome that psychologist Tania Marshall described. I wrote in my gratitude journal afterwards.

                The next day I realized that what I’m studying in school has a lot do with struggles like the autistic struggle such as religion and literature (Gandhi’s non-violence was inspired by Hinduism, Jainism, Buddhism, Christianity, and Leo Tolstoy’s and Henry David Thoreau’s works), political science, literature, and film (the Civil Rights era was inspired by Gandhi’s work, novels, and several films), history (the Disability rights movement was inspired by the Civil Rights movement and Women’s Rights movements, which were in turn inspired by Gandhi), and art (various artists helped inspire the anti-apartheid movement), and they may all come as useful when I strive for the autism community. I also realized how great my plastic bag mandala made from restaurant take-out bags would look, with the Quizno’s Q and Chinese restaurant smiley face looking like geometrics signs all on a mostly white surface. I made several more flowers and worked on my lampshade. After that I helped Sinho understand some of the things on his Blackboard. Then I worked on my mandalas made from plastic bags realizing that the K, A, and U possibly from the bags that say “Thank You” look kind of like Greek letters, and the Colonel from the KFC bag almost looks kind of like me (and really might in fifty years) and I could say he’s helping me visualize myself as the Buddha, and I worked on my handbag while I ate dinner with Sinho and Jai. I ran on the treadmill for about forty minutes-I would have run longer but someone accidentally set the alarm off, and I left-during which time I made eight more heart-shaped pins from straws. I went to Late Night where I met Jacob and Wonyang, two of the Korean students I saw at the soccer game and got Jacob’s number and said when we were doing things with the hall, I would text them to invite them. 

                After that I had lunch with Kim and Jacob, who I introduced to each other. I also posted several links from autism groups I belong to. After that I posted on Elizabeth’s Facebook page saying Elizabeth Boresow is one of the greatest and bravest autism advocates I have ever met, that graduating from KU, she has worked so hard in cross-disability activism, that through the hussels of her life she advocates for gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transgender, and underprivileged people in a way that is overwhelming, has been through numerous hardships, yet has risen like a phoenix from the ashes to be a bastion of comfort for those in her struggles, that people like her who challenge governments in such just ways are truly immortal, and viva autism liberation. 

I later invited my friends to like a feminist blog, repurposing, a page opposing a Kansas bill against gay marriage, the Autistic Self-Advocacy Network, Parenting Autistic Children with Love and Acceptance, the Down Syndrome Guild of Greater Kansas City, and the National Disability Rights Center. Afterwards I took a walk where I saw Ryan e-mailed me about meeting with his group and got some quarters. I got back and learned that the Chipko movement to save trees in India practices the non-violent resistance methods of Mahatma Gandhi. Then I did a watercolor poster of Merlin from the cover of The Lost Years of Merlin, and it looked so bright and colorful and just great, and that Shambhala arts is about bringing art to people who are not necessarily professional artists. After that I read a lot of the reading for my Film Appreciation class. I got back and added a quote to my poster “The heart can see things invisible to the eye.” After that I saw several people responded to my invitations and that Elizabeth liked my two posts about her. I invited people to like the Autism Women’s Network. Later I got rather caught up in working on my snack wrapper collage of Charles Darwin and after helping Sinho some more unsuccessfully, I saw how easy it could be for a girl like my friend Cassie not to overextend herself in a relationship while she focused on her career. I did find I got a postcard from Hawaii with new stamps for my collection and package from Mom with wasabi peas, a chocolate lollipop, and receipts, sharing some peas and a piece of lollipop with Sinho, who declined anymore peas after he found out they were spicy, saying that Japanese sushi and wasabi peas are eaten in South Korea, though he doesn’t eat them himself, after which I realized that Korea must have had a long history of influence from China and Japan. 

                The next morning, I didn’t sleep at all, and I used the time to web-surf on my phone. During that I learned the Chinese Yuxia warriors often practiced calligraphy, in addition to fighting, one of the main types of Shambhala arts. After I got out of bed, I read the reading for my Film Appreciation class before watching the films for the class. I wrote what I plan to say for the post down. Then I cleared my bed of my collages, wood burnings, and painting. After that I turned the binder, I found in the garbage into a bin for my newspaper using some duct tape, and the envelope from Mom’s packaging into a folder for my syllabi and papers. I made eight more heart-shaped pins while running and I got back and worked on some wallets made from Kool-Aid pouches. I talked to Tyler for a bit, who role-played as a girl for me to ask out telling me she heard Tyler Weekly was the vice president of the UCM Autism Spectrum Support Group when I brought it up, told me I need to think of things other people wanted to do, and asked me why I always get angry at my computer. I also decided to get up early tomorrow to work on my paper so I could get my reward for doing so before it was due, and to get myself a reward if I get in bed by 1 tonight. Then I wrote in my meditation journal, during which time I thought I might be able to get sodas in a can near in the machine near the South Ellis first floor lounge, so as not to down-cycle. I realized I could and for fifty cents less while I sorted some recycling.

                The next morning, I ate breakfast with Mary.  Then I cleaned of my desk, microwave, and windowsill. After that I got eight total sources and used them in my research paper for my Early American Literature. I got back and had dinner with Tom. After that I sent my Film Appreciation instructor my paper. Then I did the posts for that class. After that I sent several people on Facebook invitations to like several of my autism groups and a petition against an educational facility using restraints and aversives while I realized that even if not a lot of people sign or like these things, I will have helped by getting some people with me and also made my intentions known. I also saw ten people liked the Autistic Self-Advocacy Network, while five or six people liked the Autism Women’s Network, the National Disability Rights Center, the Down Syndrome Guild of Greater Kansas City, and the Autism Support Network.

     

The next day I decided to try and put more time into my stamp collection, realizing how it may teach people like boy scouts things like about different cultures, and thus to be good citizens, which is one of the teachings Trungpa gave his students, and I went to the library and finished my research paper for my Early American Literature class. Then I sent some more invitations to like autism groups on Facebook. After that I posted some more things on my Facebook page after that. I also I decided to spread out my invitations, so people won’t get overwhelmed. Later I found a way to use a black coke bottle cap to make my carved egg stand up on my desk. Then I made about fourteen more heart-shaped pins and then twenty more while running. When I got back, I found out my dad liked my Charles Darwin collage, my Merlin painting, my newspaper rack made from a binder and duct tape, my folder made from a mail carrier, my heart-shaped pins, and my egg stand. During Late Night I made eight more heart-shaped pins. I got back and I realized I could use my ripped plastic bags to wrap things I buy when I travel. I also got some quarters from a purchase at the gas station when I bought something there so I could do laundry when the front desk was out of ones, and I only had a five. I got back and did some laundry. I also realized that the art of calligraphy, which does kind of have a warrior feel, was something Sokka from Avatar the Last Air Bender learned when being taught to sword, just as he learned painting, like that Merlin painting I did, and others throughout my life. 

                During my Early American Literature class, I found out we could revise our papers later and got the idea to make a sky for one of my plastic bag mandalas using the red and blue colors from Price Chopper bags. After my last class I went to the OAS Office and scheduled an appointment with the Testing Center. Later I saw Laci walking by alone down at the Rec Center and she smiled, and I smiled back. After that I went to look for some straws I was carrying thinking I’d dropped them, and I would only have enough to make heart-shaped hair pins for half an hour and not know what to do on the treadmill afterwards and went back in knowing I’d already done my part to help the environment and found them on the front desk as I swiped in again. While running I made nineteen more heart-shaped pins. During Late Night, I felt after the relief of having finished my paper, a sense of wanting to find some new activities to occupy my time, maybe taking a break from environmental crafts, and thinking of doing some bird-watching in that time, and work on my screenplays. 

The United States of Autism Movie

On Monday I drove to and back from art class, which was cancelled, getting thirty more minutes of driving. Then I talked to Tyler and comforted him, telling him what I thought yesterday. I called Emily, though I didn’t hear back, then I tried to call my granddad to tell him about Tyler and Mary, but he wasn’t there. My grandmom answered, and I told her about Tyler and Mary and what I thought was going on and she thought that could be the case. My mom asked me if I wanted go with her to see a movie at Town Center called The United States of Autism. I said sure and remembered that I had heard of that movie one time years ago from the Autism Women’s Network. Later I drove to my doctor’s appointment getting thirty-five more minutes of driving. After I got back, I realized my flowers would look nicer if the taller ones were closer together. 

Later my mom, Dave, Jamie, and I went to see The United States of Autism. There I saw an autism camp, which I donated a dollar to, and an old high school friend and fellow autistic named Ian Sneid. The camp told us about their mission and then the movie started. The filmmaker went across the country talking to families and individuals about trying to get the right resources they needed. Interviewees came from several different states in forty places across the country and included Sharon daVanport, co-founder of the Autism Women’s Network, Alex Plank, the founder of the Wrong Planet website, and Raun Kaufman, a man who claims that his parents' homegrown autism therapies cured him of his autism allowing him to go to a prestigious university. An Oklahoman father talked about his attempts to get a piece of autism legislation passed, which he claimed was very fiscally conservative, yet had been shot down by Oklahoman politicians regardless of their political party. He asked the question, “How can one be pro-life and not want to provide for autism. It’s as if they think they’ll only care for someone until they come out of the womb.” A mother talked about how unreliable the services providers are at ABA organizations and told one of their representatives on a high up floor, “If you don’t get me your director, I will throw myself out this window.” He later got the director to come speak to her. One mother said she hears stories of so-called “recoveries” and feels guilty wondering why she can’t do the same for her kid. Mom watched Alex Plank speak about neurodiversity and found him to be very impressive. After the movie ended, people from the camp spoke some more and my mom and Dave were begging Jamie and I to let us all leave and reluctantly, Jamie and I agreed.

After the movie we ate dinner at Blue Koi. Then I got home and talked to Granddad about Tyler and Mary, and he thought what I thought. He also thought that Emily might not be returning my calls due to something related to her ADHD. The next morning, I dreamt Emily, another THRIVE student I didn’t know, and myself were all walking together in the town of Warrensburg. After I woke up, I emptied and reloaded the dishwasher, took some pictures of some dying flowers, representing death, and some Russian dolls behind the glass in one of our cabinets. I drove to work adding another ten minutes of driving to my time adding ten more minutes of driving to my time. I realized that Raun Kaufman couldn’t possibly be autistic because I had seen the back of his book Son-Rise say that before he was cured, he was an empty shell, yet if he really were autistic, he’d know autistic people aren’t that way at all. I thought him saying the Son-Rise Program cured his autism is no more valid than Tom Cruise saying Scientology cured his dyslexia. I realized though while he gives “hope” for a cure, I give people hope that they can amount to great things with their present neurological differences. I also thought of an idea to show so: a talent night, much like the Culture Night last year at UCM.

After work I got the newest edition of Saveur magazine. Then the next day I went to work again and got a picture of my M&Ms during my break. On my way back I took some more pictures of flowers, trees, and weeds that looked like ikebana arrangements. When I got back, I found out my mom had cleaned out my closet. I unpacked a little bit in effort to help clean out my room for my Uncle Kurt Aunt Barb, and cousins Kyley and Hunter who were coming to visit. I put some sticks I found into an old tea can like an ikebana arrangement and I glued some origami hearts made from receipts together.

Later I went to Winstead’s with my granddad where I felt it was kind of scary the violence that goes on towards autistic people in this country when I realized that like a tool, I have a specific purpose, and until I find that purpose, I might just be staying on a shelf. I went to Barnes and Noble with him where I got a July/August 2013 issue of Poets and Writers and the September 2013 issue of Bicycling magazine. Then we went to the Pathless Land where I meditated with the others just sitting, breathing, and being. Then I realized that the mother who threatened to throw herself out the window like so many other parents would be right behind me in my cause to give autistics full access to society. I realized and told the group that while I could feel scared about the way people with autism are often treated in this country, I felt comforted by the love of Emily and realized I would rather have a long-distance relationship now than a short-distance one later. Ben said that trying to change our past would be like the movie Back to the Future, where it creates a ripple effect that changes our entire lives. I did the closing for the Pathless Land then my granddad and I went to Roasterie Coffee. I got back and I rearranged my room and realized that might be right in thinking I’d like to do Chinese painting because it’s often of the stuff I take pictures of.