Winter Break Before Vacation 2014

The day after I got back from UCM I finished a drawing I had started the day before: on one side was the face of Mahatma Gandhi; on the other Thorin Oakenshield, the dwarf leader from The Hobbit. While Gandhi was an ascetic who freed India through peaceful means and had a tendency towards forgiveness, Thorin was vengeful, whether towards Smaug or Azog, and sought to reclaim his people’s treasure horde, but the way I saw it, the yin-yang was present: both loved the people, and were willing to fight, even die for them. I finished the picture and posted it on Facebook.

                Later I saw Kelly Green, autistic activist and moderator of the Facebook page and website Artists and Autism, left a comment asking me if she could put it on Artists and Autism’s page, to which I said I would love that. Later I went down to Better Cheddar, where I got a new bottle cap for my collection from my drink and found another one near the tenant’s recycling bins.  

                The next day I found another bottle cap for my collecting near the tenant’s recycling bins. Then I went to Starbuck’s where I read more of Water Touching Stone. I got back and made another coaster from receipts and worked on some more plastic bag yarn, or “plarn.” My mom and Dave paid me to drive them to and back from Homestead Country Club and when I got back, I made some more plarn and worked on some more receipt coasters. I soon saw my picture that was shared on Artists and Autism got over six hundred likes on Facebook. 

                The next day I read more of Water Touching Stone at Starbuck’s before I went to Hen House to work. After that I got another bottle cap from a drink I got there. I got back and talked to Tyler. I went to work the next day and got a different bottle cap from my drinks that I got afterwards. On Friday Erin and I got together at the Cheesecake Factory, and I gave her the drawing for a birthday/Christmas present, and she gave me a documentary The Tibetan Book of the Dead. The next day I did a drawing of Peter, which I showed to my mom and Dave it and they loved it. Then I did a drawing of Hook and started one of Reeder. I showed my mom them and my drawing of Elsa from Frozen, and she loved them. On Sunday, I chipped in with Cam and Jamie for a present for my mom and Dave and decided to give Aunt Laura one of my toilet paper roll wall pieces. I also went to work and got a new bottle cap from my drinks after that. After that I went to work again and got a different bottle cap at the CVS in the shopping square after I got off work. On Wednesday I got together with Tyler and we saw The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies, which we both particularly enjoyed. My family and I had Christmas Eve dinner of steak followed by Andres matterhorn and pastries for dessert. That night, Jamie saw my toilet paper roll wall piece, which he took a picture of and shared it with Artists and Autism, writing:

My 25 year old (older) brother with Asperger's Syndrome made this out of toilet paper roll cardboard. He makes recycled artwork and his name is Ben Edwards.

                After that I opened my stocking getting a beer magnet bottle opener, some chocolates, two packs of Orbit gum, some “Hello Titty” condoms, an eraser, a dream catcher, and a Tequila Worm lollipop from my mom and Dave. Then I gave my presents of paracord bracelets to Jamie, Cam, Kate, and Graham. I also got The Promise of a Pencil: How Ordinary People Can Do Extraordinary Things, a beer mug from my mom’s and Dave’s trip to Germany, a photo of an endangered duckling from New Hampshire, the Lego Architecture Imperial Hotel from my mom and Dave, a completed theme song for Cheap Charlie, a mock reality show idea I had for my mom’s dad, who was known to be extremely cheap, from Jamie, and some gummy bears and bottle caps from Cam. Then we had bacon, eggs, and mimosas for breakfast along with some cinnamon rolls. Then my dad picked us up and we went to our grandparent’s house. I gave everyone their gifts and they loved them. My grandparents gave each of us grandchildren one hundred dollars, my dad and Sherry gave me National Geographic’s Backyard Guide to Birds of North America, The Tao of Leadership: Lao Tzu’s Tao Te Ching Adapted for a New Age, and a Buddhist mudra candle holder, while Todd, Laura, Abby, and Eric gave me the Lego Villa Savoye and The Gallery of the Celestial Buddhas. My aunt, of course, loved my wall piece. Then we went on our annual Christmas walk around the neighborhood. I got back and built the Villa Savoye. Then we had Christmas dinner and cookies. After that we played Pictionary. I also saw my toilet paper roll wall piece had gotten over three thousand likes on Artists and Autism.

                I got a call from Hen House asking if I could work tomorrow from 11-7:30, and I said I could. Then I finished my drawing of Reeder. After that I went down to work where I got a non-crown bottle cap and a USDA bottle cap from my drinks on my break. I also realized that that if UCM’s Autism Awareness” Homecoming queen Caitlin Stauffer really has done more for the autistics at UCM than me, why are they still unwilling to come out of the autism closet, and why have I never seen a poster by her on autism in the Union, or a blog by her? I got back and asked my mom to deposit my paycheck and my one-hundred-dollar bill from my grandparents, and she said she would.

 

Princess Anna, top middle; Peter, top right; Erin; bottom left; Jennifer, bottom middle

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Preparing for Exams Again

On the first day of December, I got the idea to glue my non-crown bottle caps to an old record as a reference to song from the quote from Thorin Oakenshield, “If more of us valued food and drink and song and cheer over hoarded gold and silver, a much merrier world this would be.” Then I went down to Walgreen’s and got some shampoo and toilet paper. After that I fixed my god’s eye while I saw Sara. TI also went down to the OAS Office to schedule my Anthropology of Food exam. Then I went to the Union bookstore and got some hooks for my god-eye. I got back and hung it up, along with my yarn painting of Gandhi.  After that I made some more plarn. I also went to my Cinematography class where I got a 16.5% out of 30 on the exam, but it counted for less than 10% of my total score. After that I called Mom and asked her when I might say I can work until before we go to Colorado, and she said the 26th. I called Hen House and found out Rick wasn’t there out, he was going to be there tomorrow. Then I went down to Crazy Dog’s and had some honey barbecue wings. Later I went down to the Rec Center and saw Sara along the way and we talked. While I was there, I worked on another drawing. I said another sankalpa (Buddhist affirmation for the next day) that night. 

The next morning, I went to my appointment with Krisana and I enrolled for the Geography of the Former Soviet Union, Native American Religions, American Naturalist and Realist Literature, and Comparative Cultures. During that time, Krisana said I had ninety-eight credit hours, which meant I was due to graduate the next semester and ought to apply for graduation soon. I thought that couldn’t be and I only had ninety-two credit hours, fifty from JCCC and forty-two from UCM, and still had two more semesters. In any case, I did not think I could start the Autistic Student and Peer Organization in just one more semester, and it was something that meant so much to me and that I had put so much work into. 

Soon after that I called Hen House, but they told me to call back later. After classes got out, called Hen House and gave Rick my schedule. After running, I talked to my dad, who said he does have some records for me to use for my bottle cap peace signs that we can check out the next time we go to my grandmom’s and granddad’s house. After that I went to Late Night where I saw some new American Dad!. The next morning, I went to work with my Creative Problem-Solving group, and we finished our model, assigned speaking roles, and I filled out my evaluation worksheet. After that I went to see Cathy at the OAS Office and got my accommodation letters sent out, and I told Cathy about my concerns about the number of credit hours I had being miscounted and she printed off a degree audit, which confirmed my ideas, and told me to talk to my academic advisors about it. Later I made some more plarn. 

Later I reposted The Friend of Autism Pledge on Facebook. Then I had dinner with Josiah, who gave me his number before he moves out into Foster/Knox. I got back and saw three more people, including Jess, had liked The Friend of Autism Pledge, and I added their names to my list. I also finished my Anthropology of Food paper. Later I saw Jennifer Smith from the Autism Society of the Heartland had liked The Friend of Autism Pledge. After that I went down to Break Time where I got a new Snapple cap for my collection from my drink and picked up and recycled a bottle I found. 

After my Anthropology of Food class, the next morning I took a short nap. I also worked on my bottle cap wind chimes. Then I sat with Mardy, Alex, Mary, Blair, and Ellie at lunch. During my Creative Problem-Solving class my teammates and I worked more on our project. Soon after I got back to my dorm I went to the mandatory meeting for our hall. Then I had some cookies for National Cookie Day at dinner. Later I made my first sing from several of the crown bottle caps in my collection, using wood I brought from home during the break, saying “Now.” I was rather pleased with how it turned out. That night I also recited a sankalpa.

The next morning, I went down to the hardware store to buy some more, and then Bi-Lo Mart and got two drinks along with a four-pack out drinks. I got back from the Rec Center and talked to my dad, who said he saw Sean Swindler today, and he was very full of good things to say about me and said that he thinks I really changed the culture of JCCC. Later Josiah gave me a bag, which was full of candy canes. Then we watched some College Humor videos together. After that I walked down to Break Time and got some Altoids. That night I recited a sankalpa again.

The next day I made another receipt coaster and finished another one. Then I went down to Those Were the Days and bought some more embroidery floss. I also began thinking more about how mindfulness teacher Jon Kabat-Zinn, used to say when asked by people if pure attention in Buddhism had anything to do with Attention Deficit Disorder, and how he would answer that the Buddha would say everyone in our society has Attention Deficit Disorder. I decided I was going to write a letter to him asking him to stop saying that, feeling that was demeaning and offensive towards people with AD/HD such as me. I got back and worked on my yarn painting some more. Soon after that I talked to my granddad, who I told about my idea to write a letter to Jon Kabat-Zinn asking him to stop quoting the Buddha as to saying everyone has ADHD and about how as an autistic I feel so underrepresented in Buddhism, and he said I he thought my letter was a good idea and that I had a lot of good points that he never thought about before. Then I worked on another coaster. After running I talked to Dad, who liked my letter idea. Then I worked on my yarn painting some more. After that I talked to Tyler, and I promised to call him again tomorrow.

The next day worked more on my yarn painting. Soon after that I had dinner with Jess, Josh, Drake, and Larry. After that I worked more on my bottle cap wind chimes and found a place to store all of them in my old hot glue stick bags in my old jellybeans bag. Then I started another receipt coaster. I also ran on the treadmill for about an hour while I made some more plarn. Soon after that I realized I might not need to worry about feeling unappreciated at UCM for my autism work because Teigan might be coming here next year. After that I went down to Break Time and got two packs of beef jerky and Doritos. On my way back I picked up and recycled a bottle I found on the ground. When I got back, I talked to Tyler and decided each time I talked to him I would praise his advice because it makes him feel good, and in some ways, he does have good advice. I also saw how he can be much smarter than people think. 

I worked more on one of my plarn belts. As I took a shower, I decided that since I only had two Vyvanse pills left, I would skip them the next day or the day after that so I could take them on Thursday and drive home them. I went down to Walgreen’s to get them refilled, but they said it was too early. Never-the-less I did pick up and recycle several recyclables I found on the ground and picked up several receipts which I used to complete three more receipt coasters when I got back. I also realized that if I focused less on my feelings of being unappreciated as an autism advocate, of being unsupported, and how dire the task were, I might be more productive in coming up with ideas, and that, if stimming can help one regulate one’s focus, one could also use it to focus on the things that make them happy. Later I turned my form for the testing center into Dr. Yelton. Then I went down to the bank, deposited my check from my grandmom, and got several quarters. I got back and did some laundry, during which time I worked on my crochet belt. I also decided not to focus so much on my love life for a while, so I’ll have less stress over that and be more able to focus on the group. After that I had dinner with Josiah, Tyler (different Tyler), and a few of Tyler’s friends. I got back from the Rec Center and started two coasters. After that I went to Late Night where I joined Josiah and Josh. Later I worked more on my final papers for my American Renaissance class.

The next day I vacuumed my room. Then I took out my trash and recycling. After that I cleaned them out.  I also signed on to Pinterest. Then I ate with Jacob and Josh in the cafeteria. I ran on the treadmill while I worked on my plarn belt. I also worked on my final papers for my American Renaissance class. That night I hung out with Josiah and Josh in my room. The next day I went to all three of my exams, making some plarn in between my first and second one, got checked out of my dorm by Jess, and drove home with my mom. 

 

 

 

The Working Man and the Autistic Porcupine Movement

            The day I spoke at the panel for adults with autism was over, and the end of July was approaching. That day I went to Starbuck’s and read Water Touching Stone some more. I also learned that Nantucket Nectars, a drink I got on my breaks so frequently at Hen House because I liked to collect their different bottle caps, which all had facts about the island of Nantucket, was sponsoring the group Autism Speaks, which I and many other autistics and allies disfavor for their budget which went mostly towards genetic research of autistics, ads, which often do things like equate having an autistic child to being struck by lightning, and six-figure salaries for their executives, not to mention having not a single autistic in their board or general membership since their last openly autistic employee John Elder Robison resigned after Autism Speaks cofounder Suzanne Wright made a speech at George Washington University where she basically claimed autistics to be burdens on families and societies. On hearing this I decided I would no longer buy Nantucket on my breaks at work until they stopped their sponsorship. AS, I believed, makes it hard for real autistics to raise their own voices to fight autism discrimination. The next day I worked for eight-and-a-half hours as I had done before getting a new Sweet Leaf Tea bottle cap, which had different sayings called “Grannyisms,” for my collection from my drink on my first break, and two different USDA caps, which all had either six-word memoirs or quotes from famous individuals, on my lunch and last break. I worked the next night from 4 to 9:30, and the next night from 4 to 7, getting a new USDA cap for my collection from my drink with my dinner at the end of my shift. The next day however, my mom told me that we leave for Colorado on the first of August, when I was supposed to work from 4 to 7, so when I got to work, I asked my coworker James if he would be willing to trade shifts with me. I learned he worked the next day from 10:30 to 7, so I agreed to trade shifts with him then, so I would be able to go to Colorado. On my first break I got a new Sweet Leaf Tea cap, as with my lunch and second break, but during the latter, something happened that grabbed my attention. I looked at the Wikipedia page of the sorority Alpha Xi Delta, trying to learn something about their support of the organization Autism Speaks. Unfortunately, what I read about AXD was absolutely disgusting to me. Apparently, “Sisters ‘raise awareness’ in various ways, including passing out blue ribbons, placing advertisements in campus and local newspapers, distributing information in the community and appearing on local television programs to educate people about autism.”

                So AXD helped spread Autism Speaks’ poisonous ideas too, did they? They would spread ideas that were hateful to autistics and alienate those on their campuses? I could not think. I did not believe they respected autistic people at all. I remembered being invited to a college friend to the Tau Kappa Epsilon fraternities local chapter, and after the others thought I was someone they liked, they gave me a bid for membership, which I declined to focus on starting the Autism Spectrum Support Group for UCM. But I doubted that had I been an openly and happily autistic woman at AXD’s Rush Week that they would have been so fair to me. We could of course protest their walks, as had happened in Columbus, Ohio, though I felt with an irresistible jolt of anger, that like with our brothers and sisters in Columbus, the women of AXD would probably give us the “F@#! you!” along with hurling at us sandwiches and drinks that had happened everywhere we had protested. I had seen these sort of girls in my life too much already. We (the autistic community) had to boycott them in some way, but how?  Had we not exhausted all our methods as we who disliked AS were also boycotting other companies that sponsored them, such as Joe’s Crab Shack and Home Depot? Perhaps, I thought, the early American colonists stood up to the British by driving on the right side of the road, as a opposed the Brits, who drove on the left, and called biscuits cookies; perhaps we could do the same thing?

                I went to dinner at Panera with Cam and my dad after work, my mind still occupied with AXD’s complicity in Autism Speaks’ harmful acts. I got home and learned one of AXD’s symbols was a golden feather quill, symbolizing, “the pen being mightier than the sword,” while their mascot was a teddy bear, the BetXi Bear; what would be the opposite of that? I looked up “opposite of teddy bear,” and found several answers including an asteroid and a porcupine, the opposite of cute, soft, and cuddly. That didn’t do it for me. I think vainly, “Maybe a Schwinn bicycle, they are not made by kids in factories in China?”

                At last, I called my granddad and told him my concern.  

                “I understand, but I, think you should write a letter to them and maybe get other people to write letters to them because I think you could get your ideas across," he said.

                “Ok,” I said. 

                “And remember, you can do a lot more for the autism community than just criticize Autism Speaks.”

  “Thank you.  You came through for me when I needed it.”

                “That’s what I here for.”

                After I hung up, I decided to make my “Boycott Alpha Xi Delta” symbol a porcupine anyway.  Porcupine was the name of a town in Second Life where several autistic rights activists gathered. And I looked up “porcupine symbolism” and learned that in Zen martial arts it is associated with being aware of one’s surroundings and defense without being aggressive. I thought, that sounds like us autistics. We don’t want to be aggressive; we just want to live our lives. Also, for its size, a porcupine is very able to defend itself against larger creatures, including a bear, or a BetXi Bear for that matter, just as autistic people can defend their rights even as a minority group. What’s more, porcupines may not be cuddly, just as many autistic people don’t like to be hugged, but that doesn’t mean they’re less important to this world or this ecosystem. I also read that porcupines symbolize leisure and storytelling. That makes sense I thought, because porcupines provide us with quills, like for writing, poetry, and calligraphy practiced by East Asian warriors, just as AXD has their feather quill. It made a very good symbol for autism in general, I thought. So, I went ahead and did it: I changed my Facebook album cover to a porcupine, and saw that within the first twenty minutes, it had already gotten three likes, one from Barbara Mayfield and my grandmom. Feeling satisfied, I retired from autism work for the day.

The next day went very much the way Sunday did. On my first break I found out I got a Facebook message from Sean Swindler, my advisor at the JCCC Autism Spectrum Support Group, asking me if the Autistic Self-Advocacy Network of Kansas City would like to participate in JCCC’s Autism Across the Life Span Conference on October 24-25. I told him we would be glad to. I realized that what my granddad said was true: I could do a lot more for autism than just criticize Autism Speaks. Later I got two more USDA caps during my lunch and second break, and soon after I got home, I packed to go to Colorado the next day.

 

 

A Long Expected Reunion

On a Friday, two days after I had given to both the Autistic Self-Advocacy Network and a memorial scholarship foundation for a deceased fellow UCM student, I drove down to my quarterly psychiatrist appointment. There I told my psychiatrist, Dr. Mays, about what I recently did for the two foundations and how it brought out feelings of sadness over the event, combined with the feeling of isolation from trying to find a girl who understood what autistic people like me had to go through, which he understood. I also got an e-mail from Kelly from Camp Encourage, asking if I would be able to participate in their next panel series of adults with autism, saying they could give me a ride. I said certainly, and she e-mailed me back saying that was great, and one of their counselors, Michelle Hass would pick me up. I called Tyler and arranged for us to sleep over tomorrow night. Then I called Hen House and found out I work on Sunday from 4-7. I called Erin and we agreed to get together soon. The next day I washed down a gliding porch for fifteen dollars. Tyler arrived for our sleepover, and we swam in the pool. We ordered Minsky’s pizza and I listened to an amazing song called Special Needs that Tyler showed me. He also taught me how to snap my fingers. We watched fifteen episodes of Mighty Morphing Power Rangers on Netflix, all the way back from the nineties before going to bed. 

                The next morning, I woke up to find Tyler standing next to me waiting for me to get up at around eight in the morning. Reluctantly, I got up and we watched three more episodes of Mighty Morphing Power Rangers before I fell asleep and woke up about half an hour later to hear Tyler tell me what happened. At his urging I jumped in the pool to “wake me up,” and we swam a little bit more before I we watched more of Mighty Morphing Power Rangers. Then we swam some more before Tyler’s dad came to pick him up. After taking a shower, I went down to Starbuck’s and read more of Water Touching Stone. I went to work and afterwards I got a new USDA cap from my drink I bought afterwards. I also worked on my trellises made from bottle rings and twist-ties. Then I put up my status on Facebook about going to the Autistic Self-Advocacy Network Kansas City meeting tomorrow night and got eight likes on it in one night. 

Questions and Answers

On the day after we got back from Colorado, I pulled some weeds and the mowed the lawn.  Then I went to Starbuck’s and read (reread) where I left off in Water Touching Stone.  I also e-mailed Elizabeth to ask her if she could give me a ride to the Camp Encourage panel in Lawrence.  Dave’s brother-in-law Kent came to see us who he was staying with while in town for his Skills USA, and we all had dinner.  I was also asked over Facebook by Elise Johnson Chaplain from Horizon to answer some questions on Buddhism for a class she’s teaching for her MSW, which was due on Friday, which I gladly agreed to do.  I also got a call from Jack inviting me to see Shakespeare in the Park on Saturday, which I agreed to do.  In a week we would also be going to New Hampshire to see my mom’s family, and I would get up on Friday to catch a plane at 4:50.

                The next day I got an e-mail from Elizabeth saying she was rather swamped but telling me that she could come pick me up on Wednesday morning and take me to camp to volunteer with her at camp that day, then to stay at an apartment of a friend of hers, where we would sleep on couches, go to camp and volunteer the next morning before the panel, and afterwards go to her Bible study in Lawrence before going back to the apartment, and going home the next morning.  I of course agreed and e-mailed Mrs. Johnson to tell her I would need the questions by today or tomorrow to do them in time.  The next morning I pulled several acorn trees and later I went to Starbuck’s.  Later I answered the questions on Buddhism for Mrs. Chaplain and e-mailed them to her.  I also talked to Tyler.

                The next morning Elizabeth picked me up and told me one of her favorite shows Switched at Birth took place in Mission Hills.  I went with Elizabeth to pick up her friend Angela, who I met and found to be very nice, as Elizabeth said.  We went to Camp Encourage, where I helped a few kids from one group of campers make stress balls, and then another group with making slime.  Then I switched to helping the next group of kids make stress balls and then slime.  During that time I got to meet Kelly, who was in charge of the camp as well as a young blonde counselor Cassidy.  After the last group of kids had left, Elizabeth, Angela, and I cleaned up the mess.  Afterwards we all ate dinner together and then we went to the LLC Room where we sat in a circle, accompanied by two interactive musicians and kids played with maracas, tambourines, and percussion instruments and we sang Red by Taylor Swift, Baby by Justin Bieber, God Bless My Underwear, and Baby Shark.  Afterwards I had smores with several campers where I saw Matt who worked with Sean and I at the JCCC Autism Spectrum Support Group and who I got caught up on my recent activity.  Afterwards, a small camper, no more than ten years old, came to me “Do you have autism?”

              “Yes.”  I said.

“What do you do about your autism?”

“Well I’ve had help when I was younger and it helps me live my life.”

“Do you still have autism?”

             “Yes.”  I said.

“What will happen when I grow up?”

“Well, when I was younger I found the right supports and that helped me navigate in my life.”

“Are you ever gonna get married?”

“I hope so.”  I said.

He asked me these questions some again, and I gave him the same answer.  Then told me that when he grew up he wanted to teach kids with severe autism, and as Angela and I cleaned up the instruments and a counselor beckoned him to leave, he said, “Nice to meet you.”  Elizabeth and I then dropped Angela off back at her house and then we got a bite to eat at Shake and Steak where I insisted on paying for her meal to reimburse her for her gas money, and after making my case several times, she accepted that.  We got back and we saw Switched at Birth.

The next day we got breakfast and then helped set up the tie-dye work station, where I helped one kid make a tie-dye t-shirt, then dyed one for another kid who was allergic to dye, and then helped the next two groups.  Later Elizabeth and I got together outside the LLC room before the panel and found a young man sitting on one of the couches.

“Hi, I’m Nathan.”  He said.

                Elizabeth and I introduced ourselves and then at 2:30 we went in and I anxiously readied myself for the panel.  Finally, the first group, accompanied by Kelly and a young dark-haired neurotypical girl came in.  After being asked, “how do I define autism,” I was asked, “What has been the biggest challenge in your life?”

                I said, “Even though I have the social skills to have successful interaction with people, whenever I meet people, friends, romantic interests, I often wonder if they will be mature enough to understand what I’ve been through, what I’ve had to do, and how I’ve had to grow up at an early age because of my life with autism.”

                At this Kelly was in tears and the young counselor teared up as well.  As the next group came in, I told them about how people in my life have not always been able to truly understand myself as an autistic person or my struggle and I said, “One girl, who once* had a romantic interest in me seemed to try and show she was just like me by saying on Twitter how she loved getting movies on Netflix.  I’m thinking ‘that’s not an autistic thing!’  You can’t even get your stereotypes right!”

                Everyone laughed.

                The next group came in and I told them, “Sometimes I would like a girl while not knowing how she felt about me, and therapists would say, ‘you just don’t understand non-verbal social cues,’ and that was a real oversimplification of it.  Several kids nodded in agreement and said, “I know just what you mean,” and, “I’ve had the same thing happen to me.”  Afterwards one girl at the camp said to me, “Thank you!”

The next group came in and I told them how when I was in school, despite being segregated in a special classroom, I felt that there was no help for me in school until my last days of sixth grade.  Afterwards, a woman approached me, saying she was a special education teacher, and asked how I felt there could have been more help for me.  I told her it would have been good if my school had better methods for behavioral correction, more ways for me to be a part of my school, and had helped me as I had bullies.

                After the last panel, the kid I had met last night came up to me and asked for my contacts so I could talk to him outside of camp, and I gave him my home and cell number and e-mail address.  Elizabeth and I went to dinner and a young kid greeted me from behind.  When he was out of earshot, Elizabeth whispered to me, “I think you’ve got a new admirer.”

                As Elizabeth and I were about to go to her Bible study, I said goodbye to Kelly and she thanked me for coming, saying I was so inspiring to the kids and would love for me to come back as a board member of the camp or a counselor to help see that things were going right.  I thanked Erin for letting us use her apartment and said goodbye to her.  I said goodbye to Cassidy and went up to the young kid who I talked to the last night and said goodbye to him and wished him luck on and gave him and vote of confidence for teaching children with severe autism.  Elizabeth and I then went to her Bible study and I met several friends of hers including Joey, Lydia, and Bethany.  We discussed a book called the story of Bethany, and it was quite illuminating.  Joey eventually said, “People are saying that we can’t help the people who are coming to this country because of limited resources and that it’s a political issue.  I think, no, it’s a Jesus issue.  I feel if Jesus was alive today, he would have fed these people.

                Afterwards we walked down to a Mexican restaurant, during which I learned Joey was graduating KU with a degree in Latin American studies, and later planned to work in Mexico.  At the restaurant, where I ordered a beer and a churro, after I found out they were out of fried ice cream, I told Joey about Lonely Planet, how it’s authors research hotels, sights, and restaurants there, and how he might enjoy that if he’s going down to Mexico, as many of its authors do that in junction with other work, such as one author who did a chapter on Mauritania while down there to research the accidental shooting of the president.  He liked that idea and as we were about to walk back to the church, he gave me his phone to send me a friend request through his Facebook page.  As we got to Elizabeth’s car, I suggested we come there other nights and she thought that was a good idea.  We got back to the apartment and watched more Switched at Birth before falling asleep.  We stopped by the McDonald’s drive-through and I paid for the two of us again to reimburse her for her gas money.  Afterwards I went to work and the next day Jack, his dad and I went to Shakespeare in the Park, where I got a Shakespeare Festival 2014 A Winter’s Tale button for my donation.  We sat in lawn chairs, enjoying beers, wings, ribs, baguette, and cheese, and for three tickets, one dollar per ticket, I enjoyed a fried Snicker’s bar, while we watched A Winter’s Tale.  Afterwards Jack’s dad asked me if I wanted to see this bench in the park erected in honor of Jack’s mom and I told him certainly.  We saw it before he drove me home and I got what little sleep I could before I would wake up for the airport the next morning.

*Stay tuned.  A link will soon be available to a transcript of my interview on my other blog www.autistdharma.com. 

Freedom of the Open Road

On the first day after I got my driver’s license, I drove to my art class, withstanding the torrents of rain that I had not yet practiced, and to work, where I again got another USDA cap. I also talked to my granddad, telling him the news of my driver’s test, of which he was really excited. The next day, with no more errands to run for my mom not that I had my license, pulled a lot of acorn trees and weeds, spread some mulch over my mom’s garden, put cushions on the outdoor seats, and moved some bricks to the pile in near the back fence for Mom. Then I had an idea to turn Tyler’s bottle caps into a sign saying “Jesus,” and I talked to Tyler, who loved the idea, before I watched Regular Show. After that I went into the Prairie Village shopping center where I got a new bottle cap for my collection from my drink at Better Cheddar. Afterwards I mowed the lawn, and then I got two more bottle caps from my drinks at Better Cheddar while I found out about some great places to shop in my Lonely Planet Turkey book, including a shop where unemployed women make handbags and jewelry from recycled material. In one week, we would go to our vacation home in Leadville, Colorado. 

The next day I had lunch with Cam, Nora, and my dad, and I made a heart-shaped pin from the straws there. I got back and I went to Starbuck’s. Then I made another coaster from receipts. The next day I pulled some more acorn tree for Mom. After that I went to the small Hen House and got a People Magazine special issue on Michael Jackson, who was said to have autism. Then I went to Starbuck’s before I got back and worked on my Lord of the Rings card boxes. The next day I went to Starbuck’s and talked to Tyler on my way back before driving down to work. When I got back, I talked to Tyler some more. The next day I cleaned out my minifridge where I found my last Smirnoff and took a shelf from the garage down to the basement as well as my stuff for school to put on it, and I took my school bookshelf downstairs and put all my plastic bottle caps there. Then I emptied the dishwasher before I went down to Better Cheddar and got a new bottle cap from my drink. I went to Hen House and got a National Geographic issue on famous women in history, and then I went to Starbuck’s. Later I drove down to Elsa’s Ethiopian Restaurant, which I was very comfortable going to, and ate there with Mom and Dave, who came there from their yoga class. On Wednesday I also got a Facebook message from Elizabeth saying she was volunteering at a youth camp for people on the spectrum and served on a panel of adults on the spectrum to help answer questions for the kids, and a good friend of hers asked if she knew anyone who would be good for serving on the panel and she told her about me and asked me if she could introduce me through e-mail, which I said she could. I did my usual drink at Better Cheddar, from which I got a new bottle cap, and going to Starbuck’s. I got back and later I went to Winstead’s with Granddad. Then we went to Barnes and Noble where I got the Lonely Planet guide to Istanbul and a songwriter’s journal. After that we went to the Pathless Land where I meditated and realized I find the same block with seeing old friends that I did with driving, which is trying to get my mind off my “special interests” long enough. When that was over we went to Roasterie in Brookside. The next day I worked on my snack wrapper collages before going to work and then getting back and packing up to get up the next morning to go to our vacation home in Leadville, Colorado.

     

Preparing for My Driver's Test

The day after I had gotten my grades for the last semester while mowing the lawn, I realized that as a person with Asperger syndrome, it may have been harder for me to learn to drive due to my tendency to retreat to my "special interests" during stressful especially from having suffered bullying and discrimination. The next day I got a call from work asking if I could come in and work from 4-9, and I told them I would love to, so I drove to and back from work where I got another USDA cap for my collection. Two days later I went to the bird store in Corinth Square where Hen House is located, and helped her shop there, and also got a new bottle cap from the drinks we bought there. The next day I went to my art class and enjoyed doing my painting there. I drove to my art class and enjoyed doing my painting there as well as telling the women there about my recent love life story. I drove to Einstein’s afterwards and home and when I got home, I watched good videos on parking and parallel parking that. I later looked at my Time magazine bookazine on Thomas Edison and found out he proposed to his own wife in Morse code, which struck me as interesting, as if he like one of the other autistics I have read about on Autism Myth Busters, seemed to prefer non-verbal communication over verbal communication, even if with the woman he loved enough to be his own wife. I drove to Einstein’s afterwards and home and when I got home, I watched good videos on parking and parallel parking that. I later looked at my Time magazine bookazine on Thomas Edison and found out he proposed to his own wife in Morse code, which struck me as interesting, as if he like one of the other autistics I have read about on Autism Myth Busters, seemed to prefer non-verbal communication over verbal communication, even if with the woman he loved enough to be his own wife. I went down to Prairie Village where I read about one of the first music therapy institutes still in existence and functioning as a museum in Turkey at the height of its glory in the 16th century. As I got back from Starbuck’s I thought the gay rights, women’s rights, and Tibetan freedom posts I share also have their merit to the autistic struggle as it was the struggle of woman and ethnic and sexual minorities that has in fact inspired the disability rights movement. 

                The next day I called Hen House and learned I work on Sunday from 4-7 and Wednesday from 4-8. Later I did a wood burning of a silhouette of the Fellowship of the Ring with the quote “Not all who wander are lost.” I had dinner and chocolate cake dessert with Mom, Dave, and the Wendlands. The next morning, I realized Thomas Edison could have invented the light bulb because he had special interests as a person with Asperger syndrome and couldn’t sleep some nights and needed the light bulb to allow him to engage in his interests after sunset. I went with Dad to meet my grandparents at the King Tut exhibit. The next day I realized that special interests appear to be for people with Asperger syndrome what stimming is for people with “Kanner” syndrome, not that I believed these distinctions had any validity. Later I drove to Michael’s before work, during which time I got better at parking, and I got frames for my Tibetan paper tapestry and my THRIVE certificate. I drove to Hen House and got better at parking along the way. There I saw my old middle school classmate Marina Singleton, who is now working at Hen House. After work I got the schedule and found out the only other time I work this week is on Wednesday from 4-8. I got a new USDA cap from my drink afterwards, I realized that one thing that may have caused stress that complicated driving while I was at JCCC for the first few years was being surrounded by all these people after six years of only knowing a small,non-threatening environment like Horizon, and on my way home I realized I may do well in an autism-related field seeing how Dr. Roy Richard Grinker was ableto lead a groundbreaking study of autism in Korea with training inanthropology, while I am making my way towards a degree in Cultural Studies, that Einstein having Aspergers appears to corroborate with the fact that he played the violin, his life-long passion, before his speeches, considering how even for me public speaking is stressful, and I realized that some of the things that may have caused Einstein particular stress in his life are fleeing Nazi persecution, his divorce, giving up his first daughter for adoption, and the misuse of his invention the atomic bomb, and from the time I was sixteen until eighteen, the source of stress that could have complicated me driving may have been being a self-hating autistic. I got back and starting turning part of a discarded t-shirt into a coffee sleeve, while I talked to my dad, who mentioned my Horizon Academy story being on their Facebook page in a link sent by my grandmom from our family friend Mrs. North, and he was very complimentary about it, as was my granddad.  Seeing my determination to be a translator, I realized that I like Einstein and other reputedly autistic people have an undying resolve at pursuing my passion.

The next day I worked on my toilet paper roll wall art some more. Then I found one of my post cards that Mom sent me that I plan to frame as wall art and my ring that I had made at UCM. I also stitched together a coffee sleeve. Later I started on and got very far on a snack wrapper collage of Michelangelo. The next day I pulled some weeds for my mom before watching her do her bee-keeping, and then pulling weeds some more. Then we drove down to Rimann’s liquor near the Starbuck’s where we got some boxes for my recyclables. I realized I can get so caught up in doing these things that I forget about things like learning to drive. I got back and learned about several different types of Tibetan literature that have yet to be translated into English such as collections of songs by revered lamas and stories for conquering Tibet’s malevolent demons to allow the introduction of Buddhism. After going to Starbuck’s and eating dinner I posted an Autist Dharma post on the recent Santa Barbara shootings. The next day I got a lot of my recyclables sorted into boxes and on shelves, while working on my plastic bag mandalas. Then I did some highway driving, which my mom said was really good and where I really improved on my lane-changing, before I went to work. I got a new USDA cap on my break, and I got another bottle cap from the drinks Mom got at Hen House and she gave me a new lanyard that extends and makes it less awkward to unlock my door at school. Then I talked to my dad before going to Rimann’s and getting a new bottle cap from my drinks. I got back and found a page on Pinterest that has given me good ideas for simple woodworking projects, and it gave me the idea to make my own self for a lot of my books, some candles, perhaps for a candlelight dinner with a girl, which I think would be really romantic, and some signs. Later I read about how “being patient” with “the 10th request in five minutes from Tibetans to see your Lonely Planet book” “because it may be their only chance to see the Dalai Lama or other parts of the country” “can open locked doors (literally) to the monastery,” and I realized that may be my chance to access some of these Tibetan texts that I might love to translate into English. The next day I drove to my art class, during which time my mom said she let her guard down with me driving and got there and finished my painting. I drove back taking Mom to the Wendland’s to return something Mrs. Wendland left at our house. Then with my mom’s encouragement I unpacked all my stuff from the garage and then started building my new bookshelf for my Lonely Planet books. After that I talked to Tyler for an hour and then went to Starbuck’s. The next day I watched a show on beavers that Mom recorded and learned how they can help fertilize landscapes, and make their homes and live their lives, and it was pretty cute how this one beaver family “only objected to one visitor in their hotel-like homes: the filmmakers with their cameras.” Later I got two new bottle caps from my drinks at Better Cheddar and one from around the glass recycling before I helped a guy who saw me and asked me to steer his car with a dead battery into a certain position before technicians could come to revive it, and he seemed pretty grateful, and I knew he would remember it like my granddad said people remember about my help. I got back and mowed the backyard which my mom started on and the backyard. Then I went to the Prairie Village art fair, where I saw Jack and Dan from work, before I enjoyed my Lonely Planet book at Starbuck’s. I got back and finished my bookshelf, which looked great.  Then I called work and found out I work on Sunday from 3-8, Wednesday from 3-8, and Thursday from 4-8. 

On the first day of June while I was driving to Hen House, my mom heard they only go around the area of the DMV and the instructor was really nice from someone who recently got the driver’s license, and Mom said she wouldn’t have me do this and go out and drive on my own if she didn’t think I was ready. She also confessed that when I first started learning that she doubted I would ever learn to drive. I perfected my parking before I got back and got a new bottle cap from the sodas we got at Hen House. Later I drove down to get our pizza order from a restaurant, where I saw Beer Garden next to where we parked. The next day my mom said we should go take my test the next day. Then we drove to work where I got a new USDA bottle cap again. I also drew a Thomas Jefferson portraiture. The next day however, my mom ended up deciding it would be better to get my driver’s test the next day, so that day I drove my mom to Shawnee Mission East high school’s glass recycling, then to Target, and then to Brookside. Later I spent the whole night fighting nerves. My dad told me he thought I could pass, and my granddad told me it didn’t make a difference whether I passed or not. Then Mom, Dave, and I spent the night watching The Italian Job. 

 

The next day I had my usual café expresso at Starbuck’s before driving down with my mom to the DVM. The wait turned out to be much shorter than I expected, and finally a short blonde woman, the examiner, approached me, beckoning me to take the test. She appeared very friendly, and we had some casual conversation as I drove, and, to my amazement, I drove at the right speed, obeyed all the traffic signals, turned well, and didn’t even need to change lanes. Afterwards I parked in a lot perfectly and the examiner said, “Alright, you passed.”

“R…really?” I asked, pinching myself to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. I went in and a license was printed off on a sheet of carbon paper until such time as I got my permanent license. I drove home with my mom one more time and made my old permit into a mirror hanging with my name, picture, Kansas state capitol building, and the name of my state and put my Buddha dashboard figuring in the front before I drove on my own to work. My brother Cam got home that night and congratulated me.  I also called Tyler and told him the news. 

 

 

The Beginning of Summer

On the first day back, I spent some time pulling weeds in our garden and patio. As I emptied out my trash can, which I had used to carry a lot of my stuff home, I found a new bottle cap for my collection, which Sinho must have thrown away in there, as well as one from a coffee soda at Better Cheddar (which tasted awful), and from my Deschutes beer I bought at Crazy Dog’s, which didn’t care so much for the taste of either. I also found out Maria had accepted my friend request, as of course I thought she would. I went down to Better Cheddar and got a new bottle cap from my drink I got there. I also got an e-mail from Horizon’s public relations coordinator asking for a ten-twelve sentence article telling what I had done since leaving Horizon, what I missed most about or benefited most from the school, and what I looked forward to doing this summer and to see if I could get it to them by May 13. I told her I would be happy to and typed up the article. Unfortunately, a virus on my computer prevented me from sending it that day. I also talked to Tyler again.

On Sunday I went with Mom and Dave to Café Provence for Mother’s Day. After that we drove up to Hen House where several of my fellow employees were happy to see me and one of the managers said she would let Rick, the assistant manager know I stopped by and that I was now able to work, and I would be on the schedule by the twenty-fifth. On Monday I went on Amazon and ordered myself The Divine Madman as my reward for doing that one day’s reading for my Early American Literature class, as well as a Lonely Planet Turkey book to help myself plan a trip to Catalhoyuk, which I had learned about in my World Archaeology class, and perhaps to bear witness to the Armenian genocide. The next day I unfortunately had to retype my piece for Horizon, but I did it, making it pretty much the same as I had before, and I e-mailed it to Mrs. Campbell from Horizon. I also drove to and back from Hen House with my mom and there I filled out a W2 form so I could get back on the schedule. I also got a new bottle cap from the drinks we got there. Later I went with my granddad to Winstead’s before going to Barnes and Noble as we always do afterwards, where I got a new edition to Lonely Planet’s West Africa, and then went to the Pathless Land for the first time in a while. On Thursday I went to my art class with Donna for the first time this summer, driving there and back. I also went to BE Tech to look at a new laptop. The next day my mom and I went down there again and got my new computer. I did also go down to Better Cheddar and get two more bottle caps from my drinks and my Lonely Planet Turkey book in the mail, and the day after the next day I got The Divine Madman. The over the next two days I also got two new bottle caps both days from my drinks at Better Cheddar and on the latter of the two days I checked my grades and found out I had gotten B’s in my Film Appreciation, Modern Sub-Saharan Africa, and Early American Literature class, and an A in my World Archaeology class. 

*Stay tuned for soon on this post I will provide a link to my school alumni article on my other blog autistdharma.blogspot.com

Thanksgiving Break 2013

        On the day I went home for the Thanksgiving break, we started brainstorming for our final project, to be worked on in class and outside, for my Drawing I class: a drawing of a still-life. I got the idea to make dancing and drumming Africans from plastic bottles caps with wire for the arms, Easter egg shells for beehive huts, clay cross graves with straw flowers suggesting the dead died recently, deacons made from plastic bags and wire carrying a body, and the dancers and drummers to show life goes on for the still life, inspired by a story I read in one of my Lonely Planet books of Africa about a man who lived in an African village for years, and saw a funeral a day due to AIDS, the theme of my drawing to be that life goes on. My teacher thought that sounded like a good idea. Later I read a lot of the reading for my World Masterpieces class. Afterwards I sorted some recycling in Ellis and put my recyclables in my closet. I also called work I found out I work on Sunday from 10:30-7, Monday from 12-6, Tuesday from 10-6:30, Wednesday from 8-4:30, and Friday from 10-6:30. I checked out and drove home for about forty minutes before my mom and I stopped at an antique shop, where I had a good time petting the owner’s cats, though realizing that I would soon be home with one of my own cat’s dead body and I got a pocket knife. I got home and found my Lord of the Rings flute book lying on my bed. After that I worked on my bags woven from Walmart bags. I also talked to Tyler who I learned is starting a bottle cap collection. I decided to give him some of my duplicates and make him a box to store them. I went to see Jim Gaffigan afterwards and thought he was very funny.

                The next morning before I went to bed, I sorted out some bottle caps for Tyler during which I found a new one for my collection. After I had breakfast, I went into town and got a haircut. After I got back, I talked to my friend Erin on the phone. Then I practiced my flute for half an hour playing The Prophecy from my Lord of the Rings flute book, though it used a different fingering system than I was used to and had to adjust to it. Later I worked on my figurines from bottle caps. Then I watched World’s End with Mom and Dave. 

                The next day I went to work. I got a new Snapple cap for my collection from my drink at lunch and afterwards I got the December 2013 issue of National Geographic and the Historical Collector’s Edition Obama. I also got the idea to make my bottle cap fish look sort of like Rainbow Fish, from a story book from when I was younger. After I got home, I watched a YouTube video of a scene from The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey Extended Version, which I thought was pretty funny, and would love to see, even though I didn’t think there would be much to add. I showed it to Dave, and he thought it was funny too.

                I went to work the next day, getting another Snapple cap during my break. After I drove home with Dave, I realized that it’s good I do my job as many people might love help out after tiresome exhausting jobs, like, as I learned last year, a social worker in a house with thirty screaming kids. Later I worked more on my figurines made from plastic bottle caps and Cam got home. 

I went to work the next day and got a new Snapple cap on my lunch. I also learned about the children’s book that inspired my bottle cap fish idea called Rainbow Fish about a fish with beautiful scales which he was so proud of and one day a fish asked for one of his scales and he rudely refused and after that none of the fish wanted to play with him so he went to the Mysterious Octopus who told him that he should share because it would make him happy and he did and it made him happy, which I guess is sort of like the message of Buddhism. I thought that it could inspire me to write a screenplay where a guy is rejected by his community after he refuses to share his great wealth and is rejected by his community and tries to find a place where he isn’t asked to share what he has only to learn to give back to the community he belonged to. I also realized that Gandhi and his followers living with few possessions may have made them more humble and less likely to be violent and more likely to die for their cause as they had nothing to lose like for that matter suicide bombers or people who commit self-immolation in Tibet, and if Gandhi and his followers had used violence, as opposed to non-violence, the British may have not been able to fight the Nazis as they may have been too overtaxed fighting the Indians and other rebellions throughout their empire and many people on the spectrum lagging behind in basic motor skills and having selective mutism may just be a more extreme version of trying to escape reality.

                While I was at work, I saw the Shawnee Mission East choir working, playing, and begging for money at the store and realized this was the effects of the budget cuts. By the end of work, I made $39.50 in tips. I got home and I realized that part of diversity is about the context in which we talk about different groups. I also worked on my bag woven from Hen House produce bags.

                The next day I walked to work, seeing some gangly-looking crows on my way to work. At work I got three new Snapple caps on my breaks and lunch. I also saw a girl from the Shawnee Mission East choir look really upset as she forgot to bag a customer’s groceries and couldn’t get them to her in time. 

                “Don’t worry. It happens,” I told her. She seemed to feel better. Then after buying a two-liter bottle of Pepsi I realized I could put the top over my Buddha statue with the wrapping as light switch plates and covering the bottom with foil to make an incense burner. I asked Cam if he still wanted his old bottle caps, and he said no, so I got twenty-nine more bottle caps for my collection. I also went to Winstead’s and the Pathless Land with Granddad, the latter where I got the December 2013/January 2014 issue of National Geographic Traveler, the Winter 2013 issue of Parabola, the November/December 2013 issue of Afar, the Winter 2013 issue of Buddhadharma, and the December 2013 issue of Saveur.  I learned about National Geographic Traveler’s Photo contest winners in their magazine and thought I’d check out their photos and submit some one day. I also went to the Pathless Land where I meditated thinking of changing the world while going over the Padmasambhava mantra in my head and I did the dedication of merit. I got home and heard Mom say the budget cut’s support would end in 2014. I fed Peter after that. Then I started working on my vase and incense burner made from a bottle

                The next morning, I found I got my Lonely Planet Mozambique book in the mail. I also found some places to visit in my book. Then I went to my grandmom and granddad’s house and worked on my bottle cap figurine. Then we had Thanksgiving dinner while I said a grace by Thich Nhat Hanh. After dinner we talked to Uncle Todd, Aunt Laura, Abby, and Eric over Skype. We also had Thanksgiving pie. I also decided to make Buddha wall art from bottle caps. I got home and called Erin and wished her a happy Thanksgiving. Then I worked on my bottle cap figurine. 

                I went to work, and I decided to make a wind chime out of bottle caps in my collection. During my breaks I got a new Snapple cap for my collection. I got back and found a new bottle cap for my collection in the stash Cam gave me. After dinner I buried Polly in our backyard, and I said a few words about what she meant to me. The next day I went to Chipotle with Dad and Cam and found out Dad’s giving me a ride back to school tomorrow. Then Dad and I went to Half Price books and got a Lonely Planet book on Rajasthan, Delhi, and Agra, where I learned about some Buddhist caves in southern Rajasthan, and The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug Visual Companion. Later I worked on my bag woven from Walmart bags. I also learned autistic girls may compensate for their lack of non-verbal social understanding by a “sixth sense.”