Last Few Days to Finish My Summer Plans

        On the first day of August, I went to work, and my mom returned my Lonely Planet Mongolia book to the library. After work I got a copy of the new National Geographic issue, and I filled out a request form for Thursday and Sunday. I got home and I called Erin in response to her calling me yesterday while I was at work, and she asked if I could get together the next day. I told her how I wouldn’t be available then and we decided to get together another time. I called my granddad and told him about how Emily hadn’t responded to any of my calls or texts recently. He thought it could be due to her ADHD or that she could be on vacation. My mom and I also talked about The United States of Autism and I told her how maddening it is that people buy into “autism charities” that do things like pay more to their executives then they do for autism services, and she said I could definitely help counterbalance that.

                The next day I practiced my flute for half an hour. I also talked to Tyler, and he said Mary said the breakup was about the fact that she was stressed and wasn’t herself and she didn’t want a long-distance relationship. Later I made a few roses out of straws and gave one to Kyley and one to Hunter.  I also talked to my granddad some more and he thought Emily could need some space. I talked to my dad, and he thought her not responding to my texts or calls could be due to her ADHD or her being on vacation. I also called work and found out I work on Monday from 3-10 the next week. 

                The next day while I was at work I decided to slow down in my life and enjoy my relatives being here. After work I talked to Tyler and comforted him after his attempt to get Mary back didn’t go so well. I realized Emily could not be responding to my calls or texts because she was depressed from missing me so much. The next day I worked on my travel plans to Tanzania and Madagascar and a bag woven from bags that morning and had dinner with my relatives and I realized that Emily could have possibly gotten a job taking care of children, as was her passion, and could come home too tired to talk. I also practiced my flute for another half an hour. Hunter came into the sunroom where I was and began asking a lot of questions which made me see how Emily could get tired from working with kids for so long. I later talked to Tyler on the phone for so long that I didn’t get around to telling my dad or granddad what I figured out about Emily, but I figured that was ok as his problems were worse than mine. 

On Monday I realized the next morning that providing services for autism is really a lot better for everyone because it would cut so many costs associated with not doing it. Before I went to bed, I read a lot of a novel called Water Touching Stone. Then after I woke up, my mom, Dave, aunt, uncle, and cousins all went to Powell Garden’s the next day and I found out I had been enrolled in my classes. I also thought it is one thing to make budget cuts, but to not include people with disabilities in them is another. When I got home, I deposited my paycheck and got a new bottle cap from a drink I got at Better Cheddar and later I talked to Tyler. 

As I was deleting several old e-mails, I saw a quote in one of them that said, “What lies before you and what lies behind you is nothing compared to what lies within you.” I also signed a petition to end tax-subsidized CEO bonuses saying I was an autistic person, and I find it unbelievable that the government can afford that but not to provide for us. I added myself as anonymous, but I figured that would make a more powerful statement about society’s treatment of autistics seeing how I chose not to share my name. I later had dinner with my mom, Dave, brothers, aunt, uncle, and cousins. That night I called Erin and found out she couldn’t get together on Thursday and I decided I would try next Monday and then I texted Oscar to see if he wanted to get together on Thursday with Jack and Tyler.  He said that would be great and we agreed to pick him up after my art class. I also found out Emily is on Facebook and changed my status to “in a relationship with Emily Webb.” I thought with us both on Facebook, I could show her I was able to give her some space.

                The next day I got my haircut before I went to work. Then I got home and talked to Tyler who said Mary said she wanted to date him but couldn’t find the time. The next morning, I started to see that autistic people may be driven to commit crime, so they don’t have to feel so invisible.  I also rode my bike for about an hour and I left Mary a message telling her the things Tyler said about how he feels about her.  Later I fixed some of my flowers made from straws and I deleted several e-mails.  While I did, I saw Autrey said, “Great,” in response to my new relationship status. 

                I talked to Erin, and we agreed to get together on Friday at the Cheesecake Factory then go to the Frida Kalho Diego Rivera exhibit at the Nelson. Afterwards on my way to Winstead’s with my Granddad, we agreed that while it may cost health insurance companies money to provide for autistic people, it would save them money on providing for health crises otherwise connected to autism, such as bladder problems, diabetes, and obesity. We ate at Winstead’s again where I got a picture of a moth on the glass window. After we left, I realized people with Down syndrome once had to fight hard to get things like group homes and other services. 

My granddad and I went to Barnes and Noble where I got the October 2013 issue of Mindful magazine, a September/October 2013 issue of Buddhadharma, National Geographic’s 100 Secret Journeys: The World’s Best Hidden Adventures, a September /October 2013 issue of Archaeology magazine, and an August 2013 issue of Empire magazine with an article on the upcoming Hobbit movie The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug. Then we went to the Pathless Land where we did the Chakra meditation again. After the class was over, my granddad said while we were in the car that Tyler probably finds it very liberating that I listen to him, which probably no one else has ever done. At Roasterie Coffee, I got a good picture of my muffin before my granddad took me home.

I got home and saw on the cover of the latest issue of Mindful, it said 3 Ways to Take Better Pictures. I got a text from Emily, and we texted back and forth. I said, “I love you,” and she said, “I love you to.” Then I said, “I can’t wait to see you again,” and she said, “Yeah,” and “I have miss talking to you.” I also talked to Tyler and listened to him about Mary. Then I realized I could make windmills from my super glue bottles, one of which I would give to Erin, who’s always dreamed of traveling to Europe, when I saw her next. That night I dreamt that I got a job offer in Taiwan so I could be there to help its people with their skewed relationship with China and Emily asked if I wanted to get married there.

The next day I drove Jack and I to art class again, getting twenty more minutes of driving. I almost finished another painting, and I learned block in shapes using different shades. Then I drove to Oscar’s house and took him, Jack, and I to my house getting another twenty minutes of driving. We had lunch then swam and tossed a Nerf football and played Marco Polo then my brother’s old version Merde Schiza. I drove Jack and Oscar home getting another twenty-five minutes of driving.

When I got back home, I read Mindful’s article on photography where I learned that three different aspects of it are color, texture, and people. Then I went down to Starbucks and wrote some poetry. Later I took several pictures like they suggested in Mindful and I talked to my dad who asked me what I would like for my birthday. I said something like The Little Book of Contemplative Photography or a book on whittling. He told me had gotten me a great pocketknife and a great piece of wood to carve a ball-in-a-cage. After I was done talking to him, I made two windmills, one of which I would give to Erin the next day.

On Friday afternoon I took several more pictures using the advice they wrote in Mindful then I was picked up by Erin and her mom. I gave her the windmill I made her which she thought was very clever and then we went to the Cheesecake Factory. After our main meal we enjoy some of their cheesecake which filled me up so much I could not finish the whole thing and had to get a to-go box. We went to the Nelson where I gave a dollar to help support their work and saw the Frida Kahlo Diego Rivera exhibit. While I was there, I saw several great photographs which demonstrated that, like the philosophy of contemplative photography, we don’t need great scenery to make great photographs. I also saw how Frida Kahlo’s work had a lot of color to it just like contemplative photos.

When I got home, I realized that substance abuse can really arise from low self-esteem among autistics. I also saw a girl from Tennessee in Good Luck, Charlie, who really reminded me of Emily, while I worked on my bag woven from bags. Then I called work and found out I work Monday from 3-7 Tuesday from 4-8, and Saturday from 11-7:30. The next morning, I cuddled an old teddy bear of mine pretending it was Emily getting a taste of what it would be like if it really was. After I got up and did my meditation, I refilled my prescription and then went to work.

While at work I got my employee birthday slip for a free pie and took some pictures of my M&Ms on my break. I realized that miksang photography is really just a philosophy of how great photography arises. I also realized that even if autism services cost us money, we would reimburse as they create jobs. After I got home, I realized that dream I had about Emily asking if I wanted to get married in Taiwan meant she always values my opinion about matters concerning our relationship. As I watched a Family Guy cut-away with Scarlett Johansson, her resemblance to Emily was just striking.

The next day I went to La Peep with my brothers, dad, and grandparents where my granddad gave me the latest issue of Smithsonian magazine and I took several pictures. I also realized that if parents of autistic children didn’t have to struggle to pay for their children’s services, they could buy more things that would really stimulate our economy. When I got home, I took several more photos and realized the elements of color and texture are in the environmental crafts I make like toilet paper roll dioramas and snack wrapper handbags. I also started to appreciate painting more. Later I helped Dave and Graham set up a studio downstairs in our old basement storage room.

After helping Dave I made another one of my bracelets from Hershey’s nugget wrapper. Then I saved more of Emily’s and my texts, and we texted back and forth.  I told her, “I love you,” and she said, “I love you too.” Then I told her she was really beautiful, and I cuddled with a teddy bear pretending it was her. She said, “Aww,” and I could hear her voice in the texts like she was right next to me.  Emily then said, “I miss you.” 

The next morning, I realized Emily, Jack, and Tyler were all capable of leading normal lives, especially with new college programs available for them. Then I drove to my art class with Jack getting twenty more minutes of driving. While I painted, I saw more of what Donna meant when she said to block in your big shapes and mix the colors on your pallet. I took several pictures of things around the studio and realized contemplative photography helps you to slow down and notice colors like you would when doing a painting. I also drove Jack home and my mom and I to Bruce Smith, then home getting another twenty-five minutes of driving. 

Emily and I texted each other back and forth some more before I went to work. I said, “I love you,” and she said, “Love u too.” I went to work and told Phil I would call him before the breaks started to tell him I would be available to work then, and he said that would be great. After work, my mom, Dave, Jamie, Cam, Graham, and I ate at a restaurant/movie theater called Standees in the Prairie Village shopping center. While we waited for our food, I talked to Tyler outside, who had called me while I was at work, and he said he got me several birthday presents.  I told him that was really thoughtful. Then we talked about Mary, and I told him I knew exactly how he felt from all my past break-ups.

After dinner, my mom, Dave, and I watched the movie Way, Way Back. When I got home, I found a bag inside my home with gummy worms, beef jerky, several chocolates, three ten-dollar Barnes and Noble gift cards, all with a card from Tyler. I talked to him some more on the phone and heard him talk about his break-up. The next day I took several pictures before I went to work. After work, I got Life magazine’s Remembering John Lennon, who was believed to be autistic. I realized how many autistic people can be afraid to speak out against discrimination for fear of the government based on abuse they’ve suffered in schools and health care institutions like I had in my life. I worked on my handbag for Emily a little more then I e-mailed my new roommate Connor, telling him about myself and asking him if he was bringing either a refrigerator or a microwave. I also realized that if I talked about some of my passions to Emily, she might not know how to say what she thinks, but that doesn’t mean she isn’t interested in what I’m saying.

The next day I found out Connor had e-mailed me back and I learned he was from Jacksonville, North Carolina, is a sophomore, and that his interests are church, military, firearms, history, and travel. He told me he would probably be moving into a fraternity house sometime this year and didn’t know how long we’d be rooming together. He also said he was not bringing a fridge or a microwave. Later I went down to the bank and deposited my last paycheck and got a new bottle cap from my drink I got at Better Cheddar. I got home and worked on my handbag for Emily and a lampshade made from straws.

Emily and I texted each other back and forth. She said, “I miss you so bad,” and I said, “I know.  I feel the same way about you.” She said, “Aww youre so sweet Ben.” I said, “Well I love you,” and she said, “I want to cuddle you.” I said, “Me too.” I also realized that contemplative photography is also about being aware of things while you photograph them, and I worked more on my bags woven from bags.

My granddad took me to Winstead’s and when I got in, I saw, sitting at a far table, my grandmom, there to see me for my birthday before I went off to school. I opened my card from them and opened my present from them: a fifty-dollar debit card. I also went to Barnes and Noble where I got the new issue of Tricycle magazine. I went to the Pathless Land for the last time for a while meditating with the others sitting, breathing, and being. After the Pathless Land, my granddad and I skipped going to Roasterie Coffee since Emily had just texted me.

We texted back and forth when I got home, and she asked me what I missed about her. I said I missed practically everything about her, and she said, “Aww that’s so sweet Ben.” It felt good to see that Emily didn’t think of me as someone with something wrong with them because I had autism. She texted me goodnight and I texted her goodnight back. I also realized how politicians just don’t seem to want to help us because they have this notion of “picking yourself up by your bootstraps.”

I drove Jack and I to art class the next day, getting twenty more minutes of driving. While I was there, I got several more pictures, including one of Jack break dancing. I drove Jack home and then to an estate sale, getting twenty more minutes of driving. While at the sale, I found a beautiful pink scarf which I bought for Emily. When she texted me, I told her I got her something at an estate sale.” She said, “Thanks babe that’s so sweet.” 

I drove to another estate sale, getting another ten minutes of driving. I bought Life Pictorial Atlas of the World, and Time-Life’s Ancient America, Barbarian Europe, Early Japan, Classical Greece, Early Islam, Imperial Rome, Age of Exploration, Ancient China, Historic India, Cradle of Civilization, Byzantium, and Renaissance for only thirty dollars. Then I drove to Target, getting myself another fifteen minutes of driving. I got hygiene supplies, snack food, tea, and a mini-fridge. Then I drove back home, getting myself another fifteen minutes of driving.

Back at home Emily and I texted each other back and forth. I said, “I love you,” and she said, “Love u too.” I asked her how work went, and she said she didn’t go because she had pink-eye. I said, “I’m sorry about that,” and that I hope she feels better soon. She said, “Thank you,” and I said, “Sure.  I love you.” She said, “You too.”

I whittled a sword and a knife and worked on whittling a fish and made a bird beak to replace one that broke off my mom’s bird statue. She was pretty happy with it. Then I texted Emily back and forth some more. She asked if she was able to be there for my birthday would I want her there and I said, “Of course I would.” She said, “Aww.” I said, “Of course. I love you,” and she said, “I love you too.”

She asked me why I got her something at an estate sale and I said it was because I thought it would be romantic and look good on her. She said, “Aww Ben,” and, “I miss you,” and I said, “I miss you too.”  We texted later and she said, “Cuddle.” I said, “I’d love to.” She said, “Really,” and I said, “Cuddle you?  Of course.” She said, “Aww.” Then I said, “Youre really beautiful Emily.” She said, “Thank you,” and I said, “Of course.  I love you.” She said, “I love you too.” I also talked to Tyler and told him to resist the temptation to e-mail Mary.

The next morning Emily and I texted each other some more. I told her, “I love you.” She said, I want to cuddle you,” and I said, “I know.  Me to.” She asked me, “And will you hold my hand wherever we go?” And I said, “Definitely.” She asked if I could call her and I said certainly. She said, “Thanks babe love you.”

I called her and we talked on the phone. She asked me what I wanted for my birthday, and I said she didn’t have to get me anything. She insisted though and I told her she could just give me a Barnes and Noble gift card. She also said she wanted to cuddle me, that there was a special app called Tango I could download for free and we could video chat, that she wished she could come back to UCM and see me every day, and that she missed me. I told her I was cuddling a bear pretending it was her and “I love you,” and she said, “I love you to.” 

I called her back after my meditation, and she asked me if I would give her a hug and kiss when she got to school and when she left. I said I would and then I found out for her and told her that Homecoming Week was from October 25^th-27^th. She said she would miss me even more after that. Later she told me she missed me again and I told her I would love to cuddle her. I told her, “I love you,” and she said, “I love you to.”

After we hung up, I got Tango. Once we figured out how it worked, we talked to each other on it and I saw her house and her cat Fuzzy. I showed her my mom, Jamie, the dogs, Peter, the rose I made her, and the scarf I got her and she liked them both. I told her, face-to-face, “I love you,” and she said, “I love you to.” I started packing up and we texted while I did. She said the rose and the scarf were really beautiful and I said I thought of her when I got the scarf. She said, “Aww.” I said I to my mom from her and said hi to Emily back. Later I glued some more origami hearts together and worked on a bag woven from bags and whittling a fish.

I went over to my dad’s later that night and I opened my birthday presents. I got a Swedish-made knife, very sharp and great for whittling, two books on whittling-Old-Time Whittling: Easy Techniques for Classic Projects and The Art of Whittling, a block of wood from which to carve a ball-in-a-cage, and some finger guards. My dad read an excerpt from The Art of Whittling, a historical reprint, in a Hank Hillish voice, “The love of tools seems to have been a natural trait among youth of all ages. This is especially true of the pocket-knife. What normal boy does not love to whittle?” After opening presents we went and ate at Jack Stack Barbeque. When I got home, I finished my fish, talked to Tyler some more, wrote in my gratitude journal, and packed some more.

The next day I drove to work once more getting ten more minutes of driving, where I thanked Phil for all the hours he had given me, and he told me thanks for all the hard work and to call him to let him know when I’m coming home for breaks. After work was over, I changed into some clothes my mom had brought me and drove to Elsa’s Ethiopian Restaurant getting myself another twenty minutes of driving.  Erin and Tyler called to wish me a happy birthday and my mom, Dave, Jamie, Cam, and I enjoyed a bounty of doro watt, doro tibbs lentils, injera, and other foods of Ethiopian cuisine. Hillary texted me to wish me a happy birthday and I drove home getting another ten minutes of driving. Once at home we ate some birthday cake and I opened my presents: a CD called The Gyuto Monks Tantric Choir, two books-The Lego Idea Book: Unblocking Your Imagination and The Lego Book, two really neat shirts, a Buddha woodcarving, and a mug with the statue of the Thinker on it thinking a huge bubble of thoughts which disappeared when filled with hot water left saying only coffee. I’d say it was a pretty good haul this year. Then I packed up some more for the big day tomorrow and signed up for the access meal plan.

 

New Life at Home

After graduation day I spent the first part of the morning going down to La Provence with my mom, Dave, my grandmom, and Cam, doing a little unpacking, and refilling my medication prescriptions. Then I rode my bike, went down to Starbuck’s, and filled out a UCM Housing application. I wrote a haiku about missing Cassie but also feeling happy for her and I called work and found out I work on Saturday from 9-5:30. At dinner I got a UCM hoodie from Mom and Dave as a graduation present. I also talked to my granddad and he and I both agreed that even though I would miss Cassie, some new Cassie-like figure may soon be awaiting me who would drive out that void maybe at the UCM Autism Spectrum Support Group.

The next day my grandmom and I removed several of my books, ethnic musical instrument collection and other belongings off my old bookshelf and into Jamie’s room temporarily so I could move them onto the new bookshelves that were once cupboards bought from a local Baptist church.  She saw a book on my shelf by Greg Mortenson, author of Three Cups of Tea, and told me about how on the news she heard how they discovered he was really a fake and pocketing the money people gave him to build schools in Afghanistan and Pakistan. I was not so shocked to hear that Greg Mortenson was a fraud, in fact, that being made public felt highly welcome to me. I knew that were several big-name autism “charities” that were more in the business for themselves and if Greg Mortenson was revealed like that, it wouldn’t be long before they were to. I also spent more of the morning unpacking my stuff.

Later I fed the cats later, helped clean out our pool, and went to Cam’s high school graduation. I could not help but imagine running into a girl everywhere I went at UCM from the group and the net morning I remembered how I once read that girls with autism often take longer to outgrow things like dolls and imaginary friends but thought that might not be the case if they made real ones. The fact is that people with autism are often not prepared for the real world the way schools are supposed to prepare them because while they may get along well with others, they often don’t have certain social skills, which could decrease their self-confidence, thus their ability to form friendships, find employment, be proud of who they are, and come together to fight autism discrimination, thus exacerbating prejudice and discrimination against them. The next day I rode my bike and realized the UCM and JCCC groups might make autistic people feel better about their disability. And with that they might be more likely to challenge discrimination against them.

That evening I pulled some weeds before going doing to Barnes and Noble with my granddad before we went to the Pathless Land and I got a Lonely Planet book on East Africa, another journal for my meditation journal, a Summer 2013 issue of Parabola magazine, a Summer 2013 issue of Tricycle magazine, a May 2013 issue of Afar magazine, and an April 2013 issue of Africawatch magazine. I had pretty much used up my new debit card, but it was worth it. My granddad and I went down to the Pathless Land together and did some Dzongchen meditation with the other people there, where we did three things: sit, breathe, and be. After that my granddad and I went down to Roasterie Coffee in Brookside where I got a coffee that was very artistically done and reminded me of a Tibetan Buddhist mandala which is art that is impermanent. When I got home, Dave helped me get my internet working, and Cam gave me a box which had several graduation presents from my dad: a recycled paper beads kit, a book called Rubbish!  Reuse Your Refuse, and a book called Ideas for Creative Reuse. I later found out about a shop in Uganda selling ethnic musical instruments in my Lonely Planet book and a travel article about Zimbabwe showing a different angle about the country then the one we often hear of in the West. 

The next day I went to my art class with Jack, and I found out about a place in Uganda with several cave paintings. I also fed the cats and rode my bike for half an hour. The next day I learned I got find magnet pieces down at the hardware store for making bottle caps into magnet. I deposited my check from my grandmom and took a little bit out for myself and I got an issue of Native magazine at Corinth Hen House and some magnet pieces at the hardware store in Prairie Village shopping center. I realized that the reason I’m so relaxed at UCM is probably because I exercise every night. Then I pulled some more weeds, and I rode my bike for half an hour. I got to thinking that good health, food, moods, friends, family, encounters with nature, hobbies, vacations, travel, spirituality, self-assurance, and gratitude are probably the best things in life and I decided to try and ride my bike for an hour when I could, the same amount of time I exercised most nights at UCM. 

I went to work the next day and I realized that the UCM Autism Spectrum Support Group could help autistic people find careers by making them more comfortable to join groups, less stressed so they can get more out of their classes, and more comfortable talking about their interests with other people, and that way people will be more familiar with autistic people and less prejudiced and thus less likely to force a “cure” on them which have caused them to get injured or even killed. I got a new USDA cap from my drinks on my first break and the schedule which said I work on Sunday from 7-1:30, Monday from 8:30-1, Thursday from 10-2, and Saturday from 9-5:30. After work I made a belt loop from the letters on the beef jerky wrapper from my first break saying M-A-T-A-D-O-R. I went to work the next day, and I got two new USDA caps on my first two breaks. I also worked on a poster to put up in the Union when they had them with a sheet called Facts and Myths About Autism and I realized that my Matador belt loop reminds me that I am a warrior who is brave which the late Buddhist teacher Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche taught about.

I went to work the next day and got a new USDA cap. I also came up with two parts of the poster board called The Autism Warrior Pledge and What You Can Do to Help. I later changed the title of the first one to The Friend of Autism Pledge and I got back and found out the movie Kon-Tiki was showing at 7:05 and I called Tyler and left a message for him about it.  I also wrote the Friend of Autism Pledge. Then the next day my mom and I went to the thrift store, and I got some new shorts and some cool new button shirts there. I went down to the Hen House on Prairie Village shopping center and I got National Geographic’s: The World’s Most Beautiful Places: The World’s Unforgettable Destinations. I called my friend Erin, and I made some fries for dinner. I worked on the beads my dad gave me, and I learned he was saving several bottle caps for me.

The next day I went to work and switched my schedule for tomorrow with another courtesy clerk so Jack and I could go to art class the next day. I also got a new USDA cap on my lunch break, and I realized I can be a role model for people with autism helping them to accept themselves more and making others more likely to help them. Afterwards I went to a Half Price Books with Granddad and learned about some archaeological sites in Zimbabwe then we went to the Pathless Land. Ben Worth, the director, wasn’t there that day so at the end of the session I did for us the dedication of merit he does at the end. My granddad and I went down to Roasterie Coffee after that and I got another latte that was artistically done.

The next day I went to art class with Jack and when I got home I worked on Facts and Myths About Autism. Then at 3 I went to work and got another USDA bottle cap during my break. The next day my mom, Jack, and I went to Winstead’s before seeing an archaeological exhibit in Kansas City Later I went to my Dad’s and showed him Facts and Myths About Autism, What You Can Do to Help, and the Friend of Autism Pledge.  He liked them all and gave me a few suggestions to improve them which I took. What You Can Do to Help and the Friend of Autism Pledge ended up looking something like this: 

What You Can Do to Help

-Show empathy and support for someone with autism when you see them experiencing difficulty on account of their disability, keeping in mind not to take away the person’s dignity.

-Remember a person with autism who is suspected of something wrong may be so on account of or misunderstanding due to their disability and may have trouble presenting their side or the story on account of their autism.  When making judgments and decisions on such a case, remember to do so only on a bases that is factual and relevant to the conflict.

-Always speak of autistic people in a way that acknowledges them as people first, avoiding terms such as “disorder” or “suffers from autism” and instead using words such as “condition.”  Avoid generalizations and mentioning the fact that a person has autism if it is not relevant to the discussion taking place. 

-Do thorough research on organizations claiming to represent autistic people getting to know facts such as where their money goes, what percentage of their organization is autistic, how they portray autism and people with it, and how their actions are viewed and affect people with autism.  More autism organizations are in it for themselves than you might think.

-Get to know people with autism if you have the chance.  Under the surface, they can make excellent friends and having good friends can really make a positive impact on their social interaction with people as a whole.

-When reading material about people with autism by so-called professionals, pay attention to the tone of the material and how favorably it is towards people with autism.

-Make notes of anytime you see a person with autism manipulated or treated unfairly due to their disability.  They may come in handy later.

-Learn all the sides of autism rather than just what is shown on television.  Autistic people have many great strengths in addition to whatever challenges they may face because of their disability.

-Get opinions from people with autism on their issues and things related to them.  Showing genuine interest may help more people with autism to advocate for themselves.

Friend of Autism Pledge

I pledge:

-to never victimize, abuse, discriminate, or defame a person on account of having autism.

-to see the entire person when looking at a person with autism, rather than merely their disability.

-to be cautious of the picture today’s media paints of autistic individuals, knowing that they are often exaggerated or only half-true.

-to do thorough research on autism organizations before investing, donating, or working for them, such as learning where their money goes, how much autistic people are represented among them, and how they represent people with autism and help others do the same.

-to be aware of what people with autism may experience from other people due to their disability.

-to respect both the challenges and blessings that autistic people have on account of their disability and learn to see themselves from their own eyes.

-to honestly strive to never help a person with autism in a way that takes away their dignity.

-to help any person with I know or suspect might have autism when I see them struggling with a situation with my own discretion.

-to recognize that if a person with autism is involved in an interpersonal or social crisis or accused of something that seems unlikely to remember that they often might have trouble presenting their side of the story and to help them if I can to bring it to the people in charge of dealing with these situations.

-that when I read anything or view anything mentioning people with autism, to pay attention to the tone of the author or maker to them and see how friendly it’s treatment of them is.

-to speak the honest, entire truth to the best of my knowledge whenever I talk about autism.

-to not turn a blind eye when I see an autistic person in a crisis involving other people due to misunderstanding on account of their disability and bring the issue to the attention of someone who would be an appropriate and likely candidate to help them.

-to be aware of whatever strengths a person with autism might have due to their disability in addition to their challenges.

-to not deliberately misrepresent an autistic person’s voice on their disability for my own or someone else’s reasons, whether they be selfish reasons or otherwise.

-to reevaluate any mistaken first impression I may have of an autistic person due to behavior of theirs as a result of their disability.

-to make judgments and decisions about people with autism that are not influenced by personal biases or facts unrelated to the matter about autism.

-to find a way stand up for myself when and if I am pressured by other people into doing something reprehensible to a person with autism on account of their disability.

-to be cautious of the feelings of autistic people when responding to or talking about their disability and anything related to that.

-to value the opinions of autistic people on matters about themselves.

-to judge the ideas, actions, and other effects of people with autism by their inherent qualities, not the person’s disabilities.

-to show empathy and support for autistic people I encounter who are going through pain on account of things related to their disability.

-to talk about autistic individuals as humans first and having autism second thus avoiding terms such as “disorder,” “suffers from autism,” or using broad generalizations or mentioning an autistic person’s disability when not relevant to the discussion.  I pledge to recognize that people with autism, like everyone else, seek food, water, physical support, free self-exploration, and love.

The next day I went to work and I found out I work the next day from 7-1:30, Monday from 8:30-1, Wednesday from 10-6:30, Thursday from 10-2, and Saturday from 9-5:30. When I got back, I got a call from Jack asking me to come over to his house the next day while his dad was at a party and I agreed. I went to work the next day and got a new USDA cap. It said:

I have Asperger’s.  What’s your excuse?

                                                                        -Ben Sheldon

After that I went to the lake with my dad and grandparents and did some bird-watching. I realized bird-watching can help teach people compassion remembering how one time a woman asked the Dalai Lama how to teach children compassion in a world filled with violence and he said, “teach kids to learn about insects.” My granddad also gave me the latest issues of Mindful and Smithsonian which he finished for my collection. I read in there that Congressman Tim Ryan wanted schools to help kids reach their full potential much like my idea of schools helping people with autism be prepared for the real world. Later I ate with my dad and grandparents before my dad took me to Jack’s place.

I got to Jack’s place and we decided to first watch a movie. After sorting through some we decided to watch The Life of Pi. We ordered pizza from Minsky’s, and I found out he also liked it with no sauce. We paused the movie to eat our pizza then finished the movie. We both thought it was pretty good and afterwards shot some basketball hoops and I told Jack about my work schedule. Afterwards we took a walk around Westwood Hills.

On Monday I went to work and got another USDA bottle cap on my break. After work I called Tyler and we agreed that we, Jack, and Mary should go down to the lake together. The next day I got a new pocketknife at the hardware store then went to work after that where I got another USDA bottle cap during my break. I also read during my break on my phone a quote by Maja Toudal about how she always has to try and guess people’s intentions and I realized that can take a lot of energy out of them giving them trouble with things like homework and I realized the UCM and JCCC groups should help them with that. I went to the Pathless Land with my granddad afterwards and at the end I did the dedication of merit for them as Ben wasn’t there this time either. After that my granddad and I went to the Roasterie Coffee on Brookside together.

The next day I went to work and got a new bottle cap on my break, not a USDA or crown one, and afterwards I filled out a request form for Wednesday and Thursday. Afterwards I rode my bike for an hour, and I carved some “bullets” from sticks. The next day I practiced my flute-playing some more.

Continuing Resettlement as the Year Dies

Happy Halloween!

I have practiced playing my recorder during my spare time. I have played songs from a book of songs I got at the Renaissance festival when I was seventeen. I played Kum Ba Yah, Ode to Joy, and Greensleeves. Gabe, a second year THRIVE student, and Kimmie and Kriti, two THRIVE mentors poked their head in my dorm and said they loved the flute-playing.

I have been running on the treadmill almost every day from Monday to Friday for about an hour to an hour and a half. During my spare time I like to play my flute which some of the THRIVE students who heard it said it was really good. I have also been reading a novel I checked out at the UCM library called Villa Incognito by Tom Robbins. The plot can be a little hard to grasp at first. It is set in early nineteenth century Japan. A tanuki (a breed of Japanese dog) comes from a world known as the realm of the animal ancestors and he courts and has a child with a human woman which is forbidden. The child and the woman now have to escape the lords of the animal ancestor realm who are after Tanuki's (also the dog's name) wife and child. 

I went to my interview which was broadcasted via radio and did pretty well. They asked me what my name was, where I was from, why I chose THRIVE, what I hoped to bring to THRIVE, the best part about college, the hardest part, how I learned about THRIVE, who my favorite instructor was, and who inspires me. They also asked me how I heard about the THRIVE program. I told them my name was Ben Edwards, and I am from Mission Hills, that I chose the THRIVE program because it would be a perfect segue from community college to a regular four-year program and that I could bring the qualities of leadership, kindness and responsibility to the THRIVE program. I told them that Suanne Carter was my favorite instructor because she really connects with her students and that the Buddha and Plato have been some of my greatest inspirations. I told them that I heard about the THRIVE program because my grandmother was instrumental in getting it going.  And that I hoped to go into writing and filmmaking. They asked me about my screenplays, and I even told them the premise of my newest screenplay. At the end I said, "I choose THRIVE because I believe in a community of people with diverse abilities. Choose THRIVE!" Karen Fahrmeier, the THRIVE coordinator was really pleased with me. 

I went to see the inauguration of UCM president Dr. Charles Ambrose because it was required for my Freshman Seminar class. I went with two other THRIVE students, Jack and Mallory and heard Ambrose speak. It sounded to me as if he really cared about working with UCM students.

During the end of the first week, I got sick and was coughing regularly. My throat felt extremely sore as well. I drank some tea, hoping to make it feel better. By Friday I felt a lot better and after that I think whatever I had was gone completely.

We went to a mandatory meeting for THRIVE students and during that meeting we sat in a circle with all twenty-one THRIVE students, the mentors, Kimmie, Kriti, Nathan, Daniel and Keke, and the CA Ashleigh. We each told the person on the left a positive thing about them. Zach and Gabe, two THRIVE students with Down syndrome sat next to each other and Zach said to Gabe, "Gabe, I've known you since we were babies and you're like a brother to me." and they hugged. It was nice to see. 

Pierce who sat on my right said, "Ben I think you're really cool and I love how you play your instrument." That felt good. When it was my turn Daniel (who was also the mentor on duty that night) was sitting next to me and I said, "Daniel, I think you are an efficient and productive mentor." Kimmie, Daniel's girlfriend said, "Ah that's sweet." and after that I joked, "So now I expect to get full points on my point sheet." Everyone laughed. I also said to Kimmie that I wanted to make business cards for a UCM Autism Spectrum Support Group. She talked to Kriti who said she would help me do it.

I started reading a new novel by the same author who wrote Villa Incognito. It was called Still Life with Wood Pecker. So far it seems really interesting. The theme of the novel is how to make love stay. I also checked out a book of his called Wild Ducks Flying Everywhere: the Short Writings of Tom Robbins.

Over the next weekend of October, I found some classes I might want to take while I'm at UCM. So far, I had found seventeen. I finished my Personal Math I after taking the final test and passing with 93%. I saw a poster in the Rec Center and saw a poster for the social justice film festival. I also started Valuing Differences this month.

 

When I was in the cafeteria, I saw Cassie in the lunch line, and we stopped and said hello. I asked her if she was going to the film festival which I thought she would interested in since she was taking criminal justice.  She said she was going on Thursday and asked me if I wanted to go with her. I said I would love to.

Over the next few days I worked on a paper for Valuing Differences, an autobiographical essay about how race, culture, class, gender, religion and sexuality have all impacted my life. On Thursday I met Cassie at Hendrix Hall where I met her friends, Raymond and Matt, and we saw the film Cultures of Resistance was showing. We saw the film which talked about several things such as the plight of the Amazonian Indians defending their land against logging, Ogoni people in Southern Nigeria, Liberia in the aftermath of a civil war, Rwanda after the one hundred day genocide, the Iranians during the Shah's rule and the Iran-Iraq War, street children in Brazil and the protests of Burmese Buddhist monks against their countries dictatorship. When I got back, I called my granddad to catch up with him and he was really glad to hear from me. I also called my dad who was also glad to hear from me.

That Saturday I ordered a new recorder and a fingering instructions book on Amazon. I also went to see a movie called Fambul Tok with Jack, my roommate. The movie was about Sierra Leone, Africa in the aftermath of a civil war and how people were trying to bring together the victims and the perpetrators through reviving a tradition called fambul tok, creole for 'family talk,' where they sat around a fire in the evening and talked. I found the movie to be very interesting and important.

As the next weekend came to an end, I printed off business cards, with my name, number, e-mail, address and the name of the blog, which Kriti helped me do. During study hall I saw Cassie and asked her if she would like to volunteer as a peer mentor at the UCM Autism Spectrum Support Group. She said she would love to and thought it sounded like a great idea, so I gave her a business card. During that night's study hall, I also gave a card to a volunteer named Levi and Keke, one of the THRIVE mentors. I called my dad to tell him about the business cards and he was happy to hear about it. I called my Granddad, too, and he was glad to hear about it as well as glad to hear from me.

When I went down to the Rec Center for Adaptive PE class around the middle of the month, I did something other than my usual running on the treadmill. I did some arm and leg exercises that involved lifting weights and I jogged around a few times. I started my Personal Math III by taking the pretest and based on my performance I was exempt from most of the lessons on there. I also put a poem on the outside of my door by Zen poet Ryokan titled You Don't Need Many Things along with a paper wheel saying either 'in,' 'out,' sleeping,' 'eating,' sleeping' 'sick,' and 'class' with a line in between them and an arrow to point to which ever or wherever I am or doing at the time. I have also finished my paper, an autobiographical essay on how race, religion, gender, sexuality and class have affected your life, for my Valuing Differences class. I also helped my roommate, who was having trouble coming up with ideas for what to write in his paper. 

I read a poem in Wild Ducks Flying Everywhere: the Short Writings of Tom Robbins that truly inspired me. It went: A brown spider dangling/ from a single strand/ Up down, up down./ A Zen yo-yo. I like this poem because it inspired in my understanding that everything we see is only limited by our imagination. I also decided I might try and look into the yoga classes offered by UCM.

I went into town to buy some business cards. They didn't have them at Walgreen's but they did have them at Walmart, which Kimmie and Daniel drove me to, which they were going to get pretzels. The next day I found out how to open the business cards onto my computer, which is a MacBook and does not take publisher documents, by saving the business cards as a pdf file on my flash drive and opening it on my computer.

I went to a football game with Jack. UCM against Pittsburg State. UCM lost but it was good that I got to go with Jack. I decided in the end to print the business cards of on non-perforated paper.

I went to the Halloween pumpkin carving for people in the Ellis Building. I carved mine to look like the eyes of Buddha, similar to the design on a pendant I got in Jamaica last winter break. I put it outside my window so passersby could see. Jack got the idea to put his pumpkin up outside our window and did that as well.

I went bowling on the last Wednesday of the month. Study hall was cancelled that night and I was on a team with Kimmie, Kriti, Cassie, and Mallory from the THRIVE program. During that time, Kriti said she could get me non-perforated business card paper from the Access Services where she works at. Kimmie and Kriti left leaving just me Cassie and Mallory. We walked back with Jack and a couple of other THRIVE students to Ellis.

The next day I took my test for Freshman Seminar in the testing center and was one hundred percent certain I got most, if not all, questions right. That Saturday I finished reading Still Life with Woodpecker. I really loved the theme which was that love stays as long as the mystery of the connection stays.  We cannot attempt to define love because in doing so we limit it. I returned the book and checked out another book by Tom Robbins called Half Asleep in Frog Pajamas. Meanwhile I have been taking notes for one of the students in my Freshman Seminar class and my Independent and Daily Living Skills class.

I walked into town where I walked past a bookstore called Cornerstone Books. It was closed but I decided I would walk into it on Monday when it would be open. That night I went to the Halloween party with the THRIVE students, mentors, several of Keke's friends, Cassie and her friend Raymond.

The next day I read Half Asleep in Frog Pajamas and went down to the Rec Center to run on the treadmill with Jack. The next day I thought about Tom Robbin's message about how to make love stay and came up with a chant for it as I was going to my Technology Literacy class. It went:

Love cannot be defined.

It is vast and limitless.

Everything you feel is an art of love.

Love's vastness makes it full of surprises.

Later that day I went down to Cornerstone books. I found a few interesting books, one by author Herman Hesse, author of the book Siddhartha, When Things Fall Apart by Canadian Buddhist nun Pema Chodren and a book by the Dalai Lama. There was also a book called The Four Arguments by a Mexican author Miguel Anguel Ruiz, a book on the spiritual beliefs on wisdom of the Toltec Indians for finding peace, love and happiness. Usually I am pretty skeptical of self-help books with such descriptions but I liked what the four arguments were: don't take anything personally, be impeccable to your word, don't assume anything, and always try your best. As I was walking back however, I wish I had asked if they had any Kurt Vonnegut novels. I also saw several trick-or-treaters. I must admit that I normally dislike a lot of things about Halloween. I often find it to be so tacky and commercialized. Never-the-less I am glad it gives me good opportunities to be with friends.

I went down to the Halloween Party in the Rec Center with Jack and played a game of throwing darts at balloons. I managed to hit a balloon on all three tries even though for some reason the balloons refused to pop. Never-the-less I won a prize, a small squishy basketball like a stress ball.